His Heart's Home (16 page)

“We have?” Avery frowned and looked at his mother. “This isn’t Kentucky. What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Duncan told him, “That I’ve bought some land right here- nine thousand acres and-!”

“
NINE THOUSAND ACRES?
” Ciaran repeated, much too loud. She clamped her hand over her mouth and stared at him. “You said Brodie’s farm was three hundred!”

“Aye,” Duncan admitted, nodding, “He’s only got three hundred cleared
, but the patent was for a thousand, and he had a few other stakes besides…”

“Nine thousand acres!” Ciaran said again, seemingly unable to wrap around the number in her mind. “We’ll
never
be able to farm so much!”

“Well,
we
won’t,” Duncan agreed, “But the boys will need places of their own when they’re grown….and Frasure wants a plot…and Ross….and MacNab.”

“Duncan?” Ciaran spoke his name impatiently, demanding an explanation.

He blushed, “Well- there isn’t a lot to spend gold on in these parts. I reckon I’m only risking getting it stolen if I keep it under the bed. I went ahead and bought up the land and the others will pay us rent. It’s a fair idea, Ciaran. There won’t be much this first harvest, but we’ll have a little extra for the baby and the kids, and after trade really starts going then….”

“How many tenants are you mean
ing to have, exactly?” Ciaran asked.

“Uhm…” Duncan shifted guiltily. “
All
,” he finally admitted.

“All?” Ciaran echoed.

“Well- all of the MacRaes…and a few of the others decided to throw their lot in with us, didn’t have a choice, really. There aren’t enough to press on west, and the reports are that the Indians are raiding the whole frontier. LaSoeur’s hopping mad,” Duncan chuckled as if the idea of upsetting the Frenchman had been more than worth his gold.

“But…” Ciaran shook her head, once again overwhelmed by his generosity and willingness to help his friends. “Why did you do that?” she asked him.

Duncan shrugged, “Well, I am…
was
…the Laird.”

Ciaran’s lips twitched in an uncertain little smile.  She was willing to admit that
maybe
– just maybe she had fallen in love with Duncan.  He was everything she had ever dreamed about finding in a man (and long ago given up as pure fantasy), but she could have done without the issue of his standing among the Scots hanging over them. 

She felt bad for feeling that way
.  She really did, but she couldn’t help it.  He was so far above her.  It made her feel small and inadequate, and a little bit insecure.  So many people depended on him.  She was just one in a long queue.

“Seeing as we’re all settled, I thought we’d stay put here for the night and head off to the farm tomorrow morning?” Duncan said, looking to Ciaran for approval.

Personally, she wouldn’t have minded the hassle of packing everything up, if it meant she could sleep in a
bed
again, but the children were sleepy and almost settled, and she could surely face one last night of lying outside under the stars.  Besides, she was too well trained from her marriage to Sean to oppose anything Duncan suggested.

Not that she was married to Duncan…

Ciaran frowned over that thought as she put her children to bed.  Duncan had said they would all live on the farm together, but he hadn’t mentioned marriage.  She shook her head to banish the crazy notion.  As if he would to marry her.  The idea was ludicrous. Why did she have to go and spoil everything by even thinking about it?

“Do you want to see the deed?” Duncan asked excitedly, pulling Ciaran down beside him by the fire once the children were all tucked up and snoring.  She tensed a little, but he didn’t appear to notice.

“I- ugh-”

“Go on, have a look,” he grinned widely, unrolling the parchment.

Ciaran squirmed and looked down at the paper obediently.  Letters and numbers swam in front of her eyes, but the order they had been placed in didn’t make the least bit of sense.  She smiled and nodded, and tried to make it seem like she knew what it all said, but knew she would be caught in her lie if Duncan asked the least little question about what was written on the deed.

She glanced up from the paper to Duncan’s face, and found him staring at her expectantly.  He was wearing a rather boyish, uncertain smile she had never seen before, and instinctively she knew he was waiting for some kind of reaction from her
- but
what?

“It’s ugh- nice?” she said weakly, panic instantly flaring to life in her stomach when Duncan’s expression crumpled. 
She’d said something wrong.

“Well, I thought you might have been a
little
bit happier,” he said slowly, frowning.

“I am happy
that you bought the land!” Ciaran blurted.

Duncan looked at her, and raised one eyebrow.  “Yes, but- did you read the whole thing?  The light’s not very good.  Here come closer to the fire,” he urged, but Ciaran wouldn’t budge.

“I saw everything,” she assured him, which wasn’t exactly a lie.

Duncan looked more disappointed than ever.  “I thought you’d be pleased,” he said coolly.

Ciaran bit down on the top of her thumb.  Obviously she was missing something important, but what, and how could she find out what it was without betraying the shameful secret of her illiteracy?

“Aren’t you going to say
anything?”
Duncan demanded, starting to sound cross.

“About what?” Ciaran squeaked.

“About what?  About the fact your name’s on the deed!”

Her name was on the deed
?

Ciaran gasped, disbelieving. She wished she really
could
tell what the deed said, so she would know if it was a lie. “It
is
?” she choked out.

Duncan nodded and handed her the parchment again. Ciaran held up the paper to the light, looking for anything
unfamiliar.

“Ciaran?” there was an odd edge to Duncan’s voice as he slipped closer on the bench.

“I see it!” Ciaran lied. She smiled broadly at Duncan, but the expression faded when she saw his own disapproving smile.

“No you don’t.”

“I…don’t?” she asked, horribly confused and disappointed, “But-!”

Ciaran’s voice trailed off when Duncan plucked the deed out of her hands and turned it upside down
, or, more likely, right side up.

“Can’t you read it, Ciaran?”

Panic gathered in Ciaran’s chest, along with a mighty sob she fought to hold down. She couldn’t bear to admit her ignorance to Duncan. She was already a disappointment in so many ways!.

“Of course I can read it!” she insisted, hefting up her chin as though she was offended, “I just-!”

“It’s okay if you can’t!” Duncan assured her quickly, and she felt another pang of humiliation. Somehow, the deep compassion in his eyes was even worse than Sean’s sneering contempt had been.

“But I
CAN
!” she continued defiantly, but was undone by Duncan’s reply.

“What does this say, then?” he asked, pointing to the first line.

Ciaran turned away. Caught in the lie, she could think of nothing else to do.

Duncan wouldn’t let her avoid him, however. He tucked the Deed safely away, and then wound his arms around her waist, drawing her stiff, resisting body back against his chest.

“It’s alright, luv,” he whispered tenderly into her hair. “I doubt any more than a handful of the lassies with us could do better, or a handful of the men. I just wasn’t thinking. Don’t let it worry you. It doesn’t matter.”

“But it DOES!” Ciaran sniffled miserably, unable to resist the soothing ministrations of his hands for long. She curled into his warm embrace, “You’re fine and powerful and educated and I’m…no more than an ignorant peasant!”

“Shhhhh!” Duncan said harshly, covering her lips with his finger, “I won’t be hearing that. You’re none of those things, Ciaran Connelly. You’re the mother of four fine boys and a bonnie wee girl, and the mistress of the grandest farm in the Shenandoah!”

Ciaran couldn’t help but smile a little at his words, still overwhelmed by his massive gift.

“Why did you do it?” she whispered. “You’ve already been so kind.”

“Ach!” Duncan chided with a very Scottish sound. “I’ve already told you I’m not kind…” his voice dropped lower, “At least, not as kind as I want to be yet
.”

“I-”
love you
, Ciaran finished in her mind, but was quick enough to swallow the words. She knew better than to speak them aloud unless Duncan made a declaration first. “I want that too,” she finished instead.

Duncan kissed her again, and then looked regretfully at the sleeping children.

“Soon…” he promised her. “Very soon.”

..ooOOoo..

“Why do we have to sleep next to the roof? I don’t want to sleep with Liam! Why do we have to climb up a ladder?”

Ciaran tried her best to shush her oldest son, who was far less impressed by their new home than she’d hoped he would be
.

Ryan was equally churlish. “Our house in
New Bern had stairs!” he declared, “And a banister!”

Liam, at least, was enchanted, “I want to climb the ladder!” he announced, and promptly shimmied up the simple wooden trellis to the loft above the great room.

Avery and Ryan both looked disgusted at their brother. Duncan laughed at their dismay. “I
promise
we’ll have stairs soon!” he said in a serious tone, “
And
a banister if you want it- but we’ve got to get a proper roof first, right? And a room for your baby sister? At least you don’t have to sleep outside!”

“Might as well have,” Avery muttered under his breath, earning a sharp, horrified jab in the ribs from his mother, who was heartily embarrassed by their lack of gratitude. For her own part, she was still overwhelmingly impressed with her brand new farm
.

“That can be arranged if you like, Avery,” Duncan said.  He didn’t raise his voice or show any outward sign of annoyance.  In fact he was still smiling when he spoke.  “I’m sure your brothers would love the extra room.”

“Ma!” Avery whined, turning to his mother for support, but Ciaran felt her son had brought any punishment Duncan wanted to dole out on himself.  He only had himself to blame. 

She knew Avery was taking liberties he never would have dared with his father.  He was trying to test where Duncan’s boundaries were, and so she kept out of the discussion, although she was still horribly embarrassed her son had given Duncan a reason to be displeased with him
.

Seeing there was no help to be had, Avery very wisely kept any further disparaging thoughts about the farm to himself.

They didn’t have very many things to move into the farmhouse and once everything had found a place to live Ciaran set about dusting and washing and scrubbing.  She spent the remainder of their first day cleaning the dirty cabin to make it more inhabitable.  Duncan, meanwhile, busied himself by making a list of all the repairs and improvements that needed to be made to the building, while the boys tried to keep out of the way as much as they could, lest they be called upon to help with the chores.

Dinner that evening was served around a real table with real chairs to sit upon for the first time in weeks.  Ciaran glowed with modest pride as she dished out her meal.  She wouldn’t ever be able to thank Duncan enough for giving her family a home again
.  Even the older two boys had started to come around.  Avery and Ryan spent much of the meal trying to persuade Duncan they were clever enough, strong enough, and old enough to build on an extra room to the farmhouse they could have as their own bedroom.

“We’ll see,” Duncan murmured, and that was about as much commitment to the idea they could draw from him.

After the meal was eaten and the dishes had been washed the Connellys sat down around the fire and listened to Duncan tell stories from his childhood in Scotland until the boys started to doze and Ciaran declared it was time for bed.  This prompted half a dozen sleepy protests from all of the children, but she managed to shoo them all off up into the loft to change for bed, following a little while after them to make sure they said their prayers and to kiss them goodnight.

Duncan was left holding Mary as the boys were put to bed.  The baby girl had taken quite a shine to the Scot.  She would settle for him sooner than she would for her own mother
.  Ciaran told him that he was a natural.  Duncan had smiled, albeit a touch sadly, and then teased that he just had a way with women.

“Well, that’s true enough,” Ciaran admitted, smiling down at the pair of them. “But I still say you’re a deft touch with the wee ones…” She stepped behind h
im and Mary, bending down to slip an arm around his neck, thrilled and faintly frightened by her own boldness.

Duncan reacted well. He bent his neck and kissed her forearm, encouraging her to linger. They both stared down at little Mary for a few minutes, until Duncan stood and announced that it was time for them to go to bed.