Hell Bent (Rock Bottom #1) (8 page)

I smile at her, hoping that I can charm her into singing with me. She wants this even if she can’t see it. She’s made to be on stage but she keeps herself hidden behind people with half the talent she has because she’s scared. At least tonight I can make her dream come true, even if it is to an invisible crowd.

“
Izzy
,” Zander, Abby and Jameson’s son, sprints off the porch, yelling my name the second I shift into park, and he’s at my door before I have a chance to shut off the truck. He beams at me as he opens the door and wraps his arms around me. When his grip tightens, my stomach lurches. All I can think is that it has to be the pills or lack of sleep making me sick. They’re helping get me through the long hours lately, though, so I will deal with the side effects.

I somehow manage to get out of the truck without him letting go of me, but I don’t mind; I can’t begin to explain how much I miss him. If I’m being honest with myself, I miss everyone, but I can’t seem to get over what happened. I still haven’t decided if I want to use the address Abby gave me. I wish with everything in me that my father was still here so I could ask him for advice. Then again, maybe if he was still here I would have known about everything a lot sooner than this.

Kissing the top of Zander’s head, I tell him I love him and look up just in time to see Sophia, his older sister, standing in the doorway as he runs back inside. Unlike Zander, she takes her sweet time getting over to me.

“I didn’t think you’d come back here with the way you’ve been talking,” she mumbles, dropping back against the fender on the truck beside me.

“Things are complicated, Soph.”

“Only because you’re making them that way. If you’d just listen to Mom you might understand.”

“She isn’t my mom.” I throw my hands up and scuff my feet through the dirt. “That’s what nobody seems to understand. I lost out on a chance to grow up with
my
mom because yours and everyone else decided to lie to me about her.”

I can tell any second now that she’s going to come back at me with a sass-filled comment because it’s exactly what I would do if the roles were reversed. I hope it comes out before Bennett shows up, but I’m not that lucky. His truck pulls up behind mine, blocking me in, and he opens his door just as Sophia opens her mouth again.

“If you don’t consider her your mom, that’s on you. But what I know is that a parent is who takes care of the kid, who loves them, provides for them, and teaches them right from wrong. It isn’t the one that left you the day you came home from the hospital because she didn’t want you.”

Bennett stops mid-step, and I can’t breathe. My body can’t seem to figure out how to function while my mind tries to wrap itself around what she’s saying. It’s a lie. It has to be a lie. I shake my head, unable to come up with anything to say to her, so she continues to yell at me with no regard for who else hears.

“You don’t know that,” I whisper through tears.

“The walls aren’t soundproof in the house, Izzy. Even if they don’t want me to know, I hear things. The person you should consider your
mother
is the one that has cried herself to sleep in that house almost every night since your birthday and has no clue what to do without you in her life. She’s the one that stares at the empty seat at the dinner table and puts on a brave face at work so you don’t see how much you’re killing her.”

Brushing the tears away, I straighten my back and force myself to go about what I need to do. I grab my bag from the cab and signal for Bennett to follow me. “I can’t do this, Sophia,” I call over my shoulder. “Not right now, anyway.” 

I hear her kick my truck, and as much as I want to yell at her for it, I keep walking. That is, until her words cause me to stop in my tracks.

“Yeah, run away. Like mother, like daughter, right?”

If it wasn’t for Bennett snagging me by the waist when I spin around, I’d probably let my anger get the best of me and slap the attitude right out of her. Thank God he holds me back so I don’t physically do something I’ll regret.

“It’s an adult situation; you don’t know anything about it.”

She shakes her head and backs toward the house. “I’m twelve, not stupid or blind. And I know more about what went on than you do because you refuse to let anyone explain.”

Before I have a chance to say anything back to her, Bennett lifts me into his arms and pulls me away from the situation. “Put me down.”

“No,” he refuses. Bouncing me, he tightens his grip around my thighs and back. “If I do, you’ll say something else that you’ll end up regretting later.”

“I’m not the one that should regret anything,” I mutter, keeping my eyes locked on where his fingers are wrapped around my thigh. Something about it calms me down even though I know it shouldn’t.

“But you’re going to if you keep talking. Which is why we’re gonna go into this here studio and work like you had planned.”

I know he’s right, but I don’t plan on telling him that. He already knows too much about me, and the more time we spend together, the more I feel our relationship crossing a line that it shouldn’t. A part of me, the part that has always had a quiet crush on him, wants to pursue it and see what happens, but the smart part of my brain knows how bad of an idea that is.

When we reach the studio door, I force him to set me down, even though my body hates me when I do. Pushing open the door, we’re assaulted with music, and the first thing I see is Abby’s back.
Fucking awesome. This day keeps getting better
. It irritates the hell out of me that someone is using the studio when I texted my uncle, Jameson, and let him know that I needed it. I don’t see the need of taking studio time away from other people when I have one at my disposal at the house that we can use for as long as we need to. Since we’re still in the process of getting some songs written, I figured it would be better to do it this way, but I should have known it wouldn’t be easy. I try to force my feelings down so we can make it through the day.

Sliding up next to Jameson, I cross my ankles and nudge him so he will turn the volume down a bit. He smiles, wrapping his arm over my shoulder. Deep inside I know that only Abby and AJ actually know what went on with my mother since they are they only two that were around when I was born. I doubt they were dumb enough to tell anyone because that meant there was more of a chance that I would find out. 

Instead of fighting it, I settle into his side. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel at home. Like maybe not everything is falling apart. That’s how it’s always been with Jameson, though. When my dad died, I would crawl into his lap and for just a minute, if I closed my eyes tight enough, I could imagine that he was still there. Then a few years ago when Abby decided that hiding out at the office was more important than facing her problems, he was there to get me through all the things she said.

Oh, shit. I’m doing the exact same thing.
Thankfully, I didn’t say it out loud so I don’t have to admit that I even
thought
it. I refuse to be compared to her. There is a difference between avoiding the people that can help fix your problems and avoiding the people that caused them.

I keep my eyes down, doing anything to keep from looking at Abby even though I know she’s looking at me. She should be paying attention to what Vanessa, Jason’s wife, is doing because she just missed her mark and no one is saying anything.

“Did you not get my message?” I finally break down and ask Jameson.

“No, I got it. This is just running longer than expected. She’s almost done.”

“Probably because someone isn’t paying attention,” I mutter.

“If you have something to say to me, Izzy, I suggest you act like the adult you think you are and direct it at me instead of the floor.”

My head snaps up, but Abby isn’t looking at me anymore. Instead, she’s messing with the screen in front of her, making adjustments that don’t need to be made. I know that I’m being petty. I’m eighteen, and she lied to me for all these years. I feel as if I have a right to be pissed off and a bit petty.

Stepping forward, I wait to see if Bennett is going to pull me away again, but he doesn’t move. The voice in the back of my head is telling me to walk away and not make things worse, and for some reason that voice sounds a hell of a lot like my dad right now. Something about hearing his voice in my head, no matter how angry I am with him, pulls me back from what I was going to do and keeps me from making things worse. It keeps me from making a total asshole out of myself in front of Bennett. Instead, I choose to walk away.

I slam my hands against the door and storm out, fully expecting Bennett to follow me. He doesn’t, and I can almost bet that Jameson has something to do with him staying put. I’m afraid that if he
had
followed me, I would say something to him that would screw up everything we’ve worked to build.

About a half an hour later, Jason slides down the wall beside me in the barn. I’ve managed to calm myself down but I should have known that sooner or later one of them would’ve come looking for me. In true Jason form, he doesn’t say anything until I speak first. It’s something both him and my “uncle” AJ have learned over the years of playing in a band with Abby. Don’t speak, and you will eventually find out everything you need to know.

“Since when does Vanessa miss her marks?”

“Personal shit is hard to sing, babe. If you had looked up or listened to what she was saying instead of what she was doing wrongand thinking you knew what Abby was doing wrong, you would’ve seen that Vanessa was crying. All those feelings she had when she had cancer came back. I mean, they never really went away, but she’s been doin’ pretty good keeping herself together for the past decade.”

“I didn’t even realize she was recording anything new right now.”

“You’ve missed a lot lately by being so—”

“Stubborn?” I angrily cut him off. Grabbing my hand, he squeezes my fingers and pulls me into his side. I don’t know what it is about being tucked into someone’s side, but for some reason it makes me feel safe; like nothing can hurt me. I think all the guys know it too, because they all do it to me when I need it most.

“Busy,” he finishes. “But yes, you’re stubborn as hell too. You wouldn’t be part of this family if you weren’t.”

Sometimes I don’t even feel like a part of this family
.

Choosing to ignore the path my mind wants to go down, I choose to go back to what he was saying before. I know I should be in the studio working, but I don’t think Jason would let me walk away right now even if I tried to move. “What do you mean I’ve missed a lot?”

“That song you just walked out on was something Vanessa is recording so she can debut it at Rock for a Cure this year. It’s about everything she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t gotten better.” Jason drops his chin against the top of my head and sighs. We all know that without Vanessa, Jason probably wouldn’t be here anymore, either, and that isn’t something that any of us want to think about. “She hasn’t been able to get through it yet, and none of us know how to help her. But she’s determined to have it ready because she doesn’t want to be the only one not debuting a new song.”

“Wait, what?” I pull my head back and stare at him in confusion. How much have I actually missed?

“You’ve been missing meetings because you’re trying to do everything by yourself,” he tells me. I can tell there’s a lecture going on in his head about how I shouldn’t try to take on everything. I can see it in his eyes, but he keeps it to himself. “Everyone is debuting a new song on stage this year. We’re doing a live audio and video recording, and all the profits go to the same place the ticket proceeds go.”

“Shit, I did miss a lot. Good idea, though,” I admit.

“Your boy gonna be ready for that?”

I laugh, shaking my head as I figure out how long we have left in my head. “Not if we don’t get some work done.”