Hidden Depths (29 page)

The whole way home, Gia's chest kept getting tighter and
tighter. She tried the slow breathing, going so far as to lift her hands above
her head while she waited at a stop light.

It wasn't helping.

The thought that she could be having a heart attack passed
through her mind, only to be discarded. She was having problems breathing, but
her heart felt fine and there was no tingling or pain in her arm. Mostly it
just felt like someone was hugging her too hard, squeezing the air out of her
lungs.

By the time she pulled into the garage, throwing her car in
park, she was desperate to get out of her jeep and into the house where she
could lay down flat on the floor.

She rushed into the living room, tossing her keys and purse
on the floor, before she basically collapsed to her knees struggling to slow
her breathing, fighting to get air.

Just as she acknowledged that she was having a good old
fashioned panic attack, the pressure in her chest changed, moving up and making
her throat feel thick and tight. If she didn't calm her breathing, she was
going to pass out. On the plus side, if she passed out her breathing would at
least slow down naturally.

All of a sudden, the tightness in her throat seemed to burst
forth, some kind of a moan escaping as she felt the first tears sting her eyes.
On another long sob, the pain that she had bottled up for months, even years,
rushed out. Tears poured from her eyes, sobs wracked her body as she finally
gave up and let it all loose. She curled into a fetal position, hugging her
knees to her chest as she succumbed to the cathartic release she so desperately
needed.

She was still crying when Josh walked in the door.

Chapter 41

Josh pulled up to Gia's house, seeing the jeep parked in the
still open garage. The drive over here had done nothing to calm his temper,
actually driving his anger, rather than cooling it.

How dare she act like she didn't care. She was cool, totally
detached, even going so far as to be nice to his date. His date! She was
supposed to be angry, supposed to realize what she'd walked away from when
she'd snuck away in the middle of the night.

She was supposed to feel... something.

Instead, she had been ridiculously polite. Even kind to the
woman that could be her replacement for all she knew. The only anger he'd seen
had been at his slightly rude greeting.

Was it possible that she had truly felt nothing for him? At
least, nothing more than a physical response? If you'd asked him yesterday, he
would have said no, she had to have felt something. Now? He wasn't so sure.

But he was damn well going to find out.

He parked in the driveway, heading through the garage and
hitting the button to close it out of sheer habit. He forewent knocking,
instead walking right in, hoping the element of surprise might work to his
advantage.

When he saw Gia curled up on the floor, sobs wrenching her
shoulders, every muscle in her body shaking as she cried, the anger that had
been his constant companion since she left dissipated into nothing more than
hot air.

Shock tore through him. He'd never seen Gia cry. Over
anything. Beyond that, he'd never seen anyone cry like this. These were tears
of a broken heart, a broken soul.

And this was his fault.

He fell to his knees, needing to find a way to comfort her.
He scooped her up, settling her onto his lap. Bringing her head to his
shoulder, she curled into him and he began to stroke her hair, murmuring words
he hoped would calm her.

She felt Josh's hands lifting her, pulling her up onto his
legs, offering comfort just with his presence.

The nonsensical words he was saying weren't even penetrating
through the sound of her own sobs, but she could hear the tone; comforting,
soothing. Though he was the cause of her pain, she took the strength he was
offering, letting him comfort her. She curled into his chest, breathing in the
scent of him with every gasping breath. She felt safe here.

Her tears ran down her face, smearing her makeup, makeup
that she was in turn wiping onto Josh's shirt.

"Ssshhh, Gia. It's okay, baby. I'm here. It's going to
be okay, I promise."

He was still murmuring softly in her ear, stroking her hair,
pressing soft kisses against her head, her cheek, her neck.

"Aaahh, baby you're killing me. I'm so sorry."

Finally, after God only knows how long, she felt the sobs
receding, leaving in their place long gasping breaths. But, she could breathe
again. Her chest didn't hurt anymore. Her throat was raw, her eyes burned, and
her mouth felt like she'd eaten sawdust, but her chest didn't hurt.

Licking her dry lips, she wanted to ask why he was here, to
say thank you, maybe to yell at him. She pulled her face back to look up into
his eyes, only then noticing just how bad his shirt looked.

"Oh... I'm so sorry. I think I ruined your shirt."
If his shirt looked like that, she could only imagine what her face must look
like. She sat back a little more, trying to wipe away the tears still running
down her face, and hopefully the smeared mascara and eyeliner she knew must be
all the way down her cheeks.

Josh fiddled with the buttons, tugged at the waist and
finally got his shirt off, showing the white T-shirt he always wore under his
button downs. Twisting the shirt around until there was a soft piece of cloth,
he reached for her.

"Here, let me."

He gently wiped beneath her eyes, smearing even more makeup
all over what she knew had to be an expensive dress shirt.

"Josh, wait. Don't make it worse. Maybe they can still
clean it."

"I don't give a fuck about the shirt, Gia."

The slight growl to his tone put an end to that line of
discussion. She let him clean her face, even letting him wipe her runny nose
without further protest.

When he was done, she started to move away, to climb off his
lap, but he settled his hands against her hips and legs, holding her there.

"I'm sure you're wondering what all that was
about..." she began, only to be interrupted.

"Not really. You love me."

She froze, that horrible tight sensation coming back in a
rush. She started to deny it, to tell him it was just the holidays and too much
pressure, and anything else she could think of to deny the truth.

He tilted her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes before
he said anything else. "It's okay, Gia. It's a good thing. Because I love
you too."

He could actually watch the panic hit her as soon as he said
the word ‘love’. She was terrified. But she did love him.

She kept arguing, trying to scramble off his lap, but he
wouldn't let her run away from him again. "I know you love me, baby.
You've already told me once, and the tears tonight just confirm it. What I want
to know now is why it scares you."

She quit squirming, but she still didn't answer him. After a
minute, he prodded again. "Come on, Gia. Why are you so afraid?"

"I told you I love you?" she asked instead.

He nodded in answer, rubbing a thumb across her cheek.

"When?"

"One night at my house. You woke up in the middle of
the night, or I guess early morning. We made love... slow and sweet. When it
was over, you told me you loved me, right before you dozed off again."

"I thought that was a dream," she murmured, more
to herself than to him.

"I figured that out. Which is why I never pushed. But
this has got to stop, Gia. You're obviously not happier apart, and I'm a
fucking mess. So, please... just tell me what's really going on so we can fix
this." He knew his voice sounded raw and a little desperate, but since
that was exactly how he felt he couldn't do a damn thing to change it.

"But you can't love me, Josh. I'm not good for
you."

"Gia, what the hell are you talking about?"

Chapter 42

He'd already seen her sobbing like a maniac, she had already
left tears and makeup all over his clothes, and apparently she'd already told
him she loved him. What was one more embarrassment at this point?

Time to come clean.

"Josh, that's what I was trying to show you at the
ball. The reason that I wanted to keep our relationship a secret for as long as
it lasted. You and I don't fit together... I'm not right for you. I don't
belong in your world."

"Is that what you think? Honestly?"

She nodded, afraid to meet his eyes.

"Bullshit."

"What? It's the truth, Josh."

"No, it's bullshit. Why do you think you don't fit in
'my world'? And what exactly is this world I live in that you don't?"

He sounded genuinely confused. And angry. She took a deep
breath, trying to make her thoughts slow down long enough that she could form a
coherent sentence.

"Josh, you come from a loving home, a family with a
history to be proud of. You know my family history. The only reason we ever met
is because my mother made me promise that I would work hard at school. It was
the only way I would ever get out. And I did. I got out."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she held up a hand to
cut him off. He wanted to know, so she would tell him. "You live in a
world of lawyers, corporate executives, country clubs and limos. Your friends
either are or will be doctors, lawyers, judges... hell, maybe even Senators or
Governors. Having a relationship with someone with my background would be bad
enough, but throw in the tattoos, piercings and weird hair colors, and it would
hold you back. I would hold you back. We don't have a future together. We never
did. I've always known that. I just wanted to end it before we got any more
involved than we already were."

"Can I speak now?" Gia nodded, and Josh continued.
"If you recall, you told me about your family when we first met back in
college. While I wish that I could change that, to take away the residual pain,
I can't. And from my perspective it has only made you stronger, helped to make
you into the beautiful and amazing woman you are. If anything, I've always
thought more highly of you for overcoming your past when so many people
wouldn't have even tried. As for people's opinions... I've lived my life trying
to be what other people expected. It wasn't until I finally made a decision for
me, took a risk that I wanted, that I ever truly felt alive and happy. I know I
was engaged to Deb, and I know that you said it was a mistake, but kissing you
was the best mistake I've ever made."

He leaned in and kissed her cheek, her forehead, her nose.
Soft little kisses, that nonetheless started little flutters within her belly.
He landed a little butterfly kiss against her lips before pulling back.

"Gia, you make me happy. Saying that you and I don't
fit is absolutely crazy. That's like me saying we don't belong together because
I don't look like Aaron. As far as I can tell, we're perfect for each other.
Everyone else sees that... why can't you?"

"But, what if you break my heart?"

"Oh, baby... is that what this is about, really?"

She nodded, one silent tear rolling down her cheek.

Josh couldn't believe that she thought he would hurt her.
"Look, I can't predict the future, but I can tell you that I have loved
you for eight years. I don't expect that will ever change. I will never
deliberately hurt you. Please, trust me. Trust us."

When she looked at him, her face still swollen and blotchy
from her tears, he only had one more question for her. "You already broke
my heart, Gia. The day you walked out of my bed, out of my life, while I slept.
And yet, here I am. Can it really be any harder to stay together, than it has
been to be apart these last few weeks?"

He could see the second she had reached a decision. Her eyes
cleared, looking resolute instead of scared. A second later and her lips
settled on his.

While their kisses had always been passionate, this felt
different somehow. All the barriers Gia had kept in place were finally down.
She was open, letting him feel her need.

It had been too long since he'd had her in his arms, and his
body responded too quickly, leaping ahead to the conclusion rather than letting
him enjoy the buildup. He found the zippers on the sides of her boots, pulling
and tugging until her feet were free. Gia helped him, squirming and wiggling
until her jeans were off.

She spun around, lifting off his legs, only to resettle
herself so she was straddling his lap. Her lips immediately rejoined his,
almost as if drawn by a magnet.

He tried to slow the kiss, nipping and licking with slow,
teasing caresses of his tongue against hers. But Gia was whimpering, writhing
against him. His slacks offered little resistance, the thin fabric letting him
feel the heat radiating from her core.

If he wanted any chance at all to take this slow, he needed
to make sure he was in control. Pulling his lips off hers, he settled his palm
against the back of her head and rolled to the side at the same time. Once he
was lying on top of her, he grabbed her arms and yanked them up above her head,
trapping both her wrists within one hand.

"We are going to take this slow, baby."

"No, not like last time. I need you too much."

He groaned; her voice, thick with desire, brought a surge of
blood straight through his cock. "Not like last time. I just want to enjoy
you a little first."

He took a moment to strip off the rest of her clothing,
leaving her completely nude before him. While she lay there, watching him
hungrily, he stripped off his own clothes before settling beside her.

"God, you look amazing," she murmured, running her
hands over his chest.

He laughed a little, a wry kind of humor. "Yeah. The
only way I could avoid beating some poor soul to a bloody pulp was to take it
out on my heavy bag."