Hidden Destiny (Redwood Pack) (5 page)

“Tomorrow we talk, Lexi,” he said, his voice low, promising—though to any other it would have sounded like a threat, she took it differently.. Sadness flashed over her eyes before she blinked it away. He had no idea what that meant, but he was going to find out.

“Tomorrow, North. You might not like what you hear though.”

“I don’t care. Tomorrow, Lexi.” He traced her cheek with his finger, her breath catching, before he pulled back. “Tomorrow.”

He left her standing there, her brother Logan darkening the doorway.

Tomorrow North would take the next steps. He just hoped to hell that Lexi wanted to take them with him.

“Just leave, Logan,” Lexi said, exasperated. “You are
not
going to be here when North gets here, so stop even thinking about it.”

“I don’t want to leave you home with him. He’s not good for you, Lex.”

Lexi closed her eyes, that pain arcing across her chest at just how true Logan’s words were. “Go, Logan. I can’t…I can’t do this with you here. Don’t you understand that? I don’t even want to have this conversation with North to begin with, but I can’t hide it anymore.”

“Do you understand what you’re doing, Lex? They could kick us out of the Pack.”

“I know that! Don’t you think I know that? I can’t lie to them anymore. I can’t watch the way he looks at me, the way I can almost feel his wolf beg for me, and then turn around and lie to him. If they kick us out of the Pack, we will deal with it. We’ve dealt with it before.”

Logan frowned then pushed his dark hair away from his face. “Lexi, it could be worse than that, and you know it.”

“That’s why you can’t be here. Go with Parker. If something happens…” She took a deep breath. “If something happens, then you go. You take Parker, and I will catch up.”

Logan framed her face, and she almost lost it. God, her brother had done
everything
for her, and here she was, ready to fuck it all up because the wolf she couldn’t feel wanted a man she couldn’t have. Though she couldn’t feel her wolf she could still feel the connection to North that told her he was her mate. 

Being latent was an odd thing that didn’t make any sense to most people but she knew that her own urges and desires were not merely her one, but of another entity that she couldn’t quite feel, but knew was there as well.

Fuck, she was worthless.

Totally fucking worthless.

“Get that look out of your eyes,” Logan growled. “I don’t care what the fuck you are thinking, but if you’re about to sacrifice yourself or some shit, then forget it. I’m not leaving you alone with a Jamenson wolf where you could be hurt.”

North wouldn’t hurt her physically. Well, at least not too much. Her body heated at the reminder of the feel of his grip on his chin as he’d told her what to do.

It figured that the one time she actually found a wolf that would see to her needs she would never be able to be with him.

No, the only part he would hurt would be her soul. Really, though, she would be the one doing the hurting.

It wouldn’t be his fault.

“Don’t call him that,” she mumbled, knowing she was ignoring the important parts of Logan’s statement. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know what he was saying. She just didn’t want to deal with it.

“A Jamenson wolf?” Logan asked, a smile in his words—
thank God
. “That’s what he is, love. That’s what they all are.”

“Don’t say it like that then. It’s not like they’re what we left behind, Logan. They’re good people. You know that.”

Logan raised a brow. “You can say that and believe it, knowing that you might take your last breath when you tell that Jamenson wolf what happened?”

Lexi raised her chin. “He won’t kill me.”

She hoped.

“And stop calling him ‘that Jamenson wolf’,” she spat then forced herself to smile. “Come to think of it, isn’t there a certain
Jamenson wolf
you should be talking to right now? Hmm, who could that be? Dark hair, piercing green eyes, an attitude that could melt most men…”

Logan moved toward her until he towered over her, a glower on his face. “Shut up, Lexi Anderson. You’re playing a dangerous game.”

She tilted her head, the wolf hiding within her close to the surface. “Which game is that? The one where I have to be honest or I’ll never forgive myself? Or the one where I say straight out what you’re thinking…and what you’re missing?”

Annoyance and a touch of hurt passed over his face before he narrowed his eyes. “I see what you’re doing, and I know you’re doing it because you’re scared to death, I will let that go. Know this though, sister, leave the latter of your thoughts alone. Do you understand me?”

She let out a breath and rested her head on his chest. He stayed unyielding for only a moment before melting slightly and wrapping his arms around her.

“I’m sorry, Logan. You’re right. I’m being a bitch and lashing out because I’m scared. I’ll stay out of what you and Cailin have.”

For now
.

He ran his hand down her back, and she calmed like she always did. Her big brother knew exactly what to do to help her—even if it was something he hated.

“I knew what you were doing. You just happened to hit a topic my wolf doesn’t like at the moment.”

She frowned at his tone and looked up. “What’s going on, Logan?”

He shook his head then kissed her brow. “Nothing, honey. Deal with what you have to deal with. I will stay out of hearing distance only because of Parker. If you need me though, you scream. I can hear that. Got me?”

She nodded, praying she wouldn’t have to scream.

He left her standing in the middle of her living room, the borrowed furniture seeming to mock her predicament.

“Lexi?”

Lexi started at North’s voice. “I’m in here,” she croaked unnecessarily. He was a wolf; of course he knew where she was.

He strode into the room, the power of his wolf seeming to fill the space even more than Logan had. She forced herself not to lean toward him and bare her throat.

“I scented Logan, so I waited out of earshot until I sensed he’d gone.”

He walked toward her and reached out.  She took a deep breath as he traced her cheek, the callousness of fingers sending shivers down her body.

“You don’t need to fear me, Lexi. I wouldn’t hurt you.”

She had a feeling that might not be the case once he learned the truth. Once he learned the secrets she’d buried for so long.

Lexi backed up, creating a necessary distance between the two of them. As much as she wanted to throw herself into his arms and ride him like a cowgirl, she knew this wasn’t the best time for that.

“You said we were going to talk today,” she said, her voice thankfully even. “Well, go ahead. Talk.”

North raised a brow and looked as though he was holding back a smile. “Okay, Lex, if that’s how you want to play it. Talking, though, takes two people. I’m not going to stand here and lecture you, considering I need answers.”

“You’re lecturing right now, North.”

He snorted and moved closer.

She took a step back and cursed herself for the movement.

He froze. “You’re actually scared of me,” he said, his voice hollow.

“No. No I’m not.”

At least not yet
.

“Prove it,” he whispered then took that step again.

This time she stood where she was.

His lips slammed against hers, taking them without mercy. She opened up for him, eager, ready. His tongue slid against hers, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. He pulled her close, her breasts against his chest, his cock hard, full, against her belly. She rocked into him, and he deepened the kiss, his taste, his sweet, sweet taste permanently scarring her tongue.

She’d never get enough of him.

That was precisely the reason she needed to pull back.

She did, and she felt cold at the loss.

Both of them stood still, breathing hard.

God, she wanted this man. This wolf.

He shook his head then firmed his lips. “Tell me about the wolves, Lexi. We will talk about the underlying tension between us next because I have a feeling that’s the part you’re so afraid of. We’ll let that sit for a moment, considering that’s what we’ve been doing since you got here. Now, tell me why Parker was so scared and why you made that comment about the parents of those boys.”

“Are you going to do anything about what I say?”

“What the fuck, Lex? If someone is hurting that boy or you, of course I’m going to do something about it. If they aren’t hurting you but are still making you feel like you’re not part of the Pack, then fuck yes, I’m going to do something about it. I already told Jasper that something was going on.”

Jasper, another of North’s brothers, was the Beta of the Pack. It was his job to care for the needs of the Pack on daily issues. Lexi didn’t want to bother Jasper with this. She didn’t want to bother anyone with this.

“Your Pack might be fighting a war with the Centrals, but they’re also fighting a war with each other,” she blurted then closed her eyes.

Well, that hadn’t come out like she wanted.

“What do you mean?” North asked, his voice low, deadly.

“Take a look around, North. You’ve been fighting another enemy for so long you’ve had to leave others behind. Not everyone is a Jamenson wolf with something tangible at stake. Not everyone is ready to fight and not go dark. I’ve heard the whispers. They want to use dark magic against the Centrals, and your family won’t let them.”

North growled. “I’ve heard the whispers too, only they aren’t so quiet now. My family knows about it. We’re doing all we can to keep things at bay, but it’s fucking hard when people don’t come to us with their problems. Now, we’re going to put that topic aside for a moment because you glossed over the fact that people are treating you like shit. Tell me.”

Lexi threw her hands up in the air. “Fine. Your Pack doesn’t want Logan, Parker, and me. They didn’t want Bay. They sure as fuck didn’t want Ellie. And now they don’t want us. They think we’re nothing. Nothing. They think we’re the enemy and all you’ve done is bring us into your home to take over your Pack as secret spies or something ridiculous.”

He blinked then stalked toward her. He gripped her chin, and she froze, her body ceding to him even though her mind wasn’t quite there.

“What have they been saying to you, my Lexi?”

“I’m not
your
Lexi,” she whispered, broken. She blinked, her body going oddly numb at the words she’d spoken, the hollowness within her opening like an aching chasm of nothingness.

He traced her cheek with his other hand, keeping a firm grip on her chin. “You could be. You fucking could be.”

“No, no I can’t.”

“Lexi,” he rasped out, “let me help, baby. Please, let me help.”

She tried to pull away, but he held her place. Despite herself, she liked it. The warmth of his touch on her skin radiated through her, filling the chasm for only a moment before the pain of remembering why they couldn’t be one slammed into full force.

“There’s nothing you can do. You can’t change the minds of others. None of you can. We’re dealing with what we have to, North. Just let it go. If they hurt my baby again, though, I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

He sucked in a breath. “I won’t hold you back if they come at Parker, Lexi. You have to tell me what’s happening. I’ll take care of it, baby. Let me help.”

“You can’t help.”

“You know as well as I do that we have that connection. You know we’re potential mates.”

She sucked in a breath as well at his words.

Fuck, he’d said it.

He wasn’t supposed to say it.

Her chest shook as she choked back a sob. She felt the tears she’d held back so long slide down her cheeks.

“We’re not mates,” she rasped out. “We
can’t
be mates.”

He furrowed his brow. “What the fuck are you talking about? I have your taste on my tongue, baby. That just pushed the mating urge full force. My wolf wants you, and I want you just as much. Can’t you feel it?”

She could, but she had lied to herself enough that she didn’t say anything.

“Lexi, baby, tell me what’s wrong. Is it because you’re latent?” he asked. “I’ve never met an adult latent wolf before so I don’t know. Can you not feel the connection because of that?”

Though his tone was gentle on that subject, almost reluctant, it still hurt to hear. Yes, she was latent. No, she couldn’t feel her wolf. Damn it, though, she could feel him.

She just couldn’t tell him that.

“It’s not that,” she whispered.

He framed her face. She bit her lip, hating what she had to do.

“Tell me. Tell me why we can’t be mates when I
know
we both want it. I know we can be perfect for each other.”

She couldn’t speak.

Couldn’t think.

“Is it Parker? Are you afraid I wouldn’t claim him as my own? You have to know I’ll raise that little boy as my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t think less of him for anything.”

God, she wished that would stay true no matter what she said next.

“Is it because you still love your other mate?” he asked, and she flinched.

North didn’t miss the movement. “Baby, oh baby, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Fuck. I watched Adam go through this with Anna, and it almost tore him and Bay apart. Do you still miss your mate so much that you can’t think of being with me?”

He pulled back then, his hands fisted at his side. “Fuck. I didn’t think of that. I mean I
knew
you had been mated before because you have Parker, and that’s how wolves make kids. I didn’t think of the time that had passed. It had been decades for Adam, and he almost killed himself over it. It’s only been a few years for you, right? Fuck, baby. I’m so sorry. I’ll leave. I’ll give you space. I’ll give you anything you want. Just tell me what to do.”

Her heart broke, the tears spilling down her cheeks falling faster.

“I…I can’t mate you because I’m still mated.”

North froze.

Pain, absolute pain, arched across his face before he staggered back.