His Heart's Home (9 page)

Most of the men had gathered off to one side, where
LaSoeur and Duncan seemed to be having some sort of fight.

Nothing new there,
Ciaran thought, and set about getting Mary to nurse. The baby, unlike her brothers, was blissfully unaware of the day’s events. She latched on hungrily and began to feed while her mother rocked her gently back and forth.

Ciaran’s thoughts began to wander again, thinking back over her life with Sean. He hadn’t seemed so bad in the beginning. When he’d come to fetch her off the boat he seemed handsome and kind
, but she knew, as soon as she walked into the house, something was wrong.

The first
Mrs. Connelly, her predecessor, looked old beyond her years. At first, Ciaran hadn’t understood why the woman was so reclusive and withdrawn, but then she had heard the first beating. Ciaran had stayed awake in her bed, horrified by the sounds, shocked by what she learned of Sean, but she forgave him the following day. He was an angel to the whole family: playing with the boys (Ryan and Avery were both so young then!), bringing flowers and a new packet of pins to his wife. That was the night he had called Ciaran into his study and tried to explain.

He poured her a glass of wine. Ciaran had never had anything but beer or watered-down whisk
ey before. She liked the sweet taste, the warmth it spread in her belly, and how it helped her to relax. Sean made it all make sense. He told her how withdrawn his wife was, how cold and uncaring, how she made him lose his temper and how lonely he was in the face of her rejection.

Ciaran thought it was strange
when he wound his arm around her shoulder, but it was faintly thrilling too. Growing up in a house with fifteen other children, she had never been the focus of anyone’s attention before, and she liked it more than she should.

Sean spoke to her again the following evening, and the evening after that. The conversations were casual and friendly. What she’d told Duncan wasn’t a
lie. Sean
wasn’t
a completely bad man. He had interests and talents. The silver that he’d fashioned before he turned into a drunkard was renowned for its craftsmanship. She had liked him, and she thought it would be good to have a friend, but then he had kissed her.

Ciaran didn’t think she could tell him no
.

She knew it was wrong
,
terribly
wrong, when he had placed his lips on hers, and even worse when he put his tongue in her mouth. She tried to avoid him whenever possible, but things didn’t get better, they only got worse.

Ciaran cringed when she thought back to how he had stolen her innocence.
He was deep in his cups that night.  He barged through the front door, sopping wet from the rain, berating her for not bringing supper and letting the fire burn down in his room. He had pushed her across the desk before she knew what was happening.

Mrs.
Connelly didn’t know at first, although, it had been torture for Ciaran to face her the following day. After the first time, Sean came to Ciaran more and more frequently. She tried to act like nothing had happened, even though her conscience was eating her up inside.  If her mistress had any suspicions about where her husband slept at night, she didn’t voice them - although, she couldn’t have been so blind not to notice when Ciaran’s belly began to grow.

Mary’s soft gurgle interrupted Ciaran’s musings, and she looked gratefully at her little girl. Mary
was beautiful. Aidan and Liam were too. It almost didn’t seem possible her three wonderful children had been sired by a man like Sean. She wished they belonged to someone else.

Ciaran squelched th
e thought before it could be fully formed and looked around for distraction. She found it almost immediately - the men by the campfire were still arguing. She was startled by the sound of her name.

“…
Connelly’s back with the Munro’s!”

“There’s nothing for them to go back to. You know that!”

“That is no concern of mine!”

Eyes wide, Ciaran hurried toward the men, who stopped speaking when they saw her standing there.

“What is it?” she asked, her voice soft and fearful.

Duncan’s jaw twitched angrily. “Monsieur LaSoeur and I were just…having a friendly conversation.”

“About me?”

Duncan looked uncomfortable. “Aye
- about you and some of the rest.”

“Some of the others
, the Claibers and Munros, are heading back,” Donaid MacNab explained to her.

“Oui
! And
she
is going with them!”

Ciaran blanched. “Going with them? Where?
How
?
WHY?
”

LaSoeur chose to answer the last question first. “Because you and
the children
cannot come alone. They are enough trouble already! If not for the little boy slowing us down, we would not have been attacked!”

That wasn’t true.
LaSoeur
hadn’t
waited for Aidan, so it wasn’t fair to give the little boy the blame. Ciaran tried to tell him so, but was drowned out by a booming:

“NO!
It is in the agreement!
ONE
man with a rifle for every family. No exceptions. You place us all at risk.”

Ciaran looked desperately between the
men, refusing to believe their words were true. Sean was dead, but it wasn’t her fault. They couldn’t simply leave her here!

“You
will go with the Munro’s!” LaSoeur barked.

“But
Avery can-!”

“
That is a boy, not a man!” LaSoeur said coldly. “It is not enough!”

Duncan gave the Frenchman a black look, “And what if the rest of us say it is?”

“I don’t know, Duncan…”

Laird MacRae’s eyes went wide with shock as his cousin tentatively disagreed. “LaSoeur may have a point.  If we have to fight the
Indians again, who is going to be looking after her brood? And who is going to contribute to their defense? I’m not saying I like it, but it isn’t fair to the rest of the men, we’ve got families of our own to look after.”

“But-!” Ciaran was beginning to feel desperate. Surely they wouldn’t really make her go? Sean had sold the shop, and the home upstairs where the family had lived. They didn’t have any money
. Everything had gone to buy supplies. “Please!” she begged. “You have to take us with you! We can’t turn back now.”

“One man per family,” LaSoeur repeated.

There was a beat of silence. Then, the rich brogue that Ciaran was learning to love broke the stillness again.

“
They’re with me.”

A murmur ran through the crowd. Ciaran thought most of the sounds were disapproving, but only the Frenchman had the gall to voice an outright “No!”

Duncan narrowed his eyes at the trapper. “You said one man per family. I’m a man, and they’re a family. I don’t have anyone to look after on my own.”

LaSoeur’s skin flushed an angry red as he tried to think of a way to contradict this logic
, but he couldn’t in the end.

“Fine!” he spat.  “It’s your neck
, but if you change your mind, we’re leaving her wherever we are." He shot a glare at Ciaran, and then he stalked away.

“Are you sure you want to be doing that, Duncan?” Ross asked in a wary voice. He continued, as if Ciaran wasn’t standing there. “The lass isn’t your responsibility, and-”

“I’m sure!” Duncan cut him off.

“But-!”

“I’m on watch,” Duncan said gruffly. He nodded in Ciaran’s direction, but then turned and walked away in the opposite direction from where the Frenchman had gone.

Ciaran stood staring after him, not believing
- not
understanding
what had just happened. 
Why
would Duncan do this for her and family? 

A little heat stole into her cheeks when she recalled how he had kissed her
, when she recalled how possessively his arms had wrapped around her waist, but- but if
that
was what he wanted then he was borrowing a whole heap of trouble to get it.

Ciaran had always understood men found that particular activity a lot more pleasurable than women, but surely Duncan didn’t think her body was worth
quite
so much?  Was he
really
going to take over the protection of her
whole
family just to entitle himself to the privilege? 

Ciaran was sure there were a lot of women who would
offer themselves to the laird and expect much less in return for their trouble.  That put her in a very precarious position. She had to make sure he didn’t regret his decision.

“Excuse me,” Ciaran muttered, speaking to the man
- Ross? - who was still staring at her with disapproving curiosity.  She had to go and tell the children what had happened, and she had to work out what she was going to do about Duncan. 

Avery and Ryan were both waiting
anxiously for her to return.  Both boys looked far too worried for their young years.

“What’s happened?” Avery asked.  “What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Ciaran said soothing.  “Everything’s fine.  Monsieur LaSoeur was concerned we wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves if need be after- after losing your father,” she said quietly.  “But Mister- Laird MacRae said he would look after us.”

Avery scowled.  “We don’t need him to look after us!  We can manage on our own!”

“We don’t know him,” Ryan added, more fearfully.

“
I
can look after us, Ma!” said Avery.

“Oh darling, I know you can,” Ciaran said softly.  “But Monsieur LaSoeur is going to send us back if we don’t have a man in our group.  I know how brave you boys are, but we need
Laird MacRae’s help.”

“What if he doesn’t like us?” Ryan asked nervously.

“Who could possibly not like you?” Ciaran smiled, trying to reassure the boys, but she had wondered about all these things too.  She had
imagined
what a vast improvement Duncan would be over Sean, but she didn’t really
know
for a fact. 

Avery and Ryan didn’t look convinced either, but they let their mother usher them into
the nest of blankets and rags where they slept.  Their younger siblings were already fast asleep and dreaming.  Ciaran considered lying down with them, but she knew she should go and see Duncan first.  She slipped away when the boys were all snoring gently and went to seek out the Laird.

The camp was quiet, and it wasn’t hard for Ciaran to spot Duncan.  He was standing a little way
s removed from the wagons, keeping watch over them all.  She was surprised when her heart did a funny little leap.  She should not find what she was about to do exciting.

Duncan had spott
ed her long before she reached his side.  Ciaran could feel the heavy weight of his eyes caressing her, and didn’t doubt for a second he would let her do what she had planned.  She couldn’t help but feel a
little
disappointed, but then she reminded herself that, for all his seemingly good points, he was still just a man.

“I thought you might come,” he murmured. 

Had he really?
  Ciaran raised her eyebrows. 
That was confidence boarding on arrogance that surpassed even Sean.

“I thought perhaps you were mad?” he added sheepishly, and Ciaran felt as though a rug had just been pulled from under her feet.  “I guess I should have
asked
what you wanted first, but you didn’t seem to want to go back with the Munro’s?”

Ciaran shook her head slowly.  “No, we didn’t,” she said with a smile, feeling suddenly better about things.  Duncan really
did
seem to be a genuinely good man.  She had heard they existed, and so she was going to do whatever she could to hang onto him. 

How to go about it though? 

Well, this was just about an exchange of need, wasn’t it?  So there was no point waiting.

“Duncan?” she murmured softly.  “Duncan, there’s something I want to do for you.”

“Oh?” 

Duncan looked curious, but Ciaran didn’t believe he had quite grasped what that ‘something’ might be
.

This might turn out to be more difficult than she had first thought. 

Sean had never needed an invitation, and she had certainly never tried to
seduce
him.  She didn’t know
how
to do that. She had seen such hunger in Duncan’s eyes though, and so she had just assumed he would grab her and she would have the opportunity to do what she had planned-
not
sleep with him, she wasn’t ready for that, but she had learnt a few tricks over the years, tricks to satisfy a man without having to let him take possession of her body.

“Ciaran?  Are you all right?” Duncan’s rich brogue sent an unexpected shiver skating down her spine.