His Reverie (26 page)

Shit, shit, shit. This changes everything. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to freaking do. “How…” My voice trails off and I clamp my lips shut, afraid I might say too much and Krista will use it against me.

“Google is my best friend, though I had my suspicions when I saw her. I knew I recognized her from something, I just couldn’t place it at first.” Her smile returns and she clasps her hands in front of her in mock delight. “Did you know that when I was little, my mom watched Reverend Hale’s show all the time? I was fascinated with the daughter. I thought she was so pretty, with her perfect little dresses and her long blond hair. She wore a different dress and matching ribbons in her hair every Sunday. I was so jealous.”

Just my fucking luck. What are the odds that Krista’s mom was a Hale disciple? “You recognized her.”

“I sure did! Unbelievable right?” She exhales a dreamy little sigh. “I used to think her big brother was hot. Is he still hot?”

I make a face. “I don’t know. I don’t check out dudes.”

“Right. Of course you don’t.” She waves a hand. “Well, whatever. Evander Hale will just have to remain my not-so-secret dream boyfriend. And Reverie Hale—such a stupid name by the way—is your real life girlfriend. How exciting is that? What do her parents think of you? Are they happy their little girl found true love?”

I say nothing. Krista already knows the answers anyway.

“Wait a minute, are you telling me they don’t know you two are involved? Ooh, that changes everything. The daughter messing around with one of the summer employees—a guy originally implicated in a murder case—well, they’d probably flip the fuck out, right? That’s some major scandal right there, yo.”

“Krista,” I warn but she’s on a roll. She completely ignores my protest.

“So you have a secret. One you need kept.” Her eyes go round and so does her mouth. She reminds me of an owl. “Actually you have a couple of secrets don’t you Nicky? You’d think Google was her best friend like it’s mine. She could enter your name and bam, find out everything in a matter of seconds. It’s a wondrous thing, that Google. Though she doesn’t need Google at all if she has me calling her and telling her everything. Or maybe I could tell the Hales how you two are together…so many possibilities!”

Reverie didn’t have her phone until a few days ago. I’ve never seen her with a laptop, at a computer, nothing. What if she does Google me?

I’m fucked, that’s what.

“I’ve filled your head with so much information, I’m sure you have a lot to think about tonight.” She approaches me, patting me on the chest before she curls her fingers, her nails digging into my skin. I jump back from her with a curse and she smiles benignly. “I suggest you sleep on it and approach me with a solution tomorrow. What do you think? We meet same time, same place?”

What am I going to do? How can I fix this?

You can tell Reverie the truth.

Hell. No. Not yet. I’m not ready. She’s mad at me. I let her know I’ve been in jail and she’ll really hate me. I can’t risk it.

“Fine.” I blow out a frustrated breath. “We’ll meet tomorrow.”

“Perfect,” she practically purrs. She takes a step toward me, grips my shirt in her fist and pulls, planting a quick kiss on my lips. “See you tomorrow.”

She practically runs out, slamming the door behind her. I can still hear the jangle of her jewelry, her overpowering scent lingering in the living room. I wipe the back of my hand across my mouth, like I can rid the evidence of her kiss.

I can’t erase it though. Can’t erase what she said to me either. It’s like her words are on repeat in my head, reminding me how much of a mess I’m in. How hard it’s going to be to climb out of it.

When I was released from jail, I felt like a man reborn. I was given a second chance and I planned on doing things right. No more mistakes. No more making stupid choices. I made that promise to myself.

Here I am a few months later and I’m no better than I was before I was arrested and falsely accused of a crime I didn’t commit. I think I’m actually in worst shape, minus my time in jail, which was the most fucked up period of my life.

I’ll never learn. Krista was right. I can’t escape where I came from. I can’t escape her. I need to remember where I belong. Here. In this stupid apartment, in this stupid town, with that stupid girl who’ll do whatever it takes to sink her claws in me and never let me go.

I need to remember this.

No matter how badly I want to forget.

Dear Diary,

(July 31
st
, 6:58 p.m.)
Mama and Daddy came home and I was so glad to see them. I always feel anxious when they go out of town because it doesn’t happen very often. I’m not used to it. The sense of relief I feel when I hear their voices as they walk through the door is overpowering every single time.

I thought I would feel differently this time around, with the guilt hanging over me after what I’ve done with Nicholas, but I didn’t. I ran toward Daddy when I first saw him, wrapping him in such a huge, clinging hug he laughed with surprise and held me tight. Then murmured close to my ear how much he loved me and missed my smile.

It felt good. Reassuring. I’ve said a lot of prayers since what happened with Nick. Had a lot of conversations with God, searching for answers but not really finding any besides my ever present guilt. I love Nick. That I don’t doubt for a minute. What happened between us felt good and right and so wonderful, I never wanted it to stop.

But in the eyes of the Lord, what we did was wrong. It was a sin. I made a promise and I broke it. I was no longer pure. I fell asleep crying, my heart aching with confusion and remorse. I hated feeling so conflicted.

This morning though, I woke up feeling cleansed. Ready to face anything and everything. I steeled myself, waiting for the blow. For the confrontation. For the big speech they would give me, how they would ground me, take away my phone forever and hold me prisoner in my room for the rest of the summer.

None of that happened. Mama ignored me and Daddy seemed distracted. He locked himself up in his study the moment he came home. Mama poured herself a giant glass of wine and sat out on the patio alone, clutching her cell phone tight as she talked intently for well over an hour to someone. I don’t know who.

She didn’t even say hello.

Evan took off the moment he realized they weren’t paying him any attention. I’m in my room by the open window, staring at the night sky, wishing I was anywhere else.

Wishing I was with Nick.

I might’ve entered my number in his phone but I didn’t get his. What a mistake. Now I can’t get a hold of him. I have to wait for him to reach out to me. But he was so mad when he dropped me off, I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen.

So I wait. My night with Nick still vivid in my mind, my body tired, my spirit defeated.

Was he just using me? Maybe I was a novelty for him to toy with. The famous reverend’s daughter who’d never been kissed. Never had a boyfriend. The poor, naïve girl he could easily trick into his bed.

I don’t want think that’s the case but I don’t know.

And the unknown is the worst.

Realize: to grasp or understand clearly

July 31
st

I’
m lying in bed, wallowing in my own misery like a sullen idiot. I miss her. I hate that she’s not with me. Reverie. I can worry about Krista and what she’s going to do to us to ruin everything I want, but it doesn’t stop me from missing my girl.

And she’s mine. I can’t deny it. I was such a shit, the way I dropped her off at her house without saying a word. Like she didn’t matter to me. I’m a complete liar. She matters to me more than I ever want to admit, even to myself. She’s everything to me.

As I spend too much time alone with my thoughts, I’m realizing denying my feelings for Reverie is pointless. When I take a cold hard look at my life, I know I have nothing. No hope, no purpose, only darkness and despair and a life ahead of me filled with constant disappointments. All sorts of strikes are against me and I don’t even bother trying to conquer them. I’m just rolling with it because this is all I expect. All I think I could want.

Meeting Reverie, seeing her smile, hearing her say my name, tasting the sweetness of her lips…she gives me purpose. She makes me want to change and become better. To actually do something with my life and rise above it all, you know?

More than anything else, she gives me hope.

I grab my phone off the rickety old bedside table that belonged to Mom when she was little and I search through my contacts, looking for Reverie’s number. I can’t find it though. Panic strikes as I scroll through the relatively small list again but it’s not under R and I know she entered it. I watched her do it.

But then as I go back yet again and search, I find something that makes me smile. She didn’t enter it under her real name. She put it under D.

For Daydream.

My girl is tricky. And I love it.

I hit send text as my option and stare at the blinking cursor, wondering how the hell I should approach her. I’m taking the coward’s way out already by sending her a goddamn text but like a baby, I’m afraid to call her. What if she doesn’t answer? She doesn’t even know my number and there’s no way I’ll leave her a voicemail. Her parents could monitor that crap and we’d be caught.

Fuck it. I type a quick message and hit send.

Not even ten seconds later and I get a reply.

Nicholas? Is this you?

Yeah it’s me. Are you okay?

I chew on my lower lip as I wait for her answer.