His Heart's Home (6 page)

The boys gathered around their mother, tucking into their bowls of food. Duncan continued watching, unashamedly, as she unbuttoned the front of her dress and loosened her stays. Desire swirled in Duncan’s gut at the sight of her creamy breast. She lifted the plump swell with one hand, and used the other to guide the baby’s mouth to her nipple, where it latched on hungrily and began to feed while Ciaran rocked her back and forth.

Ryan brought his stepmother her own dish of food. Duncan frowned at the meager portion, apparent even from far away, but Ciaran didn’t seem to mind. She ate it in quick, efficient bites, and then finished Mary’s feeding, burped the baby, and laid her down to sleep.

At last came the moment Duncan was waiting for. Ciaran reached inside the wagon and pulled out her sewing
supplies. She carried a pile of clothes to her seat by the fire, and then reached inside the willow basket that held her thread and thimble and pulled out Duncan’s offering instead.

He watched her expression carefully as she turned the bag over in her hand, and then peeked inside, astonishment written on her face. Her delicate fingers slipped inside, and she pulled out a sugared fruit. Duncan couldn’t hear what the children were saying, but he could see the excitement on their faces when they noticed the candy. They reminded him of baby birds as they crowded around their stepmother, clamoring for a bite to eat.
She passed out the sweets. They were smiling again. Duncan took a bit of comfort from that fact, and a bit more from what happened next. Ciaran put the bag away, and then she cast her gaze around the camp. Duncan held his breath, waiting to see if he’d be spotted. Ciaran’s eyes drifted past his hiding spot to the fire, and then back again, but didn’t seem to find what she was looking for.

“Thank you,” she mouthed silently
, although she wasn’t facing anyone in particular. Duncan knew she meant it for him.

“You’re kindly welcome Ciaran,” he mouthed back, glad that he’d repaid a tiny morsel of happiness
, and wanting to give her so much more.

..ooOOoo..

“Stay close Aidan - Liam, you too! Ryan, Avery, you have to help me mind your brothers. There can’t be any wandering off. It isn’t safe. We have to be more careful now.”

“We’re in
injun country
!” Avery announced with a great deal of authority.

Liam looked frightened. “Are they going to get us,
Mama?” he asked in a wary whisper.

“No, darling,” Ciaran tried to reassure him, but her voice was drowned out by Ryan’s gleeful:

“They’ll catch you and they’ll cut off your scalp!”

“Ryan!” Ciaran snapped, “Don’t you go winding him up!”
And don’t frighten me any worse than I am.
She added on in her mind, glancing warily over her shoulder, half-convinced that the natives were going to descend any moment as it was.

The day hadn’t started off well.
After a week of rain, the river was deeper and faster than they’d expected and it had been difficult getting across. Two of the sheep that had been brought along were swept away down the stream, and the wheel fell off the Cartee’s wagon again, forcing them all to stop and make repairs.

LaSoeur, their guide, had been annoyed by the delays, and took every opportunity he could to remind them that Indian eyes were probably watching every move they made.

“They’re waiting for a moment of weakness!” he exclaimed, waving his arms in agitation. “When we drop our guard, that is when they strike!”

By the time they started moving again, Ciaran was half-sick with fear. She didn’t know how she could bear to live this way every moment for the rest of her life
.

Ciaran got the impression that quite a few of the other women felt the same way she did
, and maybe even some of the men too.  When they made camp that night everyone was at least
slightly
muted.  The jolly, positive energy of the party had vanished, and any infrequent laugher that broke out now sounded high and nervous.  People were just too busy watching their backs to have time to do much else.

Ciaran couldn’t help being aware of where Duncan and his group had decided to make camp.  They seemed so much more organized and better prepared than everyone else
.  Ciaran wished Sean had allowed their wagon to be closer to the Scots.  She would have felt just a little bit safer if he had, but, of course, they were about as far away as was possible.

It was hard to fall asleep that night.  Sean had managed to drink himself into a stupor
- possibly the only way that Ciaran liked her husband - so at least she didn’t have to deal with his unwelcome attention, but every rustle and creak sounded like Indians approaching to Ciaran.  She lay absolutely still and prayed for morning, when at least she would be able to see what was going to kill her.

Dawn came and the camp seemed to relax
a little
in comparison to the night before.  It was hard to sustain a constant feeling of abject terror.  Even Ciaran was too tired to feel quite as scared as she had the day before. 

“Avery, where’s your brother?” Ciaran sighed.  She was serving up their meager breakfast and was left with Aidan’s bowl.

“I don’t know,” The oldest boy shrugged and continued gobbling down his porridge in ravenous bites.  “But I’ll have his breakfast if he doesn’t want it!”

“Hey!” Ryan cried.  “That’s not fair!  I’m smaller than you, I should get it!”

“Neither of you are having it!” Ciaran said impatiently.  “Now please go and find Aidan while I see to Liam and Mary.”

The older children sighed, but they did as they were asked.  Ciaran looked around anxiously,
wishing
she could curb Aidan of this habit.  If her husband had been around she might even have asked for his help to find their son, but Sean wasn’t around.  He had taken, by far, the largest serving of porridge and then gone off to speak to some of the other men - some of the other men who could be found with a bottle in their hand almost as often as Sean himself.

“Ma, Aidan shouldn’t wander off, should he?” Liam asked, managing to take tiny little bits of his food to make it last as long as possible.

“No, Liam.  He-”

“Indians!  INDIANS!!!”

Ciaran’s heart just about stopped beating, she clutched Mary to her breast and almost sank to her knees.  They were going to
die
. 

Pandemonium
erupted around the campsite.  People were screaming and running all over the place, but - but there were no Indian’s charging through the wagons lopping people’s scalps off. Ciaran had managed to get a little bit of a grip on her fear when Sean came thundering over to her, barking orders to pack everything up as fast as possible. He even
helped!

“What- what’s going on?” Ciaran asked.

“Owen says he spotted an Indian scout.  They’ll be on us in no time.  We have to leave.”

Ciaran looked around frantically for the boys.  “We can’t leave without Aidan!”

“Aidan?  You let him wander off
again?”
Sean roared.

“I- I didn’t
let
him wander off,” Ciaran cried.  She was too scared to watch what she was saying at the moment.  “I only took my eyes off him for a second,” she whimpered, wringing her hands fearfully.

Sean looked like he wanted to slap his wife for her idiocy, but luckily for her he had both of his hands full.  “Look Ciaran, just help me pack everything into the bloody wagon before the Indian’s kill us!” he snapped.  “Aidan will turn up.  He always does!”

Ciaran had to admit that much was true. Avery and Ryan were looking for their brother, and Aidan had never got
really and truly
lost before. Surely this wouldn’t be the first time they wouldn’t be able to find him?

“Ma!  Pa!”

Avery and Ryan appeared just a minute or so later, but without their little brother.  They were both out of breath and looked absolutely terrified.

“Where’s Aidan?” Ciaran demanded, rushing towards them.  She
was sick with fear.  They could be attacked at any second and she had lost one of her sons.

“We couldn’t find him,” Avery panted.  “Everyone’s saying- saying the injun
s are coming to kill us!”

“That’s right,” Sean interjected without any sympathy.  “So can you two help your father?  Your mother isn’t capable of doing anything,” he snarled.

“Aidan!” Ciaran shouted, ignoring her husband as her mothering instincts overrode even her own desire for survival.  “Aidan!”  She darted frantically between the different wagons calling out her son’s name.

“What
is going on here?”

Ciaran looked up into LaSoeur
’s frowning face.  The Frenchman was perched atop his horse looking down at her with displeasure.

“My son!  I can’t find my son!” Ciaran sobbed, twisting her head this way and that as she tried to catch sight of Aidan.  “Have you seen him?  Please!  We can’t leave without him!” she cried, seeing that everyone else was just about ready to leave.  A few people glanced at her in concern, but no one seemed to be able to tell her the whereabouts of her son.

“
Non
!  We cannot wait!” LaSoeur scoffed.  “We must leave now! 
Immédiatement
!”

“But-
!” Ciaran looked around for someone to help her.  Sean was marching over.  Surely he would take her side?  He wasn’t a good man, but Aidan was his
son. 
“Sean!” she cried.  “Please!  Tell Monsieur LaSoeur we can’t go until we find Aidan!”

“You may stay and look for
the boy. He is your son, but the group cannot wait.”

“Sean!”
Ciaran croaked.  They couldn’t go without Aidan.  They just couldn’t.

“We have to leave, Ciaran,” Sean muttered, although he didn’t look her in the eye when he spoke.  “If we stay then we’ll all die.”

“No!” Ciaran gasped, horrified.  “I won’t go without him!  I WON’T!”

“
That is your choice,” LaSoeur said, effectively washing his hands of the matter.  Quite a large crowd had gathered to see what was going on and what was causing the hold up.  A lot of the people looked sympathetically towards Ciaran, but they were also all shifting impatiently to be of.

“I
won’t
leave him!” Ciaran sobbed, as Sean grabbed her arm in his cruel grip.  She tried to fight him, but he was far too strong.

“
Dammit, Ciaran!” Sean spat, hissing under his breath.  “What would you have us do?  Do you want to lose Mary and Liam, and Avery and Ryan too?” he demanded, shaking her roughly.

“I don’t- I can’t-” 

She was crying now, and she could barely see through her tears - until her eyes, darting around, still searching for Aidan, met
his
. Ciaran looked into those unforgettable blue eyes and understood, as clearly as if the words were spoken aloud, that Duncan MacRae would find Aidan for her.

Thank you
.

She willed the words with every fiber of her body, hoping that, somehow, he would know. If
–
when -
he found her baby, he would have her eternal gratitude. She would give him anything he wanted. Sean’s fury would be
nothing
next to her relief.

“Move it!”

Cairan stumbled as she was shoved roughly forward. She had barely righted herself before Mary was thrust into her arms.

“Walk!” Sean grunted, nudging his elbow sharply into her back.

She stole a glance at his expression, hoping to find some inkling of remorse. His jaw was set. His shoulders were leveled, and he didn’t even try to look back.

Cairan, however, couldn’t help it. She twisted around, pausing again as she cast her eyes over the thick black ocean of trees that had swallowed
first her son, and now the Scotsman too. She felt a flutter of hope at the realization MacRae had truly gone, but that happy spark was quickly snuffed by the realization they had both been cast loose now. If Duncan didn’t come back, they were both lost.

Ciaran
tried to convince herself the others would wait to find him. A little wandering boy was one thing, and a laird was quite another, but she knew that as loyal as the MacRaes were, they were practical too. They knew the odds of one man surviving alone in the savage-infested wilderness, just as she knew the odds of survival for one man and one small boy.

She resolved not to think of that now. For the moment, she clung to hope. There was nothing to do but wait
and pray.

..ooOOoo..

Duncan held his horse to a walk and kept close to the side of the trail, squinting in the brush for some small sign of the missing boy. In the woods of Kintail he might have taken his chances off the path, but these were not the woods of his home, and he didn’t trust his sense of direction enough to take the risk, not that remaining on the road was precisely safe. Maybe it was only his imagination, but he felt a constant prickle on the back of his skin. He was being watched. He would swear it, but whenever he turned around there was nothing there.