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‘Do you know who I am?’

Grainne stubbed out her cigarette in an ashtray with savage force and immediately lit another, resuming her endless walk without even glancing in Kate’s direction, ‘Of course I know who you are!  Another fucking shrink.  Another nosy, prying bitch with nothing better to do than pry into my life!’

‘Do you know my name?’

Grainne waved her hand dismissively, ‘Who cares?  Your name isn’t important.  You’re one of
his
lackeys!’

‘Whose lackeys?’

Grainne snorted, ‘My father’s, of course!  You don’t fool me!  He wants to kill me and you’re one of his stooges!’

‘I see.’  Kate leaned forward, her eyes intent, ‘Tell me, why would your father want to kill you?’

Grainne’s eyes filled with tears, which she rapidly blinked away, ‘Because he hates me!  He’s
always
hated me.  I’ve never been anything but an embarrassment to him.’

‘He doesn’t hate you
,’ said Kate gently, ‘He loves you.  Very much.’

Grainne’s face fixed in a sullen expression, ‘Maybe he used to but not anymore. 
Not since I grew up.  He hates me now because I killed my mother.’

Kate’s heart
was hammering with such excitement she could hardly restrain herself but she managed to keep her voice low as she asked,
‘Did
you kill your mother?’

Grainn
e slowly nodded, huge tears pouring down her face.

‘How?’

Grainne shrugged, ‘I don’t remember.  My mind’s all confused.  But I know it was my fault.’  She gave a bitter laugh, ‘I remember
that!’

Kate bit her lip; i
ntense but unspecified guilt was a common symptom of schizophrenia, but she was pretty sure there more to it in this particular case.  Nor did she think Grainne a schizophreniac.  So she had no fear of lending harmful credence to a fantasy as she asked carefully, ‘Did someone tell you that you killed your mother?’

Grainne shook her head dully.

‘Then how do you know you did?’

The girl shrugged hopelessly, ‘I can’t remember.  I just know.’

‘There was a fire, wasn’t there?’ said Kate gently, her heart in her mouth at the thought of the damage this line of questioning could cause but unable to pass up this opportunity while Grainne, the
real
Grainne, was truly communicating with her.  ‘Do you remember the fire?’

Grainne
stopped her pacing and shook her head, but there was a cloudy, fearful expression in her eyes that said she
did
remember it, but didn’t want to talk about it.

Kate hesitated, unsure how to proceed.  The girl was a veritable minefield, and now it seemed paranoia had to be added to her manic depression, post traumatic stress disorder, and would-be multiple personality disorder.  Quite a list, even without her fugue amnes
ia and occasional retreats into her own childhood.  Kate felt a momentary touch of panic;
this is too much for me!  One false move and this girl’s mind could be gone forever!
  She took several deep, calming breaths and took a mental step backwards before saying gently, ‘My name is Kate.  You might not remember but we have met several times before, and each time I told you I wanted to help you.  Do you remember that?’

Grainne shrugged, s
eeming unconvinced, and turned to stare out of the window, her foot tapping on the carpet.

‘I want you to remember
me,’ said Kate quietly, ‘I want you to know that I am your friend.  That I am trying to help you.  Do you believe me?’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you work for
my father.’

‘No, I don’t.  I work
for this clinic and was appointed independently of your father.  And in any case,’ continued Kate softly, ‘I don’t think you really hate your father.  I think the real problem lies elsewhere.’

The girl whirled and met Kate’s gaze for the first time with an icy green stare, ‘Are you
fucking him?  You sound like you are!  Most women want to fuck him, and I doubt he refuses many of them!  Not from what Mom said!’

Kate recoiled from the scorn in the gi
rl’s voice but maintained her composure, trying to think, ‘Wasn’t your father faithful to your mother?’

Grai
nne whirled to face her and laughed scornfully, ‘Of course he was! Sometimes for as much as a week at a time, I should imagine!’

Kate wasn’t sure she should pursue this, wasn’t sure
that this was real and not another of the girl’s fantasies.  Hell, she wasn’t even sure this was the real
Grainne
she was talking to.  But she couldn’t help herself and at last said, ‘With whom did he cheat?’

Grainne shrugged disinterestedly and turned away again, ‘I don’t
know.  Like most men he’d sleep with anyone who’d let him.  He didn’t bring them home, you know.  But Mom knew.  I heard them rowing.’

‘Did they fight often?’

She shrugged, ‘Not really.  But Mom knew he was up to something.’

‘Tell me about your mother.  Generally, I mean.’

‘Mind your own fucking
business
!’

‘Grainne, I want to be your
friend. 
I want to help you.  But I can’t unless you let me.  Unless you help
me.
  To help I need to understand you, and to understand I need to know you.’

Grainne sighed and with watery, absent eyes said tiredly, almost gently, ‘Fuck
of
f
.’

‘No,’ said Kate simply, ‘I won’t be going anywhere for a very long time.  It might take months, it might take y
ears, but I’m staying.  Until you realise that I’m your friend.  Until you realise that I’m on your side no matter what you’ve done.  Until you know that I’m trying to help you, and
you let me.
’

Grainne lowered her head and Kate guessed she was crying again,
though there were no traces of it in her voice as she replied, ‘You’re not my friend; you hate me.  Same as all the others here.’

‘That’s not true,’ said Kate firmly, ‘Everyone here likes you, everyone wants to help you.  If you let them.’

‘Including Dr. Jordan?’

Kate
smiled and replied, with a trace of irony,
‘Especially
Dr. Jordan.’

Grainne turned
and sneered coldly at her, suddenly dry-eyed and remote again, ‘Wants to help me into bed, you mean.  Wants to
fuck
me, same as all the others.’

‘You’re a very beautiful girl,’ said K
ate calmly, cursing herself internally; had the girl picked up on her tone?  Was she less self-absorbed than she appeared?  ‘Most of the men you meet will want to take you to bed.  That’s just a fact of life.  Most women wouldn’t consider it a bad thing, but I’m sure it’s trying to be viewed as just a body, as just an object for the gratification of others rather than as an actual person.’

With sudden, startling force Grainne raised her clenched fists and started punching herself in the face as hard as she could
, her features contorted with self-loathing.  Kate shot across the room, grabbing her hands as Grainne started clawing at her cheeks with her stubby, deeply bitten nails.  Grainne was slight but very strong and Kate could not prevent her from drawing blood, and tearing great clumps of her fine blonde hair out by the roots.  But just as Kate was starting to panic all the strength suddenly left Grainne’s body and she sagged lifelessly into the older woman’s arms.

Having started out t
o restrain her Kate instead found herself holding the girl up and comforting her, putting her arms around her and holding her close as she murmured, ‘It’s okay, it’s okay.  No one can hurt you here.  I won’t
let
them hurt you.  If you trust me everything will be alright.  I promise.’

Kate raised her hand in an OK gesture to the
camera in the corner of the room and then began stroking Grainne’s hair, still speaking softly and comfortingly as the girl’s mingled tears and blood soaked into the snowy collar of her blouse.  And she repeated, ‘Everything is going to be okay.  I promise.  I
promise!
’

    As ever in that efficient little world, help was not far away, and for a second time Kate left the unfortunate girl in the capable hands of a nurse and one of the female orderlies.  Then she switched off her tape-recorder and, lost in thought, gathered her things together.  She slowly made her way back down the stairs and found Trevor Jordan awaiting her in the foyer.  Evidently he had already heard what had happened because his face expressed concern when he saw the blood on her clothes but no surprise.

‘Jesus, Kate,’ he sai
d softly, ‘Is she okay?  Are
you
okay?’

Kate nodded, ‘I’m fine, and I think she is too.  Can you arrange for an orderly to stay with her for the rest of the day, and for a special watch to be kept on her for at least the next twenty-four hours?’

‘Of course,’ he said impatiently, ‘That’s SOP where patients inflict damage on themselves.  Or on others, for that matter.  We’ll increase her medication again too, at least for the moment.  And I think we’ll have to start her back on anti-depressants again as well.  We stopped giving her them a few weeks ago because she suffered some pretty severe side-effects from every kind we tried.  Prozac gave her insomnia and a painful rash, and Wellbutrin was even worse; she developed vision problems and chronic dizziness after taking that.  I suppose we could try Tafranil next, and keep our fingers crossed that...’  He broke off to ask, ‘Why are you smiling?’

Kate hadn’t even been pretending to listen, and seemed inordinately pleased with herself as she replied, ‘I know it sounds horri
ble but this could be an encouraging sign.  Not the self-abuse in itself, of course, but the fact that she has emerged from her safe, cosy little fantasy world into reality, or something near it.  I think what we saw today was a confused, angry, frightened Grainne, but Grainne nonetheless, not a weak alter-ego or withdrawn shell.  If she remains like this there’s a good chance we can help her, Trev.  In fact, if this phase remains constant we might even be able to put her into group therapy, get her interacting with other people.  In her current mood she’ll talk all right, though she might not listen.  She may behave like an utter bitch but she’ll
talk!
’

Kate uttered a laugh of pure exhilaration and Trev
or frowned uneasily and said, ‘Yes,
if
she stays in this mood; let’s not jump the gun, eh?  Though I have to admit I’ve never seen her like this before.  But I don’t need to tell you that I won’t put her into a group unless I’m sure she’ll
remain
in it.  You can’t chop and change the personnel in a therapy group and expect positive results from it.’

Kate laughed again, still on an adrenaline high,
‘No,
you
don’t
need to tell me!  I’ve conducted more group therapy sessions than you’ve had hot dinners, mate!  And don’t you forget it!’

Her enthusiasm was infectious and Trev
or couldn’t help but grin and say, ‘It’s a pity she didn’t throw a few punches at you, too; that really would have had you bubbling!  A
normal
person would have been upset by such a scene, you know.  I’m starting to think you’re a bit bi-polar yourself.’

Kate shrugged, her smile fading along with her high spir
its.  And she said, ‘That’s unfair.  I
was
upset; shit, I still am. But I can’t help rejoicing if she’s coming out of her self-imposed trance.  An angry, excited person is far healthier than...well, than a
vegetable
.’

He winced theatrically
and waved his hands to ward her off, ‘Don’t ever use that word again.  It’s forbidden in the psychiatric handbook, you know.  Page one.’

‘Would this be one you’re currently writing?’

He smiled, ‘I’ll leave the writing to you, thanks.  Now, get out of here before I have you locked up with the patients, where I sometimes think you belong!  Unless, that is, you’d like to join me for a spot of lunch?’

Kate shook her head and looked at her watch, ‘I have a lecture at three so I have to fly. 
I don’t have time to go home...is there any chance I could get a change of clothes here?  Or even just a clean blouse?  My public reputation,’ she added dryly, ‘is shaky enough without my turning up at Trinity in blood-stained clothes.  Can you imagine what the tabloids would make of
that
?’

Trevor waved towards the reception desk and headed back towards his office, saying over his shoulder as he went, ‘Talk to Cathy, she might be able to sort you out.  I’ve got an appointment of my own now, I’m afraid.  I do
some
work around here, you know!’