Hold Me (8 page)

“I can’t do this anymore... with Sam,” Jade says, her makeup smeared all over her face, her eyes filled with tears.

Caleb immediately pulls her into his arms. “Yes, you can,” he says and plants a soft kiss on her forehead.

She keeps sobbing, her thin body shaking. “Sam said... said he’d take me away from Raphael.” She pulls back and looks up at Caleb. “He didn’t let me ask him anything. What if he does something stupid? What if...”

“No.” Caleb shakes his head. “Sam’s been your client for how long? Six months, now? Do you really think he’s telling the truth? He’s playing mind games with you.”

“He even said he loved me.” She hiccups, a frown line creasing her brow.

“He’s lying. He doesn’t love you.” Caleb meets her eyes, giving her a hard look. “It’s just a fantasy he’s playing out. Don’t worry about it. Raphael won’t sell you to him.” Part of him wishes Jade would get away from this hell, but he knows she’d never be happy with her client. The man might be truly infatuated with her right now, but what would happen when he grew tired of her? No one likes to play with the same toy over and over again.

“And what if he really means it? I don’t want to leave you and Isaac and Amber... I can’t...” Jade blinks back tears, biting on her bottom lip. Caleb doesn’t respond. He isn’t even sure what love is anymore. Raphael uses that word sometimes when he’s in a good mood, so its meaning has surely been twisted.

“I have something for you,” Caleb finally says, watching the guard who is posted at the door and hoping he can’t hear him. The guards are always at almost every corner, watching and observing.

“What?” Jade lifts her chin, wiping off her tears. Caleb knows the guard will probably report that he saw Jade crying, and Caleb wants to make sure Jade is fine when Raphael comes to check.

“Come to my room.” He leans forward, pulling Jade into a hug so he can whisper into her ear. “Don’t speak about it when we get there.”

“Of course not,” Jade says quickly.

Caleb takes her hand and leads her to his room, which is small and simple, with white walls and no windows. No matter how glad he is to have his own bed, a closet, and a desk, he still hates his room because it’s a constant reminder that Raphael feels like he’s doing them all a favor by keeping them here. Even though there are no cameras, sound recorders are hidden in the corners—for their own protection, as Raphael likes to point out—and any whispering will draw Raphael’s guards like moths to the flame.

Jade hops onto the bed, tilting her head, her eyes filled with curiosity. Caleb carefully goes through the clothes in his closet until he finds a pill that he’s been saving for later. For some reason he decided he needs to keep his head clear and cut back on the pills, although that is easier said than done. He doesn’t quite remember what led him to that decision, especially because it’s easier to lose himself in the oblivion, but he thinks it has something to do with his latest client.

He finally places the pill into Jade’s hand and gives her a warning look. Jade’s face is bright with delight and she immediately pops it into her mouth, all of her worries apparently gone, just as he intended.

As he watches her, he wonders if he should risk asking Raphael for more pills. The world is a much more beautiful place when he takes them, except he hopes he’ll see Lilith again and his mind has to be sharp around her. She intrigues him more than he wants to admit to himself, and she also makes him forget everything. She’s almost like a pill, addictive and sweet, and when she’s gone, he can’t push her out of his thoughts.

I chew on my pen as the professor drones on and on about something that doesn’t interest me at all. I keep staring through the window and hoping the class will be over soon. It’s been a month since I’ve seen Caleb and I wonder how he’s doing. No matter how much time passes or what I do, I always keep hoping I’ll see him on the street or anywhere. I even tried, like some desperate teenage girl, to find his social media profiles through Katherine or Alessandra, but I haven’t been lucky.

It’s as if Caleb doesn’t exist except when he comes for me. And even if Caleb is some drug addict or whatever and we can never be together as a couple, I still want to find out more about him. And yet, I’m uncomfortable talking about this with Katherine or Alessandra. I’m not even sure Katherine would tell me anything even if she knew him. But there’s another way. I just need to find Alessandra.

It takes me a moment to realize everyone is getting up and the lecture is over. Thank God. I quickly stuff my things into my black bag and hurry into the hallway. If I’m not wrong, Alessandra’s class should have ended a couple of minutes ago, too. Maybe I can still catch her. I glimpse the back of her head and rush after her.

“Allie!” I yell, and she turns around, a smile flashing on her face.

“Lil! What’s up?”

“I need to talk to you about something.” I glance at the students passing by. “Somewhere private.”

She purses her lips. “Sure. I know a good place.” She starts toward the door. We end up in the alley, and Alessandra leans on a big fence. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Are you still in contact with Caleb?” I ask, restlessly tapping my foot.

“I know how to reach him, yeah. Why?” She’s carefully observing me, her brows drawn together.

“I need his services.” I sound like a drug addict who’s asking for more of her fix.

“Sex?”

I nod.

“He’s just that good, isn’t he?” She bites down on her lower lip. “Knows how to make a woman happy.”

“Yeah.” I wonder if Alessandra slept with Caleb too, but I don’t want to know the answer, because I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward that would be.

“Don’t worry. I’ll contact him,” she says. “You want to meet him at the hotel you went to the first time?”

I shake my head. “I prefer somewhere else, but not my apartment. One of my neighbors is having a party, so... not a good idea.”

“Huh. I’m not sure if he’ll like that, but I’ll see what I can do. Is there a reason why you don’t want to go to that hotel?” She gives me probing gaze, her face serious.

“No. I just don’t want to be seen there. A month or so ago, some guy recognized me in a freakin’ bar.” I try to look indignant. “Can you believe that? I don’t know who can recognize me on the street or near the hotel, and I really don’t want this to reach my father or the press.”

“Of course. You have to be careful.” The suspicion disappears from Allie’s eyes. “I’ll call you as soon as I hear from him.”

“Thank you.” The truth is, I don’t want to meet Caleb in some hotel or a room because I don’t want to have sex with him this time. I’m not sure if he’ll agree to just keep me company, but I’ll take that risk. If he doesn’t agree, well, at least I’ll know he’s truly not interested in me and I’m only another client to him. The only thing I can lose is some of my money. But at least I won’t have to explain to Alessandra why I’d want to see Caleb for anything other than sex, and I sure as hell don’t want him to get scared of my intentions and refuse me without me having a chance to explain myself.

“Are you sure you want Caleb?” she suddenly asks. “I know he’s like your favorite right now, but I know some other guys who are good at what they do too.”

A frown creases my brow. “Caleb already knows me and I feel comfortable with him. I’m not interested in other guys, but I’m curious about something. How do you find them?”

“I have weird friends.” She laughs. “No, seriously, I know a lot of people. I met some of Caleb’s friends. He’s not working alone, you know.”

“Are they as hot as he is?” I think that’s a safe question to ask because that’s something Alessandra would expect.

“Hell, yeah.” She grins. “I went to a few private parties with them. We had lots of fun.”

“Private parties? That sounds intriguing.”

Alessandra runs a finger across her lips. “Sorry, I’m not allowed to tell you anything because there’s lots of sex involved and some illegal substances, but nothing dangerous, trust me. Maybe I’ll tell you someday. I don’t want to get banned for life because I talked too much. All you need to know is that if you go to those parties, your pleasure is guaranteed. They can cater to each and every one of your fantasies.”

“Wow.” A tentative smile appears on my lips. “What does your boyfriend think about that?”

“Steven?” She rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t know.” She pushes herself off the fence and stalks toward me, her eyes narrowing. When she stops, her face is only inches from mine. “And you won’t mention anything to him about this, understand? I know your secret and you know mine. I think you can see how indiscretion could harm us both.”

“I won’t say anything.” I press my lips into a tight line, annoyed that she’s actually threatening me, but maybe she’s just worried that her boyfriend will find out that she’s cheating on him or whatever it is that she’s doing.

“Steven doesn’t like that kind of thing, and I mostly just watch, so don’t think I’m being a bitch. He has his little pleasures and I have mine.” She backs off.

“Right. I have to go now. Call me when you...”

“Yeah, yeah.” She opens her red bag and digs through it until she takes out a pack of cigarettes. She lights one up, and I turn to leave, excited about the possibility of seeing Caleb again.

My hands are clammy as I wait for Caleb in the alley where Alessandra told me to come. The alley is not completely abandoned, so I try to stay out of sight. I slip my hands into the pockets of my blue jeans and lean on one of the parked cars. My heart jitters as soon as I spot Caleb coming down the street. He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a white shirt. His dark hair is messy and his steps are wide and strong. I wish I could feel as confident as he does when I step from around the car.

“Hi,” he says, smiling. “Nice to see you again.”

“You too.” Warmth flushes my cheeks.

“Where do you want us to go?” he asks. “I know a place near here. No one will recognize you there.”

“No, I...” I look down at my black sneakers. “I don’t really want to have sex right now.”

“Then what do you want?” His voice is tense, and I look up to meet his serious gaze.

“I want you to come with me somewhere. If you don’t mind.” I give him a shy look. “If you don’t want to, that’s okay. I’ll go alone.”

“You should have said something...” His forehead wrinkles as he shuffles his feet.

“I didn’t really know it back then,” I lie. “I changed my mind today, actually. I thought it would be weird to just cancel. My friends are all busy, so I was hoping for some company, but I totally understand if you don’t want to...”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll come with you. I just... didn’t expect it.” He tries to smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s fidgeting a little and I wonder if he’s just being nice but actually wants to bolt.

“I don’t want to be a pushy, annoying client, so if this bothers you, please tell me.” I search his eyes for something, but he doesn’t give me anything.

“It’s okay. Really.”

“Great. Then let’s go.” I start down the street, and in the corner of my eye, I can see him taking out his phone and quickly typing something. When he’s done, he looks up at me. I really hope he’s not lying about everything being fine.

“How was your week?” I ask as we walk down the street.

“Fine.” He shrugs. “As usual.”

“Did you do anything fun?” I give him a quick look.

“Not really. What about you?”

“I’ve been mostly busy with school, and now that it’s the weekend and I’m free, my friends apparently don’t have time for me. But luckily, I’ve got you.” I flash him a smile. “I want to do something fun.”

“And what is your idea of fun?” Curiosity is written all over his face.

“I want to see a movie;” I say, and nod toward the movie theater that is right across the street. “What do you think? Bad idea or good idea?”

“Depends on the movie.”

“True.” I tug at his arm. “Come on. Let’s see if we can find something interesting to watch.”

“Found anything you might like?” he asks as I’m scanning through the schedule.

I can feel his eyes on me. “I don’t know. Any suggestions?” I actually want him to pick a movie because I don’t want him to spend a couple of hours watching something he hates, but when I look up at him, I see he’s paying more attention to people around us than the movies, and he’s rocking on his feet.