Highfall (10 page)

****

Once everything was decided, Annika emotionally prepared herself to lie.  First she called her parents.

“Mum, hi.  How are you?” she tried to put on a cheerful voice.

“We are fine.  What about you?  How is
Vasko?” her mum replied in an equally cheerful manner.

“We are fine too thanks.  But I have news for you.”  She knew it was not good to lie to her parents, but up to now she had done it plenty of times, always of course in order to protect them.

“Are you pregnant?”  Her mum's voice sounded as if that was the worst thing that could have happened.  Most probably the question reflected her biggest fear.

“O God!  No, Mum, I am not.”  Annika could hear her mum's relief in the receiver.

“So what is it, dear?” 

“I found a job in Holland and I am leaving for Amsterdam in a few days.”

“What?  How?  You barely know English and you don't know Dutch!”  Her mum sounded worried, surprised and excited - all at once.

“Well, to do therapeutic massage you don’t have to speak to patients, you know.  And my fingers don’t need to know how to speak foreign languages.  Body language is the same for everybody.”  That was witty, Annika thought.

“Is this something you really want, Annika?  Have you decided already?”

“Yes.  Definitely.”  How could she say that she had no choice?

“Then knowing you, I guess all we can do is for me to come with your father and see you before you leave,” her mum sighed.

“Ok mum, I’ll be waiting for you the day after tomorrow.  I love you,” Annika replied gratefully.

“Love you too.”

Ok, the first part was executed successfully – now it was time to call Vasko.

Vasko was at his mum’s, standing next to the open window and smoking.  He was nervous and sad.  He knew that he had done the right thing, but he also knew that the cost had been too high. What he also knew was that he could not change anything and what was done, was done.  And he tried to accept something that was unacceptable to his soul.

He almost jumped out of his skin when the phone rang.

“Hello,” he answered, truly hoping it would be Annika.  He was really worried about her.

“Hi,” Annika tried to make her voice as cold as possible.

“Annika?  Where are you?  We need to talk!  Let's meet, please.” Vasko sounded desperate.  If she agreed, he did not even know what he would say to her.

“Look, after I left, I remembered that I have a dream too.  And since your dream is more precious to you than I am, I decided to make my dream come true as well,” said Annika, moving in for the kill.

“What are you talking about?”  Vasko knew Annika was unpredictable, and now anything might come up.

“Amsterdam,” Annika simply said.

“Amsterdam?”  Vasko hadn’t the faintest notion what was she talking about.

“Yes, I am leaving for Amsterdam,”  Oh, revenge... How sweet it felt!

“Hmmmm... When?”  Yes, she was extremely unpredictable after all, Vasko thought.

“The day before you leave.  If you would like say good bye, come to the station the day after tomorrow at 09:55,” she said to him very matter-of-factly.

“OK, I’ll be there.”  Vasko knew that arguing was useless and all he could do was follow her rules at this point.

He put down the phone and thought.

Amsterdam?  Why the fuck Amsterdam?  The city of sex, drugs and who knows what else?  It was her dream?  Yeah, right!  She had dreamed of it since she was a child maybe... bullshit!  She was trying to hurt him... Maybe she was bluffing?  Oh God, let her be bluffing, please!  And what if she was not?  What was going to happen to them then?

The questions raced through his mind but he could find answers to none of them.

21

Having almost nothing is rather useful when you are packing.  You don't need to decide which pairs of shoes to leave and which to take.  There is no need to choose the jewellery and makeup. Annika's belongings were packed in one small wheeled suitcase.  A few T-shirts, two pairs of jeans, a book, her Walkman... no memories, nothing to remind her of the past.  She was determined to start from scratch.  Annika did not know how as yet, but she knew for sure that this was what she desperately needed.

Annika and her parents had a nice dinner out together.  Dad and mum were worried but could do nothing.  They thought that maybe this new job might be the change that would eventually make their daughter happy.  Big changes like that always led to something even bigger.  Had they only known what was really going on, they would have felt quite differently.

The real story was the following: after buying the one-way ticket, Annika had only $100 in her pocket and no savings; there was no job waiting for her; she knew no one and she did not even know where she would be sleeping at night, nor for how long she would be able to live with that $100.  No parents in their right minds would have let their child leave like that.  Annika knew that and that’s why she just kept right on lying to them.

****

They all woke up early the next morning.  Excitement was in the air.  Annika's parents suspected that she had broken up with
Vasko, but did not want to raise the issue in order not to upset her.

All three of them wanted to tell each other so much, but at the same time none of them said very much.  Up to now Annika's most risky move had been the bungee jump.  Now she was doing something way more risky.  The jump didn’t even come close.

Although it was early, the station was in full flow.  The noise of suitcase rollers and footsteps reverberated through the air.  The idling coach engines invited passengers inside.  There were hugs and there were kisses, and tears in people’s eyes.  There were hopes, there were dreams and there were sighs...

Five minutes before departure, at exactly five to ten, Vasko appeared.  He looked lost, not at all like a guy whose dream was coming true.  Annika's parents hugged her and seeing Vasko they hurried to leave them alone to the intimacy they both deserved.

Annika was glad that there were only five minutes to share.  She was sure time would not resolve the situation and the less of it there was, the less painful it would be.

“Hi.”             

“Hi.”

Vasko hugged her tight, thinking that most probably it was the last time he’d be doing so.  Annika put her head on his shoulder and hugged him too.

“So, what about us?”  Vasko knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from her in order to be certain.

“It all depends on you,” Annika said and smiled.  For the umpteenth time she surprised him.

“Really?”

“Take this,” she said, handing him an envelope, “you’re to look at it after I leave.  Now let's just agree that our time together was wonderful and we were both happy, ok?”

“Yes, right.  But please don’t talk in the past tense.”

“Well, standing here in the station a few minutes before I leave and a day before your departure, it’s the only tense I reckon it feels right to use - sorry,” Annika replied.

“You are right...” Vasko sighed.  There was nothing else to say.

“We will keep in touch.”

“Please don't get lost,” Vasko begged.

“I won't.”  Annika was not too sure about that though.

That was it.  Low-key and sad.  No promises, no regrets.  It was almost over.  Now it all depended on Vasko.  Annika had made her move, so now it was Vasko's turn to make his.  From now on Annika would have completely different worries.  Yet another page would start very soon...as soon as she got to Amsterdam.

The coach left its bay.  Vasko turned away and walked off with the envelope in his hand, looking at the ground.  Late at night, when he got back home sad and drunk, he saw that there were two silver hearts in the envelope.  One had his name on it and the second one was blank, not yet engraved.

22

The coach took Annika away from the past, from the pain, from the difficulties and the conflicts. She was moving from her home town, from Vasko's home town and from everything that was so familiar and predictable.  Annika knew she most probably had many difficulties, opportunities, dangers and challenges ahead.  But she also knew that it would be a trip towards new experiences, personal growth and many new and unknown things as yet to come her way.

The coach was silent.  Most of the passengers were asleep.  A very few were reading magazines. Only Annika was looking out of the window.

A teenage girl about sixteen years old was sitting next to Annika.  She looked very happy and was waiting for the right moment to start a conversation with Annika.  Most probably she was too impatient since, with no particular reason, she suddenly asked:

“Have you been to Amsterdam before?”

“Nope,” said Annika, who did not really feel like talking.  But once you get caught in a bus with someone talkative, happy and impatient there is no easy way out.

“Me neither,” responded the girl, obviously one of those people  who were just dying to spill out their story - even if they were not asked for it.

“I ran away from home and I’m going to my boyfriend,” she continued, sharing the info coolly. From her lips it sounded as if it was the kind of thing that happened to almost everybody.

“Oh,” was all Annika could say back.

“Well, yes, my parents did not like him at all.  I love him.  We had decided to run away a long time ago, but he left without me a few months ago.  Now, finally, he has sent me some money and is waiting for me in Amsterdam.  I am so happy.  I can’t wait to see him again,” the girl continued, showing not the slightest sign of stopping.

She failed to notice the bored look in Annika's eyes, or her desire to be left alone, or the loneliness in her soul.  In fact, it felt as if the girl did not care who she spoke to.  She simply needed to tell her story and would have done so no matter who was sitting next to her in the coach.  Unfortunately for Annika, she was the one the girl happened to be sitting next to.

“Your parents will be worried.” 

“I left a letter telling them I was leaving them and would be living with Mark.  They will be ok,” said the girl, though she did not really care about how they would feel, since she was too focused on how she felt about Mark.  It was the typical stupidity of teenage girls who were in love.  Annika thought that most probably her parents were right and she was in love with the wrong guy.

The girl had too much makeup on her young face.  She was wearing a quite vulgar outfit, well coordinated with the pretty dumb look in her eyes.  Most probably she was yet another problem teenager who wasn’t doing well at her studies and was hiding from her parents the fact that she smoked, had lost her virginity very young and was hanging out most of the time with guys who were no good.  In short, she must have been a nightmare for her parents for a few years already.

Annika had a feeling that, if the girl was as she thought she was, then most probably she was going to become a trafficking victim and end up in the red-light district.

“Do you have any money with you?” Annika asked.

“No, he only sent me the cost of the ticket.  He said that either he or some of his friends would come and pick me up.”

“I see.  And do you know where he lives?  Do you have his address or phone number?”

“No.  He was calling me from there.”

“Do you know his friends there?”

“They are new ones.  I have never met them, but Mark told that they are great.”  The stupid girl's eyes were sparkling, she was so excited.

“I see.”  Annika did not like what she had heard.

“What about you?  Are you going to someone?”

“No,” Annika replied with sadness.

“Oh, so what's your story?” the girl persisted.

“I do not have one.  I simply wanted to see Amsterdam before I turned twenty-five.”  Annika was becoming a practiced and adroit liar.

“Cool,” the teenager exclaimed, buying the lie.  Annika thought that she would believe anything.

Annika switched on her Walkman indicating that the chat was over.  The girl looked disappointed, but could not do anything.  She took out a small mirror and applied yet another superfluous layer of lipstick.

Annika closed her eyes and sank back to the sounds of soothing music.  She wanted to forget everything, to worry about nothing and simply have some rest.  A few minutes later Annika was fast asleep.

The coach was advancing along the highway, carrying with it different destinies, different new beginnings and different twists and turns of life.  The highway was smooth and calm, the
passengers were lost in their thoughts and there was concentrated anticipation in the air.

When Annika woke up, it took her a few seconds to realise where she was.  She turned to the young girl and felt relieved to see that she was sleeping.

Annika's thoughts took her back to her past.  She recalled different unrelated events, people and feelings.  A sense of solitariness was overcoming her.  She knew for certain that she could depend only on herself and that from now on there would be no shoulder to cry on and no one to rely on.  On the one hand it made her sad, but on the other it forced her to stay strong and to carry on.

When they were approaching Amsterdam, the young girl woke up.  She looked around, smiled at Annika and stared at her watch.  Probably the reason she looked at it for quite so long was that her untrained brain needed some time to calculate the time difference and see how much was left till they arrived.  Quite complicated… When she finally realised that there were only fifteen minutes left, she took the mirror again and frantically started applying makeup on top of what she already had on.  Apparently she wanted to impress Mark.

At last they had arrived.  Annika was both excited and worried.  Now her choice had turned into reality and she had no idea what was coming next.

The passengers descended from the coach and waited for the driver to open the luggage compartment.  One by one they picked up their suitcases and left.  They all seemed to know where they were going.  There was at least someone waiting for them.  But Annika had no one waiting.

Even the young girl next to her smiled happily when two completely unknown guys who looked like pimps approached her, said that Mark had sent them, grabbed her from both sides and frog-marched her off to a car.  Then they pushed her inside in a very rude manner and left.  Annika froze as she stared at the departing car.  Only now did she feel the danger breathing in her face.

She took her small suitcase and walked towards the station building.  People were walking very fast, dragging suitcases on rollers behind them.  Some sat around and waited for their train to arrive.  There were queues at ticket counters.  Children looked tired and were whining most of the time.

Annika was surprised to see how different the people were.  Although in a rush, although tired, they still smiled.  There was a positive energy in the air and no tension at all.  People were not pushing each other, were not looking at each other with hatred and did not look miserable and unfortunate as in her country.  Genuine warm smiles were everywhere.  Annika stood in the middle of the hall and looked around for a while.  She still had no plan, still had only $100 in her pocket and did not understand Dutch, but something inexplicable made her feel calm and certain that everything was going to be all right.

She walked to the small coffee corner and sat at a tiny table.  Although she was starving, she knew she could not afford a decent lunch.  All she took was a cup of coffee and a chocolate croissant.  She breathed in the smell of the coffee and closed her eyes.  No matter how crazy it might sound, she really felt happy.  Intuition told her that she had done the right thing.  She’d found the courage to take the risk and something inside told her that that risk would definitely be rewarded in the long run.  She just needed to be brave and strong for a while.  And since Annika was already in Amsterdam she knew there was no other choice.

Annika sat there for an hour.  She did not know what to do or where to go, but she knew one thing for sure, she had not enough money for either a hotel or a room.  So all she could do was stay at the station till she found out what to do next.

Late in the evening Annika discovered that she was not the only one planning to sleep in the station.  There were at least eleven people who had been living there for a week or more.  There were five Chinese, four black guys, three Arab guys from Morocco and three from the former Soviet Union.  All of them had come to chase their dreams, to escape their problematic countries and try and find happiness.  All of them were jobless, homeless and without money.  So there was nothing they could steal from each other, which was maybe why all of them slept calmly on the benches of the waiting room.  The phenomenal fact was that they all understood each other despite sharing practically no common language.  Their body language and gestures, as well as the almost identical situation they were all in contributed to their understanding.  They all tried to help each other and shared what they had.  When Annika woke up early in the morning someone had thrown an old blanket over her.

Governments try so hard to make nations live at peace with each other and yet it never works. Here, on the other hand, no one did anything specific to that end and yet neither skin colour, nor language barriers or cultural differences mattered in the slightest.  Misfortune united them all and awoke the best human qualities inside.  Amazing!