Heat Wave (32 page)

Vanessa clutched Carley’s hand and grunted. The grunt turned into a long high wail of pain.

“I can’t do it!” Vanessa screamed.

“Vanessa, remember we talked about transition?” Kiki soothed Vanessa’s forehead. “You’re almost through.”

A nurse came in—Roma Caruso, who had children in school
with Carley’s and Maud’s. Vanessa screamed and clutched Carley’s hand hard enough to crack bones.

Kiki announced, “Here we go.” She crouched beneath Vanessa’s legs, hands up to catch the baby.

Vanessa began to push. Carley on one side and Roma on the other held Vanessa up as she shuddered and grunted from the depths of her being. Carley’s heart raced, her skin was covered with goose bumps, the hair on the back of her neck stood on end.

Vanessa roared like a lioness. The baby slid out into Kiki’s waiting hands. The umbilical cord was there, a pumping red rope. Vanessa’s legs trembled. Her teeth chattered. The baby wailed. Kiki cut and clamped the umbilical cord.

“Help her back to bed,” Kiki ordered. She was busy with the baby, drying him, wiping him off. Roma and Carley hefted a moaning Vanessa up onto the bed. She was still panting. Kiki wrapped the baby in a blanket and put him in Vanessa’s arms.

Vanessa brought him to her breast, gazing enraptured at his tiny face. “Hello, baby boy, my darling, my own.” Her own face glowed with joy.

“He’s
beautiful.
” The miracle of this new life sent shivers through Carley, and an age-old desire streamed through her blood. A
baby
.

With trembling hands, Vanessa stroked his limbs. “Look. All his fingers. All his toes. He’s perfect.” Her eyes were shining. “Carley, I
did
it!”

“You did.” Tears blurred Carley’s sight. “He’s an angel.”

Blotchy-skinned, sweaty-haired, radiant, Vanessa announced, “
Paul
. His name is Paul.”

Carley touched his tiny hand. “Hello, Paul.”

Kiki was pushing on Vanessa’s abdomen.

“That hurts,” Vanessa complained.

“We have to get your placenta out,” Kiki told her. “Sometimes it hurts a lot, but not for long. Put him on your breast. Let him nurse. That helps the placenta come out.”

Vanessa touched her nipple to the baby’s mouth. It took a few
moments, but at last he latched on. Roma took over massaging Vanessa’s lower abdomen, pushing down, while Kiki was between Vanessa’s legs.

The air of the room wavered as if struck by a rainbow. Carley was gently crying as she watched Vanessa with her baby, so tiny, so intensely alive to his new world.

Then Carley heard Kiki say, in a low, urgent voice, “Get Fegley.”

“What’s going on?” Carley demanded.

“The placenta’s being stubborn. Doesn’t want to leave the uterus. It happens. Just a little hitch.”

Roma rushed off, quickly returning with Dr. Fegley. The physician was dressed in scrubs and a gown tied in the back, a cap over her hair, and goggles hanging around her neck, ready to protect her eyes from blood if necessary. Dr. Fegley pressed Vanessa’s abdomen. She said to Roma, “Start the pitocin.”

“But the baby’s out,” Carley said.

“The placenta isn’t.” Kiki gave Carley a look that made her heart drop.

Roma wheeled the stand with the pitocin bag next to the bed and hooked up the pitocin. She deftly inserted an IV into Vanessa’s wrist. Kiki massaged Vanessa’s abdomen, and Carley could see from the way the midwife’s muscles bunched that she was pressing hard.

Carley stroked Vanessa’s hair. Vanessa didn’t seem worried … she seemed drowsy.
Fading
. Carley noticed, with horror, how much blood had spilled out of Vanessa, how much was still flowing.

Dr. Fegley was between Vanessa’s legs.
“Placenta accreta.”

“What does that mean?” Carley asked.

Kiki’s smile was false. Her voice shook. “It means the placenta is abnormally deeply attached to the uterus. Perhaps through the uterus. We can’t get it all out. It’s torn.”

Dr. Fegley barked, “Get her on blood. Bag her.”

Roma raced out of the room. Another nurse flew in behind Roma and gently snatched the baby from Vanessa. “Just going to clean him up a bit.”

In the second Carley looked at the nurse, Vanessa’s eyes had
closed and her face had gone slack. The doctor’s hand was fully inside Vanessa’s vagina. Vanessa’s head fell back against the pillow. Dr. Fegley ordered, “Call a code.”

Roma said to Carley, “You have to leave.”

“But I’m her—”

Roma gave Carley a commanding look.

Kiki said, “Carley. Go.”

Carley left the room as nurses ran in. More people were rushing down the hall, into Vanessa’s room.

“Please,” Carley begged at the door, “tell me what’s happening. Will she be okay?”

“I hope so.” Kiki was white.

“She’s bleeding too much.”

“Dr. Fegley knows what’s she’s doing. Look, I’ve got to get back. Wait in the visitors’ lounge. We’ll tell you when we can.”

Carley stood helplessly in the hall, burning with a need to be in the room, helping Vanessa. She couldn’t go to the visitors’ lounge and read a damned magazine!

She should call someone, she could call Maud, she should call Maud and Toby! She rushed out of the hospital where cell phones were not allowed and stood in the bright, cold sunshine, punching in Maud’s number. Then she stopped. Was she calling Maud for her own selfish purposes, because she was frightened, because she couldn’t face this alone? Was she being selfish, cowardly? Okay, fine, what if she was? She
was
frightened! She punched in the number.

“Maud, something’s wrong with Vanessa. She had the baby, the baby’s fine, but the placenta won’t come out and she’s bleeding too much. They’ve called a code.”

“Oh, fuck. I’ll call Toby. We’ll be right there.”

Carley wanted to sink to her knees in the snow. Instead, she looked up at the sky, a clear, cold, heartless blue. “Oh, God, don’t let her die. Please, I’m begging you. Let her live.”

She hurried back inside, shivering with cold and fear. Perhaps the crisis had passed. Instead of taking the elevator, she flew up the stairs and down the hall. She pulled open the door to Vanessa’s
room. All she could see were doctors and nurses and machines and blood.

“Out!” a nurse yelled, striding toward Carley, and she looked angry as hell.

The visitors’ lounge was empty. Magazines and a bowl of plastic flowers lay on a table between two vinyl sofas. Carley went to the windows and looked out at the snow-covered landscape. The familiar world was as cold and white as the moon.

She saw Toby’s Mercedes SUV streak into the parking lot. He jumped out and raced to the door. As a doctor, he could enter Vanessa’s room.

Maud got out more slowly. Carley left the lounge and went down to meet her in the foyer.

Maud asked, “Where is she?”

“Upstairs.”

They walked up slowly.

“Which room?”

“The first one, but it doesn’t matter. They won’t let us in.”

“How’s the baby?”

“Perfect. All digits accounted for.”

“Were you with her when she gave birth?”

“Yes. I picked her up this morning around eight and brought her to the hospital.”

Maud studied Carley. “You need something to drink. Coffee or a Coke. A hit of caffeine. Come on, I’ll buy you something.”

“I’m not thirsty.”

“You are, you’re just not tuned in to yourself.” Maud put a comforting arm around Carley. “Vanessa’s going to be all right. Stop catastrophizing.”

“You didn’t see how she looks. All the blood.”

“Cut it out, you’re being morbid. Vanessa will be just fine. There’s always a lot of blood with childbirth.” Maud fed two dollar bills into the soda machine and pushed a button. The machine
clunked and whirred and dropped down a Coke. “Here. Drink this. You look like shit.” She put more bills in and got herself a ginger ale.

Carley sipped the cold liquid. The sugar and caffeine hit her in a rush. She took a deep breath.

“Better?”

“Better.”

“Don’t you remember,” Maud recalled with a smile, “when I was in labor with Percy, I squeezed John’s arm and said, ‘If you don’t make this pain stop, I’ll bite you as hard as I can.’ ”

Carley laughed. “But that was labor, Maud. This is different. Her placenta was torn or something, it wouldn’t come out, it wouldn’t detach from the uterus.”

“Someone will fix it. Stop
shaking
, you’re giving me the creeps.”

“God forbid,” Carley snipped. She looked at her watch. “It’s been over thirty minutes.”

“Finish your drink and we’ll go back.”

Carley swigged it all down like medicine, and it did give her a burst of energy. “Let’s go.”

They headed back up the stairs and down the hall into the maternity ward. No one was at the nurses’ station. Everything seemed unearthly quiet.

Toby came out of Vanessa’s room. He looked at Maud, and then he looked at Carley.

Carley began to whimper.

Toby was beside her quickly, reaching out to hold her. Maud was trying to hug her.

“Ssssh,” Maud soothed, “ssssh, Carley, it will be all right.”

“No!” Clutching Toby’s jacket in her fist, Carley pleaded, “Toby, please, no.”

“I’m sorry.” Toby’s face was gray. “We lost her.”

Maud stumbled backward. “Oh, Toby!”

“We
tried
. They did everything they could. They tried to resuscitate her, they did
everything
right.” He fell against the wall, covering his face with his hands, and gave over to a full-hearted sobbing.

Carley crumpled to the floor.

• • • • •

S
he woke to find herself lying on a hospital bed. Toby and Maud, their faces tear-streaked, sat in chairs next to her, one on each side.

“You fainted,” Maud told her.

“Is Vanessa really
dead
?”

Toby’s face made words unnecessary.

“This is unbelievable.” Slowly Carley sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She felt dizzy.

“I’m going to call Walker.” Toby put his handkerchief in his pocket and rose.

“Wait.” Maud put a restraining hand on her husband’s arm. “Who’s Walker?”

“Vanessa’s lawyer.” Grimacing, he murmured, “She used him for the divorce and rewriting her will.”

“Her will? How can you think of such a thing right now?” Maud demanded.

“There’s a child to consider,” Toby reminded her stoically, and left the room.

Carley stumbled off the bed and over to the sink. She splashed her face with cold water. Oh,
Vanessa
, how could she be gone?

When she dried her face, Maud took her arm. “Let’s go back to the visitors’ lounge.”

Carley allowed herself to be towed down the hall. “Maud, my brain’s stopped.”

“Mine, too. It’s normal, honey. And I can only imagine how Toby must feel.”

“Maud—the baby!”

“Poor little thing.” Maud’s eyes misted over. “Oh, dear God. He has no relatives at all! What’s going to happen to him?”

Toby approached them as they stood in the corridor. “I phoned Lauren. She’s going to pick up the girls and take them to her house. Lauren’s offered to keep the girls for dinner, overnight if you want.”

Carley nodded. “Thank you.”

Toby continued, “As for the child—”

Kiki came down the hall, her face reddened from grief. Twisting her hands together, she approached Carley. “I need to tell you something.”

“All right.”

Kiki closed her eyes, then quickly blurted, “Vanessa told me that if anything happened to her, she wanted you to take the baby. She left instructions with her lawyer.”

Maud burst out, “No!
I
should take him! I have boys! Carley, you have girls!”

Carley stared at Maud. “Are you kidding? You took Vanessa’s
husband
! She wouldn’t give you her baby, too!”

“Vanessa did say Carley,” Kiki insisted, her voice quiet. “You can ask the lawyer.”

“He’ll be here soon,” Toby said. He put his arm around Maud. “Honey. It’s what Vanessa wanted.”

“Oh,
Vanessa
,” Maud cried, and buried her face in her hands and sobbed.

“We’ll have to check the legalities,” Toby said to Carley. “But I don’t think you
have
to take the child …”

“But of course I have to!” Carley cried. “If that’s what Vanessa wanted. And who else could tell him about his mother as well as I can? Poor little boy, little baby, I can give him a good home, he’ll have sisters, he’ll have a community, of course I’ll take him!”

Maud sputtered, “You sold all your baby furniture at the tag sale.”

“I’ll use the stuff Vanessa bought,” Carley said. “I’ll have Frame help me move it over. I’ll have to buy bottles and formula, though. Van was going to nurse.”

“I want to see the baby,” Maud said.

“You’d both better dry your faces and wash your hands first,” Toby told them.

Obediently they did as he suggested, then gathered together at the nursery. Only one baby was there, lying in the arms of a nurse who sat in a rocking chair. When she saw them, she came toward them, holding the baby out.

Carley took him. It was automatic, how her arms formed a safe cradle for the infant, how she snuggled him against her breast and gazed down into his little face.

“Let me see,” Maud begged.

Carley pulled back the blanket. The infant was red and wrinkled, with thin creased legs and clenched fists that he waved as he made peeping sounds. He had lots of black hair sticking up in all directions.

“Vanessa’s hair,” Carley whispered.

She touched his cheek and the little boy turned his head toward her hand. His blurred gaze seemed to search out her face. She unwrapped more of the baby, and they saw his feet and all his tiny toes.

“I have to hold him,” Maud pleaded.

Reluctantly, Carley relinquished the infant into Maud’s arms. “This will be
our
baby,” Maud told Carley. “Oh, no,” Carley said firmly. “This little boy needs one home, one mother, one family. He belongs to me.” She held out her arms. After a moment, Maud gave him over.

The infant had gotten cool with the blanket unwrapped. He waved his scrawny arms and legs and wailed in a thin high cry. Carley hurried to wrap the blanket around him. She held him against her chest, warming his little body all up and down, his tiny head pressed sideways against her shoulder. She kept one hand beneath his bum, and one hand roamed between his back and his soft, sweet-smelling, hot little head. This was the secret women knew, the ecstasy,
the moment both out of time and connected to all women throughout all eternity. This was the center of the universe, a woman nurturing a mysterious, miraculous new life. Vanessa’s child.