Holly Madison (Sins of the Father, 2) (22 page)

“Don’t be sorry.”

Then it came to him that they hadn’t used a condom.  Things had turned from hot damn to holy shit in two point five seconds and it hadn’t occurred to him that they’d needed to be careful. 

“Holly?”

“Yeah?”

“We didn’t use a condom, babe.”

“You been with anyone else in the time we’ve been apart?”

He breathed in a harsh breath. “Just that one time.”

“Have you been tested?”

“Yeah.”

“Everything good?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed with a nod of his head.

“Then don’t worry about it.  I’m on the pill.” 

He released a breath at her words, squeezed his arms around her, and lay there with her curled around him in silence for a little while.  Holly finally lifted her head and decided to break that silence.

“I shouldn’t have lost it like that, but what I said before—about you not being responsible for me losing the baby?”

His body went straight and his hold on Holly tightened.  He thought about that every day.  He blamed himself for a lot of things in life, but that was the worst of them, and she was taking that away from him.

“I meant it.  That wasn’t your fault.  The doctor did genetic testing.  Our baby wasn’t going to make it to term.  She said that it was just one of those things.”

Tristan relaxed and allowed all of the tension to leave his muscles.  In that moment, he knew that he loved her even more than he’d ever thought possible.  He also knew that, one day, he wanted her to have his baby.  A whole damn soccer team if they could.

His arm wrapped around her waist, his hand at the small of her back, and kissed the top of her head. 

“Tell me about the accident with your mother, Tristan.”

Oh shit.
  He closed his eyes tight.  When he opened them, he said, “I’ve never talked about it before—not with anyone.” 

He heard her draw in a breath as her arms convulsed.  When she released it, her body relaxed against his.

“I’m sorry, I was out of line.  You don’t have to.”

Tristan gave a short, nervous laugh.  “Stop apologizing.”  He cleared his throat.  It was now or never.  “My mother wanted to go to the store.  We were out of chocolate syrup and it was ice cream sundae night.”  He cleared his throat again, trying to release the suffocating feeling that was lodged deep inside.  “I begged her to let me go with her.  So she took me and we left.  We got halfway to the store when the other car crossed the double line and sent us over the bank.  I can still smell the fuel.  It took a while for my brain to catch on that something terrible had happened.  Blood was flowing down the side of my head.  I tried to undo my seatbelt but my arms were numb.  I heard my mother struggling for air.  When I finally got a good look at her, she was slumped over the steering wheel, watching me.”

Holly’s body convulsed before she let out a strangled cry and said, “Oh my god.  You don’t have to do this if it’s too much.”

It was too much.  He had never done this before, but he wanted to lay his heart out to her, and if he was ever going to prove to her that he was worthy of her love, then he had to trust her.

“I saw the panic in her eyes.  Blood was all over her face and covered the collar of her shirt.  It appeared to be coming from her head and ear—I don’t know.  Later, I found out that it was a shard of glass that had nicked the artery in her neck, caused her to bleed out.”

Tristan’s eyes filled with tears, but he pushed forward.  “She struggled to lift her head but managed to sit back in her seat.  Right before she died, she reached her hand over and touched my shoulder.  I still think she was trying to say something to me, but she turned her head away and coughed up more blood.  I started crying because, well, I was just a kid.  I didn’t know what else to do.  She died within a few minutes.  God.  The smell of blood is so pungent.  I’ll never forget it.  For two days, I was trapped in that car with her.  When they finally found us, I refused to leave her.  I knew she was gone, but I didn’t want to leave her alone.  I couldn’t.”

When Holly lifted her head, tears were streaming down her face.  She leaned over and planted the sweetest, gentlest kiss to his lips.  “I’m so sorry for what my father did to you and your mother.  Oh god.” 

He could sense her rising anxiety.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You don’t need to apologize.” 

She shook her head anxiously.  That’s when he knifed to a sitting position, bringing her with him, gripped her shoulders, and looked her right in the eye.  “I have never told anyone that story—until now.  I trust you with everything.  That was not your fault.  You didn’t get behind the wheel of the car wasted and go careening down the road.”

“But I lied for him!”

“Stop it!  Jesus.  You were just a child.  I didn’t allow all of that to sink in when I found out because my head wasn’t right.  I’ve lived for years with this and not being able to talk about it.  Pop tried to get me professional help, and still, I wouldn’t let anyone in.  Not until you.”

Holly drew her lip between her teeth and nodded in understanding.

“When I went away, that was my final attempt to stay clean.  It was my final because I know that I will do it this time.  Sure, I got clean for me, but I think a part of that was also doing it for you.  Please be patient with me. 
I’m still trying to figure this all out, but I can promise you, right where I am, that I will never be that man again.  I hope that I will be a man you can be proud of one day.  I thought that I had it all mapped out, but I didn't.  It’s like I have this fucking black cloud looming over me, following me, waiting for the moment when I lose the fight.  I have demons, but I can promise you that I won’t let them take over.  They won’t win.  Not this time.”

He could see the understanding flash in her eyes as he went on.  “I couldn’t keep living that way.  It was time for me to man up and break out of old habits.”  Tristan closed his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.  “The one good thing in my life.  My ray of hope for a better life.  Fuck.”  When he opened his eyes, he took in the beautiful woman he clearly had fallen in love with, kissed her nose, and rested his forehead to hers.  “If only I would have known that you were going to be a part of my future, cupcake, I would have been a better man.”

Holly ran her hand through his hair and around his head.  Then her fingers glided across his jaw.  “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell that story.  I know that it wasn’t easy.”

He laid them back down and tucked her into his side.  “Get some sleep, babe,” he insisted.

She shook her head against his chest.

Tristan listened as her breaths became heavier.  Within minutes, she was dead weight against him.  He lay there for a beat, holding on to the woman he loved, and took note that he had never been this content in his entire life.

He was no longer afraid of the future.

I hear the theme song to Sons of Anarchy playing.  Disoriented, I sit up, take in my surroundings, and feel confused.  Where am I?  The bed dips beside me when I hear a more normal ringtone begin.

I look to the other side of the bed and see Tristan in all of his muscled glory shifting his position, grabbing me around the middle, and dragging my back to his chest to tuck me into his side.  He mumbles something, but I’m so tired that it doesn’t register.  Both phones quiet.

“I should check and see who that was,” I say while only half-attempting to escape his hold.

“Later,” is his one-word response.  He is good at that.  

So I do the only thing I can do.  I snuggle in deeper. 

Just as I feel myself drifting off, both phones go off again at the same time, scaring the crap out of me.

“Tristan?”

“Fuck!  It better be important.”  He rolls us in an interesting maneuver, and I find myself on my feet, wrapped in the sheet.  He swats my ass and sets off to find his phone. 

My phone goes quiet before I find it in my purse, which is still lying in the middle of the floor since I put it there during my little breakdown.  Then it rings again.  I pull it out and check the face. 
Olivia Calling.

My brows draw together while I slide my thumb across the face.  “Do you know what time it is?”

“You need to get to the hospital, like, ten minutes ago.  Our girl is having our baby!”  Olivia squeals into my ear, and I swear it begins to bleed. 

I quickly stride down the hallway, back to Tristan’s room, where I see him walking around the bed in his own quick step while zipping and buttoning his jeans with his own phone to his ear.

“Right now?” I ask.

“YES!” she cries then starts to chant, “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, motherfucking holy shit.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at the hospital with the rest of the family and Juice.  Charlena and Curtis are on their way.  Braden should be on the phone with Tristan right now.” 

“That must be who he’s on the phone with,” I smile.

“What, honey?”

“Nothing, babe.  We’ll be there soon.  Love you.”  I hang up and watch him with an overwhelming sense of joy in my heart.

“Holly and I will be there in twenty minutes, tops,” Tristan tells his phone and disconnects.  He looks at me and smiles.  Big.  Then he moves to me and wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me and spinning in circles.  “I’m going to be an uncle!”

At his words, a warmth spreads through my entire body.  Watching how this news affects him… There are no words fitting enough to describe it.

I giggle and blurt out, “I’m going to be an aunt!  We have to go!”  I wiggle out of his grasp and run around the room, frantically collecting my clothes, which were tossed around the bed. 

“They’re at County right now, so we need to go, cupcake.”

I pull my shirt on and do a one-legged hop while slipping on my heels.  “Just about ready.”  Then we’re running down the back steps of the apartment and heading to the bike.  Before putting my helmet on, I move to Tristan, lift a hand, curl it around his bicep, and squeeze while peering into his eyes.  “We have to talk about what happened with us last night.”

He nods, takes my helmet from me, and puts it on my head doing the same with his own.  We climb on and are at County in fifteen minutes.  That is due to having broken every traffic law in the state of North Carolina on the way.

We arrive just in time to find out that the baby’s heart rate took a dangerous dip, so they are prepping Emma for a C-section.  The nurse explains that they are concerned about the baby’s health along with Emma’s because her blood pressure went up during labor. 

Tristan and I find Olivia, Jacob, Jim, Juice, and Claire in a waiting room down the hall from the labor and delivery unit.  We give our hugs and find a chair, settling in for the long haul.

Two hours later, I’m sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward, trying my hardest to be patient.  On one side next to me is Tristan, who is nervously fiddling with his keys, keeping his hands busy.  On the other side, my mother is reading a People magazine and asking on occasion, “Do you think I can get away with this hairstyle?”