Hesparia's Tears (20 page)

They had finally signed the agreement just that morning, now that the ground rules had been fully agreed to. He reflected on the stiff formality of the signing. Jessa had attended that and the lunch after, but her mood hadn’t appreciably improved. In fact, if anything she’d become quieter and paler in the last week alone.

He sighed, picking up the sheaf of paper dictating the rules for the ballot. They had been circulated widely and applications were due to be received within the week. The flow chart was detailed and he checked it through, shaking his head at the paperwork each government had formulated to ensure what they considered to be an adequate process. Each application would be checked for suitability and the credentials of each candidate scrutinised. Then a ballot would take place in each location and the list forwarded to himself and Jessa for perusal.

It seemed a terribly long-winded process to Galan, but he was happy to finally be able to have a date for the beginning of transportation of each of the women. Every prospective migrant had to be ready to travel within a week of the announcement of successful placement, flying into Sydney then they would be shuttled over via bus to Parkes, where they would be taken to the Princess Gospah.

He glanced at Jessa who had begun making lists of necessary items each woman would be able to carry with her. Under her responsibility came weight restrictions, medicals and placement aboard the ship. Each woman would share a cabin with three others, hopefully encouraging them to interact and form lifelong friendships.

Jessa had rolled her eyes at the idea of all those women together in confined spaces for six weeks, and mentioned that it wouldn’t hurt to have a human female placed with them who ranked above them all. As a result, it was decided that Danni and Seth would then travel with them on the mother ship, now that they had declared themselves to be in a relationship, and Jessa would remain in constant contact with Danni.

But it still didn’t ease his concerns over her behaviour. “Jessa?”

She turned slowly, her eyes looking bruised and her skin pale. “Yes, Galan?” Her voice was thready.

He moved next to her, dropping to a crouch.

“You are unwell. When we get back to the
Princess Gospah
the healers will look at you.”

She nodded tiredly. “I’m really exhausted, Galan. Do you think…?”

“Yes. Sleep will help.” She inclined the seat and he found a blanket, draping it over her as she closed her eyes. He was worried about her. In his mind, he ran through her symptoms, ready to note them for the healers.
Sleepiness, and even a touch of nausea now. Plus her body is so sensitive…

Sensitive breasts… Could she be…?
He almost wasn’t game to continue the thought.

He’d lost Gospah in childbirth.
If Jessa was pregnant, then he would take extra special care of her.
No way did he intend to lose the one he loved most.

But even as the thought crossed his mind his knees shook.
A child… The first in many years born on my planet.
Joy filled him, but he strove for a calm demeanour. He had never intended to let her go, but now, there would be no argument. In his mind, he started preparations. She would need to have her own things around her. That would mean taking her to her parents to collect her belongings. He understood her relationship had become more than strained since they had become aware of his mission and her connection to him.

He sat down with his message cube and started listing what could be done to ease her workload. If she was pregnant then he would not allow her to overtax herself. But as he watched the clouds passing by the window and she continued to sleep, he found himself looking at her, taking in her pale countenance again and again. But he knew and accepted the truth.
I love her.
He smiled.

* * * *

Jessa woke as the plane landed. She didn’t feel refreshed. Her stomach churned and she was sure she was about to be sick everywhere. She slipped a hand over her mouth and one over her stomach as it lurched uncertainly.

She must have made some sound because Galan was there, ready to offer assistance. “Here, let me help you.” He had her on her feet and cleared the way to the bathroom where she was violently ill. She was sure she was about to die as her stomach roiled and jostled.

After several minutes and breathing carefully through the worst of it, the feeling passed and she rose unsteadily to her feet. Galan was there again, offering her a damp cloth to wipe her face and a glass of water to wash the taste of the bile from her mouth. The most overwhelming emotion that flooded her was embarrassment. How could she throw up on him like this? Jessa raised a shaking hand to her clammy forehead feeling increasingly foolish. “Galan…I…”

He folded his arms around her. She wanted to cry as her knees wobbled.

“It’s okay, Jessa. Let’s get to the vehicle and get you settled.”

From that point on he treated her like spun glass. He collected her bag and coat then helped her down the steps to the waiting car. Once settled in the air conditioned comfort she began to feel a little better. A bottle of water was pressed into her hand and a packet of dry biscuits.

“Try these. They should ease your stomach.” He slipped into the vehicle beside her and tugged her against him. Feeling so weak and useless was something she had little experience of, and it wasn’t a comfortable emotion, she decided wearily.

It’s probably some twenty-four-hour bug I’ve picked up in New York.
As they travelled the kilometres back to Parkes, her body resumed its usual rhythm once again. But Galan was acting edgy. When they stopped he’d almost escorted her all the way to the ladies and made Danni stand outside the door of the stall. Jessa decided that even though she understood his fears it was overkill. And something she would discuss with him later. Then the realisation hit. There would be no ‘later’, for them. She swallowed the sense of loss that clawed at her and smiled. Once they were back in the car, he cuddled her close against him. He had been affectionate before, but now he seemed to be making some kind of personal statement. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was, not that she really had the energy to even try to decode it.

By the end of the third hour, somewhere past Orange, she was settled enough to fall into an uneasy sleep.

This time she dreamed and it was a jumbled and upsetting mix of images. She was leaving Galan, watched as he made to step onto the eli-pad but he turned one last time, to bid her farewell and she could see something in his arms. Something wrapped in blankets, which he held close against his chest. She woke realising that silent tears dripped down her cheeks.

“Jessa? My love, do not cry.” He slid a gentle hand through her hair. His touch so soft it almost broke her heart again. She looked out of the window to see the town of Parkes ahead. The time to say goodbye was almost here and heaven help her, she wasn’t sure she could be strong enough to do that.

They pulled into the road that would take them to the dish installation and to the
Princess Gospah
. She saw that the number of protestors had increased. Vehicles blocked the entrance and at the sight of them they chanted and shouted. Eggs and rotten tomatoes were thrown at the car and the placards waved at them.

Police formed human barriers allowing them to pass and she trembled. What would her life be like once she returned to reality? Would they picket where she was? Of course, she could take the easy way out. Stay with Galan and go to Hesparia. The option was there, and honestly, it was tempting. But she wasn’t a fool. He didn’t love her. He wanted her because of the bond formed by the
Quickening
and any chance of a child. It wasn’t enough though. She needed him to love her and want her for herself. And if that wasn’t there, she wouldn’t grovel for whatever scraps of affection might come her way. She had far too much dignity to settle for that, she told herself firmly.

Silent tears trickled down her face, burning her cold skin. She quickly dashed them away with unsteady hands, hoping he wouldn’t see them.

Jessa remonstrated with herself internally. She would complete the tasks she had taken on, preparing the lists of migrants for Hesparia, organise the berths. She’d had weeks to prepare herself for this. Once on board the
Princess Gospah
she would tell him.

They turned in, finally past the protestors and the vehicle stopped right beside the ship. She waited patiently as he told her to stay in the car. His people swarmed, collecting the baggage and carrying it to the
Princess Gospah
. Then with a tender smile he held out his hand for her. Feeling even more like a fraud, she accepted it and followed him to the eli-pad.

If Galan wasn’t mistaken, Jessa had something on her mind. And it wasn’t pleasant. But whatever it was, he’d bet it could be fixed soon enough. She followed him into his cabin and sat down on the bed, her face downcast. A knot formed in his belly.

“Galan… We really should talk.”

The undertone chilled him. He moved to the bed beside her. “What about?”

She sucked in a deep breath and he knew. Somehow his mind told him she was planning to leave. Without him.

“About us. This.” She waved her hand waved at the room. “Our situation… It’s not healthy for either of us.”

He formed fists with his hands. “I’m not sure why you’d even think that…” He was about to launch into all the reasons they were good together. The most important of them, being that he loved her. But he couldn’t tell her of the revelation that he’d had watching her on the plane as she slept. He didn’t think she was ready for that. Not yet. He didn’t want her to think he only wanted her for the child.

“I can’t stay, Galan. It isn’t right. I know you told them all that I was going to be your consort… But I can’t be.” She turned away, covering her face with her hands. A sob erupted and her shoulders shook as he watched.

Chills struck to the centre of his bones.

She didn’t love him. She wasn’t going to stay with him.

His heart shattered.

But he couldn’t give her up. Not without at least trying, so he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Jessa…I don’t…” He sucked air into his lungs. “I can’t let you go.” The strangled words hung in the air. He wouldn’t take them back, even if he wanted to. It was true.
I can’t let her go.

“Galan…”

He pulled her back against him and she was still in his arms.

“Don’t make this harder.” Jessa turned and her eyes were pools of agony. “What we had was always going to be transitory. We never made any promises to each other. We never said we loved each other…” Her voice broke on the last words and he clutched her tighter.

Her words made him flinch. He wasn’t going to lose her. Not like this. If it meant pushing her, then he would damn his own ethics and morals. “Maybe I didn’t… but I do.” At his words, Jessa pulled away.

“Don’t patronise me!” She spat the words at him, anger warring with her pain.

“I’m not! I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you.”

 She stopped dead. Her face lost every touch of angry colour so that only a pale visage remained. For an instant he thought she might faint.

Then she squared her shoulders. “You do not. You’re just saying the words to humour me. Fine, I might love you, but don’t cheapen it. Don’t ever cheapen my feelings!” She shouted and warmth flowed through him. The first since this conversation began and he wanted to shout his joy.

She loves me!
Hot on that realisation came the thought that she didn’t believe him.
How can I
…? Even as he caught the thought, the answer was clear. “Wait! Just one moment. Be quiet and listen to me.”

Tear tracks glistened on her cheeks and his heart thudded. “I’ll prove it to you. Just give me a minute.” He scrubbed a shaking hand over his face. It was the most important thing he’d ever have to prove. “Gospah?” He called on the ship. The lights dimmed and the walls pulsed.

“Galan? Jessa? How can I be of service?” The tone was cautious. She’d been listening.

“Gospah? Tell Jessa what I am feeling.”

Jessa looked at him startled.

“Galan? I don’t usually…” The words were hesitant but he smiled.

“Go ahead. This is one time where your intervention in private matters is appreciated.”

“Galan feels happy, just as he always is, with you. When you came on-board he was concerned. When you told him you were leaving the aura was dejected. Once you told him you loved him, it lightened and warmed. Given the array of feelings, I deduce that he’s a man in love—in love with you, Jessa.”

She sat still, holding onto her arms tightly as if holding in the emotions. He waited patiently she scanned his face. “You can’t…” A single tear drop shook on her lashes. Then it released and slipped down her face. The emotions left his heart clenching. “You…” She stopped, placed a shaking hand over her lips. “You love me?”

He nodded. Waiting for her to see the truth. The one he had not long realised himself.

With a single sob, she threw herself into his embrace. “I love you too. But I thought… I thought it was the chance of a baby…”

He growled. “A baby with you would be the thing that would complete us. But what I want is so much more. I didn’t know really until the plane… But to spend my life time with you? To have you at my side as my consort is the one thing I want. The thing I need to fulfil me.” He pulled her into his arms. “I want forever with you, Jessa. Because I love you. You for you, not for what you can give me or my people. So if that thought is still there, banish it now.”

She wound her arms around him and he pulled away to slip a finger under her chin, lifting her mouth to his. Then he kissed her.

Jessa pulled back and she shook. After all her concerns and mistaken belief, now she knew the truth—that he loved her
. So close.
She’d come so close to throwing it all away because she thought she knew best. The thought nearly overcame her and her stomach clenched slightly before she allowed herself to savour her new found knowledge. Now here they were, on his bed.
In his cabin.
Together.