Authors: M.Z. Kelly
“Mo and me went into one of them vintage dress shops next to Thongs ‘n Bongs,” Natalie said.
We had stopped at a little restaurant called Dreamy Desserts after my meeting with Kellen Malone. My friends had bags full of clothing, not to mention several pairs of new shoes. They were having a sugar orgasm as they ate and talked about their purchases.
Natalie went on. “We got us all dresses for your family reunion tomorrow.”
“Really?” I said. “I can’t wait to see them.”
Vintage dresses for my family reunion with my snobby sister. Are you kidding?
“I’m thinkin’ that I’m gonna look like one of them old Hollywood stars in me dress, maybe like Audrey Hepburn,” Natalie said. “Or even Bette Davis.”
“And I’m gonna look like Dorothy Dandridge,” Mo said before looking at me. “What about you, Kate?”
I laughed. Maybe it was exhaustion or depression, or both, but I said, “Maybe I’ll go as Jean Winslow.”
They both just looked at me, not saying anything. I apologized, realizing that I should have thought before I opened my big mouth.
“What you gonna do ‘bout Noah now?” Mo finally asked, after taking a bite of the world’s largest slice of cheesecake. I’d previously told them all about my meeting with Malone.
“You gotta take Noah out before he takes you out,” Natalie said.
I took a bite of my muffin. “Easier said than done. I’m not sure what to do.”
Mo put in an order for a second dessert as she still worked on the first, then said, “Maybe you should go back to the bigwigs in your department, tell ‘em what you know.”
I sighed. “Everything Malone told me was believable, but it’s only conjecture. There’s nothing in the way of evidence for the police to take any action.”
Mo lowered her voice, even though the restaurant was nearly empty. “But you now know that Russell and Ryland was behind your love-dad’s murder, along with that Regis asshole. They gotta pay for what they did.”
“They will. I just have to be sure that I have the facts straight. I also need to have something to back it up with before I take it to my superiors.”
“And Noah? Whatcha gonna do ‘bout him?”
I released another breath. “I don’t know. We’re supposed to get together for dinner next week. I hope I can think of something before then.”
“Curare,” Natalie said.
“What are you talking about?”
“I saw a movie where they put the stuff on darts and shoot it through a blowgun. The victim drops deader than an eighty-year-old pecker in a matter of seconds.”
“Sounds like the ultimate blow job,” Mo said.
I chuckled. “Somehow I can’t see myself sneaking up on Noah and shooting him with a blowgun.”
Mo’s second dessert was delivered, a huge slice of lemon meringue pie. “If you’re not ready to poison Noah, then it means that me and baby sis are gonna have to change tactics.”
“What are you talking about?”
After a spoonful of pie, she said, “We’re gonna have to trail Russell, see what he’s up to.”
Natalie agreed. “Your love-daddy’s killer is goin’ down. We just gotta get the goods on him.”
“I don’t want him knowing you’re following him.”
Mo smacked her lips together and looked at me. “We been followin’ Noah and his girlfriend ‘round all week. Don’t you think we can follow Russell?” She looked at Natalie. “It’s up to you and me, baby sis. We gotta save Kate’s skinny ass, once and for all.”
Natalie reached over, did a fist bump with Mo, and said to me, “Badass babes to the rescue.”
Mo then looked at me and said, “We’re gonna rescue you, but first we gotta attend your family reunion.”
***
I spent the following Sunday morning lying around and doing my best to temporarily put what I now knew about Collin Russell and Harlan Ryland out of my mind. After dropping Bernie off with Charlie, who promised to take good care of him and keep him away from Jessica, I went next door to get ready for my family reunion with my friends.
“I’m not sure this fits me right,” I said, after trying on the vintage dress they’d bought for me. “And my hair looks like hell.”
Natalie and Mo gave me the once-over. They had on similar dresses, only mine was yellow and black, while theirs were hues of pale blue and mint green, respectively. I sighed, thinking I looked like a bumble bee, or maybe just someone who looked like she belonged in a cocktail lounge from the 1940s.
“We got ‘em on special at that vintage shop next to Thongs ‘n Bongs,” Natalie said. “They’re awesome, right?”
“Right,” I lied.
While Natalie’s dress might be awesome—it looked like it had been altered to fit her perfectly—I felt like I was the before model in an antiques catalog. Our dresses were a cotton velveteen fabric, with rhinestone studs on the front and back yokes. They offered a wide scoop neckline, and flared out at the bottom to the lower calf. While they might have been
in
sixty years ago, they were now about as far out as you could get.
Mo came over to me. “Your hair looks as good as it ever gets, but you hate your dress, don’t you?”
“No, it’s fine,” I lied again, after checking the time on my phone and realizing I didn’t have time to change. “We’d better get going. I don’t want to be late.”
My sister, Amanda, and her husband, Geoff, had rented out the Skybox for our family reunion dinner. It was a newer venue for private parties on the outdoor terrace of a mansion overlooking the city. A gourmet chef and several waiters were part of the package. I had no idea how much they paid for the event, all I did know was that my friends and I would probably fit in like three Cinderellas wearing homemade gowns to a fancy ball.
After arriving, we exchanged empty greetings and air hugs, and I introduced my friends to Amanda and her husband. My sister was two years my junior and three inches shorter than me, with brown eyes. We had the same hair color at one time. Amanda now had blonde hair that had been layered, textured, frosted, and probably dipped in gold. The hair, the makeup, the clothes—a de la Renta scoop neck black knee length lacy evening affair—all screamed MONEY. My friends and I, on the other hand, screamed BROKE.
“They’re very interesting choices,” Amanda said with a smirk, after I explained about our vintage dresses. “I never would have thought of choosing such a thing.”
Her husband—think short, snotty, and balding—overheard our conversation and came over. “Who are you wearing?” Geoff asked.
Mo was standing next to me. She put her hands on her hips and answered for both of us. “We got us Montgomery’s, in case you can’t tell.”
“Never heard of him.”
“That’s ‘cause you was probably soiling your diapers when he was busy whippin’ up our dresses.”
“Let’s get a drink,” I said, quickly ushering Mo over to a waiter before the conversation got out of hand.
“Montgomery?” I said to her as she sipped a drink.
“Montgomery Ward. His store was all the rage back in the day.”
“Oh. I’d never heard of him.”
Natalie came over with my mother and we said our hellos. Mom had cut her graying brown hair shorter and was wearing a blue and gold sarong dress. It was a sixties thing that seemed to go with her personality, since Mom considered herself a hippy at one time.
“Isn’t this lovely,” Mom said, referencing the outdoor terrace. “I do hope Robin and Adam make it.”
“I’m sure they’re coming. It’s all Robin’s talked about for weeks.”
As in, “Do I really have to go?”
Natalie stopped a waiter and took a couple of martinis off his tray, handing one to Mo. “Might as well get munted, since we can’t get mounted.” She tipped up her drink while Mo finished off the one she’d been working on.
“She means that she needs to quench her thirst,” I said to Mom, seeing her disapproval.
Mother’s brow knitted and her gaze moved off. “I think I’d better go give Robin a call.”
After she left, I said to my friends, “You both need to go easy on the drinks.”
Mo looked at me like I’d escaped from a mental hospital. “Why the hell is that? They’re free.”
“It’s just that…my family…they’re…”
“Snobs?” Natalie said before finishing her drink and snapping her fingers at the server for another.
“Exactly,” I said.
Mo shook her head and fixed her dark eyes on me. “None of us got nuthin’ to be ‘shamed of here.” She drained half her martini, then looked at me again. “Unless you think we do.”
“Of course not.” I took a breath, seeing that Robin and his boyfriend, Adam, had finally arrived. I made my excuses and went over, knowing that my sister disapproved of my brother’s lifestyle. I was hoping I could head off any problems.
I got to Robin’s side at the same time Amanda was saying to him, “Exactly how long have you two been…” She laughed. “I guess the word is cohabitating.”
“Just a couple of weeks,” Robin said, looking at his handsome boyfriend.
“We’re still on our honeymoon,” Adam added, maybe just to irritate my sister.
“Oh, God,” Amanda said. “There are some things…” She grimaced and looked at her husband. “I think I need some air.”
After they were gone, I exchanged greetings with Adam before Robin said, “Can’t you feel the love tonight?”
I laughed. “I feel something, but I don’t think it’s exactly love.”
After some small talk, my brother and Adam wandered off with Mom. A few moments later, I realized Amanda was back at my side.
“No dog tonight?” she said.
“He’s with a friend.”
“Well, at least you had the good sense not to bring him.”
I bit my tongue and kept quiet. She went on. “Mother tells me you’ve been trying to find your biological father.”
I nodded. “Just in my spare time.”
“Why?”
I took a moment, trying to choose my words carefully. “Because…I guess because I want to know about him.”
“I don’t get it. The bastard abandoned you. Whoever he is, he’s an asshole.”
I took a breath. “Maybe that’s true. I just want to know what happened…why he chose not to be a part of my life.”
She brushed a hand through the thousand-dollar coiffure. “I’m sure it was because he never loved you. You need to get over it.”
And you need to go to hell.
I pushed down my anger and tried to be non-committal. “We’ll just have to see how things go if I find him.”
She shook her head in disapproval and locked eyes with me. “I also hear that your love life is a disaster. That vet Mom told me about apparently wasn’t all you thought he was.”
I’d only shared some general information with Mom about Noah and I having some problems.
“I think the jury’s still out,” I said.
“Can I be frank with you, Kate?”
I realized I was making a habit of lying. “Of course.”
“You’re not getting any younger or any thinner. Find a decent guy with some money and give up on the losers.” She turned and started to walk away, but then turned back to me. “And your friends…”
I’d just reached my sisterly love limit for the evening. I raised my voice. “What about them?”
She flinched, lowering her own voice. “Let’s just say, you could do better.”
She walked away as I went on a mind rant. When it was over, I’d called my sister every name I could think of and a few that I invented.
My friends came over after she was gone. “That didn’t look good from what we saw of it,” Mo said.
“Your sis thinks she the queen’s vag,” Natalie said. “She needs to be put in her place.”
“Let’s just try and make it through dinner and get out of here.” I sighed. “In the meantime, I could use a drink.”
I not only got a drink, I got two, before we all sat down at an outdoor table, where our chef announced the night’s fare. He went through a lengthy explanation of the first courses, before telling us, “Our main course will consist of
agneau aloppini
with a pomegranate sauce and wilted spinach, roasted sweet potato, and curried cauliflower
tambale
.”
Natalie grimaced and said to him, “You mean you couldn’t find anything besides fruit, wilted spinach, and tamales?” She looked at one of the servers. “If I’m gonna eat that, I’ve gotta have me another drink.”
“Make it two,” Mo said to the waiter.
Amanda’s eyes made a full circuit before she told the chef, “It sounds simply scrumptious, Jean Claude.”
We settled in for several courses while some mindless chit chat moved around the table. We were on the third course when Mo fixed her eyes on Amanda’s husband and said, “I just realized something. I think I seen you before.”
“That’s hardly likely,” Geoff said. “I’ve recently been named the Duke of Dumblin. It’s an enclave for the wealthy in Lichtenstein. I doubt that we move in the same circles.”
“Did he say he’s the Duke of Dumbledore?” Natalie asked, looking at Mo.
“Dumblin,” I said, trying to take the edge off things.