Here & Now (5 page)

How resigned he is to what he wants to do, not even giving it a second thought, warms me. I knew he would be like this, but because I’m always thinking of every variable, I knew classes might be an issue. It’s obviously not that big of one for him.

“What about classes?”

“What about them? I’ll explain to my professors that there’s somewhere important I need to be that day and deal with the fallout after. It’s one day. It’s not like I’m dropping out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, baby I am, but are you sure this is what you want to do? Because if you’re still thinking you need to do this for me, don’t do it.”

“I’m sure. I want to do this.”

“For you or for me?”

“For both of us, and my parents.”

“Alright then. It’s settled.”

When I focus on the food in front of me, ripping off small parts of the bun before eating it, pecking at it almost the way a bird would, I feel his arm brush against mine and look up to a sea of the warmest shade of brown I’ve ever laid eyes on.

“You’re not going to fight me on this?”

Shaking my head as I hurry to swallow the bite of burger bun I just ripped off, my cheeks heat.

What he’s asking, I should have seen it coming. I fight everything. Tooth and nail, balls to the wall, I never give in on anything I have an opinion about very easily. It’s another reason why my mom backed down so easily last fall. If I was willing to fight for Dillon then there had to be something there worth fighting for.

I’ve also used it a lot on him over the last year. His going away and me setting down the once a month visitation is clear evidence of that. I saw what I wanted to see, what I believed at the time was the right thing for him and I ran with it, arguing the entire way even though deep down I knew it was like he said. He would have wanted to see me more.

“No. I won’t fight you on this because I want you there.”

“Good, because just like the doctor’s appointment last week, you’re not going to be able to keep me away.” He pauses, leveling me with a soft smile, one that barely lifts his lips, but that resonates through me because of what it means. “Will you do something with me?”

“Does it involve illegally tagging a public park?”

“No, but the way you make illegal sound, I might have to rethink what I was about to ask.”

Smiling back, he squeezes the hand he now has wrapped around mine and pulls me toward him. Shifting my body as it makes contact with his, I allow myself to fall easily back into his arms until I can feel his breath on the side of my neck, but still have an unobstructed view of his lips. 

“What did you want me to do?”

“This Saturday after the game, I want to do something with you.”

Doing something with Dillon could mean one of a million things. Before he went away in August, we managed to go to the zoo, the movie theater, walks on the beach, even seeing the small carnival when it set up shop in the mall parking lot. Most nights we stayed close to home, either watching a movie at his place, or hanging out with my mom at mine. It makes it hard for me to figure what he might want to do with me now.

“Define something.”

“I want to take you out. Not to the movies or any of the other stuff we’ve done, but really take you out. I want you to get dressed up, I’ll do the same and I want to take you to dinner.”

Well that’s new.

“Why do you want to do that? We can just as easily come back here and have another picnic.” I turn and say as I motion with my hand toward the food laid out in front of us.

“Because we’ve been together a year and I’m so shitty at the whole boyfriend thing that I’ve never actually taken you on a real date.”

“You’ve taken me on lots of dates.”

“Not the ones you deserve.” he admits. “I said I wanted the whole damn world knowing what you mean to me and whenever I take you out, it’s always somewhere where there aren’t a lot of people or we’re shrouded in the dark making out. You deserve better than that.”

There’s always been people around when we’ve gone out and even though he hasn’t always been the most open with his affection in public, it’s never been a problem for me and the truth is, I kind of like getting him alone in a dark theatre where no one can really see. Some of our most heated moments have happened in those times and I’ve never once complained.

I love making out with Dillon.

“I don’t need a fancy dinner. I’m happier at home with you anyway.”

“I know,” he sighs. “But I’m dating this fucking goddess and it’s about damn time I showed the world what they’re missing.”

The second my cheeks start to heat, I feel the rumble of his chest again, this time in laughter. The way it feels, nothing can compare to it, but it brings my reason for coming to see him back around again. In a couple of months, if the surgery works the way the doctor is confident it will, it won’t just be me feeling him laugh anymore.

I’m going to hear it. Hear him. His laugh, his sigh, everything.

I’ve never wanted two weeks to fly by so much in my life.

“Will you do it? Will you let me take you on a real date?”

“Yes, but there’s only one flaw in your plan.”

“Which is?”

“I need to go shopping for a dress.”

Dillon

I fucking hate monkey suits.

Twice a year, I’m forced into these things, or at least I was before I graduated high school. When I was in pee-wee hockey, the awards dinners called for suit and tie so I went along with it easily. I was like eight. It’s not like I gave a shit at the time.

When I entered high school and we had the awards dinners for football every year, the same damn thing happened. Out comes the monkey suit and into it went a very pissed off me.

Between the heat level when I’m wearing one and the sweat that produces, to the way the tags always fucking itch, the only time I ever wanted to be wearing one of these things is when I’m dead.

Tonight’s a different story. Tonight I’m gonna dress up in a suit and do it with a smile on my face. One I don’t have to fake because whenever I’m within a few feet of Cadence, all I wanna do is smile.

I’m going to parade her around, showing the world I’m proud to be with her because it’s what she deserves. I wasn’t lying the other day when I called her a goddess, I meant every fucking word and I don’t care how much of a chump that makes me. My girl is everything.

It was a bit of a struggle, but part of the money came through the night before the game. The first thing I tried to do when I found out was leave Kayden’s place, but neither him nor Belle were having any part of it. Apparently, they must have liked having me around because Kayden was pretty adamant that I stay until I had a place of my own locked down.

The last place I wanted to end up is some seedy motel, so telling me to stay worked. It gave me more time to focus on what this night is going to mean for Caddy and me, and it also gave me time to focus on all the new plays Coach had me running during the week with practice.

I had my head in the game and my heart in the night with Cadence. The night where I’m hoping to make every dream of hers come true.

There’s this part of me that thinks I’m rushing shit. That even though we’ve been together for a year, this step, how huge it is for her even more than it is for me, needs to be more thought out.

Then there’s the rest of me that just wants to wrap my hands around her, peel every piece of clothing from her body and spend the night making love to her in the way she deserves. Connect in a way that’s unique to us. Hearing my name as it escapes breathlessly, adapting to changes in her body as we move together, while at the same time having her hear me too.

Something I’ll be able to give her by stripping away every layer of myself and handing it over. Giving myself over completely to her because there’s no one else in the world I trust more to be that open with than her.

I want Cadence to own every part of me.

If I was rushing this, I’d know. Every step I’ve taken with this girl since I’ve known her, there’s either been a good feeling attached to it, almost as if the sky has opened up and everything is just right, or there’s been the moments where it’s so wrong I’m physically twisted inside. I’m not getting that here.

If it’s rushed it won’t happen, but something tells me that when the night is over, Cadence is going to want this as much as I do. She’s as ready as I am to take the next step in our relationship and it’s going to be fucking beautiful.

Well, it would be if I could just get this damn tie to cooperate.

Cadence

This can’t be right.

What I’m seeing right now, it’s gotta be a dream because there’s no way this is my reality.

My mom caught sight of it first, which is what drew me to the window, discarding the three dresses on my bed, my indecision over which one was perfect enough threatening to pull me under.

I’ve been staring out the window at it for the last fifteen minutes and after breaking away from me long enough to go check on her own dinner, it’s only her return that’s enough to break me away.

“Did you know he was going to be picking you up in a limo?” she asks and I just shake my head. If I had known that his way of going all out was this, I might have given it more thought before saying yes. This is way too much. He might think I deserve to be going on dates to fancy restaurants and wined and dined, but doing it all, appearing like some famous person, it’s most definitely not what I deserve.

He could have shown up in forty year old car and it would have been more my style than this.

“No. He said he wanted to take me to dinner. I thought he would be picking me up like he always does.”

His car. It’s safe to me. Comfortable. This, I don’t know what to do with this. He might have called me a goddess, but he’s wrong. I’m just me and I’ve never been through anything remotely close to this before. I’m not sure I want to go through it now, even if he is waiting on me outside probably looking cuter than ever.

“I’ll go see if he’s inside or if he just sent it to meet you. Run upstairs and get ready, you don’t want to keep him waiting all night.”

Considering how she acted last week when Dillon showed up wanting to stay here, the ease she has with me now, just letting me go so easily when she has to realize what dressing up like this and going on a date will mean, it’s surprising.

Maybe she has more faith in Dillon than I thought.

Running back up the stairs as she opens the door and makes her way out, I race into my bedroom and come face to face with the hardest choice I’ve had to make all week.

Dark Red, Pink or Black.

Sometimes I really hate being a girl.

None of these are going to matter. He’s not dating me for my fashion sense. He’s with me because he genuinely cares about me, but for the first time in forever, I want to take a bit more time with my appearance so when I do make my way out to the limo, I knock him on his ass.

Taking in that the dark red one is the perfect length and also a lot less flashy then the other two, the black one having what looks like sequins on it, I slide the pink one along with the black back onto their hangers and slip them into my closet before making my way over to the dresser and pulling out the right color pantyhose to go with it.

I really hate being a girl.

Once I’ve slipped myself into them and brought the dress up around me, I breathe a sigh of relief when my mom walks into the room and smiles softly at me before motioning with her hand for me to turn around so she can zip me up.

The one thing I really didn’t give a whole lot of thought to when I chose the dress.

When I’m sufficiently zipped, she comes around to face me and her hands start moving at the exact moment her lips part and she speaks.

“He’s in the limo and from the looks of him when I knocked on the window, he’s more nervous about this date than you are. He’s giving you a few more minutes to get ready and he’ll meet you at the door.”

“Did you tell him this was a really bad idea and that if he didn’t get rid of the limo you wouldn’t let me out?”

Her eyes crinkle as she laughs and just like it did at the ravine with Dillon a few days ago, the same feeling pops up again. The now familiar ache to be able to hear what she sounds like when she does it. I’ve gotten to experience her doing it with my eyes from the day I was born, but to actually hear her, it’s going to be out of this world.

“You should laugh more. It suits you.”

“Well maybe it’s a good idea you stick around for the next few years and continue making me laugh.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“In all seriousness,” she starts, moving over to my bed, sitting and waiting until I’m with her to start again. “Enjoy this. It’s a once in a lifetime thing. From what I know about Dillon, he’s not the flashy type. Let him give you this one night.”

She has no idea what she’s even saying right now. I have a feeling that if I give Dillon this night, a whole lot more then dinner is going to happen and even though it should scare me, I’m actually looking forward to finding out if I’m right.

If she had a clue that this was even a thought in my head, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be making it out the door tonight. I can’t imagine there being a girl alive that ever has an easy time of it, even when the guy is someone as trustworthy as Dillon’s been since we started dating.

“This is awkward for me, Mom. I get why he wants to do it and it’s sweet, but it’s too much.”

“What was it that I told you last year about a man when he’s in love?”

“That he doesn’t do anything rational or right?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right. So tonight just remember that and you’ll get through it easily. He’s doing this because of the way he loves you. I get the feeling with all of the time you’ve spent apart over the last few months, he’s trying to make up for lost time.”

Could that be what this is really about? Does Dillon feel like he owes me something because he followed a great opportunity to play football at a school that was willing to pay his way? Is that what I set in motion when I forced his hand to go?

“He doesn’t need to make up for anything.”

“I agree. So get your butt downstairs and tell the boy that, Cadence. He’s the one that really needs to hear it.”

Standing from the bed, she motions with her hand to the door and I follow her out, both of us paused at the top, the smile from earlier still plastered across her face with no signs of lessening.

If I didn’t know any better I would think she was more excited for this date than I was.

“You just want to see him react to the dress, don’t you?”

“Have you always been a mind reader or is that a skill you’ve picked up recently?”

“Had it all my life.”

She laughs again, her whole body moving as she does and even though I still think this entire night is over the top, the way she’s reacting, trying her best to put me at ease, it lessens the focus I’ve been putting on it.

“Can’t blame a mom for wanting to see a boy go speechless at the sight of her beautiful daughter. It’s been a long time since your father did it for me.”

“Maybe I’m not the only one that needs to tell someone something.” I reply with a smile, letting a couple of beats of silence pass between us before sticking my tongue out and making a break for the stairs.

The doorbell rings almost the minute I slow down and wrap my hand around the handle and wasting no time, knowing that it’s Dillon the other side, I swing it open and seeing him and that smile, the way his hair is styled back and out of his face, I get what my mom was trying to do upstairs.

She saw the way he was dressed when she went out to the limo, so she knew what I was going to be confronted with the minute he came to get me. From the black suit with the long white tie down the middle, to his slicked back hair and dark brown eyes, it hits me.

It wasn’t Dillon she wanted to make speechless when he finally made his way to the door.

It was me.

Dillon

Holy shit.

I’ve had the damn wind knocked out of me. There’s no other reason for me to be this stunned and out of it.

When the door flew open, I expected to come face to face with Sarah again, but that’s not at all what I’m catching sight of now.

Cadence is, and she’s dressed in this wine colored dress that falls just past her knees, her long caramel hair swept up and out of her face, small parts of it falling down, making her look like she walked straight out of a fairytale.

She’s a princess alright, but Disney has nothing on my girlfriend.

Cadence looks beautiful and if I could get my lips to open and sound to come out, I might be able to tell her that, but the way she looks is so damn powerful, I’m practically being pushed to my knees by the force of it.

“Cat got your tongue, Rocky?”

Again, words fail me and there’s nothing I want to do more right now than get my hand around to the back of my head so I can smack some sense into myself and kick start the brainpower needed to actually speak.

“I love you, Adrian.”

Her eyes break away from me and out toward where the limo is waiting and I can see just by the look in her eyes that I went a little over the top with this. I would have seen it even if her mom hadn’t come out and said something to me, but I’m really glad she did.

I want this for Cadence, even if it is too much. She deserves a hell of a lot more than a limo ride to a fancy restaurant, but I’m taking things in baby steps here. With the way I feel about her, it won’t be long until I’m having a sky writer proposing.

Okay Murphy, now’s the time to chill out.

My dad’s words haunt me as I’m standing on the doorstep watching Cadence come to terms with that comes next.

Never put the cart before the horse. Anything worth doing happens in its own time.

There’s not a hell of a lot of things he’s said to me over the years that stuck or meant anything, but that little tidbit is one of the good ones. It matters in everything I do, but most definitely with the situation I’m in now.

I need to leave the proposing shit to Kayden. I got a feeling that even if I did want to do that with Caddy, she’d shut me down right where I stand. I’m not even twenty and she’s seventeen. Marriage might be in our future, but it’s definitely not happening in the present.