Hey Dad! Meet My Mom (6 page)

“Someone special.” I said and smiled. That was enough for my mother to sense that something was happening in my life about which she knew nothing and that was unacceptable to her.

“What was her name?” She asked.

Shit Man!

I saw Rishi talking to a lady. But how could anyone talk to Rishi?

I went a little closer to take a proper look at the person he was talking to. She looked familiar but I couldn’t recognize her. Rishi looked worried which made me run fast towards him. I quickly reached there and when Rishi noticed me standing behind him he said:

“I am sorry dad!” I could see guilt in his eyes.

It was 6 pm. My mom was chopping veggies for dinner while I was lying on the sofa recalling the market incident and it was making my blood gush to my cheeks.

‘Was she there for real? Or was it Rishi’s prank? No, we had shaken hands so she must have been there. I am so stupid; I could have asked her for her contact number! No, I think it would have been too fast, hell, what was I doing in my track pants? Fuck!! I should have been wearing jeans! She could have at least mentioned that she visited the same local market as us! Besides, I could have offered to help her carry her vegetable bag. I am a perfect dumbo born on this earth! Was my hair combed? I hadn t even combed my hair!’
Thousands of questions were whirling in my mind.

“I suppose I asked you her name
beta”,
mom questioned me arching her eyebrows into perfect curves that could belong in a Nike advertisement. Trust me, every mom is very curious to know about her son’s personal life, and more importantly every woman on this earth is blessed with a quality of being suspicious and now I was her prey, and she had attacked me by asking the girl’s name.

“She is a regular customer at my bank and that’s how we know each other.” I answered her question and rushed down to my room. I was sure a surprise package was there, waiting for me.

“Hey Dad! You’ve come so early; did your mom not give you food because of my mom?” Rishi’s tonsils could be clearly seen from between holes as at the age of 10 he had started losing his milk teeth.

“Your Mom? My Mom? What crap are you talking? Please be precise!” I had got an idea about what he was trying to say but I wanted to hear more about it directly from him.

“Dad, don’t you think you mustn’t act smart in front of me, instead you should ask me to help you with what happened today? Don’t worry, I am your future son and I will help you. So from today, I will be assigning you a few errands which will help you meet my mom. From today we are embarking upon our mission. Wait, actually your mission of meeting my mom.” Rishi’s word MISSION actually sounded like a mission planned during an India Pakistan war. I nodded my head in agreement because now even I wanted my love to be with me.

Mission-1

A girl always checks out a guy’s feet first. Your shoes and slippers are first noticed and judged. If they are proper, only then will she think of looking at you. Get a new pair of shoes tomorrow, so you will have informal wear to go for a perfect sporty look.

A pretty good start to impress a girl! Now I would be going to shop for new shoes. Wow! I could not believe I was to be doing girly things like getting out to shop anything at any time. Then I heard my mom’s voice, as expected, calling me for dinner.

“Puneet, Puneet.... Dinner is ready, have it first, tell whoever she is, not to disturb you, as at dinner time you prefer to be with your parents only,” mom’s voice was filled with apprehension.

“Ma.”
I exclaimed, while Rishi was playing hide and seek with the edge of his so called grand-mother’s
saari.

Chapter 8

Nothing is at rest.
And thus, there is a quest.
As I move ahead, something is left behind,
Either alive or dead.

T
he next day was a kind of
Father’s Day Out
for me and my first destination was ‘Footwear Shop’. There was nothing extraordinary about the shop, it was all normal except the number of customers. The whole shop was occupied by women. Shop attendants were busy decoding the demands of their female customers whose attendants (husbands, fathers, boyfriends etc.) were busy digging into their wallets, praying that the deal gets finalized quickly.

As soon as I entered the shop with Rishi, a boy came from nowhere and started to remove my shoe.
That was awkward!
I was thinking of the last time I had changed my socks.
Stinky Effect!!

“Shoes, sandals or slippers?” he asked.

To which Rishi instantly replied “Supports Shoes.” After about half a minute I realized that only I could hear Rishi so I repeated, “Supports Shoes.”

“What sir?”

“Oh sorry, I mean Sports Shoes.”

“9 number, Adidas Sports Shoes.” As the attendant was busy giving instructions to someone, I looked at Rishi to convey my angry looks to which he responded with a foolish smile.

While I was busy wondering whether to smile back or continue putting on my angry young man look, something came flying from somewhere and passed within inches from my face.
What the fuck?!

That was the box of shoes. It appeared from somewhere (after trying to keenly watch the source, I was still clueless of its origin) and landed in the attendant’s hands.

Experienced hands showed me numerous pairs of shoes and Rishi’s expressions to all of them were “No, nope, never,
faaltu, ewww, poor, worst, throw that out........ ”

I started to lose my temper and finally without asking Rishi, I decided on one pair. I quickly paid for it and left the shop.

“Hey dad!” Rishi called from behind and I turned, “Nice choice!” He said pointing towards the pair of shoes I had bought from the shop, which was now lying on the cash counter of the shop. That’s when I realized I had forgotten to take the shoes for which I had already paid.

Mission-2

“You are going to have a haircut, TODAY” This is how my conversation with Rishi ended. He seemed to be in no mood to hear my arguments; the only thing I heard was the verdict.

I tried to convince Rishi to try Javed Habib but he said that this ‘mission’ was under his supervision and preparing his soldier was all his responsibility. Whatever he said, would be final.

As there was no other choice I finally reached this place called ‘Radhe-Radhe Here-cutting Saloon’ (yup, the spelling was actually ‘Here’ instead of ‘Hair’). Every typical barber’s shop has the same kind of look. Glass doors and a big red-colored ‘WELCOME’ sign painted over it. The banner of the shop’s name will be accompanied with different Bollywood stars in which Salman Khan of ‘Tere Naam’ is always the first priority.

As I entered the shop I saw two iron chairs, somewhat resembling the hot seat of ‘Kaun Banega Crorepati’ on one side of the room and the other side comprised of benches, which formed a kind of waiting area where Rishi promptly found his place.

I took one of the iron seats and sat on it. I could see Rishi sitting behind me as he was reflected in the mirror in front of me. I wanted to take a nap but it proved to be a pretty difficult task because of the song playing on the barber’s Chinese phone. You don’t need to take a look at the phone to see whether it is a Chinese product or not, as the speakers will let you know themselves. Those irritating songs of some
‘Bewafa’
series were turning me mad now. I don’t know why the hell these sad songs are a favorite with these people. Haven’t they heard ‘Blue Eyes’ by Yo Yo Honey Singh?

At last I saw ‘Mr. Amitabh Bachchan’ approaching my ‘hot seat’ with a white cloth to cover my body beneath my neck. A series of instructions started issuing out from my mouth. The barber was quietly listening to me.

“Understood?” I asked in the end. The barber was still quiet. After a long pause he started to walk out of the shop. I was surprised and wondered what had happened. Then I saw him spitting the
‘paan’
out of his mouth. “Eww, disgusting” came out in unison from Rishi’s and my mouth.

He came back and asked, “Long or short?” That’s all. My whole list of instructions was all just crap for him. All he knew was either to leave hair long or short. Rishi told me to go with short because according to him it would take a whole month for the re-growth and hence save money. One month, one time cut. That was his calculation. I was so confused about why the hell my future son was behaving like my present mother. I felt worried for the future of my future son. How futuristic that was!

The complementary neck massage started. I had to quietly follow the barber’s instructions of moving my head from one direction to another. In the whole process I came to realize one thing: In ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’, Shahrukh once said that,
‘Ek ladke ka sir kewalteen aurto ke saamne jhukta hai.’
(A boy bows his head only in front of three women), so it was obvious that Shahrukh always went to a male barber otherwise his dialogue would have changed.

With each falling lock of hair, the excitement on Rishi’s face was growing. He must have been the first child who had come to the barber’s shop for his father’s hair-cut. Soon the whole process became a bit repetitive which allowed me to take a power nap.

“Saheb, done.”
The barber woke me up. I instantly got up from the chair, gave him the money and searched for Rishi, but he was nowhere. I came out from the shop and saw Rishi talking to a lady.
But how could anyone talk to Rishi?

I went a little closer to Rishi to take a proper look at the person he was talking to. She looked familiar but I couldn’t recognize her. Rishi looked worried which made me run fast towards him. I quickly reached there and when Rishi noticed me standing behind him, he said:

“I am sorry, dad!” And within seconds everything vanished in thin air.

“Saheb,
done.” The barber woke me up. I was dreaming. I looked for Rishi and found him sitting on the bench, smiling at me.