Hell on Heels Christmas (15 page)

“I
said I wouldn’t propose this time.”

Regan choked and shoved at him. Brooks slid out of h
er, stood and zipped his jeans.

“You can’
t do this to me again,” Regan wheezed. “You promised!”

“Where’d
you think this was going?”

Moody
eyes flowed over her and it made her squirm. He was so intense, serious and focused on her.

“
I told you I’d try and I am. That’s it. I said I’d stay for the holidays but I never promised beyond that.”

“
Damn it Regan, what do you feel? You’re so busy keeping your damn boundaries up that you refuse to let what’s happening between us go any further than sex.”

She glared at him
. “I’ve given you everything I have. I agreed to stay until the New Year and we’re together all the time-”

He turned away from her and ran his hands through his hair. “I can’t be with you and not feel like this. I feel like I have to pin you down. You’re always trying to escape. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Her heart thumped painfully. She got up and went to him and wrapped her arms around him. He tensed but didn’t push her away. His honesty was beautiful and terrifying. Brooks made her feel what no one else could but he was right in sensing she always held back. How could she explain that she wasn’t sure if she could settle down and commit without becoming restless and feeling trapped?

“There’s nothing wrong with you. There never was. It’s always been me. Why do you think I tried to stay the hell away from you?” she whispered into his broad back.

He sighed and they stayed that way for several minutes. She knew he was waiting for more words from her, a declaration similar to his own but uncertainty and fear kept her mouth shut.

“You were ready to come home, Regan.”

She tried to stop the claustrophobia. “So? I wanted to come home. What’s the big deal?”

“You know what this town is like. You know the people here and you know what goes with coming home. There’s nothing fancy out here. It’s basic and that’s what you came home for. Maybe you never admitted it to yourself but you came
back for family. You spend your time at the shop or here with me and you’re fine. You aren’t itching to jump on a plane so why do you think you can’t stay here?”

“I’ve haven’t stayed in one place longer than a year for a decade. I’ve been back for a little over a month and you want a commitment. I can’t do that, Brooks.”

Brooks turned and she saw the pain on his face. She felt like an ass because he was great and she was… not. He was the guy women dreamed about, herself included but was what she felt for him enough to sustain them or would panic come in the middle of the night? Would these feelings between them last or would they fade as they had for the other men she’d been with? Though she wanted to deny it she was just like her father. He settled in White Mist for a time but after having three kids and a wife the panic and restlessness hit him so hard he took off one morning and never returned.

“Has it been like this with anyone else?” he asked gruffly.

She knew her next words would commit her to him so she said nothing. Brooks’ eyes gleamed.

“It’s the same for you,” he accused.

She didn’t answer but he didn’t need one. He gathered her naked body against him and just held her. She felt tears prick her eyes. This guy was too good for her. He always had been.

“I want you more than I ever wanted anything else in life,” he murmured.

The simple statement made her eyes prick with tears. “Brooks, don’t.”

Calloused hands ran up and down her sides, exciting her more than any of the well cared for, manicured hands of the men she dated in
the past. His hands were large, firm and warm and they had the same effect as licking her core.

“You ruined me for anyone else.”

She took the plunge. “It wasn’t like this with Allison?”

His hands dropped
from her and he took a step back. “No.”

One mention of his ex-wife and he shut down completely. Even though
it should have been impossible considering all he just said jealousy washed over her. She hadn’t married Jean-Charles. She dated him, slept with him and loved him as a friend but she’d never gone as far as Brooks had and married the guy. All of a sudden she had the irrational urge to go down to Allison’s house and challenge her to a fight which would be pointless considering she now had kids with another man and was obviously happy and content with her brood. Regan didn’t care. Brooks claimed she was the only woman for him yet he’d made another woman his wife and shared things with Allison that Regan would never experience with him.

She gathered her clothes and ducked into the b
athroom, slamming it behind her. She was going to make herself decent for her walk of shame back to her mom’s house. Even if she came out dressed in a prom dress, not for a moment would anyone misinterpret what she and Brooks had just done. She struggled with his comb in her thick hair. How did men manage with only a comb? She brushed her teeth and cleaned herself before dressing in hurried, angry movements, nearly spraining her toe as she jammed her foot through the leg of her jeans.

When she opened the bathroom door she was surprised to find the room empty. Whatever. She walked down the stairs and when
she found no sign of Brooks she wanted to punch a hole in his wall. That asshole. She turned to the coat holder and found it empty. She frowned. Even her boots were gone. Had Brooks kicked them somewhere? She bent down to look under a beautiful set of drawers in the entrance and found nothing.

“Need something?”

She raised her head and saw Brooks standing barefoot in his jeans and shirt. She narrowed her eyes and got to her feet.

“Where’s my coat and boots?” she demanded.

She stomped her foot as frustration and hurt slithered through her veins. This was why she shouldn’t sleep with him. He made her feel like the teenager she kept telling herself she wasn’t. She slept with this guy who threw around dangerous words like “marriage” and “home” like it was normal. In turn, the refined businesswoman she thought she was turned into a raving mad, jealous lunatic. Since she left White Mist she was always in control of her emotions and the moment someone tried to put chains on her she broke it off. She looked at Brooks and knew she couldn’t do it which made her even more agitated. 

“Why are you so pissed?” he asked.

“I’m not!” she bellowed. “Where did you hide my shit?”

His mouth twitched. “I don’t think you should go yet.”

She stomped over to him and wagged a finger in his face. “Look here
buddy
,” she spat. “You don’t get a say in my life. I can do whatever the hell I want and if I want to leave I will whether or not you think I should.”

She marched to the door and he called, “You’re going to walk in the snow all the way back to your
mom’s house?”

The slam of the door behind her answered his question. It was only a five minute walk. She could
handle it. She crossed her arms over her chest and grit her teeth against the ice cold cement. This was equivalent to walking over hot coals but she wouldn’t stop.

“Regan Lee!” Gertie yelled from her porch. “
My mama said she saw Brooks carry you into the house. Is it because of that guy at your mama’s house? Margaret said she saw you kiss him? Regan Lee, did you know you don’t have shoes, honey?”

Regan was gearing herself to
run before she got frostbite when a door slammed. There was the sound of running footsteps and for the second time that day Brooks picked her up. He wasn’t gentle when he settled her on his shoulder and waved at Gertie before walking down the sidewalk back to his house. She looked down and saw he wasn’t wearing shoes either.

“
Put me down!” Regan yelled.

She froze when his hand slammed down on her butt. It was a hard slap that made a sound like the snap of a whip and
her vision went red. Gertie laughed and when Brooks stepped back into his house and set her down she shoved him so hard he staggered back into his front door.

“Don’t you
ever
do that to me again!” Regan shouted.

“I’ll do it whenever I feel like it!” he shouted back.

She rubbed her butt. “I’m going to have a bruise, you ass! We’re done! Now where the hell is my boots and coat?”

His
eyes were a little wild as he ran his hands through his hair. “Why the hell does it have to be you?”

“What?”

“Why does it have to be you that I want? Why can’t it be-?”

“Allison?” she finished for him and it hurt so badly she felt her heart tear a little.
When she was younger Valerie compared her to Missy on a daily basis and when they got older both mothers tried to interest Brooks in Missy. If she was being honest with herself she knew her sister was the better choice for Brooks. “You can have her if you can convince her to leave Grady.”

He blinked. “I don’t want Allison.”

“Of course you do! You married her, didn’t you?”

“I don’t want to talk about Allison.”

A red mist hazed her vision. “Oh. So you want to delve into my personal life and know about the men I’ve been with but I can’t ask you about your
ex-wife
?”

“She has nothing to do with us.”

“Neither does Jean-Charles or Daniel or Johnny-”

“I don’t want to hear about them.”

She couldn’t believe him. “I never married any of those guys and you’re so jealous you would fight them for even touching me once upon a time! You
married
Allison. You married her in June in the place that we chose and she had on the dress I wanted-”

She stopped talking but it was too late. His eyes narrowed on her. She started towards the back door but he whirled her around and avoided her right hook
out of instinct. He tucked both of her hands behind her in a solid grip that made her angrier because he did it with one hand.

“
How would you know that? You saw a picture?”

“
Let me go!”

“Not a chance, Regan Lee. How would you know that? I don’t have any pictures around and
neither do your parents so how do you know?”

Tears filled her eyes and she hated herself for being so stupid. She never told anyone about that day and here she was telling the one person she never wanted to find out.

“How do you know?” he insisted.

“You don’t need to know!”

“I do,” he murmured and kissed her neck while she struggled. “I need to know.”

She shuddered and tried to knee him in the balls but he felt her tense and pulled away in time. He turned her so she faced away from him and ran his free hand over her breasts while he sucked on her neck.

“Stop,” she hissed, trying to get away from him.

His hand moved from her breasts to her abdomen and splayed there. His hand rucked up her shirt and he rubbed her quivering
belly before his hand moved down to the clasp of her jeans. He didn’t undo the button like she expected- he cupped her through her jeans roughly and she bucked in his hold. She renewed her struggle to get away but it just made her horny because he was rubbing the rough material against her core and he was nibbling on her neck and-

“I was there.”

His hold slackened and she wrenched away, shivering from the lust and pain that moved in a tangled mass through her. Brooks looked as if he’d been hit over the head with a bat.

“That’s not possible.”

She blew out a breath. “I was gone six months and I couldn’t find a job. I was living in a woman’s shelter and I decided to come home. I came back on your wedding day.”

Brooks held out a hand. “Regan-”

She slapped his hand away and all the hurt and pain that pushed her further and further away from home flooded back. Seeing Brooks, the guy who once proposed to her in the snow marrying another woman six months after she left gutted her. He was the real reason she stayed away so long. She thought she was strong enough, old enough to come back and deal with this like an adult- cool, calm, collected. Yet here she was staring at Brooks with tears dripping down her face and wishing she could carve out her own heart so the pain wouldn’t make her feel as if she were dying. Brooks’ face was stark white and there was a horror, guilt and pity in his eyes. She pointed a shaking finger at him.

“I took you for granted. I know that,” she whispered. “I thought you would wait and I was wrong so I moved on. You did
too.”

“I didn’t- I never-. Holy shit.”

She wiped away her tears and took a deep breath and shut herself down. She was done with this. “I want my coat and boots.”

“You can’t leave now. We have to talk-”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Ever. Where’s my stuff?”

He saw something on her face that made him give in. “Under the couch.”

Any other time she would have laughed but she couldn’t. Not now. She stuffed her feet into her boots and couldn’t even wait to put on her coat before she rushed out the door like Satan was on her heels. There was a vise around her chest. She shrugged on her coat and jogged down the sidewalk and didn’t hear anybody that called out to her. She walked up the stairs to her mom’s house and dimly noted that Jean-Charles’s car was gone. Valerie was sitting on the couch when Regan opened the door. She looked up from her book.