His First Lady (42 page)

Just the thought of Sam saddened Greg. He was making progress and peace with Sam’s death but he still hadn’t made it over that hump quite yet. There was uncomfortable silence between the two but just having her there was good enough for him. “How are Sundi and Katie doing?”

“Healing; it’s going to take a long time but they’ll be okay. Sundi is back in school and getting therapy. She’ll be fine,” Evan answered,

“What about you? What lies ahead?” Greg asked leaning over the counter at her.

A peaceful smile swept across Evan’s gorgeous face causing Greg’s heart to skip a beat. It was not only her perfectly smooth brown skin but the inner glow of Christ in her that made her devastatingly beautiful. Cara was the only other woman who had ever had that effect on him.

“I’m going back to school. I want to start a nonprofit that helps women and children. Sundi and Katie only inspired me more to do what I’ve always wanted to do.” Then Evan’s eyes lit up. “Oh, and I found an apartment and it’s not far from my parents so I won’t be totally alone.”

“Congratulations.” Greg forced a smile.

“Thank you. I’ll be keeping busy with school but I’m not that far so you’ll have to visit sometime.”

“Yeah,” Greg said wanting to be as excited for her as she wanted him to be.

“What about you? Still playing Jonah?” Evan asked.

Greg looked at her oddly, “Jonah?”

“You know how Jonah kept running from God till God had to put him in the belly of a whale?”

Greg moved from the kitchen and sat on the back of his sofa. “Is that what I’m doing?”

Evan’s eyes followed him. “I think so. I hear that JMC is waiting for your return. They need you back badly.”

Greg shrugged having already received enough pressure about going back as pastor.

“You’re jumping on that bandwagon, too?”

“No, you don’t need anyone else telling you what you already know. Sometimes running makes us feel free but then again it can also prevent us from being accountable.”

Greg crossed his arms watching her. “Is that what you’re doing?”

Evan smiled. “We’re different.”

“How’s that?” Greg asked.

“I’m running to God and you’re running from God. You’re called to be a pastor, you know it and… Cara knew it.”

Greg’s smile dissipated at the mention of Cara’s name. He wasn’t offended or angry just appreciative that Evan wasn’t afraid to tell him the truth.

Greg shook his head. “I can’t go back there.” He looked down not really wanting to have this conversation.

“Greg, don’t use Leon as an excuse not to go where God has called you to go. That just gives Leon power that he doesn’t deserve. Every person that came to JMC looking for the word of God or just the meaning of their lives was hurt by what he did. But one human being has never had the power to destroy God’s church. I’m learning that God uses the people with the least confidence in themselves to change the world.”

Greg turned away from her. “Leon is going to spend the rest of his life in prison so he doesn’t matter to me at all.”

“Then what is your real reason for not returning to JMC? Why are you so cynical?”

Greg cleared his throat. “I’m not cynical. It’s easy for you to say, go back and preach.”

Evan walked up to where he was and looked in his eyes. “Why, because I came out unscathed in all of this?”

Greg looked up at her realizing how ridiculous he sounded; she had gone through more than he ever had with Leon. He wanted to take his words back almost immediately.

“I didn’t mean that,” He said apologetically.

Greg knew she was right because he was running from God and the truth was that he had absolutely no confidence that he could ever preach again. Maybe he was just afraid that he couldn’t bring about healing and restoration to a church that had been so broken down and deceived.

“Well, I’m got to get going,” Evan said picking up her purse and walking toward the door.

Greg froze as he watched Evan approach the door. He was happy that she was starting over but sad at the notion of her leaving. He knew that if he let her walk out without telling her how he felt; he’d regret it the rest of his life.

“I love you and I don’t want you to leave….me,” Greg said astonishing himself while watching Evan’s reaction as she turned around to look at him.

Stunned and amazed, Evan stood in place. “What?” She asked.

Greg took a step toward her. “I said I love you. I always have and I want to take care of you and I want to love you like you’re supposed to be loved; the way God intended you to be loved.”

Evan stood in shock. She walked slowly over to his bar and grabbed ahold of the edge of it as if to steady her balance to keep from falling down.

“Why are you telling me this?” Evan asked.

Greg shook his head. “I don’t know; maybe because you deserve to know. Or maybe because I don’t want to live this life without you.”

Evan was speechless. She stared at Greg in complete shock as if searching for words. Greg put his hands in his pockets as tears welled up in Evan’s eyes.

“What do you want from me?”

Greg shrugged. “I want…you.”

Evan covered her face with her hands and began crying. He watched not sure of how to respond.

She looked at him and wiped her eyes. “You want me?”

Greg nodded. “I do.”

“What? Why? Are you kidding?” Evan asked wiping her face. “Why would you even want someone like me?”

Greg looked at her. “Because the world is a better place cause you’re in it. And…because my world is better because you’re in it.”

Evan opened her mouth to speak but seemed unable to; she simply stared at him.

“Say something, please,” Greg asked her.

Evan placed her hands on her head. “What would people say? What would they think?”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. I only care about what God thinks.”

Evan walked toward the window in his living room and looked out. Greg watched her as both remained silent.

Evan turned to face him. “There was a time when I would’ve jumped at the chance to be rescued by a man as wonderful as you. You are one of the most amazing and selfless men I know. Your passion for Jesus reminds me of my father. But I just can’t trust myself to make the best decisions anymore.”

Greg took a step toward her. “I’m asking you to trust God.”

Evan’s mouth turned up in a slight smile. She shook her head. “No. I don’t even know how to love myself or how to expect someone to treat me like I deserve to be treated. I’ve been through hell and back and it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to come into your life as a broken and battered woman.”

Greg’s heart sank. He closed his eyes listening to her words rip through his heart. He wanted to beg her not to leave but he knew he couldn’t.

Greg opened his watery eyes and looked at Evan then smiled. Evan stood staring at him before he walked over and engulfed her body fully in his arms; wishing he could hold her and protect her forever. More tears ran down Evan’s face and onto Greg’s shirt. And the more she cried, the tighter he held her.

“I love you, First lady.” Greg released her then walked to the door and opened it for her.

Evan looked at him before walking to the door where he stood. She touched his face and kissed him on the cheek. He turned his head causing their lips to meet neither resisting, relishing the moment as their mouths touched. Evan opened her eyes staring into his before she hesitantly walked out of the door.

“Goodbye, Pastor Greg,” she said brushing gently against his arm as she walked by him.

He didn’t know if he’d see her again but he had told her his heart and although she was leaving it broken, he had told her. It wasn’t the first time that God had taken love from him. Greg closed the door behind her.

Evan removed her glasses from her face and placed her book on her night stand. She reached over to turn out her light then stopped and looked at her cell phone. Suddenly, her thoughts turned to Greg. It had been over a year and she hadn’t talked to or seen him. She’d been too busy but truth be told; she was purposely busy to not think about him or the kiss they shared that sent shivers down her spine. She still hadn’t gotten over it.

Mimi, who had come and spent several weekend visits with her always seemed to keep her updated on Greg’s ventures without Evan even inquiring. The latest from Mimi was that Greg was doing well and had decided to go back to preach on a temporary basis at JMC. For some reason, Mimi kept pressuring her to give Greg a call even going so far as to pretend to dial his number one day.

Evan didn’t have the guts to call him and she wasn’t ready for rejection. Greg had given her a chance and she had turned it down; why would she even attempt to disrupt his life now? But Mimi still held out hope for the two of them,
When you find that someone that shares your soul, don’t be afraid to give it to them.
Those were Mimi’s words to her one Saturday night as they watched a movie and shared a half gallon of Rocky Road.

Evan didn’t want to think about Greg but it was nights like this when her studying was completed that she did. And almost every night, she’d stare at the phone debating whether to call him and say hello. But then every night, she’d turn off the light, turn away from the phone and doze off; counting it a victory the next morning because getting involved would only be a distraction. She was on her own, soon to graduate, and on track to start her non-profit earlier than expected. Besides, it was just crazy to consider seeing Greg. She could imagine the rumors it would spark:
former pastor’s wife romantically linked to associate pastor
. She wouldn’t even blame anyone for gossiping about that headline; it even sounded bizarre to her.

She looked at the clock. It was 10:15. She wondered what he was doing; how he was doing. Did he think of her as often as she thought of him? Though she doubted it; she still wondered. She tossed and turned in her bed but for some reason she was unable to get comfortable. Suddenly, thoughts of Greg bombarded her.
I’m not ready Lord.
Why did she want to hear his voice so badly? She had gone this long without talking to him; she’d be fine, he’d eventually be out of her system.

Evan sat up from her bed quickly. She stared long and hard at her phone. It was crazy. She needed to sleep; after all, she had an early class and she had a full schedule of classes from morning to night so there would be no time for a nap. But without thinking, and in a moment’s time, she reached over and picked up her cell phone and dialed.

Her heart pulsated and her hand shook as the phone rang, she immediately regretted it and wanted to hang up. It was probably a bad idea because he probably had forgotten all about her anyway or was seeing someone. A man who loved the Lord as much as he did and looked that good couldn’t still be single anyway. She panicked then hurried to find the
‘end call’
button when she heard his voice.

“Hello?”

Greg closed his bible and looked up at the clock; 10:20. It was still early since his nights were usually long and unpredictable since he’d returned to pastoring. The thought of turning in early was very exciting since he rarely did. He jumped up from the chaise where he was studying and dropped to the floor, 150 push-ups and 150 crunches, his every night routine. He was working on raising it to 200 each, soon. He had been disciplined when it came to his body but he was working on trusting God especially when he didn’t understand what his purpose was.

And he didn’t know why God was pushing him to JMC. Evan was right, he was playing Jonah and God was using whatever he could to get his attention. Board members were relentless as they campaigned for his return to JMC as their senior pastor. They auditioned several pastors who spoke on various Sundays but insisted that none were the right fit. They quoted scriptures, prayed with him even solicited the mothers of the church in an attempt to persuade Greg to come back as JMC’s senior pastor. But it was God using Emily that had softened his heart in returning, at least temporarily.

He was surprised when Emily had called him and invited him to dinner at her daughter’s home. It was over a well-seasoned pot roast and red potatoes that she spoke about Sam and how she had missed him terribly. She added that even at her old age, God was teaching her to forgive, something she once thought she had down pat. Then she thanked Greg profusely for the love he had for Sam and his commitment in honoring him. Greg, who was never comfortable accepting praise, nodded appreciating her sentiments as he kept eating the peach cobbler from the dish in front of him. Then out of nowhere, she told him how much Sam had always thought that he was the one that God had called to pastor JMC, anyway. Those words had almost caused Greg to choke on his piece of peach cobbler so he put the fork down and listened to her.

She expressed that her resentment had kept her originally from returning to JMC because every time she walked into that church, she was reminded of what was taken from her; the greatest love of her life. But she didn’t want Greg to carry that same burden and Sam would have never wanted Greg to waste the gifts that God had given him because of what the enemy had fashioned. She then wrapped her thick arms around him and called him son. He surrendered but he promised only on a temporary basis and they had accepted it.

Since his return, JMC had grown beyond his imagination. The people who had left were back and whether they were gawkers or not, they were hearing the word of God pure and simple. Ben had even attended a few services. Greg never imagined that his skeptic best friend would show up in the house of God in a million years. Ben still insisted that he didn’t believe but he and Maria still came every few Sundays. Every time Greg saw Ben, he thought of Saul. In due time, he thought.

So much had happened; the centers had been dedicated to Sam, construction on the new buildings was halted until further notice, pending God’s direction. He declined the White Houses’ invitation so the church could focus and heal. Not much else had changed; he was still in his small church office, lived in his small condo, and still drove his old truck.