Held (Gone #2) (25 page)

"Not after the way you treated me up there."

"What? All I did was tell you the truth."

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"Don't give me that. How long have you been smoking?"

"I don't know. A while."

"You don't know? How could you not know?"

"Well, it's not like I wrote down the date of my first one. I'm not going to throw a party on the anniversary."

"Shut up, Zoey. Clearly I'm not looking for an exact date.
About
how long have you been smoking?"

"I really don't know. Okay? When Macy and I got scheduled for opposite lunch periods, I found some new kids to hang out with. They always went out to smoke. At first, I just went with them. Then one day I tried one and hated it. I didn't go near them for a while, but then at some point I tried again."

"What made the difference?"

Alex. Not that she was going to rat him out.

"Whatever, Zoey. Don't answer me. Where were you able to smoke at school? They have strict policies against drugs."

Zoey snorted. "The policies may be strict, but they don't enforce them. There's a big space in the blackberry bushes between the high school and junior high. That's where the smokers go. That and under the bleachers when it rains. Can I go now?"

"Why? Why would you start smoking? Especially after seeing everything your uncle went through?"

"Because sometimes I do things just because I want to, or because I want to make my friends happy." She stared at her mom, daring her to keep going with the conversation.

"Some things are no-brainers, and this is one of them. You saw what he went through."

"Doesn't mean I'll go through it myself."

Valerie took a deep breath, looking away. It looked like she was counting silently. "Do you promise not to go back to smoking?"

Zoey grabbed her aching head. "I'm not going to make a promise I can't keep."

"Zoey!"

"Can I go now?"

"Maybe you should tell Alex about your smoking. He could probably talk some sense into you. At least you would listen to him."

"Okay, I'll do that. Can I go?"

Valerie waved her toward the door, looking away again.

Zoey got out as fast as she could, before she could give her mom a chance to start talking again. She breathed in the crisp, cold air. As she walked down the sidewalk, she looked up at the sky and saw a cloud that looked like a pouncing cat. Zoey couldn't help remembering all the stories she and Macy had made up about cloud animals over the years.

Was Macy okay? Was it possible that she was happy? Maybe she was; she just couldn't get a hold of anyone since she didn't have her phone.

Blinking back tears, Zoey walked up to the Mercer's door. Zoey almost knocked, but suddenly felt overwhelmed with grief. She wanted Macy more than ever. They had always talked over everything in each other's lives. So much had happened in such a short time, and Zoey hadn't been able to tell her best friend any of it.

She sat on the steps and cried into her hands. She didn't need her dad—she'd gotten along just fine without him all this time. What she needed was Macy. It was great being able to talk with Alex, and Zoey couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend, but he still wasn't Macy.

He was also just as close to everything as Zoey was. His sister was missing and he was the baby's father. For all the new friends she had made over the last year or so, there wasn't one that she wanted to talk to about any of this.

Sniffling, she wiped her eyes and nose. She didn't want anyone to see her like this. She looked across the street, having forgotten to check for the media van. It wasn't there, but she thought she saw the back of a police car.

Her stomach twisted, making her feel nauseated. Zoey leaned against the nearest post, trying to imagine life a year from now if Macy was still gone. She'd have had a baby with Alex.

What if Macy was back by then? If so, would she be mad at Zoey for putting her baby brother in this situation?

New tears filled her eyes and she continued to look around the yard through her blurry vision. Images flooded her mind of climbing the tree with Macy. How many times had they pretended that Alex was the bad guy? They had thrown water balloons, balls, and so much more at him from those branches over the years, laughing and squealing the entire time.

Sure, those days were over because they were all teenagers—and other reasons she didn't want to think about.

More tears spilled onto her face and she sobbed into her hands again. "Macy, please come back. I need you."

Worried

Alex looked up, feeling guilty when the door to Macy's room opened. He knew that it wasn't Macy coming in as he read through her diary. It was his mom, and she looked more troubled than usual.

"I'm just looking for clues," Alex said, holding up the diary. "There might be something in one of these that—"

"You're fine, baby. I appreciate you going through those. I can't bring myself to read them right now. That's not why I'm in here. Have you heard from Zoey?"

Alex sat up, dropping the journal. "Is something wrong?"

"I hope not. Valerie just called looking for her. She left upset hours ago, and she was headed here."

He jumped off the bed. "She hasn't called or texted. I've had my phone since you gave it back."

"That's what I figured. I'll call Valerie back and let her know we haven't seen her."

Alex ran for the door. "I'm going to look for her."

"She could be anywhere. Don't get yourself lost too."

"I'm not. I can think of several places she might be if she's mad at her mom. I don't know why she wouldn't have come here first, though."

"Maybe she just wanted some alone time."

"I hope." Fear tore through Alex. What if something had happened to her too? He couldn't lose both his sister and his girlfriend.

Alex grabbed a coat from his room and then stopped by the front door to get his shoes on. As he ran out the door, he nearly tripped over Zoey, who was sitting on the top step.

He stared at her with a mix of disbelief and relief. "What are you doing out here? It's way too cold." He sat down, wrapping his arms around her. Her skin was as cold as the air. "Let's go inside."

She shook her head.

"How long have you been here? Your mom said you left hours ago."

Zoey shrugged her shoulders.

Alex took his coat off and put it over her. "What's wrong?"

"What
isn't
wrong? That's what I want to know."

He shivered. "Now that you have my jacket, can we go inside?"

She gave him an exasperated look. "Fine."

Alex helped her up and into the house. "Mom! I found Zoey."

Alyssa ran down the stairs. "Oh, good. I'm so glad you're okay." She gave Zoey a hug. "I'd better call your mom."

Zoey made a face. "Please don't. I don't want her coming over here."

"But she's worried. I know what that feels like."

"Please, Alyssa. I really don't want to see her now. I really, really don't."

"Then I'll just call her and say that Alex went out and found you. Does that work?"

"Thank you."

After getting their shoes off, Alex helped her into the kitchen. "Let me make you some coffee, okay? You need to warm up."

"I'm not drinking coffee."

"Hot cocoa, then. Are you hungry? I can warm you up leftovers. We always have something." He filled a coffee cup with milk and stuck it in the microwave.

"No. Food just makes me sick."

"You should eat something. You can't starve."

"It's better than puking." She stared at a wall.

Alex thought he should change the subject. "I've been reading Macy's diaries. She might hate me for it when she comes back, but I'm hoping there might be something in there to help us find her."

"Are you going to post those entries online too?" Her voice sounded flat.

"Not after losing my electronics."

"Have you found anything?"

"Not yet, but I might not be looking close enough. I haven't even found her most recent one."

The microwave beeped and Alex took out the hot mug. He scooped in half a dozen spoonfuls of cocoa mix before stirring and then setting it in front of Zoey. He sat next to her, in Macy's chair. "There could still be clues in them. Given the circumstances, I think it's okay to read them. It's not like I'm going to use anything against her, you know."

She shrugged and then picked up the mug, taking a sip. "That's really rich."

"But it's good. You know it is." He gave her a playful grin, hoping to get a smile out of her. He could always make her smile.

Zoey stared at him for a moment before she finally cracked a small smile. She drank the rest of the hot chocolate in silence.

"Want to go up to my room? I can tell you what I read."

"Sure." She went to the sink and rinsed the cup out. They walked up to his room in silence, holding hands.

Sounds of a newscast could be heard coming from the bonus room.

Alex sighed. "Why does Mom do that to herself?"

Zoey gave him a confused look.

"She watches the news and then just gets upset about when they say anything about Macy. Though they haven't had much to say lately, barely giving her a mention these days. It seems like that upsets Mom just as much as when the news was nearly all about her."

"It could be her way of looking for clues."

"Maybe." He opened his door. "Sorry for the mess."

"Why? It's always messy."

Alex felt his cheeks heat up. "I'm too busy with other stuff to worry about cleaning. Do you think I should pick up?"

She sat on his bed, leaning against the headboard. "Do what you want."

He went around and sat next to her. "You're still so cold." He pulled his blankets over her and snuggled against her. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Zoey grunted, making it obvious that she didn't want to talk.

"Well, I've been reading Macy's diaries since I got up. Not that it's been all that long." He looked at his window, seeing that it was already starting to get dark. "I was tempted to post more pictures of entries about those jerks bullying her, but if I post anything else, my parents will probably sell my phone."

"Nothing about Jared or plans to move to Hollywood?"

"Hollywood? Did she ever say—?"

"No. Just throwing it out there."

"You don't have any ideas where she would go?" he asked.

"Definitely not Clearview."

"What if that's where Jared lives? Maybe she fell for a farm boy."

"Did you see that selfie on his profile? That was no farmer."

Alex shrugged. "Well, it's possible that kids in Hickville aren't wearing overalls with pieces of hay in their mouths."

Zoey leaned her head against his shoulder. "Do you really think she's still alive?"

"I have to."

"Me too. But I keep going back and forth. Sometimes I think she's off somewhere, living a good life. Then I get pissed. How dare she leave without saying goodbye? But then, what if, like, she saw something bad and the witness protection took her and said she had to make a clean break? Or what if something bad did happen to her? Then I'm a huge jerk for being pissed."

Alex took her hand and slid his fingers between hers. "I'm sure she'd understand. She'd be going through all the same stuff if one of us was missing instead of her."

"I hate not knowing. It's the worst."

He kissed the top of her head. "I know."

"What if we never know? How are we supposed to move on with our lives?"

"I have no idea. I hope we don't have to figure that out. I just keep thinking about the kids that were kidnapped and were found after a long time. There was that one girl who was gone almost a year. My parents keep talking about her. Then there was another one who was gone a really long time. More than ten years, I think. Even if Jared did kidnap her, she could turn up one day."

"But what are we supposed to do in the meantime?"

"The people who bring our food keep talking about praying. I'm starting to think maybe that's what we should do."

Zoey looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "You do?"

"It couldn't hurt, could it? What if there's a God and he's just waiting for us to ask him for help?"

Zoey looked uncomfortable. "What does your shrink say?"

"To think positive thoughts."

"Have you?"

He shrugged and looked away. "It's hard. She's gone, and it doesn't make any sense. How could any good have come from whatever happened to her? If she was okay, she'd have let us know somehow. Sure, she could be a brat at times, but she wouldn't do this to us. Not on purpose."