Hollywood Princess (38 page)
Read Hollywood Princess Online
Authors: Dana Aynn Levin
I felt like shit, both mentally and physical
ly. More mentally. From the moment my alarm clock rudely sounded, I launched into an endless set of mental gymnastics. I replayed the events of last night in great detail. I tried making sense of them.
There was no sense to be made.
Unbearably, the only conclusion I reached was that I couldn’t be trusted to behave responsibly. Living with Eli had taught me to see beyond myself, or so I thought. In one drunken evening I’d thrown it all away. I was twenty years old and needed a babysitter.
I grabbed a blueberry muffin and a cup of strong coffee at The Café before running over to vi
sit Eli. I had an early class. I wouldn’t stay long. The shorter visit would give Elizabeth less time to ask about last night.
I took a deep breath be
fore entering Elizabeth’s room. Would Eli notice my eyeglasses were covering dry, guilty eyes? I wore them often enough in the morning that they shouldn’t raise Elizabeth’s suspicions. I hoped.
I smiled as I approached her bedside. Elizabeth was ailing.
I couldn’t walk in and break her heart.
“Hey, you,” I said cheerfully as I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Eli was awake and smiled, happy to see me. Of course Eli was happy to see me. She was oblivious to my morphing into a total bastard since I’d last seen her. Eli assumed I was a devoted, loving man who had slept alone.
“Danny,” Eli
whispered as she reached out her arms for a hug.
I gladly obliged.
Eli felt so good. She always felt good. Why would I jeopardize this? What was wrong with me? Eli was the best, and she wanted me, only me.
I kissed her forehead.
“Not as hot as yesterday.”
“I’m down to 102.”
“How are you, baby?” I asked as I smoothed matted auburn locks off her face.
“Much better now that you’re here.”
Another pang of guilt stabbed my heart like the sharpest Christian Louboutain stiletto. Elizabeth wasn’t aware that she shouldn’t love me anymore.
“Seriously Eli, how
are you?”
“Tired.
I need a nap even though I’ve barely been awake.”
“I’m sorry, baby.”
I hated seeing her ill.
Elizabeth held my hand up to her lips and kissed my palm.
“I spoke to your dad last night.” Mike was a safe topic. “Mike said he’d call you today. I told him not to worry. I’m here for you.”
“Danny, y
ou are, aren’t you?” Elizabeth smiled.
I
was such a fraud, but it was true. I was here for Elizabeth.
“
I’m always here for you, baby.”
My lo
ve for Eli had not diminished. An evening of sex with Amelia had not changed my feelings. It simply meant I was, as Eli described last night, a spoiled twenty year-old.
I should only get w
asted when I’m with Elizabeth. Then I would be with the right girl when I lost control. Of course, Eli didn’t like me getting wasted unless she joined me. The couple of times she had, Eli’s lack of inhibitions frightened me, so I didn’t let her get wasted anymore. This conundrum probably meant my committing to never getting wasted again. Another vice I was not ready to give up.
“Danny, you look worn.
Didn’t you sleep?”
“Not nearly enough.
I couldn’t stop thinking of you.” At least that was the truth.
“It’s only the flu.”
“It’s my job. I worry about you.”
Eliza
beth laughed, and I shrugged. Then I kissed her soft hands.
“Do you want to
change your clothes?” I asked. Eli was wearing one of those flimsy hospital gowns. “I brought your case last night.”
“Nobody told me.” Eli frowned.
“Can you unpack for me? Please, Danny?”
Eli was exci
ted to see what I had brought. Unfortunately, there was nothing all that interesting: iPad, toiletries, underwear and nightshirts. And the framed photo Eli kept by her bed. Teddy had taken it of me embracing Eli on the mountain at Aspen.
“My pho
to!” Elizabeth cried joyously. “Now I won’t be lonely.”
Eli even hugged the photo.
I wished it had been that easy for me.
I handed Eli one of the shirts as I untied the back closures holdi
ng the hospital gown together. Meanwhile, she held the shirt up to her nose and inhaled deeply. A smile lit up her face.
“It’s my favorite scent.
You,” she gushed.
I couldn’t help but smile back. Eli’s glee was pure, alm
ost childlike in its innocence. I was envious. How I wished my soul lived on her planet, one where desire was sated by the scent of cotton, faded sweat and cologne.
I removed the hospital gown leaving her bare-chested for a momen
t while I retrieved the shirt. Eli seemed quite comfortable sitting shirtless.
Elizabet
h was so beautiful, even while sick. I had to touch her. So I eased her arms into the shirt but left the buttons open. My hand gently cupped Eli’s breast as I kissed her cheek and then her neck.
“Danny, I’m sick,” Elizabeth protested but did nothing to stop me.
Elizabeth was so soft and the faint scent of her perfume from yesterday lingered on her skin. Sick with flu, Eli was still lovely. My lips left her neck and met hers. With my hand massaging her breast, she was powerless to resist.
I didn’t care
that Eli was contagious. I needed her sweetness. Pure bliss.
Elizabeth abruptly pulled back.
“Danny, no! You’ll get sick.”
“I don’t care.
Eli, I need you, baby,” I said, and I kissed her again.
Elizabeth had no idea
how badly I needed her. Could her kisses make me forget? And if I caught Elizabeth’s flu, would that be my penitence for last night?
“I miss you so much,” I told her.
“It’s only a few days.”
“I know.
I can’t stand being without you, Eli.”
“That sounds so sad, Danny.”
“I am sad. I’m sad that you have the flu. And I’m sad that we’re forced to be apart. Eli, I didn’t realize until this morning that I’ve become so dependent on you.”
I realized
too late what I had admitted. Would Eli take advantage of my vulnerability? I always feared letting anyone, even Eli learn of my weaknesses.
Elizabeth grasped my hands and locked
her fever-glazed eyes on mine. The strength of her stare and the confidence from her heart gripped me with its pure intensity.
“I’m just a
s dependent on you, Danny. We need each other. That’s what love is.”
Eli was right. It was love. Relieved, I smiled. I should have known better.
Eli always made it safe for me to confess my deepest fears.
“Would you please button my shirt now?” Elizabeth asked sweetly.
I complied, my fingers lingering on her skin. Elizabeth might have the flu, but she smiled in delight.
“I’ve got to go,
baby. You need your rest and I have a class,”
Elizabeth squeezed my hand.
“I’m really glad you came by, Danny.”
“There is no place I would rather
be. You know that, Elizabeth.” Holding her chin in my hand I kissed her.
“I am a very happy girl.
Except for the flu of course.”
“Okay, happy girl,” I laughed
, and I kissed her very warm forehead, “Go to sleep and get better so I can make you an even happier girl.”
Last ni
ght now seemed a lifetime ago. Chalk it up to behaving stupidly while inebriated. It hadn’t meant anything to me. It hadn’t meant anything to Amelia. Visiting Elizabeth had already cured me.
“Play that back again,” I ordered.
Rachel
groaned loudly, frustrated.
“What’s wrong now?”
“Play it back, Rach. Last time, I promise.”
Rachel raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Last time? Sure,” she said sarcastically. “Why did I partner with you?” Rachel mumbled.
“Because you love me.”
“I am not one of your adoring fans, Danny.”
“I don’t have adoring fans. Yet. But maybe I will after this film is completed.”
“Danny, y
ou’re insufferable.”
“And you love it because my perfectionist ways will get us an A.”
“Why did my roommate have to be your BFF? Life would be so much simpler if I had partnered with a normal student.”
“Rach,” I paused, now serious. “I have to be this way.
If I’m to be respected in this department, I need the professors and students to see that I’m working twice as hard as everyone else and turning out a film that’s twice as good.”
“But you don’t have to worry.
You’re Steven Newman’s son.”
“But that’s why.
Otherwise everyone will assume that whatever I get is because I’m Steven Newman’s son. This summer I’m going to be the best P.A. anyone’s ever seen or Dad will never let me work for him again. The name opens doors, but it’s also an albatross.”
Rachel understood the added pressure I was under.
“People see your surface. They don’t want to discover what lies beneath. It’s easier to buy the stereotype. They have no idea how hard you work.”
“Thanks, Rach. You’re a true friend.
One of the few.”
“I’m glad my Dad’s a dentist.
It’s easier.” Rachel kissed my cheek. “There is one thing you’ve gotten because you’re Steven Newman’s son that I know you wouldn’t trade,” Rachel said playfully.
“What?” I asked, taking the bait.
“Your girlfriend. If you weren’t…”
“Elizabeth!” I exclaimed.
“Shit!” I jumped up in a panic.
“What?” Rachel asked.
“What time is it?” I exclaimed, so agitated I couldn’t think straight nor could I find the clock affixed to the wall in front of me.
“It’s almost eleven.”
“Shit! I am so dead!” I slouched in my chair and snapped a pencil in two.
“Danny!”
“I told Eli I’d visit tonight. The infirmary doesn’t let visitors in after ten. I’m screwed.”
“Calm down.
Elizabeth knows how busy we are. She’ll understand.”
“I promised, Rachel. I don’t break promises. Ugh!
I hate myself,” I groaned.
Rache
l put her hand on my shoulder. “Danny, you’re way too hard on yourself. This isn’t healthy.”
Rachel might be right.
Between the long hours working, concern for Eli, and guilt over Amelia, I was on edge. I needed to keep my wits about me.
I took a
deep breath and slowly exhaled. I took a second breath and a third one. Then I smiled meekly.
“Thanks. I needed a reality check.”
Rachel picked my phone up off the worktable and handed it to me.
“Here.
Call her,” she said.
This was the sensible solution that was eluding me in the near psychotic state that I seemed to exist in.
Elizabeth’s phone rang five times before the outgoing message started. I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to leave a message.
“Eli’s not answering,” I said, panicked
. “She sees it’s me and won’t pick up.”
Rachel rolled her eyes.
“Will you calm down and behave logically? Elizabeth is in the infirmary. She probably turned off her phone so she could get some sleep because she knows full well that her annoying boyfriend will call and wake her.”
“What if Eli is avoiding me?”
“Because you’re working and didn’t visit her? Doubtful.”
“It’s possible.”
“I’ve never seen you like this before. Elizabeth loves you.”
“She did this morning.”
A piercing brown-eyed stare chilled me to the bone.
“Daniel Newman,
did you do something that would make Elizabeth not love you anymore?” Rachel asked sternly.
I couldn’t answer. I was speechless.
The truth of course was yes, but I couldn’t tell Rachel. She would kill me. Eli was her best friend.
“Don’t ask that, Rach.” I implored.
“Danny!” Rachel gasped, her eyes opening wide in horror. “You did do something and you’re afraid Elizabeth found out! You bastard! What did you do?”
My stomach wrenched.
I groaned. How could I have let Rachel guess?
“Rachel, don’t go there,” I answered curtly.
“How could you do this to Elizabeth while she’s in the infirmary!”
“Rach, stop,” I begged.
“I feel terrible enough.”
“I can’t believe you, Danny!
” Rachel’s voice rose angrily. I was thankful the room was soundproofed.
“I’m sorry.
It’s no excuse, but I was wasted. Please don’t tell Eli,” I pleaded.
“It’s your job to tell her.
Not mine.”
“I’m not telling her. Eli will kill me.
Worse she’ll break up with me.”
“If Elizabeth’s smart,
she should break up with you. I would.”
“Rach, don’t say that. You know how much I love Eli.
It would break her heart.”
“This is what
you do to the woman you love? Unbelievable, Danny!”
“Rachel, it was one unfortunate indiscre
tion. It meant nothing to me.”
“What a cliché,” Rachel
mumbled.
“Rachel, y
ou have to believe me,” I pleaded.
“I d
on’t have to believe anything! I’m not the girl who lives with you.”
“Rach, please.”
“What do you want from me, Danny? Exoneration? Do you want me to say ‘there, there cheat on your girlfriend. It will be alright’?”
“
Promise me you won’t say anything to Eli. Finals are coming.”
“I hate you! I hate even more
the position you’ve put me in! How am I supposed to be in a room with you and Elizabeth when I know your entire relationship is a lie?”
“It’s not a lie. I love Elizabeth.
It was one stupid mistake.”
“Danny!”
My phone rang, and I jumped at the sound. The caller ID said it was Eli. “Hey, baby. How’s the love of my life?” I tried sounding normal.
“Okay, I think.” Eli’s
voice was strong.
“I
assumed you were sleeping when you didn’t answer.”
“I was taking a shower.”
“At eleven o’clock at night?” How odd.
“I fell
asleep, some time around seven, I think, and I woke up drenched in sweat. I’ll have to send your shirt to the laundry.”
“That’s okay,” I laughed. Eli’s voice put a smile on my face.
“I’m much better. I think my fever finally broke.”
“Does that mean I can spring you?”
“I don’t know.”
“I miss you, hon.
There’s an empty space in my bed that’s just your size, Eli.”
“
How I wish I was there with you,” Eli sighed.
“I know, but there’s a part of my heart that’s been missing and I want it back.”
“When did you become so poetic?”
“Don’t tell anyone I’m a sentimental fool.”
“It’ll be our little secret.”
Elizabeth and I shared a laugh.
With Rachel in the room, none of this conversation was private, but Eli didn’t know that.
“Danny, I ha
ve to see what the doctor says. He may keep me another day or two until I get my strength back.”
“No. I need you Eli. I want you with me. Tomorrow you are coming home.
I can give you Tylenol and tissues. And if you’re not up to going out, I’ll bring you sick trays from the cafeteria or chicken soup from the deli.”
“What about your school work?”
“I’ll neglect it less if you’re home. And I won’t feel bad for missing visiting hours like I did tonight because you’ll be there whenever I get back.”
“Were you upset abo
ut tonight? Don’t be. I was sleeping.”
“I didn’t know. It was
awful when I saw the time. I went off the deep end.”
“Danny, you’re the best!
I can’t imagine any girl being loved more than I am.”
“I can’t either ‘cau
se I know how much I love you. It’s getting late, hon. Eli, get some more sleep. I’ll pick you up some clothes and be in my bed by midnight so I can be up bright and early to bring you home. How does that sound, baby?”
“The best news I’ve had all week.”
“You have good dreams, Eli.”
I ended the call and pressed the phone against my heart hoping her love would
leave the device and enter me. A grin crossed my face. Eli’s love had entered me.
“U
nbelievable,” Rachel declared. “Newman, you’re mental. You’re desperately in love with Elizabeth, yet you cheated on her last night. I give up trying to understand.”
“Good,” I snapped.
“Don’t understand me.”