Heteroflexibility (17 page)

Ohhh, why had I invoked my mom? I watched the man from the corner of my eye. “I know. We’re going to have a great time. Don’t worry about your hair. We can stop by the salon. Maybe I’ll get mine done too! We could be the Bobsey twins!”

The security guard moved on. I relaxed against the seat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a custodian rolling the trash can back to its spot. Curses. “Bye, mom,” I said and snapped the phone shut. That would be quite a recording for the staff to find when they arrived.

No Ellen for me. I collapsed on a chair. The agony of defeat. CNN showed a lengthy bit on the election. Obama was up eleven points in the polls. Twenty points for women voters. McCain didn’t have a chance. No one had really paid much attention to him anyway, once his running mate stole the spotlight. I watched for any mention of Prop 8, but the program switched to a financial show.

Behind me, a roar of voices had everyone at the gates turning to look. I had a funny feeling I knew who it was.

The cacophony grew louder, and suddenly, shrieking above it, I heard, “It’s Zest!”

I sucked in a great breath and turned around.

Holy crap. Nikki lead the crew, dressed as a swashbuckling pirate. I’d completely forgotten in was Halloween. She held a rubber sword and rushed forward, poking me in the chest until it bent. “Hail, my hearty! What’s this? The wench is without a costume!”

Bella caught up to her in a black dress wrapped with a red-fringed shawl. She too, wore an eye patch. “That will never do, me matey!”

Nikki turned to her. “That will never do? What kind of pirate wench talk is that?”

Bella narrowed her eyes. “Take care, ye scalliwag, or I’ll pour me mug of grog right o’er your fine head!” She turned back to me. “It’s so good to see you again, Zest.” She hugged me fiercely.

The rest of the Hoebags bunched up behind. Aud and Audrey both wore solid black with slicked-back hair beneath French berets. “The beauty marks are a nice touch,” I said over Bella’s shoulder.

Audrey held up her long cigarette holder. “We artistes know that true beauty lies solely in our work.”

Bella released me, and Jenna elbowed her way forward. She was covered in Obama buttons and stickers, and had campaign signs taped to her back. Even little Butch was in attendance, bearing a harness and a red vinyl cape that said, “Service Dog.”

I bent to pet him. “How did you get him through security?”

Jenna held up an official-looking paper. “My aunt used to have a Hearing Dog. I copied her paperwork.”

“You’re bad.”

“I can’t go without Butch! They were going to put him below the plane in a kennel!”

I shook my head.

Mary stepped forward. She looked exactly like Jenna, only all her swag was for McCain and Palin. She frowned at me. “We can’t let Zest go without costume. We even made Blitz dress up.”

“That was no picnic,” said Nikki.

“Where is she?” I asked.

They moved aside to reveal the last couple. Blitz wore a big orange apron that read, “Home Depot.”  Krieg had on a gray jumpsuit with a big gray cap and an inexplicable long silver twist of foil coming out the top. Her dreadlocks were pulled into a tight bundle at the back.

“I’m a power tool,” she said quickly.

“Yeah,” said Nikki. “I didn’t get it either.”

“So what should we do about Zest?” Bella asked.

“We’ll fix her up,” Nikki said. “Everyone donate one item to the cause.”

Bella tugged away a scarf lined with jingling bells and wrapped it around my waist.

I watched them with chagrin. “Oh, ladies, really, it isn’t necessary.”

“Oh yes it is,” Jenna said, dropping two strands of beads with Obama pins fastened to them around my neck.

“I brought extra foil in case my drill got bent,” Krieg offered.

“Perfect,” Mary said. “We’ll make a crown.” She took the silver sheet and began folding it.

Still no sign of Bradford. I couldn’t wait to see him and prayed he wouldn’t be in costume either.

“Is Bradford dressing up?” I asked, hoping, of course, for salvation. Mary pressed the crown to my head.

But then I saw him, striding through the concourse. He wore a black pin-striped Zoot suit and a dashing felt hat. Bystanders stopped to stare at him as he passed, walking jauntily along, acting the part. My heart clenched. He was beautiful.

The women backed away, as if to clear a path for him to me.

A long gold chain swung against his leg as he strode forward. His hands were gloved, the hat slung low, obscuring his eyes. As he approached, he nodded at me. “Good to see you again.”

He hadn’t shaved that morning, completing the look. He was so handsome, so breathtakingly perfect, that my throat closed up.

Nikki nudged me. “She means to say hello,” she said.

I nudged back. “Hello, Bradford.”

We stood there, looking at each other, me feeling ridiculous in beads, spangles, and a foil crown, until Blitz grunted. “Time to find our gate, Hoebags. Our plan is boarding in fifteen minutes.”

“After you,” Bradford said.

As we walked beside each other to the gate, my pulse wouldn’t slow down, even when I told it to, my stupid, gaydarless hammering heart.

Chapter 21: Party on the Plane

Nikki stood a few rows from the back of the economy section and hoisted her beer can in the air. “How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?” she called out.

I leaned toward Aud. I was sitting by her and Audrey on the three-seat side of the plane. Blitz and Krieg were opposite us. Bradford sat directly in front with Mary and Jenna, although I couldn’t see them for the seat backs. Nikki and Bella were opposite them.

“Man, they’re going to kick us off the plane,” I said.

“Bad jokes are probably prohibited by federal law,” Aud said.

“Hoebags!” Nikki called, even louder. “Do I need to commandeer the speaker system?”

I settled down further in my seat, not wanting to know who was watching.

“So,” Nikki went on. “How many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

A chorus answered, “Four!”

Nikki laughed. “That’s right! One to change the light bulb.”

She pointed at Bella, who also stood leaning against the window, her head cocked beneath the overhead compartment. “The second to organize the potluck,” Bella said.

“Good job!” The finger moved to seat in front of us.

Jenna said, “The third to write a moving folk song.”

She chose Audrey next. I wondered if the tiny girl could even project. “The fourth to make an interpretive dance!” she called out. Aud squeezed her hand.

“Or start a drum circle,” Nikki said. A couple pillows sailed through the air, smacking into her.

Bella tossed them back. “That’s a lame joke, Nikki, even for you.”

“Ha! I’m always funny!” Nikki rummaged around in a bag. “And I come bearing gifts!” She tossed a book over the seat into my lap. “This is for your lesbian edification.”

I flipped it over.
Odd Girl Out
by Ann Bannon. A 50s-style woman’s face dominated the cover, and a smaller naked girl kneeled in the background, clutching a pillow.

“It’s a classic. Read it and weep.”

A flight attendant walked up the aisle. “You ladies settled in yet?”

“She means you, Nikki,” Blitz said. “Settle in.”

“You chicks are no fun!” Nikki said, but she turned and sat in her seat.

I tucked the book into my bag, too antsy to read. The foil crown was yanking my hair, so I pulled it off. I couldn’t really see anything in front of me, especially Bradford, but I spied his hand and wrist when he reached up to adjust the air vent.

The flight attendants went through their safety spiel. I squirmed a bit to settle down in the cushion, almost wishing I was sitting away from the rest so I could sleep. The night on the plastic chairs in the airport, specifically designed, it seemed, to discourage people from sleeping, had not allowed for much rest.

Audrey put on a headset to watch the in-flight movie,
Baby Mama
.

“She’s way into Tina Fey,” Aud said.

I nodded. “Her rendition of Sarah Palin on
Saturday Night Live
gave me faith in comedy again.”

“I’m sick of that vice presidential hellspawn. I’ll be glad when this race is over.”

“Everyone’s sick of Palin,” I said. “There wasn’t anything on CNN on Prop 8 this morning. What is the latest?”

“Still down four points. The ploy to ban us will fail. Gay marriage has been legal in California for six months. It’s practically an industry for them. They won’t squash a major source of destination tourism.” She pushed the button on the arm rest and pushed her seat back a little.

“So they’ll keep it for a money reason, not a moral one.”

“All the morals are on the side to ban it. All the logic goes to ‘no.’”

“Are you feeling better about the wedding now that it’s so close?” I remembered the pictures. Fern had gone to great measures to be near Aud again.

She closed her eyes. “I’m allowed cold feet. I never thought I’d be doing this, once I figured out I was gay.”

“But you are.”

She glanced at Audrey, rapt into the movie. “She’s worth it. Even if she is hot for Tina Fey.”

The seat belt sign clicked off, and Bradford’s head poked over the back. He looked so young and disarming, his eyes peeking over the blue seat that I was momentarily stunned, imaging a small boy version of him, with his crystal eyes and a mop of black hair. “You ready for this, Zest?”

My heart skittered. “I’m a little anxious about the venue and how the ceremony will go.”

“Let’s powwow,” he said. “Jenna, will you switch with Zest for a bit, so she can talk to Mary and me about the wedding?”

Jenna popped up, holding fast to Butch. “Sure.”

I unbuckled and tried to stand, forgetting my camera bag strap was on my ankle. As soon as I took a step, I unceremoniously fell into Aud’s lap.

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

“Girls are always falling onto my cooter.”

I disentangled myself and eased out. Bradford was all the way next to the window, and I felt a jolt of disappointment to see Mary beside him, reading a book, a white cloth pressed to her forehead. She’d be between me and Bradford.

“Why don’t you two switch,” he suggested. “I want to show Zest some shots I found of Bella’s dress.”

Mary looked up, revealing her face. Her skin was extraordinarily glossy, like she was encased in plastic. She caught me staring and touched her cheeks. “Bradford’s giving me a cleansing mask,” she said. “I’ll peel it off in two hours.”

“On the plane?”

“Want one?” he asked. “It’s easy to apply.”

“No, no,” I said, then thought about him applying it, his hands against my face. “Well, maybe.” I turned back to Mary, whose face looked like a flesh-colored Mylar balloon. On second thought, maybe I didn’t want him seeing me that way.

Mary moved down, and I slipped beside Bradford. His arm lay along the seat rest, and as I settled in, my bare skin connected with his hand. I felt annoyed with myself at the jolt. Why did I have to be attracted to a gay man?

I could see each sharp bit of stubble across his cheeks and chin. I tried not to stare at his lips again, but we were so close it seemed possible if I leaned forward just as he turned his head, we would—

“Here’s the shot,” Bradford said, sliding a magazine cut out from leather portfolio. “See how the light falls just so on the gown?”

He waited, without a hint of self-consciousness, for me to force myself to look down at the image.

“It’s unusual lighting,” I said, willing myself to focus. “I doubt we could pull it off in the hall unless we’re really lucky with windows. Does she want me to do a solo bridal portrait there?”

He shook his head. “I think only shots of the couples, although if you see a good image, take it. We’re not going to be traditional, as you might have guessed, in keeping the couples segregated before the ceremony. Mary has rented a big limo that can carry us all there.”

 “Will you and I also ride in it?”

“Oh yes, it’s quite large.” Mary rubbed her fingers along her jaw, where the mask ended. “We’ll let you in last and out first for shots.”

We went over the order of the ceremony, the individual vows, and the basics of the reception. Another softball team, the Peppermint Patties, would also attend the wedding as witnesses. The two teams would play a game Sunday morning before we headed back to Texas.

 “That’s about it,” Bradford said, closing his leather folio and resting his head against the seat.

“I guess I should switch back with Jenna,” I said.

He held his arm out in front of me. “Nay.”

“Nay?” I smothered a laugh.

“Nay, fair damsel! Do not deny me the beauty of your smile!”

All this with his eyes still closed.

“But what will the Lord of the castle say, pray tell, m’lord, if we are found out?”

“Hell if I know.” He laughed.

“Homos!” Nikki stood again. She glanced at me. “And half-homos. We need to liven up the joint! Is everyone drinking?”

“Not for six bucks a beer,” Blitz grumbled.

“I’ll buy!” Nikki said, repeatedly pushing the flight attendant call button. “Fetch me a serving wench!”

Bella tugged Nikki back into her seat. “It’s not our turn yet. She’s coming.”

“Is there an eject button on the plane?” I muttered.

Bradford chuckled. “For us or for her?”

I felt a little brazen. No harm in flirting with the unattainable. “Do we get to go together?”

“If that’s the way you want it.”

“Then for us.”

He smiled, practically a thermonuclear event at this proximity, and I wanted to hit something, especially Cade, who popped into my thoughts unbidden. This is why girls like gay men, I realized yet again. No wonder it’s a cliché. No pain, no problem. The easy flirt. The safe way to feel special.

Maybe that’s why I was doing it.

The flight attendant arrived. “Hooray!” Nikki said. “Beer for everyone. Whatever’s cheap.”

“It’s all the same price,” the woman said. She seemed unfazed.

“Don’t create an airline incident,” Krieg said. “We got grounded on a plane once due to an unruly passenger.”