Hold: Hold & Hide Book 1 (5 page)

The casket lid slammed down, shoving my beautiful memory into a dark corner. I tried to pull it back to keep dreaming of my time at home, my time with my best friend, but it was gone. 

Just me.

Me and a tiny black space. 

Something thumped and the casket dropped, causing my stomach to drop with it. I tried to move and break out of the fabric, but couldn’t. Something pounded the wood above me. And again. And again, until the light peeking through the holes in the corners completely disappeared. 

They were burying me. 

Alive. 

Happy place
, I thought.
Happy place.
 

But it wasn’t working. 

I squirmed and pulled my arms in opposite directions as hard as I could, hoping to break through the fabric before the dirt completely covered me. Nothing happened. I was wrapped so tight I couldn’t even move my tongue to spit out the cloth in my mouth and scream for help. 

A tear fought its way to the surface of my eye and stayed there, pooling in the edge until I blinked and it fell to my cheek and soaked into the fabric. 

The thumping stopped. 

They finished. 

I tried to scream, but it only came out as muffled sobs. Like anyone would hear me anyway, piled beneath a mountain of dirt in the cottage outside. 

Why would they do this? What was the point?

I closed my eyes as the air grew thick and heavy. 

I never got to say goodbye to Blake.

I drifted off into another memory of him. My sixteenth birthday. Obviously my parents forgot about it, but he didn’t. We went for a walk in the woods behind his house. I could almost smell the moss and lilac bushes as I pictured us trudging through—

“Leave her alone!” Red shouted, jumping in front of our path and ruining my memory. He shoved Blake away, knocking him into a tree branch that sent him to the ground. I screamed for help, but Red grabbed my arm and forced me to run through the woods with him until we were alone. He glanced around, making sure no one saw us, then whispered, “Don’t space out. Come back to where you are. Look at the coffin. Look death in the eyes. Don’t let them scare you into your own mind. Stay out here. It’s the—”

He vanished. Then one tree vanished. And another. The grass turned black and swallowed the sky. 

I opened my eyes and stared at the casket, trying to calm my erratic heart. My lungs burned with the hope of oxygen, as I stared death in the face and my mind fought me to try to drift away again.

The bell rang once. I jumped to my feet, thankful for meal time. My stomach hurt so much, which didn’t make sense because I ate a huge dinner the night before. I climbed out of bed with an immense need to go to the bathroom and no recollection of anything that happened during the last few days. What day was it now? 

The speaker crackled. 

“413, you will be staying inside your room today due to the dirt on your blanket. Please make sure your entire room is spotless before dawn tomorrow or you will not be permitted to leave.”

I flopped back into my pillow and curled on to my side, balling the sheets into my fist and squeezing as hard as possible. I hated it here. I wanted to leave. I wanted Mom and Dad. And that’s saying a lot. More than a lot. Honestly though, I didn’t care if I never saw Blake or Audrey or anyone ever again, I just wanted to leave. 

But I refused to cry. I refused to allow Josephine the pleasure of seeing me cry, if she could see ... or hear ... or sense my pain. If she was even a she.  

I clenched my eyes and began to daydream until I remembered, vaguely, something Red told me. 

What was it?

I fished through thoughts, but couldn’t remember. So I stared at waves of sunlight on my ceiling until I fell asleep again.

I didn’t know the time when I woke back up. They never gave us clocks or watches. I still needed to go to the bathroom, but I was afraid to ask. So I walked to the window and looked for the sun, finding it right in the middle of the sky. About noon, I guessed, then noticed a figure on the ground. I squinted to be sure.

Yes, it was exactly what I feared. A mangled body of life resting in a pool of deep red. I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl, or worse ... if it was Blake or Audrey. I opened my screen and peered out the window, but couldn’t see any better.
Please don’t be anyone I know. 

Then I felt bad. As though it would be any less horrific if I didn’t know the person. 

That could be me.
 

I eyed the ground and remembered a conversation I had with Blake. 

“I wouldn’t wish death on anyone,” I said. 

Just one year of this hell, I thought inside. One year and you’ll be home. With Blake. With your weird family. You’ll be happy again.
 

I noticed the red light on the blood sample box. How did I sleep through it? Sweat dotted my hands as I touched the box, hoping to trigger it to open so I could give my blood to the strange people who ran this strange place. If only my parents had known what their precious Audrey had to endure, maybe they wouldn’t had agreed to this. Did they know? Did anyone know?

A memory came to me. Casket. Buried alive. Did they do that to me? I imagined Audrey being forced into the same casket and wondered how she reacted. Did she obey without question? Did most people?

What did I do?

I tried to pull the memory back to the surface of my mind, but I couldn’t remember. 

The television spurned to life. There she was. That face. That long black hair and those piercing brown, almost black eyes with little hints of gold. 

“Hello, Josephine,” I said. “Looks like I’m stuck in here with you for a while.”

“Fortunately so.” She smiled. “That’s perfectly fine. I have plenty for you to do. First, you may want to clean the spot on your bed. You are going to be here with me today and tomorrow due to the stain and also because you forgot your blood sample today.” She nodded toward my bed as though she could see it. “Go ahead and clean that up and ask for me when you’re ready.”

“Clean it up with what?” I asked. “There’s no sink in here. No ... anything in here.”

“I’m so sorry, 413, but I cannot help you.” Her face turned to a black screen. 

I looked around the room. The empty room. Nothing at all to use for cleaning, so I decided to rub my spit into the blanket and put it by my open window. Maybe the sun would whiten the spot. Maybe not. Wouldn’t hurt to try and apparently I had forty-eight hours to figure it out. 

I sat on my bed and pulled the sheets over my body. “Ready, Josephine.”

Instead of her face filling the screen, a movie began to play. I relaxed and watched as a beautiful song played and an animated story book called
Cinderella
opened. A narrator read the words, “Once upon a time, in a faraway land....”

I slouched into my bed. I had never seen the movie, but Mother mentioned it a few times as something she remembered from her childhood. I always wanted to see it, but didn’t understand why now. Why, after being disciplined, or whatever they considered this, did they allow me to lounge in bed and watch
Cinderella
?

The movie continued and I found myself so amused that I could no longer question everything. When it ended, I desperately had to go to the bathroom. I mean, there would be no more holding back within the next five minutes. 

“Josephine,” I said, crossing my legs together. “I need to use the bathroom. Is there a way to unlock the door?”

“I’m sorry, but you are unable to leave your room.”

“But how will I go to the bathroom?”

“You will need to wait it out,” she said, like it should be easy. 

No problem at all. No freaking problem at all. 

“But...” I rocked my body to keep from exploding. “What if ... what if I can’t?”

“I will not be able to assist you further with this.” She disappeared again. 

I considered going out the window. I mean, what other option did I have? If I went somewhere in the room it would mess up the precious white and I’d be stuck even longer. But what would I do? Stick my butt out there and let it flow? 

I looked around the room for a cup, a container, anything. I searched the empty dresser drawers and the closet, wondering why they provided places for storage but gave us nothing to store.

My bladder was seriously about to explode and I really didn’t want to deal with the consequences or embarrassment of peeing myself on my first day. Second day. Or was it the third day?

I’m really starting to lose my mind. 

Okay. Think. 

I will not fail. I. Will. Not.
 

I looked down as I failed. Lifting my dress so it wouldn’t get wet, I spread my legs and let my failure puddle between my feet. Disgusted with myself, I slipped out of my gross underwear and hoped they’d give me a new pair because I was about to submerge them fully into the puddle and try to clean up as much as I could. 

Ah. My bag. I forgot about my bag. I wasn’t allowed to wear the clothes I brought, but I could at least find a pair of underwear in there. I peeked under the bed where I left it, but didn’t see it. I lifted the blanket higher and pressed my cheek to the floor. Rays of light from the window beamed across the white-painted wood, brightening the room so I could see every inch under the bed. 

Immaculate.

Great. 

I waited until my skin was dry and I sat on the bed again. My stomach rumbled as the television turned back on. 

Not again.

But her face didn’t show up. Another movie started. I checked the blanket by the window and thankfully the stain lifted. “Thank you, sun,” I said as I made my bed and tried to relax again, but my door opened.

Red walked in with a red gift bag and tired eyes. He set the bag beside me on the bed and dropped his hands to his sides, then walked back out the door.

Odd.

I opened the bag and saw a new pair of white underwear. Extremely embarrassing.

I tried to pay attention to the movie, but Red’s face popped into my mind like a bizarre daydream. Cloudy though. I’d shove his face away and stare at the screen, but there it was again. He spoke to me, but I couldn’t hear or read his lips. He leaned toward me and pressed his hand to my cheek. His lips, inches from mine, glistened with anticipation. 

I pulled away, closed my eyes, and ignored the movie, the images taunting my mind, and ran away to the place in my memory where true contentment lived. The place reserved for Blake and me. For our memories. 

But they were faded and dull. I couldn’t reach them. I couldn’t reach him. 

I squeezed my eyes shut as a throbbing headache started in the back of my neck and engulfed my entire head. Rubbing my temples, I pulled the blanket over me to shield the light from penetrating my eyelids. The headache worsened, intensified, scorching my brain with heated waves, getting worse with every second. Deep, shrieking pain swelling and swelling in my head. I pulled my hair and shook my head.

Then I screamed and everything went black. 

Red stood over me, a fresh wound drying just above his left eye. I blinked a few times and realized he was standing in my room. Not in my mind. 

“It’s okay,” he said, placing his hand on my forehead and gently pushing me back toward the pillow. “They know I’m here.”

“Who are they exactly? What is this?” I sat up anyway. “And why are you allowed in my room?”

“I’m your guide,” he said. “I have a free pass to enter your room twice a day whenever I want to.”

“For what?”

“To help you get through this. To bring you food when you’re stuck in here.” He motioned toward the dresser and I almost jumped across the room to devour everything on that plate. His hand warmed my shoulder. “I’ll bring it to you. Relax.”

He picked up the tray of food and set it on my lap. My mouth watered at the sight of the gourmet salad, steak, and majorly loaded baked potato as the steam swirled up to my nose. But … I remembered why eating could be a very bad idea. 

“Um….”

He pushed the tray toward my stomach. “Try not to worry about it. You need to eat something.”

“How did you know what I was thinking?”

He shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

I dipped my fork into the sour cream and cheese topped potato and brought it to my mouth, then stopped. “What?” I said, fork hovering there between us.