Holding On (Hooking Up) (14 page)

“Oh, my. Will you look at that? Uh, should we stop them? I don’t quite know what to do here,” I said, out of my league.

“Nah, he’s a big boy, and she’s a big girl. They can handle themselves. And each other. Jesus, there are kids here. Maybe I should tell them to go get a room or something before it gets too hot and heavy.”

He started forward to do just that, but suddenly, Kelly broke free from Danny and grabbed him by his tie. She pulled him with her, leading him like a dog on a leash. I laughed as they left the room.

“Wonder if they’ll have a one-night stand?” I asked Ryan, laughing.

“It’s possible. Seems like it’s contagious.”

The night was over much too soon. At one o’clock in the morning, the last visitor finally left, and Heidi, Ryan, Peter, Mom and I were the only ones left. We’d sent a sleepy Benjie home with Isamu hours ago.

“Look at this mess,” I groaned, kicking half-heartedly at a bunch of streamers that had fallen to the floor.

“Don’t worry. We’ll clean it up,” Heidi said.

Peter nodded and added, “You guys go on home. We’ll take care of it.”

“Thank you so much for everything,” I whispered to Heidi as I gave her a huge hug.

She patted me on my growing stomach and said, “No problem. What are friends for?”

“I second that. Thank you so much for a great party,” Mom said. She looked tired, drained suddenly, like she’d just run a marathon. I was a bit worried, but then everyone was tired. It had been a great day, but a long one. My feet were sore and my lower back ached. Heidi was running on empty, her normally bubbly attitude toned down some. Even Ryan was tired. It was probably nothing.

“Are you ready, Mom?” I asked her, keeping a watchful eye on her anyway.

“I am. Lord, but I’m tired.”

We murmured our thanks and dropped Mom off at her house before swinging by Isamu’s place and collecting our sleeping boy. When we got back to our place, Ryan carried Benjie up the stairs and into his bed while I made my way into our bedroom, exhausted beyond belief. I dropped down onto the bed, my limbs tired from carrying so much extra weight around. I had never been this heavy, and it was taking some getting used to. I didn’t walk so much as I lumbered anymore, and when it was bedtime, I slept like a proverbial log.

My eyes opened a bit when I felt Ryan slide into bed beside me. His hand rested on my belly and he laughed as he felt our baby kick me repeatedly.

“Feels like he or she isn’t done dancing yet,” he said, a tender tone in his voice.

“Not yet. But he’ll have to dance without me, because I’m done for the night.”

“Happy, honey? It went really well.”

“Yeah, it was great. I’m glad everyone likes my mom.”

“What’s not to like?”

“Nothing. She’s terrific. And so are you. I love you, Ryan.”

“I love you, too, Catie. Go to sleep. I’ll keep the baby company a bit longer.”

I fell asleep with Ryan’s hand cradling my stomach and our child dancing with his daddy.

Chapter 16

On September 29, I awoke to a wild chorus of hooting and hollering, and the sound nearly made me fall out of bed. I opened my eyes, startled, to find Ryan, Benjie and Mom all standing over me, cheering and clapping.

“Happy birthday, Catie!” they all cheered.

I grinned and flipped back the covers. As I got out of bed, they gave me a hand up and wrapped me in a huge group hug. Benjie wrapped himself around me, pressing his face to my ever-growing belly and bellowed, “Baby, today is Catie’s birthday! Can you hear me?”

The baby kicked and Benjie giggled. “The baby kicked my face. Have you been teaching him karate too, Catie?”

“He’s a little young for that yet, I think.” I rubbed his little head and bent over to give him a kiss. “Thank you for my birthday wake-up call.”

“It’s ok. Come on. Grammy made you breakfast.”

I was ushered out to the kitchen, where a lovely breakfast of waffles, grits, bacon and toast greeted me. Benjie pulled back my chair and I sat down, inhaling the aroma of my mother’s cooking. I loved it when Mom cooked for me. I felt so secure and tended to, and glad she’d decided to share the flavors of our heritage with me. I dug in, starved. The baby kicked mightily in my belly. It appeared he or she liked my birthday breakfast, too.

When I’d made a serious dent in my breakfast, Ryan pulled a long package out from under the table. It was wrapped in lovely embossed paper and secured with a red velvet bow. I gasped as I opened the present and found two dozen long-stem red roses nestled in tissue paper. Wrapped around the stem of the bouquet was a diamond bracelet and I breathed, “Oh,” as I unwrapped it from the roses and put it across my wrist. Ryan secured the clasp and I wiggled my arm right and left, watching the diamonds catch the sunlight coming in through our kitchen window and sparkle wildly.

“Oh, it’s beautiful! Thank you so much,” I exclaimed. He bent to kiss me and I sighed as pleasure coursed through me.

“Happy birthday, love,” he whispered, his lips a breath away from mine.

“Cut it out. Me next,” Benjie declared. He hopped down from his kitchen chair and raced out of the room. He returned moments later with something wrapped clumsily and a homemade card.

I opened the card and smiled as I saw his childish printing painstakingly spell out “Happy Brithday, Catie.”  The misspelling of ‘birthday’ went straight to my heart and I clutched the card to my chest with one hand and cuddled my little boy to me with the other.

“Thank you, Benjie. I love my card. Did you write that all yourself?”

“Uh-huh,” he confirmed. “Daddy showed me.”

“Daddy did a good job too, then, didn’t he?”

“Yep. He’s a pretty good Daddy,” Benjie said solemnly. I smiled at Ryan.

“He sure is.”

“Here. Open this.” Benjie thrust the awkwardly wrapped present at me and I tore off the wrapping paper gently. Inside was Benjie’s favorite action figure, Doctor Deinonychus, from his favorite show Dino Wrestlers.

“Benjie, are you sure? He’s your favorite.”

“Yeah, but it’s ok. I want you to have him.”

I clung to him again and kissed his head, inhaling the sweet little boy smell of his soft curls. “Thanks, my sweet boy.”

Mom cleared her throat. “I have something for you, my dear. Happy birthday, my sweet Catie. Thirty years ago today, I gave birth to you, and even though I wasn’t able to watch you grow up, I have the honor of knowing who you’ve become. I regret that I missed so much, but please know that I thought about you every day, and I always celebrated your birthday.”

She handed me a beautifully wrapped box, and I untied the ribbon and pulled out a stack of envelopes. I looked at her quizzically but she just gestured for me to open the top one. I pulled a card from the envelope and a slow, wistful smile spread over my face as I began to read.

A cartoon dog was smiling from the front of the card. He had a checkered bandana tied around his neck and a straw hat perched on his head. In his hand, he held a big pink balloon with “For an amazing one-year old!” written in blue letters. The card was yellowed with age and it smelled faintly like the rose cachets Mom always tucked into her dresser drawers. I opened the card and saw the date: September 29, 1983.

My first birthday.

Mom had written a simple greeting inside the card. It simply said, “Happy birthday, my darling daughter. I love you. Wish I was there.”

I passed the card to Ryan and opened the next. This one featured a sweet, smiling turtledove cooing out the phrase, “Happy birthday, two-year old!” I flipped open the card and saw she’d written in the date September 29, 1984, and another poignant greeting.

Card after card, year after year, I read all my belated birthday wishes from a woman who obviously never forgot me or her love for the child she had to give away. Every year on my birthday, she’d bought a greeting card, and she’d saved them all. I was looking at thirty years of love and regret, chronicled in Hallmark greetings. I didn’t know what to say. My heart was overflowing with such love and when I looked at my mother, it was repeated in her expression. She had given me this extraordinary gift to show me she’d always been there, thinking of me, missing me.

When I got to the last card, I placed it back in the box, careful not to rearrange the order of my birthday wishes, and bolted across the room, straight into her arms. She held me, stroking my hair with a gentle hand, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “My dear, dear Catie. I love you. Maybe now you’ll understand just how much.”

“I do understand. Oh, Mom, I love you, too.”

“Happy birthday, darling. Now, let’s go have some family fun.”

We did just that. The weather had turned cooler lately, but the sun was shining today and the wind was miraculously absent. We took a long stroll in one of our local State parks and toured their wildlife museum. Benjie had a blast looking at all the taxidermied indigenous animals, but I think he was a little worried about the black bear they’d stuffed and mounted in a standing position. The bear’s teeth looked awfully sharp, and the bear was so well taxidermied that we all expected him to unfreeze and come after us with teeth and claws. Benjie hid behind Ryan, clutching his Dad’s pant legs and peering out at the bear warily from behind his back. I laughed at my normally brave boy, even as I edged away from the bear myself.

After we toured the museum, Mom and I dropped Ryan and Benjie home and went shopping.  Mom spoiled me rotten, declaring this was now ‘girl time’ and therefore, very important to do right. She insisted on buying me some maternity clothes, some linens for the new house and about twenty outfits for the new baby, even though we had no idea yet if it was a boy or a girl. Then we went to a spa and got facials, manicures, pedicures and massages. I was delighted that the massage therapist I got specialized in pregnancy massages. The massage table even had a belly-shaped hole in the middle for my baby bump. It was bliss and I had to be woken up after my hour was done.

Afterward, we went out for ice cream, because she insisted that no girl day was complete without a bucket of double chocolate chunk ice cream and a gallon of rainbow sprinkles.

“But what about your lactose intolerance?” I asked her, worried that she’d get sick again.

“I told you, honey. I pick my battles. Today is a day of celebration, and you just can’t celebrate properly without ice cream.” She winked at me and we both laughed before settling down to enjoy our snack.

Afterwards, we went back to the apartment where I was surprised by Heidi, Peter, Kelly and Isamu. They’d all come to wish me well and we feasted on pizza and wings and a delicious cake baked by Isamu. It was surprisingly light and luscious, and Isamu revealed that he’d put strawberry Jell-O in the mix before baking it and topping it with Cool Whip and strawberries. We had to eat off of paper plates since all of our dishes were packed in boxes, and Peter and Heidi had to sit on the floor since most of our furniture was either buried or in storage, but no one seemed to mind.

All in all, I felt totally spoiled rotten and loved. Everyone had gone out of their way to make my day special, and their obvious love for me erased most of the sting I felt when I realized Gran hadn’t called me to wish me well. She hadn’t even put a card in the mail. I really hadn’t expected her to, but it would have been nice. But I guess she had taken my last outburst to heart. This just proved to me that she really did want to be left alone with her house full of ghosts. She’d rather dwell on all she’d lost than what she’d since gained. I mentioned something to Ryan after our last guest had arrived and we’d tucked a completely worn-out Benjie into his bed.

“This has been a great day. I just wish Gran had called. Maybe I should call her?”

“No. Absolutely not. Not on your birthday. It has been a great day, and you shouldn’t try to ruin it now.”

“You’re right. It’s just bugging me a little, is all.”

“Why?” he looked truly curious and it made me pause for a minute. Why, indeed?

“You know what? I don’t know. I still love her, but it’s obvious she doesn’t love me. I guess I need to get over my need for her. After all, I have lots of other family. But it’s hard to just walk away, you know?”

“It’s hard for you, because you’re a lovely woman who cares too much about everyone. But we can’t save them all, and I think Gran might be one of those we’re destined to lose.”

“Yeah. I don’t want to believe it, but I think you may be right. Well, I’m not going to dwell on it anymore. Why let her issues ruin my day? It’s been positively perfect.”

“Good. But I have one more present for you.”

“Ryan, you’ve already done too much. I love my bracelet.” I held my wrist aloft and admired it again.

“I think you’ll like this present, too, though.”

“Ok. What is it?” I asked, grinning at him. I did love presents.

“Me.”

“
Oh
.”

“Would you like to open your present?” he asked, gesturing to his button-down shirt.

I pounced on him and proceeded to open my gift, while he claimed my mouth in a kiss and made me tingle with desire. I had a feeling this was going to be the best present I’d ever gotten.

Chapter 17

Snow was falling, light little fluffy snow that seemed to be half-hearted, as if Old Man Winter was too bored or busy to conjure up a proper storm. But the chill in the air meant that winter was moving in, and nothing would be able to hold the frigid temperatures at bay for long. I hoped the snow would hold off, because today was a big day, and black ice and slush would only complicate matters.

I looked on as Ryan put the last box into the U-haul we’d rented to make the move. Isamu honked the horn from the driver’s seat and yelled out the window, “Come on, let’s go!”

I’d tried to help load the truck, really I did, but Ryan, Mom and Isamu refused to let me pick up anything heavier than a pillow. Kelly and Heidi and Peter had already loaded up their vehicles with the super fragile stuff and left, saying they’d meet us at the new house. The keys in my pocket were for our new life, and everyone was anxious to get on with it.