Hitched (26 page)

“About what?”

“The call. Make him feel better.”

Allie looked closer at the younger girl. She was worried, but maybe not about her fate. She was worried about Gavin.

“Have you talked to him?” Allie asked. “What’s going on?”

Lydia shook her head. “Gavin and I don’t do that.”

“You don’t talk?”

“Not about serious personal stuff.”

Allie’s eyes widened. “This is personal?”

“I guess. I don’t know.” Lydia actually seemed shaken up by the whole thing. “The call was from the zoo.”

“The zoo?”

“In Anchorage. He does some work there sometimes. That’s where the bears are.”

Allie stepped down the two bottom steps. “The bears?”

Lydia rolled her eyes—well, that was more in character at least—and said, “The polar bears. The twins.”

Ah. The polar bear cubs. Right. They were at the Anchorage zoo. “What did Gavin say after the call?”

“Nothing. But he threw his coffee cup against the kitchen wall, swore and stomped off to his office.”

Allie’s gaze flew to the door to the clinic. That image worried her a little too. Gavin never really got pissed off like that. He didn’t
throw
things, anyway.

“Nancy tried to talk to him but he told her to leave him alone. And
I’m
not going in there. But someone should.”

Allie looked back to Lydia. “Me?”

“Who better?”

Allie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Because I might get yelled at and you’d enjoy that?”

“Because you make him happy,” Lydia said in a tone that indicated Allie was being particularly dumb. “He’s a lot happier since you’ve been here.”

Allie blinked. That was almost a compliment. From Lydia. “Wow. Saying stuff like that makes it less likely you’ll need bribes to get me in there,” Allie said, holding up the plate of eggs.

“It’s not a bribe,” Lydia said, turning back to the kitchen. “You might need the sustenance. I’ve never seen him like this and you’re kind of puny.”

Allie started to protest, then thought better of it and took two big bites of the best omelet ever made before pulling in a deep breath and starting for the hallway to the clinic. She set the plate on the counter for Lydia, wiped her palms on her pants and opened the door.

Gavin’s friend, Carter, was on the other side, also reaching for the door.

“Allie. Hi.”

“Hi, Doc.”

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better. Not quite up to mountain climbing, but better.”

He smiled. “I heard you started lessons.”

Lord, Bend was faster on the grapevine than Promise Harbor could ever hope to be.

Of course, it was one-twentieth the size.

“One lesson. I think I’m good for now.”

“Scott’s usually able to charm everyone into at least the basic package.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s good-looking, funny…you didn’t notice?” Carter gave her a knowing smile.

Huh. She hadn’t.

Well, she’d noticed he was good-looking in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Not in a wow-he’s-good-looking way.

“Guess not.”

“Good.”

She smiled. She could tell Carter that she noticed and remembered every sigh, smile and kiss from Gavin. But instead she asked, “Did you talk to him?”

Carter shook his head. “Nancy called me after he locked his office door but he told me to fuck off.”

“What could this be about?” she asked.

This was so not the Gavin she was used to.

“I’m guessing the twins aren’t doing well. They were pretty sick when the team brought them in and they are, after all, wild animals. Survival of the fittest and all. They wouldn’t have made it in the wild, but this was a gamble too.”

Allie pressed her hand over her heart. “What was wrong with them?”

“They’d been orphaned,” Carter said with a shrug. “They were starving to death when Gavin found them. Some of the team tried to talk him out of bringing them in, but he insisted and convinced the zoo to try to rehab them.”

Allie blew out a long breath. Okay,
that
was the Gavin she knew and loved.

And now the tables were turned. Gavin needed her now. She could do this.

She just wished she knew if he needed broccoli or chocolate frosting at the moment.

She knocked on the door to his office, remembering Lydia’s words about Allie making him happy.

Whether she’d meant it as a pep talk or not, it did help when he bellowed, “Just leave me the fuck alone, Carter.”

She cleared her throat. “It’s me.”

There was a long pause with no sound. Then the door swung open. She started to smile, but couldn’t do it as she looked into his face. She knew how it
felt
to look like he did.

She also knew exactly what he meant about not knowing what to say.

So she just stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.

He caught her to him, holding tight, his nose in her hair, breathing deep.

She just held him, wracking her brain for words and coming up with nothing.

Finally, he pulled back. She hated the look of sadness in his eyes. “What happened?”

“One of the twins died,” he said.

Her heart ached for him. “I’m sorry.” She kept her arms around him.

He gave a humorless laugh. “It’s stupid to be this upset. Especially compared to—”

“No,” she cut in, “it’s not stupid.”

“But your mom—”

“Gavin, it’s okay for you to be sad about this. It doesn’t have anything to do with my mom.”

He pulled her fully against him again and just breathed.

They stood like that for a couple of minutes, until Gavin said, “Go away, Carter.”

“So, you’re okay?” his friend asked from behind Allie.

“Yes.”

Then Carter said simply, “You got it.”

The door swung shut and Gavin pulled back. “I’m okay.”

“You sure?” She felt very inadequate. She had no words, no way to make this better.

“It was mostly just a surprise,” he said, pushing his hand through his hair. “I called down to arrange to take you behind the scenes to meet the bears when we go for the festival. The zoo stays open late that night and has some stuff going on for the public, but I wasn’t sure who’d be there and if they’d let me in if they didn’t know me. I figured Dr. Thompson could make the arrangements ahead of time for us to get our hands on the girls.”

It must have hit him that he wasn’t going to be able to do that again with one of them. He sucked in a shaky breath and Allie knew exactly the stab of pain he was feeling. Those moments when the truth snuck up and smacked her really sucked.

“You want to talk about it?” she asked.

She was fine if he
didn’t
. If he did…hell, she had no idea what to say or do in that case. Damn.

This really was hard. She felt a new sympathy for all the people who’d tried to be sensitive to her and her family.

He shrugged. “Not too much to say. It was a risk from day one. I knew that.”

He looked at his desk. The scrapbook she’d looked at the other day was laid out on top.

“Knowing it doesn’t make it less painful,” she said. “Sometimes people think that it’s easier when you can plan for it, but when they’re gone, they’re gone. That still hurts like hell.”

He was watching her intently, his hands in his pockets. “Do you think about her all the time?”

Allie nodded. “Every day. But it’s at weird times now. Like I’ll think of how much she liked something or wonder what she’d think of something.”

“I’m really sorry she’s gone.” The sincerity in his voice caused an instant lump in her throat.

But this was supposed to be about
him
. She wanted to make him feel better. “What can I do?” she asked. “You want to go to Anchorage?” That had been the plan for after lunch.

He shook his head. “Nah. There’s nothing I can do there. I’m going to…work.” He gestured toward the door. “I’ll probably talk to one of my team members later and let her know what happened to Allie.”

Allie pulled up tall. “Who?”

He gave her a rueful smile. “Mandy and I found the twins so we each got to name one. I named mine Allie.”

She was strangely touched by that. And strangely jealous of Mandy. She’d be able to truly share this with Gavin. She might even know the right thing to say or do to make him feel better.

“I have a couple things to do in the clinic, then I’ll come find you. Maybe we can go out.”

“Sure, whatever you want,” she said.

He smoothed a hand over her hair. “Thanks. You make me feel better.”

She gave him a bright, fake smile and headed for the house.

What a bunch of crap, the thought as she walked away. She hadn’t done one thing to help him or make him feel better.

She paced into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

“What happened?” Lydia asked, immediately more attentive to Allie than she’d ever been.

“Nothing.” Allie slumped onto a kitchen stool. “I hugged him and told him I was sorry.”

“He let you in,” Lydia pointed out. “That’s good.”

“Big deal.” Allie scowled at the floor.

“Just being there made him feel better,” Lydia told her confidently.

“Oh, sure, my magical healing powers,” Allie scoffed. She hadn’t been on this side of this stuff before. Certainly never with Gavin. As they’d talked about before, they didn’t do this stuff. She got stressed out and Gavin made her have fun. That was their recipe for—everything.

Lydia frowned at her. “You don’t think someone can make you feel better just by being there?”

Allie shrugged. She wanted to
do
something for him, somehow give him something he needed.

Was this how he’d always felt? Like just being there wasn’t enough? That there had to be some
action
, some effort, some gesture?

And was it true? If he’d just been there and held her and listened to her talk it out, would that have been enough?

Possibly. But she wasn’t
sure
. They just hadn’t tried it that way.

“It happens,” Lydia said firmly. “Just knowing someone
wants
you to feel better can help.”

“Well, that makes me feel pretty damned helpless.”

Lydia nodded. “I think that’s part of the deal.”

“The deal?”

“Loving someone.”

Allie stared at the girl. Lydia was studying the countertop with fierce concentration. “What about loving someone?”

“I think feeling helpless sometimes makes you realize how much you care. When you want to help them so damned bad but can’t…makes you think of all the things you’d be willing to do if you could. And when you realize what’s on that list, you realize how much you love them.”

Allie swallowed hard. “What was on your list with your mom, Lydia?”

She looked up, not seeming surprised Allie knew she’d been talking about her mom. “I would have taken her place,” she said without hesitation. “The surgery, the chemo, the whole thing.”

Emotions slammed into Allie. Chemo. It had been cancer for Lydia’s mom too. Allie blew out a breath. She knew those emotions well—that clawing need in her gut to fix things, to save her mom, to
do
something.

And now Gavin.

“Think about it,” Lydia said. “If we
could
fix everything, we’d never understand how far we’d be willing to go. And I think that’s a good thing to know.”

Allie nodded. She had to. Lydia was right.

The need to protect everyone she loved all the time still burned deep down and always would, she was sure. She’d never be able to fix it all. No one could. But being willing to do everything
in her power
to make it better mattered.

It mattered to her that Gavin had done that for her. She’d always known that he’d do everything he could, anything she asked. It hadn’t fixed it all. But it had mattered that he tried.

And now more than ever, she understood his need to try.

“Do we have any Froot Loops?” she asked Lydia.

Lydia looked surprised. “Um, yeah. Gavin just asked me to get some the other day.”

“Perfect. We won’t need lunch.”

“But—”

“Lydia,” Allie said, finally putting her foot down. “He’s mine to take care of. He needs Froot Loops right now and you’re just gonna have to get over it.”

Lydia pressed her lips together. Then finally gave Allie a nod. “Okay.”

Chapter Nine

By the time Gavin made it back to the house, Allie had logged on to his laptop and into her Netflix account and found some old TV episodes on demand. She met him at the door in her pj’s. She handed him a spoon and a bowl and then took his other hand.

He looked down at the cereal, then back to her. Then to the tent she’d constructed in the living room by pushing furniture together and draping blankets over the couches, chairs and tables.