Hollywood Scandals (5 page)

I turned, giving the man my full attention now. He was tall, almost a head taller than Felix. Broad in the shoulders, slim in the waist. I could tell by the way his T-shirt fit over his biceps that he spent a fair amount of time at the gym. His hair was dark, just curling over his ears, and he had a neatly trimmed goatee that gave him a slightly devilish look. And I could swear his dark eyes were laughing at me.

Which did nothing to lighten my mood.

“
You got me a rent-a-goon?” I asked, turning back to Felix.

“
Play nice, Bender,” Felix warned. “Think of him like your insurance plan.”

“
Hi.” The bodyguard stuck his hand out.

I looked at it.

“
Nice to meet you, Tina.”

I stuck my hands on my hips. And turned back to Felix.

“
I don’t need a bodyguard. It was one phone call. I can take care of myself.”

“
It was a death threat. Made from a blocked number by someone who disguised their voice. These were not some drunk kids. Whoever did this thought it through, took their time, and made sure not to get caught.”

I bit my lip. While I was pretty sure this was still just a prank, Felix had a point. And the fact that someone had put so much thought into trying to scare me took the wind out of my sails a bit.

“
Look, Tina,” Felix said, advancing on me, “yes, it’s possible this is just some idle threat. But it’s possible it’s not and I, for one, can’t take that chance. I don’t know if you know this, but I once worked a story where an actress was receiving threatening letters. She ignored them. Two dead bodies followed. I know this may seem a little overprotective to you, but I can’t take the chance of that happening to you.”

I felt my irritation subsiding a little, the genuine worry in his voice touching me. “I appreciate your concern,” I said, meaning it.

He shrugged. “Of course I’m concerned. Half our advertising comes in because of your column.”

And just like that the irritation was back. “Gee, love you, too,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

Felix elected to ignore me. “So,” he continued, “you have two choices. Desk duty or…” He trailed off, gesturing to the rent-a-goon.

I took a deep breath, thinking about $3.00 worth of nasty words.

“
Fine,” I finally spat out. “But I get Pines back.”

Felix bit the inside of his cheek, contemplating the negotiations for a moment. “You can share.”

“
With Barbie?”

“
Allie.”

“
Whatever.”

“
Allie works with you on this. End of discussion.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down.

He crossed his arms over his chest and returned the look.

Neither of us gave an inch.

Unfortunately, it was his name on the door, so I knew who was ultimately going to win.

“
Fine,” I repeated. Then turned on my sneakers and stomped out, well aware that I probably looked like a truculent three-year-old.

I plopped myself back down at my desk with a huff.

And realized the goon was right behind me.

“
Please tell me you’re not going to hover all day?” I told him. “Seriously, I think I’m safe at my desk.”

He took the hint, moving to an empty desk a couple feet away. But he didn’t take his eyes off me.

“
You’re creeping me out. Quit staring at me.”

I looked up to find him grinning. And not just with his eyes this time. One corner of his lips tugged upward in something that I could only describe as a smirk.

“
What?” I asked.

He shrugged and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“
Look, pal-”

“
Cal. You can call me Cal.”

“
Fine.
Cal
. This was not my idea.”

“
Clearly.”

“
I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“
So I heard.”

“
Felix is totally overreacting.”

“
Probably.”

“
This was just a prank.”

“
Could be.”

“
You always this agreeable?”

“
No.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. His eyes? Still laughing at me. Big, hearty chuckles.

“
Well, if you have to be my shadow, just… don’t talk to me. Okay?”

He nodded. “Done.”

“
Good.”

I turned back to my computer screen.

This was going to be a very long day.

Chapter Four

Cal spent the rest of the morning silently staring at me while I spent the rest of it silently shooting daggers at Barbie’s back. I tried to concentrate on proofing the column I’d written last night, but for some reason, my heart just wasn’t in it. I guess death threats did that to me.

Since the PW thing wasn’t leading anywhere, I found myself instead replaying the message again, listening for any background noise that might give me a clue as to where this mystery-caller slash threat-maker slash ruining-my-life-guy was calling from. Nada. It was like he’d called from a padded cell.

Well, if I couldn’t hear anything in the background, I’d start with what I could hear - his voice.

I played it a third time, the mechanical cadence crawling up my spine. Something about its cold, inhuman tone gave me the creeps far worse than the menacing words. The caller had gone through a lot of trouble to disguise his voice. Why? Because I’d recognize it? If so, that left two options - either someone I knew was playing a prank or it was someone famous, someone whose voice had boomed at me from the big screen countless times.

Which didn’t narrow things down a whole lot.

Time to try another tactic.

I pulled up a search engine and typed in: voice disguise. I followed the top link to a site with a list of different voice-altering programs. I hit the first one, which took me to a page called AlterAudio. For a small fee, the website promised you could change your voice from male to female, high pitched to low pitched, robotic, echo, and any other number of effects. "Create your online persona!" it touted.

I could only imagine the practical applications. How many losers were sitting at home in their underwear, chatting in Carey Grant’s voice to some unsuspecting woman?

Then again, she probably didn’t sound like Marilyn Monroe either. How did anyone ever hook up before the age of cyber lies?

I hit the "buy it now" button, cringing just a little as I charged it to the
Informer
’s expense account. I waited while my computer recognized their software and began loading the application onto my hard drive. Five minutes later I was hooking my pocket recorder to my computer and speaking into the end.

"Tina’s gonna catch a creep," I said. I turned on my speakers and pressed the button to play it back.

"Tina’s gonna catch a creep," my own voice told me.

Cal shot me an odd look.

I just waved back.

I adjusted the buttons to up the bass, lower the treble, and create a male voice. I hit play.

"Tina’s gonna catch a creep," some guy said.

I blinked, the cadence and intonation exactly the same as mine, but in a completely different tone. Weird.

Max popped his head up over the partition, his watery eyes going my way again.

"Just testing out some new software," I explained.

He shook his head. "You know, I remember when reporting was going out in the field with a notebook and a stubby pencil."

"Welcome to the digital age, my friend."

He shook his head again, muttering, "You kids and your machines," before he disappeared again behind the fabric partition.

Seeing how easy it was to change from female to male, I clicked another button, putting the website to the test. Mechanical voice. After fiddling with a few buttons, I crossed my fingers and hit the play button.

A robotic Tina came on, informing me I was gonna catch a creep. Unfortunately, it sounded nothing like the creep that had called me last night. Mechanical, yes. A match, no.

Undaunted, I went back to the page with the list of programs. Five others were listed. I hit the second one, instantly transported to their webpage and began downloading their package.

An hour later I’d gone through three more sites, two months of allowable expenses, and was just about to give up on this wild goose chase. Honestly, my mystery caller could have used any number of software programs. I was totally grasping here.

But, since I had nothing else to go on but grasping, I cued my audio file up one more time and put website number four, Audio Cloak, into use, once again transforming my own voice. I hit play.

A shiver went up my spine as my mystery caller said that Tina was going to catch a creep.

Audio Cloak sounded exactly like the message I’d gotten. No doubt about it, this was the one that my caller had used.

I was just about to email the webmaster and ask if anyone from PW Enterprises had used their site last night, when a sandwich dropped into the middle of my desk.

I looked up to find Cal standing over me.

“
What’s that?”

“
Peace offering. Salami on sourdough.”

“
I hate salami.” I was totally lying. Salami was my favorite. I’d eat it every day if I wasn’t afraid of perpetual salami breath.

“
You sure? You look hungry.”

I was. Starving. I poked at the white wrapper. “Where did you get it?”

He nodded his head toward the window. “Had the deli across the street deliver.”

I looked over to the spot he’d occupied all morning. A footlong, a bag of chips, and two sodas sat on the desk.

“
Coke?” I asked, gesturing to one of the cups.

He nodded.

Caffeine and hoagies. I tried to resist… but I was only human.

“
Hand it over,” I said, gesturing to the cup as I unwrapped my sandwich.

I thought I saw the ghost of a smile twitching his lips again.

“
Don’t do that,” I said, taking a bite of my sandwich. My taste buds sighed in appreciation. Just the right blend of spicy meat, tangy mustard, and soft, pillowy sourdough. I wasn’t a particularly religious person, but I was pretty sure this was what heaven tasted like.

“
Do what?” He handed me the soda.

“
You’re laughing at me.”

“
No, I’m not.”

I nodded, feeling my bangs bob up and down as I took a sip. “You are. You’ve been silently laughing at me ever since you got here. You think I’m being childish.”

He leaned his butt against the side of my desk, giving me a long, assessing stare. He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles flexing. I had to admit, they were impressive muscles.

I tried not to look as unnerved as I felt.

Finally he nodded.

“
Okay, yes. I think you are being childish.”

“
I knew it.”

“
I know this arrangement wasn’t your idea, but I think you should take this threat seriously.”

“
You’re right. People get killed through the telephone all the time.”

“
You have a real sarcastic streak to you, you know it?”

“
It’s one of my better traits.”

“
I’m serious, Tina. This isn’t the kind of thing you should take lightly.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand to stop me.

“
Look, I know you think you can take care of yourself, that you don’t need anyone’s help, you’re a strong, independent woman, yada, yada, yada. I’ve heard it a million times.”

My turn to cross my arms over my chest. “Gee, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were back in the nineteenth century.”

“
I’d be giving the same lecture if you were a man.”

“
Yeah, I see guys getting dissed for being ‘strong independent men’ all the time.”

“
You know what I mean.”

I opened my Strawberry Shortcake purse and pulled out a five.

“
Actually,
Cal
,” I said, spitting out his name like it was dirtying my mouth, “I don’t need your help. Because I’m not in any danger. In case you haven’t noticed, we are not in a Schwartzeneger movie, there are no bad guys gunning for me, and I write about celebrity hookups, not political scandals and government corruption.” I shoved the five at him. “And I can buy my own lunch.”

He took the five, turning it over in his hands.

Finally he tucked it into his pocket and silently moved back to his desk, unwrapping his own sandwich.

I sat back down and took another bite of salami. But some of the heaven had been argued out of it.

“
What’s Audio Cloak?”

I swiveled in my seat to find Allie reading over my shoulder.

Instinctively, I closed the window on my screen.