Here's to Forever (14 page)

He pulls back some and I lazily open my eyes to meet his swirling green-blue gaze. The look he’s giving me is full of questions, but I know the most important one. And the answer is yes.

Yes, I want this.

Yes, I’m ready to fight
for
him rather than against.

Yes, I want to move on.

Yes, I forgive him.

Yes, yes, yes.

Something’s changed over the last few days. Us talking again, the last encounter we had in his office, the drive over here, the talk I had with Elle. It’s as if the moment he said we were coming here, I gave in. This place, what it represents to us, to
me
…it means something. It means new beginnings. And I think that’s what he had in mind the entire time. Just by being here, breathing in the salty air, surrounded by the time we saved each other and didn’t know it, things are different. Things are better. And I’m ready to do what my heart’s been screaming at me from the beginning.

This is it. Hudson is
it.

I don’t need to say anything; he knows. His lips fall back to mine and his hands find my face, sweeping up into my hair, grabbing hard onto my head and pulling me into him. I grab at him, bunching his shirt into my fists. He stumbles a little when I push him backward until he reaches the couch. He falls into the sofa and I crawl onto his lap. He pulls me back to him, capturing my lips with his once again. He gently tugs at my shirt and I lift my arms, leaving me shirtless and straddling him. I can feel his dick straining against his jeans and I push down some; he pushes back. We stay like that for several minutes, grinding against one another, kissing until our lips are numb.

Breaking the kiss to peel his shirt off, he holds on to me, flipping me to my back and settling himself between my legs. We adjust ourselves until he’s back to rocking against my sweet spot and I let out a soft moan.

“I miss this,” he says, kissing at my neck, lightly biting down in just the right spots. “I missed the way you feel, those sexy noises you make, the way your eyes light up whenever you’re horny.”

“I miss you not talking during our sexy time,” I tell him, gasping when he once again hits that special spot.

He just chuckles against my neck and does it again. “Rae…”

“Hudson,” I mock. “Shut up. Take your pants off already.”

He doesn’t argue, sitting up to unbutton his jeans, pushing them off his hips and shuffling the denim down his legs.

“Really? You couldn’t just get off the couch to do that?”

“And miss annoying you? Never.”

I can’t even pretend to be annoyed by him. I’ve missed this too much. The way we work together applies to every aspect of our relationship. We can laugh and joke during sexy time and still completely
feel
it. So far it’s no different after our time apart.

He unbuttons my pants, pausing to arch an eyebrow at me. “Am I allowed to undress you
on
the couch? Or did you want us
both
to stand up for this?”

“Just take my damn clothes off, Hudson!”

Laughing, he complies. He peels my jeans down my legs, taking his time, enjoying me squirming beneath him just a little too much. Once we’re both down to just our underwear, Hudson pauses, his eyebrows scrunched together.

“Problem?” I question, unsure what’s made him suddenly stop.

“I…I don’t want to fuck you on the couch. It seems…wrong after everything.”

“Then take me to the bedroom and fuck me.”

He shakes his head. “I… No.”

I groan, throwing my head back into the couch cushion. “You’re such a tease!”

“This conversation seems strange. Shouldn’t, by most people’s standards, I be the one that’s begging for sex?”

“Fuck most people. They’re wrong. Women love sex just as much as men. Especially if it’s good sex. Which is what it is with you. So, let’s get this show on the road. I’m
dying
over here, Hudson.”

He leans down and places a tender kiss on my lips and then doesn’t move away. “I’m not fucking you, Rae. I’ll gladly bring you to whatever release it is you need right now, but I refuse to just fuck you. I want to make love to you. Sweet, slow love. Later. I want to do this right.”

His words melt through my frustration and my heart picks up its pace. Hudson’s words reach into my heart, my soul, and settle there, weighted down by the love shining so bright in his eyes. I get it. I get
him.

I reach up and kiss him, slowly, seductively. “I love you.”

He stills at my words. Then he’s moving, pushing against me, bringing his hands up to cradle my head, caging me in his arms. His full weight falls onto me and I’ve never felt so complete. The feel of his lips against mine is raw and real, harsh yet gentle. It’s perfect.

That’s how we stay, tangled together on the small space kissing, talking, stroking. It’s hours of contentment, of bliss, of love.

After our multiple make-out sessions and hours of relaxation, we decide it’s time to actually move off our asses and get food.

“Do you want to try the Mexican place or just burgers from that ‘World Famous’ place?”

“Burgers are fine,” Rae calls through the bathroom door adjacent to the bedroom.

I’m sitting on my bed, scrolling through my phone looking for different restaurants while she dresses and does whatever other girly shit she’s doing to get ready for dinner. It all feels…normal. And I’ve fucking missed normal.

She comes strutting out of the bathroom in a dark pair of jeans hugging her curves and a black top that slinks off one shoulder. She looks stunning as always. Glancing up at me with those dark green eyes of hers, I can see that she’s looking at this in the same way I am—a step forward. We’re both looking to move on. Not that we don’t have a lot to talk about and shit we still need to work out, but we’re agreeing to work on it. Together. That’s the most important thing right now.

“Goddamn. You’re beautiful.” Her cheeks turn a bright red, something they hardly ever do. Standing, I walk closer to her, bending slightly to place a small kiss on one of her inflamed cheeks. This makes her blush even harder.

Rae peeks up at me, her eyes sparkling. “Thank you.”

I give her a smirk. “No, thank
you.
”

She laughs. I fall in love just a little bit more.

“You ready?”

“I’m always ready for you,” I tease, waggling my eyebrows up and down.

“You are quite full of yourself today, huh?”

“There are other things I’d like to fill.”

“Hudson Michael Tamell! You did not just say that!”

“Oh, but I did.” I bend down closer to her, my lips brushing her ear. “And I meant it.”

Straightening back up, I move around her and out of the bedroom, smiling to myself at the sputtering I hear from behind me. She can act all offended or surprised if she wants, but I know she’s enjoying this as much as I am.

We make our way to the car and travel the short journey to the only reputable burger joint in town. We seat ourselves and settle down to glance over the menus.

“I’m ordering two of everything and making you pay. Just for that little stunt you pulled earlier,” she says from behind her menu.

I look up and meet her eyes when she glances at me from over the top. She doesn’t have to lower the menu for me to know she’s smiling. I can see it in her gaze. I’ve missed that look.

“That’s fine. You just order whatever your little heart desires. My treat.”

She huffs at my lack of response. I’m not letting her win this game. I’m enjoying having the upper hand too much to let that happen.

The waitress comes to the table to take our drink order. She starts with Rae.

“I’ll take a large chocolate shake.” She looks over at me with a devious grin. “He’ll have one too.”

I groan. She knows I can’t handle chocolate in large amounts like that. But I let her get away with it and pretend nothing is amiss. Then she proceeds to order me a veggie burger with broccoli as my side while she gets the Bacon Bacon Bacon Burger
and
extra French fries. With cheese. Again, I say nothing. Because by not reacting, I’m winning. And she hates it when I win.

So, I dutifully eat my veggie burger—which is quite tasty—and pick at my broccoli with tested patience and love. She’s so close to winning with that move.

We make small talk and stare daggers at one another during the entire meal. Then, when I’m only about halfway through my meal, she declares she’s done and demands we leave instantly. I don’t argue with her. We pay and leave. I steer the car the opposite way, taking her to a small cove just up the road.

“Where are we going?”

“Didn’t we have this same conversation when I picked you up from Maura’s?”

“No,” she responds, matter of fact.

I roll my eyes at her stubbornness. “Okay, then wasn’t it something extremely similar?”

“Yes.”

“And do you remember how that conversation went?” I glance toward her and she nods. “Then just repeat that. Ya know, minus you throwing stones at me about lying. Let’s leave that part out, huh?”

Sighing, she relents. “Fine. Surprise away, mister master of surprises.”

After another mile or two, I pull off onto the side of the road and instruct her to follow me. I stop at the back of the car, grabbing a blanket and small cooler, and head down the shallow embankment with her on my heels.

“Hudson, where are we? What are we doing here?”

I ignore her questions and keep moving forward, knowing she’ll follow. Once I find the perfect spot, I spread out the blanket and set the cooler down, pulling Rae down along with me until we’re cozied up together with her between my legs.

“What is this?” she asks sweetly.

I take a moment to respond, enjoying the view before me and the feel of her in my arms. I take in the ocean and its beauty, the sunset reflecting off the waves, casting an orange hue to everything around us. This moment is serene, and everything I’d hoped for.

“This is us, Rae. This is our time. Our re-do. Our new beginning. This is how it should have happened the first time.”

“How what should have happened?”

I don’t respond because the moment isn’t right yet.

She sighs, knowing I’m not going to give anything up. Rae leans back into me, making herself comfortable in my embrace. I squeeze her tighter, afraid that she and this moment are going to disappear any second.

“How’s Joe?”

“She’s good. I swear she gets taller and smarter every day. She’s with my mom this weekend. Surprisingly, she didn’t even ask to come along. Something about a girls’ day Nanna promised her.”

“I miss her.”

“She misses you too.”

“I miss you.”

My heart swells at her words.

“I miss you more.”

We sit, quietly, and watch the sun set over the glittering water. We don’t leave when the clouds cover the sky and leave only the light of the moon to illuminate the area around us. Not even an inch is taken when the bugs start biting at our skin and we start to shiver from the cold. No. We just…sit. And enjoy the moment.

“Rae…”

“Hudson…”

“Are you… Are we…” I can’t seem to get a full sentence out and my throat is suddenly scratchy. I sit up some, shuffling her back a little, searching around for the cooler. Rae sits forward, giving me room to grab a bottle of water. I chug at least half of it until all the stickiness is out of my mouth. The words should be able to easily glide past my lips, but…they hesitate. Again.

“Hudson?” she presses.

Licking my lips, I try again. “Where are we, Rae?”

“The beach?”

I smirk at her. “I only missed your mouth sometimes.”

She laughs, but it’s a short one. It’s almost like she’s too afraid to enjoy the moment now. Scared of what’s about to happen. I am too.

She lets out a sharp breath. “I…don’t know, Hudson. I wish I had all the answers here, but I don’t. I know I want to move on. I want to move forward. I want to… Fuck. I just want you, okay? Can’t that be enough for now?”

Closing my eyes against her words, I bite my tongue. Physically, not metaphorically. Honesty, right? That’s what Rae’s after. So I give it to her.

“No.”

“Huh?”

“No, that’s not enough, Rae.” She turns toward me, giving me her full attention, her face scrunched up in confusion. I meet her stare. “Look, I fucked up. I’ve admitted that. Several times. I’ve also apologized several times. I need to know what the future holds for us. Not that I’m giving up, because I swear to you, I won’t. But I need to know.”

Radio silence.

“I did it for you. For you, Rae. I know I shouldn’t have lied. I get that loud and clear. I just can’t apologize for wanting you to have a relationship with your father that I never got. All I can ask is that you try to see it from my perspective. You don’t even have to understand it all at once. I just want a chance, an inch at a time even, because I’m dying over here.”

She takes a deep breath before she answers me, almost like she’s choosing her words
very
carefully. I don’t know how I feel about that. I do know that my heart leaps at the single tear that runs down her cheek, at the look of pain that etches itself into her features. I want to wipe away the tear, wipe away our past, our hurt. But I can’t.