Her Secondhand Groom (37 page)

A new wave of dizzying sickness settled in the pit of her stomach, then spread throughout her body. This was really it. The way it would always be. Abigail would always win. She’d always have Drake’s heart and children, and now she’d have Juliet’s dreams, too.

Numbly, she walked from the room, ignoring Drake’s commands for her to stay. There was no reason for her to argue with him any longer. He’d made his choice, and it wasn’t her.

Chapter 26

Juliet wandered the house she’d grown used to, but still didn’t feel right calling home, until nearly midnight before finding an old familiar room in which to spend the night. The next morning, she woke about dawn. Still angry with Drake about the events of the previous night, she skipped her morning meal opposite the table from him in the breakfast room for more favorable company. On her way upstairs to have breakfast with the girls, Links intercepted her.

“
A note, my lady,” he said, holding a silver salver out toward her.

Juliet plucked the parchment from the salver and nodded his dismissal as her eyes scanned the familiar script. Reminding herself to take deep breaths, Juliet changed her course to the library where she dashed off a few notes of her own then set out to find the girls. She’d grown quite attached to them, and they deserved to hear her tell them goodbye before she went. Though they were too young to fully understand everything, they were not too young for her absence to go unnoticed. Besides, she owed them this much. She may not have won their father’s love, but she’d certainly won theirs and it would be rude, not to mention heartless, to leave without the courtesy of telling them goodbye.

“
Girls,” she said quietly, stepping into the nursery to find they’d just finished breakfasting. “I’d like a word with you before you begin your studies.”

“
Yes?” Celia asked, smoothing her skirts.

Juliet sank into the chair Miss Grant had graciously vacated to afford them a bit of privacy. She cleared her throat, her mind racing to think of what to say to the girls. She had to leave before anything else happened, but didn’t want to blurt everything out and cause them any undue worry. “Girls, I have to go away on an errand for a while.”

“
Are you and Papa going to London?” Helena asked, an excited gleam in her eyes.

Juliet shook her head. “Not this time. I need to go do something alone this time.”

Celia’s brows snapped together. “Alone? But you never go anywhere alone.”

“
I know,” Juliet acknowledged. “But this time I have to―”

“
Girls, say your goodbyes to Juliet,” Drake clipped, coming into the room. The hard set of his jaw and icy tone sent a chill down Juliet’s spine. “Her carriage is waiting out front.”

Juliet stood. She’d looked for him after she’d received her father’s note, but when she couldn’t find him, she’d written a note for him to find explaining the details of why she had to leave. “Drake,” she greeted.

He bridled, then nodded curtly. “If you’re done with your goodbyes, I’ll be happy to escort you out.”

“
I’m not.” She turned back to the three little girls and hugged them each, promising she’d be back as soon as everything was back to rights.

“
Why did you lie to my girls?” Drake hissed when they were out of the room and walking down the hall.

“
Your girls?” she echoed, matching his tone.

His brown eyes pierced hers. “Yes, my girls. Now answer the question.”

“
I didn’t lie. I may have omitted a few things for their own good, but I didn’t lie.”

“
Yes, you did,” he countered with a snarl. “You lied to them by giving them a false promise that you’d return.”

“
That’s not a lie. I fully intend to come back.”

“
Oh, do you now?” he drawled. “When, Juliet? When you’ve had time to accept the fact that nothing is going to change between us? Because that’s when it will be. If you think going away on an ‘errand’ is going to force my hand until I give you what you want, you’re mistaken.”

“
Pardon?” She jerked her elbow from his tight grasp and crossed her arms.

Drake mirrored her stance, and when he spoke again, his voice was so low she wouldn’t have heard him had she been more than three inches away from him. “Those girls don’t deserve this, Juliet. If you leave this house today, do not even think of coming back.”

Juliet stood stock-still, waiting. Waiting for a sense of loss to settle over her at his definitive words, but none came. She might have lived in this house for the past few months, but it had never been her home. She’d been nothing more than a glorified visitor. It was the same thing with Drake and the girls. Those were
his
girls, he’d even said as much not thirty seconds ago. She might love them as hers, but there would always be the unspoken fact that they were the girls he had with Abigail. His, not Juliet’s. Drake and Abigail’s. And as for Drake himself, she’d never had him and never would. He would always belong to Abigail. But then again, she already knew all of this.

“
Is that what you really want?” she asked.

“
No,” he admitted. “It’s not what I want at all, Juliet. But it’s what will happen if you leave here right now. I’ll not have my girls’ affections played with in that manner.”

There it was again,
his girls
. A brief wave of sadness washed over her, giving her the smallest urge to cry, and perhaps a savage urge to strangle the man standing in front of her making her choose between the family who loved her and the family she’d grown to love. “Very well,” she said with a swallow.

***

Patrick’s body went numb at the sight of Juliet walking away from him, presumably forever. She’d made her choice, and it wasn’t him.

Unable to force himself to watch from the window as Juliet climbed into the carriage, he spun on his heel and entered the schoolroom. His eyes drifted from a quiet and still Celia to a rather distant-looking Helena, then finally to Kate, the only one of his daughters showing an active emotion. Her lower lip trembled, a clear sign an onslaught of tears was about to transpire. Wordlessly, he picked her up, and nodded to the others an unvoiced message they all understood. With a quick word to Miss Grant about the girls missing their studies to spend the day with him, the quartet quit the schoolroom.

Patrick clutched Kate to him as tightly as he dared as he strode down the maze of hallways to his study, Celia and Helena trailing close behind. His heart hammered in his hollow chest and his mind reliving all the terrible events of the past twelve hours. At first he’d not been able to even determine why she was so upset. Then all her anger ceased to matter as his own filtered through. The crux of it was she wanted her own children, his weren’t good enough. The sudden realization last night hurt to the core. So it was little wonder he’d snapped at her when he saw her playacting with the girls in the nursery after seeing a carriage out front and her valise by the door.

Of course everyone said mothers had a protective instinct, the same could be said for fathers, and witnessing her theatrics with the girls triggered his need to protect them.

“
Papa,” Kate wheezed. “You’re holding me too tight.”

“
Sorry, poppet,” he said, loosening his grip. “Better?”

She nodded.

“
Good.” He opened the door to his study and stood back while Celia and Helena went in and found a seat. While most men wouldn’t even dream of letting their children―especially girls―into their studies, Patrick had never seemed to mind. It was the place he’d taken them following their mother’s death and somehow it had become that comforting place any of them went to when they were in need of some sort of emotional healing. And there was no doubt all four of them needed some sort of healing at the moment. Most likely the kind that would keep them locked in there until midnight.

It wasn’t midnight exactly before they exited, but close enough.

“
Good night,” Patrick whispered to Celia as he laid her in her bed and tucked a raven lock behind her ear.

“
Is she really gone?” Celia asked, the sadness filling her voice the equivalent of a punch to the gut.

He nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

“
You should apologize,” Celia informed him with all the wisdom of a ten year-old girl.

“
And what makes you think I did something wrong?”

She smiled. “Because you’re always doing something wrong when it comes to Juliet.”

“
Is that so?”

She nodded. “Perhaps you should go after her and ask her to come back.”

“
It’s not that simple, Celia.” Before he could say another word, one that might have the power to hurt her, he kissed her forehead and left the room.

The following day wasn’t any better, and neither was the next. For nearly a week he spent all day waiting in his study for some sort of news on Juliet. But none came. Not that he’d actually expected to hear anything from her. She’d left him after all.

Finally, a note from Marcus arrived asking him to come to Ridge Water. Tossing the foolscap down, he shook his head, and stood.

Since the night of his argument with Juliet in his bedchamber, he couldn’t bring himself to go into that room. Instead, he’d used a guest room and had a maid go in and collect his clothes as he needed them. He scowled at the oak door that now separated him from the room in question. He ought to just send a maid in to get what he needed for the trip, but dismissed the idea as petty. It was bad enough he’d chosen to live the last week in the shadows of what might have been, but no more. He was ready to move past this, and the first step was to go into that room and change his clothes, then to go see Marcus and Emma. Besides this might be his last chance to see either of them for a while. Wallace had sent word earlier in the week he’d be arriving today to spend a few weeks. With Wallace in residence, chances were slim that either Marcus or Emma would be making a trip to Briar Creek in the near future.

With a grimace, he pushed the door open, and doing his damnedest not to look at the bed, changed his clothes. Turning to walk out the door, he saw a little pile of items he typically carried in his pockets that he’d removed that night last week and hadn’t bothered to ask the maid to retrieve. He swept the keys, change, paper notes from the girls, and whatnot off the vanity and into his hand. Pocketing the odds and ends, he blew out the candles and went to the stables.

The ride to Ridge Water was nothing short of torture, and the actual visit wasn’t much better.

“
Where’ve you been hiding?” Marcus asked as soon as Patrick entered his study.

“
Home.”

Marcus bent forward and gestured to the chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

Patrick cocked his head. “Why do I have the strangest sensation you’ve taken up with the Watch?”

Marcus chuckled and fell into his chair. “I’m just practicing.”

“
For?”

“
For when little Jack gets older and has need to come find me after his mama has found him guilty of committing a naughty deed.” He propped his elbow up on his desk and leaned his cheek against his palm. For a man with a newborn in residence, he looked rather energetic.

Patrick shook his head, and took a seat. “Well, don’t practice your fatherly role on me. I don’t like it.”

“
No, you never did like being put in your place, did you?” Marcus mused, tapping his index finger against his cheek. “Say, how is it you’ve managed to survive with Juliet all these months? She doesn’t seem one to let you run roughshod over her.”

Patrick stiffened. “Is that why you asked me to come here?”

Marcus looked taken aback. “No. But since you brought it up, is something wrong between you and Juliet?”

“
No,” Patrick barked. “And I didn’t bring it up, you did.”

“
That wasn’t very convincing, Patrick.” Marcus crossed his arms, and leaned back in his chair. “Do you want my advice?”

Patrick nearly rolled his eyes. “Seeing as how you nearly lost your wife to my cousin because you were afraid to marry her for whatever reason, I don’t think you’re in a position to offer me advice.”