Hercules and the Geek of Greece (2 page)

The chariot raced through the night, leaving such a cloud of dust in its wake, it ascended like a ghostly mist intent on enshrouding the rising full moon.

Six horses were pulling the chariot. Snorting heavily, they charged on like there was no tomorrow, as if they themselves knew the urgency of the mission this night. There were two people riding in the back of the chariot. One was the driver, known as the best wheelman in the Kingdom of Zim.

The other was Hercules.

They had been traveling all night, over hill and dale, through deep rivers and the darker forests of Zim. The tiny kingdom was in the northeast corner of the gods' domain, where it wasn't so warm all the time, and where, they said, the sun did not shine every day of the year. In Zim, this made the dark places even darker.

Hercules was bundled up in a thick, red cloak and his heaviest leather boots. They were traveling so fast, his hair was being blown nearly straight back in the wind. The cold breeze did little to lessen the urgency of this desperate trip.

He was on his way to the Castle of Zim. An old friend who lived there needed his help.

Finally, after hours of travel, Hercules could see the fog-encased spires of the Castle of Zim off in the distance. The moon was rising behind them now and the spooky clouds gave the castle a slightly haunted look. Hercules pulled his cloak up a little closer around his neck.

It seemed to be getting colder with every mile they went.

The chariot reached the castle about an hour later.

The fortress was big and white, had two huge pearly gates and a wide moat, and was covered with thick, emerald-green vines.

Inside the castle lived the queen of Zim. Her name was Xumonia and she was more than three hundred years old. The villagers in nearby Xeres rarely saw her. But her reputation for being aloof and snobby had earned her the nickname, the “queen of mean.”

But she wasn't
that
mean. Not all the time, anyway. Hercules had known her for years, ever since he was a boy. And while she did tend to have a royal air about her, he also knew her to be fair and just when dealing with the people of her kingdom, and these days, that's about all many people could expect. It was she who had put out the urgent call for him to come to Zim.

The chariot rolled over the drawbridge and into the main courtyard, the winded horses finally stopping with one mighty
snort
!
A squad of castle guards appeared. Hercules climbed down off the chariot and was escorted into the castle's great hall.

At the center of the hall was a throne. On the great chair at its top sat Queen Xumonia. She looked very old and frail and not well at all.

“Welcome, Hercules,” she called down to him in a raspy voice. “How are you?”

“Warmed to see an old friend, Xumonia,” Hercules replied.

“And your stepmother and father?” she asked. “How are they?”

“Not exactly my two favorite people,” Hercules replied, a little under his breath. “But they are well, I guess.”

“I wish this could be more pleasant, Hercules,” the queen said, not wanting to beat around the bush. “But I have grave news. The crown . . . my crown . . . has been stolen.”

Hercules was stunned.

“The magic Crown of Xas?” he asked, astonished.

“Yes,” the queen sighed heavily. “I'm afraid so.”

Hercules knew the most precious thing the queen owned was the magic Crown of Xas. Without it, not only could Xumonia no longer rule Zim, she would slowly begin to die. For it was the very magic in the crown that had kept her alive for three hundred years. Without it, she would never have lived this long.

“Stolen?” Hercules breathed again. “But by who, my lady? And why?”

The queen snorted once. “By my stepsister Stuka, of course!” she bellowed. “And why? Because she wants what I have. Eternal beauty. Eternal life.”

“But how was it stolen?” Hercules asked. “Surely you kept it well guarded.”

Xumonia coughed once. The raspy report echoed throughout the great hall.

“I thought I did,” she began weakly. “But you see, all of my warriors are away at battle, so we've been very shorthanded around the castle lately. And when the Festival of the Blue Moon took place in Xeres yesterday, I let my personal guards attend. While they were gone, Stuka's warriors used an enchantment to gain entrance to my vault and managed to steal the crown. It was a grave mistake on my part leaving it so unprotected.”

“You were just thinking of your people,” Hercules said, trying his best to comfort her.

But he knew it
had
been a foolish mistake for Xumonia to leave the castle unprotected just so her court and guards could get a look at Hercules' bratty half-sister, Aphrodite.

Now Xumonia might have to pay for that blunder with her life.

“Have you, my queen, thought about hiring a soldier from another kingdom to regain your crown?” Hercules asked. “Or perhaps asking the gods for help?”

“Bah!” Xumonia replied angrily. “I would trust neither, least of all the gods!”

She turned away for a moment.

“No,” she said softly. “Whoever goes after my crown, must be very brave
and
loyal.”

A long silence filled the great hall. Xumonia coughed again. This one sounded even worse than before.

“May I show you something, Hercules?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“By all means, your majesty,” Hercules quickly replied.

Xumonia rose from her royal seat, but needed help climbing down the throne's two dozen stairs. Several guards had to come forward and guide her step by step. Once at the bottom, she smiled weakly at Hercules. Then she took his arm and together they walked across the great hall.

They soon reached a doorway at the very end of the hall and entered a very dark chamber. This place was lit only by a strange blue light that came from some place Hercules could not see. In the middle of the chamber was a huge stone table. It was round, with four big legs. There were no chairs around it. The top was bare.

The queen led Hercules to a spot about a foot from the table. Then she weakly snapped her fingers and suddenly her wizard, Xinx, appeared from thin air. This ancient man was wearing a long blue robe and a pointed hat, just like all wizards. He twirled his fingers very slowly, and soon, a small cloud of gold dust began to rise from the top of the stone table.

Hercules was impressed—he'd seen examples of sorcery before, of course. But few this elaborate.

The dust soon became a small tornado of blue smoke which quickly turned green, then yellow, then orange. Then, with one word from Xinx, the swirl transformed itself into a huge, transparent globe.

“Your seeing ball, my queen,” the wizard said with a bow. “What would you like displayed?”

“Castletop, Kingdom of Zum,” Xumonia said.

The wizard twirled his hands again, and suddenly, Hercules was looking at an entire landscape, all contained within the seeing ball.

What he saw was a huge piece of earth sticking up from the ground like a gigantic mushroom. It looked to be nearly a mile high. It was surrounded on three sides by low flat plains. To the north, there was a mountain and a cliff that was just a little bit higher than the big mushroom. A chasm separated the two.

Atop this strange mushroom thing was a castle. It was about the same size of Xumonia's castle, but it was not so quaint. There were no flowers, no pearly gates, no emerald vines. Rather, this place was all stone and metal and towers and bars. There were no windows. The place didn't need a moat—it was so high up and the sides of the giant mushroom so steep, it looked just about impossible for anyone to get to the top.

Yet Hercules could clearly see people moving around the Castletop. They were large-looking women. All of them were in full battle gear.

“Those are the Amazons of Zum,” the queen explained. “You've heard of them?”

Hercules nodded. He had. They were very bad news.

“My wicked stepsister is now their queen,” Xumonia said. “And they have been rivals of mine for many, many years. Now they have my most valuable possession.”

The queen paused sadly. “And you know that I can't live for very long without it.”

Hercules was still astonished—and now a little baffled, too. What did this have to do with him?

It was as if Xumonia read his mind.

“I need someone to recapture my crown,” she told Hercules weakly—she seemed to be aging right before his eyes! “Someone who is smart, resourceful, brave, and most of all, loyal.”

That's when Hercules finally understood.

“Me?” he asked. “My lady, are you sure you have the right person?”

“I'm sure,” the queen replied.

But Hercules wasn't.

“But, my lady,” he said, “I'm only one. . . .”

“I know that,” Xumonia cut him off. “But you
are
all the things I wanted . . . especially loyal.”

Hercules felt like he was in a dream. This was exactly what he was afraid of. Herc had never enjoyed fighting women. It wasn't because they weren't good warriors—Xena had taught him that—but he still hated having to knock women around. And Amazons were even worse. They seemed to know how he felt, and it only made them fight harder. Better leave it to the queen's own men.

“But, my lady,” he began again. “Something so valuable as your crown should be retrieved by your army. Or your personal guards.”

The queen laughed a little.

“That's exactly what my sister and her Amazons would expect,” she replied. “But you see, Stuka knows my army is away at battle. She also thinks I will call it back and attack the Castletop, something that will take weeks to prepare for. I simply can't wait that long. . . .”

The queen's voice trailed off. Hercules just stared back at her. Again, right before his eyes, he saw more wrinkles form around her eyes and mouth.

Hercules looked back into the seeing ball again. This Castletop place looked very far away.

“I know it looks like it's on the other side of the sky,” the queen said, “but it's actually only two days' ride from here.”

At that moment, the queen staggered a bit. She could feel the life energy draining from her body. Xinx, her court sorcerer, had told her that if she didn't get the crown back by the next full moon, she would die and the kingdom would collapse. And that Queen Xumonia just couldn't have. She had to get the crown back.

She looked over at Hercules. Tears had formed in her eyes.

“Will you do it, Hercules? You're really my last hope.”

Hercules thought it over for a few moments and then went down on one knee before the queen.

“For my old friend, and for the safety of your kingdom,” he said, bowing his head. “I will be honored.”

Xumonia lifted Hercules back to his feet and hugged him warmly.

Then Hercules looked deep into the seeing ball again and studied the Amazons' fortress. The Castletop was so high, it seemed impossible to reach. Plus, anyone actually getting over to the top of the mushroom would have to face the hundreds of Amazons that guarded the place.

“Well,
that
is a dilemma,” the queen admitted, again, seeming to read Hercules' mind. “I'm sure someone with your fortitude can make it to the area. But getting across the chasm and inside the castle itself—well, those are problems. I just wish we knew someone with the answers.”

Just then they all felt a distinct rustling in the room, as if a slight wind was blowing in.

Oh, no
,
Hercules thought. He recognized that breeze.

A second later, there was a swirl of white smoke between Xumonia and Hercules. When it cleared, the form of an ancient woman wearing ancient clothes was standing there.

“Greetings, friends,” this woman croaked. “I've been listening in. I hope you don't mind. . . .”

But Hercules
did
mind.

She was Brooma, a very minor goddess of the realm. She was also Hercules' aunt's aunt—and thus, he was a kind of nephew to her. She was a well-meaning immortal, but widely known as the most bumbling and ditzy of all the gods. And now her presence caused Hercules to do a slow burn. In the past, Brooma had perfected the habit of showing up at the worst possible moments. This was one of them.

For Queen Xumonia, though, Brooma was an oddity. She was very curious about her.

“You must be from a distant branch of the immortal family tree,” she said to Brooma in that kind of snooty royal way.

“Yes! Yes, I am,” Brooma replied enthusiastically, either not recognizing the queen's snobbery or choosing to ignore it. “And I'm very proud of my little nephew here, Hercules. Proud you would ask him to go on this quest.”

At this moment, the queen's own wizard stepped forward. “Greetings, Brooma,” Xinx said. “Might you have a suggestion how one could get into Castletop?”

“Yes, I do,” Brooma replied without even looking at the scene within the magic globe.

“Well, do tell us,” Xumonia said, her voice not quite as snooty as a few seconds before.

“I have an enchantment,” Brooma told them. “It will carry a person through solid walls a distance equal to a shadow's length at sunrise.”

Xumonia looked to her wizard, who shrugged.

“Thirty paces,” Xinx whispered back to her, doing some quick calculations. “Not much more.”

The queen thought about this, and then shrugged, too.

“Not a substantial distance,” she said. “But helpful, maybe.”

“If you could get to the outside wall,” Xinx said to Hercules, “then Brooma's enchantment might get you inside the vault where we know the Amazons are keeping the Crown of Xas.”

“Oh yes, definitely,” Brooma was saying. “Yes, that would work. . . .”

But Hercules was tempted to stomp on Brooma's foot. He wasn't sure he wanted the wacky goddess to be encouraging this whole thing.