His Heart's Home (24 page)

“My son?” he whispered, glancing over at the whimpering bundle.

“Yes,” Ciaran giggled.  “Your son, you remember, the one that all this fuss is about?” she teased, as the midwife bustled over and gave her the baby carefully. 

“My son…” Duncan murmured, staring in awe at the child.

He had dreamed about this moment for such a long- for such a
very
long time, he could hardly believe he wasn’t dreaming now.  Could that tiny little baby
really
be his son?  He looked so small- so perfect.  His little red face scrunched up crossly as he tried and failed to latch on to his mother’s breast.

“Come on, little one,” Ciaran laughed.  “There, that’s it, you can do it,” she cooed, helping him to find his way.

“Thank you,” Duncan murmured, having to clear his throat as the words choked him with emotion.  He had never loved anyone quite like this before- never so fiercely so instantly.  “Thank you, Ciaran,” he said huskily, having to blink hard to keep himself in check.

“Thank you?” she echoed him, looking up from the babe nursing at her breast.  “I didn’t do anything special,” she said with smile

“Ciaran!” Duncan exclaimed so loudly their son stopped feeding.  For a second it looked like he would cry, but Ciaran managed to tempt him back to his meal and he settled back down.  “You did
everything
,” Duncan said fiercely, if more quietly.

“Well, I think you helped a
little
bit at the beginning,” Ciaran giggled.  Duncan chuckled, and watched as, still smiling, his wife closed her eyes for a moment.  He reached out to stroke her cheek.

“Are you very tired?” he asked.  The children had wanted to come and see her, but he didn’t know if that was a good idea.

“Mmm, a little,” she sighed, opening her eyes.  “I’ll get up in a minute and fix some supper though,” she told him.

“You will NOT!”  Duncan boomed, unable to believe she would
even suggest such a thing.

“Duncan!  Don’t shout!” Ciaran hissed, gently shushing the baby.

“Sorry,” Duncan said, and looked contrite.  “But you can’t honestly think I’d let you out of bed to start
working
?” he asked incredulously.

Ciaran blinked.  “Well, I always have before,” she confessed. 

Duncan’s face blackened at the reminder of her previous pregnancies.  He loved her other children, but he
hated
that she had been married to another man before him, especially when that other man had been an absolute beast.  Actually, now that he thought about it, Duncan could hardly pretend to be surprised to hear Sean had started working Ciaran to the bone the second she had delivered his children.  It was just the sort of despicable stunt he would pull.

“Duncan?” Ciaran asked timidly.

He shook away his frown and smiled.  “The boys and I can manage, and there’s always Molly if we get desperate.”

“Oh, but I’m your wife,” Ciaran argued, her brow furrowing in a little frown.  “It’s my job to look after you
.”

Duncan chuckled.  “No,” he said gently, picking up her free hand and kissing her fingers.  “It’s
my
job to look after
you
.”

“You’re going to make me cry
,” Ciaran warned him, taking back her hand so she could change the way she was holding the baby.  He had finished feeding now, and had dropped instantly off to sleep.  “What do you think we should call him?” she mused, looking down into his angelic little face.  “Did you have any ideas?”

Duncan glanced down at his hands and hesitated.  “Aye… I did have one…”

“Oh?” Ciaran smiled.  “You never said!  What is it?”

“It’s-” Duncan looked from his wife to his son.  “It’s Thomas.”

“Thomas?” Ciaran tried the name out on her tongue.  She glanced down at her sleeping son.  Did he look like a Thomas?  “What do you think little man?” she whispered.  “How do you feel about it?”

“How do
you
feel about it?” Duncan asked, and he looked strangely serious.

“It’s a fine name,” Ciaran nodded, smiling, sensing that this was very important to her husband for some reason- and then it struck her.  “Thomas- Thomas was the name of your older brother, wasn’t it?” she asked cautiously, understanding a little better. 

Duncan had still never confided in her the details of what had happened to his brother, but she knew that Duncan had loved him a great deal, and, of course, she knew he was dead.

“Aye,” Duncan murmured.  “I thought- but if you don’t like it-”

“I like it!” Ciaran interrupted quickly.  “Of course he shall be called Thomas!”

Duncan’s lips twitched. 
“Why?”

“Because that’s what you want him to be called,” Ciaran nodded, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Ciaran!  You have to want it too!” Duncan exclaimed, looking both amused and exasperated.

“I do!” she insisted
. “I didn’t have anything in mind, and I do think it’s very sweet you want to name him after your brother.”

“Sweet?”
Duncan grunted, obviously taking offense at the term.

“Well… nice?” Ciaran tried instead.  “It shows you must have loved him a very great deal,” she said gently.  A dark, painful shadow crossed Duncan’s face, and Ciaran wished she hadn’t said anything.  She cuddled her sleeping son closer to her breast.

“I did love him,” Duncan said at length.  His voice was hoarse and strained.  “I worshipped him,” he laughed sadly.  “Even now, after so many years, I find it hard to believe he’s gone.  Sometimes I still expect to see him.”

“He must have been an amazing man,” Ciaran said quietly.  She didn’t want to break the spell, in case Duncan stopped opening up to her, but she couldn’t sit in silence.

“He was,” Duncan nodded fiercely.  “A better man than me.”

“Duncan, no!” Ciaran gasped.  She wouldn’t believe
that.

“It’s all right,” he chuckled.  “I made my peace with that fact a long time ago.”

“It’s not true!” she insisted, speaking just as fiercely as he had done a moment before.  “You’re the best man I’ve ever known!”

Duncan smiled suddenly and kissed her cheek, being careful not to knock baby Thomas as he did so.  “Aye, well that’s why I love you,” he chuckled, smoothing a few loose strains of hair behind Ciaran’s ear.

Ciaran, however, had turned rigid and pale. 
He loved her? 
Duncan had never,
ever
said that before.  Could he- did he mean it,
truly
, or was it just his excitement about the baby talking

“Ciaran?  Is something wrong, lass?” Duncan frowned.  “You don’t look well…”

“I’m sorry.  I’m fine!” she insisted quickly.

“No, I’m sorry,” said Duncan apologetically.  “I should be letting you rest, not keeping you talking.”

“I don’t mind!” Ciaran was quick to reassure him, but Duncan thought it would be for the best if he left her alone to get some sleep.

“I should just be in the next room if you need me,” he told her soothingly.  “And you can always send one of the boys after me if I do need to go out to the barn.”

“All right,” Ciaran said.  She pouted a little, which made Duncan smile.

“Sleep!” he chuckled.  “Do you need me to-
?” he looked at Thomas hesitantly.

“Hrm?” Ciaran murmured.  Despite her protests to the contrary, her eyelids were obviously heavy and closing of their own accord.  “Oh, take Thomas?” she yawned.  She had fixed up a little crib for the baby a few days before.  “I can get out and put him-”

“Ciaran!”
Duncan groaned.  More than anything he wanted to be able to hold his son for the first time, but he also wanted his wife to realize she didn’t have to
do everything herself! 
“Please?”

“Well, if you don’t mind?” Ciaran sighed sleepily.

“Oh Ciaran,” Duncan laughed.  He gently took the baby off her and pressed a swift kiss to her lips.  “It’s going to take a little while longer to break you of these habits, isn’t it, lass?”

Ciaran made a confused, incoherent murmured, but she was nearer to sleep than waking, and so Duncan let her rest.  He was rather busy himself, gazing down at his son. 
His son! 
It suddenly seemed so real!  Duncan had seen his share of babies before, but little Thomas had to be the
most
handsome, the
most
perfect.

“I’m going to look after you,” Duncan promised the sleeping baby.  “You and your mama, and your brothers and sister,” he told Thomas, as he rather reluctantly placed the baby down in his cradle.  He brushed an ever-so-gentle kiss against his little son’s head, and then crept quietly out of the bedroom.

The moment he stepped out into the main room he was beset upon!  “How’s Ma?”  “Is she sick?”   “You were in there an awful long time?”  “Can we see her?”  “Where’s the baby?”  “Can we see him?”

“Woah!” Duncan laughed, and held up his hands in surrender.  “One question at a time, all right?”

“How’s Ma?” Avery asked.  His young face was lined with concern.

“Your mother’s doing fine,” Duncan assured the boy.  “She’s asleep at the moment, but I’m sure she’ll be keen to see you all when she wakes up again.”  Avery cracked a relieved smile.  “Your brother is all right too,” Duncan added, wandering over to the kitchen, despite what he had told Ciaran
, he wasn’t exactly an accomplished cook.

“
My
brother?” Avery said hesitantly, and a little hopefully, following Duncan across the room.

“Aye,” Duncan said gently.  “Thomas is your brother.”  He knew that Avery and Ryan had to be anxiously aware they weren’t related by blood to either him or Ciaran, but he wanted to make them realize that didn’t mean they weren’t family!

Together, Duncan and Avery managed to fix enough food to feed the family.  They were lucky that Molly had left a stew simmering on the stove or else they might have gone hungry that night.

“I want to see Mama before bedtime,” Aidan yawned.  In truth it was already far past the children’s bedtime, but Duncan thought the lack of schedule could be excused for one day.  “And the new baby too!” Aidan demanded, finishing off the last mouthful of his stew.

“Baby!” Mary cooed.  She was sitting on Duncan’s knee, eating a piece of bread with her fingers.  “Dada, baby!” she said, pointing to herself proudly.

Duncan laughed and kissed the top of her head.  “No, you’re my big girl now,” he said.  “You’ll have to help with the
new
baby.”  Mary did
not
look impressed.  “Won’t that be nice?” he urged gently, but Mary was blatantly not convinced.

“No!” she whined, puckering her face into a scowl, and Duncan was forced to recall how
he
had felt when his mother gave birth to Ewan.  He wanted to reassure her, but he supposed the only way to do that would be to
show
her she wasn’t being replaced.  She was too little to understand reasoning with words.

“Why don’t you come with me and we’ll see if Ma is awake?” he asked Mary.  She nodded silently and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

“I want to come too!” Aidan shouted, and Liam agreed.

“In a minute,” Duncan assured them.  “I’m just going to make sure your Ma is awake and up to visitors.”

The boys sat back down, while Duncan carried Mary over to the bedroom he and Ciaran (and now Thomas too) shared.  He poked his head inside, and smiled when he saw his wife sitting up in bed.

“You’re meant to be asleep,” he chided her gently, putting a squirming Mary down so she could run over and see her mother.  “Careful, Mary,” he said, wincing as the little girl scrambled up onto the bed.  He didn’t think his wife was feeling well enough to be climbed over
, but apparently Ciaran disagreed.

“She’s fine,” she laughed, hugging her daughter tightly.  “Where are the boys?” she asked, looking bright and healthy, so Duncan called for her sons to come and see her too.  The four boys hurried into the room, Avery and Aidan rushed to their mother’s bedside, while Ryan and Liam quietly crept over to peer into the crib.

“He looks funny,” Liam frowned, poking Thomas with a chubby finger.

“Liam!” Ciaran scolded.  Avery and Aidan were hugging her, but she had one eye on the other boys.

“But he’s all red and wrinkly,” Liam argued.

“
You
were red and wrinkly when you’d just been born too,” Ryan said wisely.

“I was not!” Liam cried, and his shouting and poking woke up Thomas, who made his displeasure known by balling loudly.  “It’s crying!” Liam announced to the room at large.

“Liam!  Thomas is not an ‘it’!” Ciaran said sharply.  “Duncan, can you pass him over here?” she asked her husband.

“Which one?” Duncan chuckled, but he was scooping Thomas up as he spoke.

The children stayed with Ciaran for almost an hour, before the younger ones started falling asleep and Duncan declared it was time for them all to be in bed.  Mary had already dozed off, something he was rather grateful for.  The little girl was
not
at all pleased about having to move out of her mother’s bedroom into the boy’s room in the loft.