Holly Hearts Headlines (Holly Hearts Hollywood Book 2) (8 page)

“Yeah, thanks,” I said quickly, and I booked it out of there. Sloane has almost no personal boundaries, and I was afraid that if he got out of the bed or moved the covers I would see more of him then I needed to.

So I went to the gym. I went to the gym early in the morning and worked out all by myself.
It felt great
. I mean, it sucked and I’m going to be sore in the morning, but if I keep this up and actually find my motivation, maybe I can actually make positive changes!

The best part of the day happened when I was warming up on the elliptical machine. I don’t know if you’ve ever used an elliptical, but they are very scary. Not just because it’s a cardiovascular exercise, but because your legs get locked into this swirling, deadly device. If I fell off the thing or lost my balance, both of my ankles would probably snap in half.

They have a bunch of plasma screen TVs up on the wall in front of the treadmills, stationary bikes, and elliptical machines. They are most likely there to help people forget that they are exercising or to pass the time. I wasn’t watching TV, but listening to my new favorite country artists Maddie and Tae, when I saw Lacey’s face on the celebrity gossip portion of the local morning news show.

The headline said “Report: Is Grayson and Lacey’s Relationship a SHAM?” I immediately ripped out my ear buds so I could hear what they were saying. “An inside source claims that Grayson Frost and Lacey Bennett, the latest music ‘it couple’ are only into each other for the money,” the platinum blond, female co-host chirped. Pictures of Grayson and Lacey holding hands on the beach flashed on the screen while her equally blond, male co-host chimed in, “They are projected to make fifty million dollars from their upcoming ‘
One Love
tour. If this source is to be believed, it looks like Lacey and Grayson’s relationship is merely a publicity stunt.”

I almost fell off the elliptical in excitement. If other news sources figure out the truth of their relationship, then maybe this stupid tour won’t happen at all, and Grayson can finally be with me! I worked out like a maniac for another hour. If I’m going to be Grayson’s official girlfriend, I’ve got to be ready for those pesky paparazzo.

Later, 3:00pm—Home

I think it is safe to say that there is no such thing as a normal day for me anymore. I mean, I wake up, eat breakfast, and do some schoolwork. Thankfully, Jennifer hasn’t said anything about the Sex Ed classes, but besides those staples, everything else is a mixed bag. I could spend the day having a panic attack in Bloomingdale’s or go to a party at the latest club in downtown LA. Most of the time these days I just watch Netflix alone in my room. Which isn’t a bad thing, but I’d like to mix it up more often.

After my workout I was frantically checking my Twitter feed for any kind of gossip about Grayson and Lacey when Hakim came up to me. He had just finished his own workout and so his deep brown skin was glistening with sweat.

“Hey, Holly, meet any potential murderers lately?”

“No, but I have a meeting with a few later today if you want to join me,” I replied.

“Very funny,” he said dryly. “Hey, are you busy this afternoon?”

I peered at him carefully, remembering the last time I asked him if he was busy he quickly informed me that he was in a relationship. “No,” I said slowly.

“My girlfriend and I,” he gestured vaguely over his shoulder at a girl who was, very determinedly, doing a set of squats, “are going to this awesome flea market in Pasadena today. I remember you saying something about being a collector. I thought you’d like to go, and my girlfriend’s been dying to meet you.”

I’ve said it before, I’m not the kind of person who makes friends easily. I don’t even usually have a lot of friends in the first place. I have two or three good friends and that’s it. I can’t emotionally handle anyone else. So when Hakim told me that they wanted to go hang out with
me,
my mind was kind of blown. And let’s be real, I’m in no position to pass up new friends, seeing as how all my other friends don’t want to talk to me anymore.

“Um, sure,” I stuttered. “Sounds like fun.”

But it did not sound like fun. Not at all. The stress I feel when I’m going to hang out with someone new is probably similar to the anxiety an NFL player feels before he plays his first professional game. It is that split second before you jump out of an airplane with a parachute on your back. It is the
worst thing ever
. And sure, later on as I’m winning the big game or floating down safely to the ground I might think, “Wow I’m so glad I did this!” but there’s always a chance that everything will go wrong, and that they’ll regret asking me to do anything.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to talk to other people. It is like I live on my own planet, and I speak my own alien language. I can just see the light in people’s eyes slowly going out while I’m talking to them, and I can sense them losing interest in me and what I’m saying. It’s hard. What am I supposed to do differently?

Once Hakim’s girlfriend finished her workout, she lightly jogged over to us and smiled brightly. Her teeth were just as white and straight as any Hollywood starlet, especially against her dark brown skin. “Hi, I’m Ruby!” she said cheerily. Her hair was dark and cut short and very close to her head.

“Hi, I’m Holly,” I said shyly. I’m like a Venus fly-trap. The moment anyone gets near me I completely shut down.

We all got into Hakim’s car and drove out to Pasadena for this flea market that was being held in the parking lot of the Rose Bowl Stadium. The Rose Bowl is a
huge
stadium. I mean if Beyoncé has performed there, you know it’s a big place. So the parking lot was pretty much the size of a small European principality. There were tons of booths and tables set up with almost anything you could imagine for sale.

I was in heaven. But, my experience was a little hindered by the fact that I couldn’t fill up a plastic bag full of detached doll heads like I wanted to because of the looming prospect of college. Mom would kill me if I came home with new stuff when she just finished telling me to get rid of most of my collections.

Ruby and Hakim are a really cool couple. They are a little older than me, and it seems like they have everything figured out. They live together, have good jobs, and probably will get married in a few years. It must be nice to be an adult and know what you want out of life. I barely know what I want to eat for dinner tonight. Maybe stroganoff. Or Chinese food.

I was lingering around this table that was selling used wigs that were apparently used by Lady Gaga, or so he claimed, but I met Lady Gaga last month and I know for a fact that she’d
never
wear the garbage that guy was peddling, when Ruby came over to me.

“So, Holly, do you have a boyfriend?” she asked brightly, obviously completely unaware of the emotional torment I feel when someone asks me that. Also, why do people always ask me if I have a boyfriend
first
before they ask about
me
and my goals and dreams?

“No, I don’t,” I replied. I know that my life shouldn’t revolve around boys and I need to focus on becoming a strong, confident, independent woman, but I can’t help it. I blame teen magazines and romantic comedies. When was the last time you saw a movie with a girl main character who wanted to find herself, or have a great adventure, instead of have a wedding? And teen magazines are just as bad. Headlines always say stuff like, “How to GET
THE
GUY” instead of stuff like “How to love your body” or “How to make meaningful female friends,” which is way more important than getting a guy. Although having a boyfriend is pretty nice.

“You’ll have plenty of time for boys in college.” Ruby looked at me briefly. “Or girls, whatever you’re into. Do you know where you are going to school yet?”

Okay, I know I was just complaining about people only asking about boys and why won’t they ask about other things, so it is kind of like looking a gift horse in the mouth to complain about college-related questions. But college stresses me out. I don’t know where I am going. This time next year my life is going to be
totally different,
and I don’t even know where I’ll be living.

“No, I don’t,” I replied calmly. I was very proud of myself for not letting my nervousness show. “I’m still waiting on acceptance letters.”

Ruby shuddered as she fingered the waxy strands of hair from a wig that Gaga apparently wore to the MTV awards when she arrived on the red carpet via egg. “I hated waiting for college acceptance letters. It was like purgatory. Don’t worry, it’s not as bad as you think.”

“Where did you go to college?” I asked.

“Oh, I went to Vassar for two years before I transferred to Stanford,” she said casually. She smiled up at me. “That’s where I met Hakim.”

I paused for a moment before I spoke again. “Do you think Hakim is the one?” I immediately felt my face turn tomato red. “I’m sorry, that’s a really dumb question, I only just met you,” I sputtered. I was so embarrassed that I knocked one of the Styrofoam wig heads onto the ground and I bent down quickly to pick it up.

“Oh don’t apologize,” Ruby said. She leaned down and picked up the neon green wig that had fallen a few feet away from the table. “It’s an upfront question; I like that.” Ruby reaffixed the wig back onto the wig head and placed it onto the table. She seemed like she was stringing her answer together in her head, and I stood there quietly while she thought about it. “If you are talking about soul mates, then I guess I have to be honest and say that I don’t know if I really believe in soul mates.” The hopeless romantic inside me died a thousand deaths but she continued on. “I think that there are people we meet and connect with and in a way, they are our soul mates. But people change. How can someone still remain your soul mate if you’ve changed from the person you once were? I think you could have many soul mates over your life. I have some female friends who are my soul mates, not in the romantic sense, but in the friendship sense. In high school, I was with a guy who was my soul mate for my high school self. But I grew up and changed so much that eventually that title no longer applied to him. So, to answer your question, yes. Hakim is my soul mate.”

“But you guys are planning on getting married. Aren’t you worried that years from now you’ll be on different paths?”

Ruby shrugged. “Change is unavoidable. But, I think I’ve found someone who is willing to change and grow with me, so hopefully we help each other stay on the same path.”

“You should write a book,” I told her finally. Seriously, Ruby has some really good things to say about relationships. I wanted to keep talking, but Hakim showed up, and I was most definitely not going to keep that conversation going with him around.

I made sure to get Ruby’s number. I hope I can be as confident and healthy as she is when I’m her age.

THINGS TO DO:

1.      Learn to be confident and okay with the changes life throws at me.

2.      Stop taking everything so personally.

3.      Stop thinking about buying new stuff for my collections. Adults do not collect detached doll heads. Adults play golf or go to karaoke night with their middle-aged friends to feel young again.

Later, 6:00pm—Home

I know that mothers and daughters fight and that it’s just a part of life, but I’d like to go on record and say: my mom and I
never
fight. I can’t recall ever getting into a genuine screaming match with my mom. We’ve had disagreements, but that’s something that will happen in life no matter what.

So when I came home from the flea market and found my mom sitting in the living room waiting for me, I never expected what would happen next.

“Where have you been?” Mom asked flatly.

I stopped in my tracks and put my Kate Spade handbag on the ground. “I went to a flea market with some friends.”

“Did you forget to call me?”

My stomach turned over. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. They’re new friends and I just—“

“Did you also forget that we had family plans today?” Mom interrupted. Her face was stony. She was really mad, something that I’ve very rarely seen, but never directed at me. Disappointment, yes. Mom’s are the best at being “not mad, just disappointed.” That’s another mom phrase I could totally live without.

“We had plans today?”

“Yes, Holly.” Mom’s voice rose to a level right underneath shouting. “We had plans to go out with Grandma and Grandpa and do some sightseeing. We waited for you for over an hour. Then your grandparents decided they were too tired to go do anything, so they just stayed on the couch and watched a
Murder She Wrote
marathon. The whole day was ruined.” Mom’s voice got steadily louder and louder with every word.

I sighed. I felt bad, I really did, but I didn’t see the point in getting mad over it. I made a mistake, and there was nothing we could do to fix it now. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to ruin the day.” I picked up my bag and started to head toward my bedroom because I didn’t think we needed to keep talking about it, but Mom stood to her feet quickly.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she said shrilly.

I stopped. “To my room,” I said slowly.

“We aren’t done talking.”

I groaned. “What else is there to talk about?”

My mom’s bright green eyes went wide. “What else is there to talk about?” she repeated. “Holly, I don’t know another way to say this to you, but you’re being very selfish lately.”

“Selfish?” I repeated back, very loudly, at her.

“Yes, selfish,” Mom fired back. “All you seem to talk and worry about lately is you. I know you and Serena patched everything up, but you got into a fight in the first place because of your selfishness. Your sister has been trying to make a connection, but you only cut her down. Your grandparents are going through a hard time, and I have to juggle it all. I know you have your own worries and concerns, but you seem oblivious to the worries and problems of everyone else around you.”