Home Alone 2 (10 page)

Slipping and skidding, Marv managed to grab the edge of the cabinet. Suddenly it started to tip.

KER-SPLASH!
A dozen open paint cans crashed down, knocking him to the floor. A few moments later, Marv staggered to his feet, drenched with thick gooey paint. It had soaked through his clothes, plastered down his hair, and was stinging his eyes. Groping blindly for something to wipe his eyes with, he felt a piece of cheesecloth and pressed it against his face.

Marv started to pull the cloth away, but it wouldn't come off. "What the . . . ?" The kid must've put glue on the cloth! Marv gripped it firmly with both hands and yanked in frustration.

Riiippppp!
The cloth pulled free.

"
Yeow!
" Marv felt like he'd ripped half his face off. He looked down at the cloth and gasped. Staring back at him from the cloth were his eyebrows, mustache, and goatee.

On the back porch, Harry crawled out from under the pile of wrenches. His head throbbed and he was nearly blind with rage. He limped into the dark house, feeling his way through a butler's pantry until he came across a light string hanging from the ceiling. Remembering how the kid liked to booby-trap things, he tugged the string and then quickly jumped back.

A bare light bulb flashed on. Harry waited to see what else would happen. No wrenches fell out of the ceiling. No fans blowing feathers started blowing. Harry smiled. He entered a hallway and found another light string. He pulled it and another bulb flashed on. Harry waited to see what surprise the kid had hooked up to this one, but again nothing happened.

So far, so good. Harry stepped into a small bathroom. There was a strong smell of paint thinner in the air. He saw another light string and pulled it.

Fiiisshhhttt!
Another light went on. Harry felt his head growing hot. He looked up at the ceiling. Instead of a bare light bulb, he found himself staring at the blue-orange flame of a butane torch. Now he knew why his head felt hot . . . because his hat was on fire!

Harry couldn't believe it. The same thing had happened to him last year! He quickly twisted the hot and cold water knobs on the sink, but no water came out of the faucet. Meanwhile his head was burning up! He had to find water! Looking around desperately, he saw the light reflecting off the fluid in the toilet bowl. Stick his head in the toilet? What choice did he have? Harry quickly did a headstand and dunked his flaming head.

FA-WHAPPPP!
The toilet bowl erupted in flames. The flash of light was so great it lit up the entire brownstone. Harry straightened up and stared at himself in the mirror. Smoke rose from his head and his hat had been reduced to a few blackened embers. His face was covered with dark soot and the collar of his coat was smoldering. Now he knew why the bathroom had smelled of paint thinner. Because the kid had filled the toilet bowl with it.

Drenched to the bone, and standing in a huge puddle of paint, Marv looked for a way out of the basement. His eyes fixed on a rope hanging down through the bare beams from the first floor. Marv knew he could pull himself out of the basement with it, but only if it wasn't another trap set by that lousy kid.

He reached for the rope, gave it a little tug and then quickly stepped back. Nothing happened. He stepped forward and tugged it harder. Again nothing happened. Filled with hope, Marv grabbed the rope with both hands, took a deep breath, and started to pull himself up.

Suddenly, something gave above him. The rope came loose and started spooling down. Marv looked up just in time to see a seventy-five-pound bag of plaster hurtling down through the beams.

Ker-Pow!
The bag hit Marv on the head and burst into a cloud of white dust as it drove him to the basement floor.

A few moments later Marv pushed himself up. The white powder had stuck to the wet paint, making him look like a snowman on its knees. He spit out a mouthful of plaster and made two angry fists. He was going to murder that kid!

On the first floor, Kevin stood near the double wooden doors that led to the living room. He had heard the explosion when Harry dunked his burning head in the toilet filled with paint thinner. He'd listened to the crash when Marv pulled the bag of plaster down on himself. Things were going just as planned, but now it was time to draw the bad guys upstairs. He cupped his hands over his mouth and shouted, "Don't you guys know that a kid always wins against two idiots?"

In the bathroom where he was trying to rub the black spot off his teeth, Harry heard Kevin and quickly dashed out. In the basement, Marv threw the rope over the beams and started to pull himself up through the floor. Above, he caught a glimpse of Kevin's sneakers.

"Harry!" he shouted. "The kid's in the living room!"

Kevin quickly scrambled up a ladder leading through a hole in the living room ceiling. But not before Harry burst through the double doors and saw him. Harry ran to the ladder and started to follow Kevin up. He didn't know that Kevin had sawed the ladder halfway through just where it pressed against the ceiling. It was still strong enough to support a kid's weight, but not an adult's.

Snap!
Just as Harry reached the ceiling, the ladder broke in two. For a second Harry and the lower end of the ladder balanced motionless in the air. Then
Whomp!
Harry and the ladder slammed to the living room floor.

Marv ran in and found his partner lying on the floor with the ladder under him. "What happened?"

"What do you think happened?" Harry yelled angrily. "He cut the ladder."

Meanwhile Kevin leaned over the hole in the ceiling and waved down. "Hey, guys, why don't you try the stairs?"

Harry and Marv ran out of the room. Marv was just about to run up the stairs when Harry grabbed his arm.

"Hold on," he whispered. "Don't you remember what happened last time?"

Marv thought for a second. "Oh, yeah. The paint cans tied to the ropes."

"Right. Now watch." Harry jumped on the first step and stamped his feet as if he were going up. Then he jumped back down. A second later, a paint can tied to a rope swung down the staircase.

"OW!" Harry shouted, pretending it had hit him. Then he turned and winked at Marv. "That's one," he whispered.

Marv chuckled, then jumped on the stairs and stamped his feet, shouting, "Don't worry, Harry, I'll get him!"

He jumped off the steps just before the second can swung down.

"OW!" Marv shouted, pretending he'd also been hit. Then he whispered to Harry, "That's two!"

"Now he thinks we've both been clocked," Harry whispered back. "Let's go."

They started to run up the stairs. At the top, Kevin waited, holding a four-foot-length of iron sewage pipe over his head. Harry and Marv saw him and froze on the steps. Kevin swung the pipe down.

"
Ahhhhhhh!
" the bad guys shouted in unison.

PWHAM!
The pipe hit them.

Thunk-a-thunk-a-thunk!
They both tumbled backwards down the stairs to the first floor.

Crash!
They fell through the open beams and into the basement.

Marv opened his eyes. He was lying on his back on the basement floor again. Dozens of little sewer pipes floated in the air above him.

"That's three," he groaned.

At the top of the stairs, Kevin cut the rope tied to the sewage pipe.

Clang! Clang! Clang!
The pipe banged down the stairs and teetered momentarily on the edge of the beam over the basement.

Harry and Marv slowly got to their feet. Suddenly Harry looked up, saw the pipe, and gasped. "Don't move!"

A split second later the pipe rolled off the beam.

BONK!
Both bad guys crashed to the basement floor again . . . with the pipe resting on their chests.

"That's four," Marv said groggily as he lay on his back again.

"Maybe we should've moved," Harry moaned.

The staircase from the second to third floors had doors on either end. The doorknob was missing on the second-floor door and Kevin threaded some rope through the hole where it had been, and made a loop. He could hear the bad guys starting to climb out of the basement again.

"Don't you guys give up?" Kevin taunted them.

"No way!" Marv shouted as he and Harry charged up the first-floor stairs, shielding their heads with their arms in case Kevin sent down another sewage pipe.

"You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid!" Harry yelled.

"Yeah!" Marv added. "I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas!"

Kevin ran up to the third floor and rolled a big metal tool chest to the edge of the stairs. The tool chest was the size of a dishwasher, and he tied it to the rope that went down the stairs and through the hole in the second-floor door.

"I'm up here and I'm really scared!" He shouted with a laugh.

Harry and Marv stopped at the door at the bottom of the stairs. Harry grabbed for the doorknob, but got the rope loop instead. Too angry to think, he gave the rope a mighty yank. On the stairs above, the tool chest tipped over and started to clunk down the steps.

"What the . . . ?" Harry stared at the loop of rope in his hands and the hole in the door.

"Hey, listen." Marv pressed his ear to the door. Harry also pressed his ear to the door.

Clank-a-clank-a-clank!
The tool chest was picking up speed as it rolled down the stairs.

"What's that sound?" Harry asked.

WHAM!
The tool chest smashed into the door, knocking it off its hinges.

CRUNCH!
The door flew backwards, crushing the bad guys into the wall.

Clack!
The door fell away, leaving Harry and Marv embedded in the wall.

"I think," Marv moaned, "that was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs."

While the bad guys pried themselves out of the wall, Kevin ran up the stairs to the roof where he'd left a long coil of thick rope soaking in a bucket of kerosene. One end of the rope was tied around a hundred-pound bag of cement. Kevin pulled on a pair of work gloves and threw the rest of the rope over the side of the building. Then he climbed over the edge of the roof and carefully lowered himself down the rope to the scaffolding beside the first floor.

Harry and Marv staggered up the stairs.

"I don't care if I get the chair," Harry swore as he lugged the green gym bag filled with cash. "I'm gonna kill that kid."

"If we can catch him," Marv said.

"We'll catch him," Harry said. "He's on the roof. Where's he gonna go?"

"Last time he went to a tree house," Marv said.

Harry reached the top of the stairs and kicked open the roof door.

"Surrender, kid!" he shouted, stepping out into the cold, dark night air.

Marv looked around the roof. "I don't see him, Harry."

"I'm down here, you morons!" Kevin shouted from the scaffolding below.

Harry and Marv ran to the edge of the roof and looked down.

Kevin waved and yelled. "Nice night for a neck injury!"

"Let's get him," Marv shouted, grabbing the thick rope. But before he climbed over the roof edge, Harry slapped him on the head.

"Are you nuts?" Harry asked. "That's exactly what he wants us to do. You got a memory?"

"What're you talking about?" Marv asked.

"Look." Marv pointed at the end of the rope tied to the bag of cement. "He's smart, but not smart enough. A hundred pounds of cement. It'll hold the kid. It ain't gonna hold us. We get on the rope and we'll go straight down."

"So what do we do?" Marv asked.

"We'll just have to disappoint the little creep." Harry untied the rope from the bag and knotted it securely around a vent pipe. Then he grabbed the rope and started to lower himself over the side of the building.

"Harry, you're a genius," Marv said admiringly as he followed his partner over the side.

On the scaffolding below, Kevin watched the two bad guys lower themselves down the rope alongside the brownstone. This is going to be good, he thought as he struck a kitchen match against a brick.

Two stories above, as Marv inched down the rope, he started to smell something strange. "Hey, Harry, you wearing after-shave?"

"What're you talking about?" Harry asked below him.

"I smell something," said Marv.

"That ain't after-shave." Harry stopped and took a whiff. "It's kerosene. The rope's soaked in it."

"Why would somebody soak a rope in kerosene?'' Marv asked.

Below them, Kevin had the answer. He held the brightly glowing match to the bottom of the rope. "Merry Christmas, guys!"

Harry watched in horror as the bottom of the kerosene-soaked rope burst into flames. "Go up!" he screamed.

Instantly, Marv and Harry started wriggling upward like two giant caterpillars, but the soaked rope was slippery and the flames raced up faster than the bad guys could. On the scaffolding, Kevin quickly checked to make sure the planks of wood and open cans of varnish were in position for the final bombing. Then he grabbed his backpack, jumped down to the sidewalk, and ran toward the park.

The flames continued to streak up the rope. A second later Kevin heard screams as Marv and Harry let go and crashed down through the loose wooden planks of the scaffolding, catapulting the pails of varnish high into the air. As the bad guys landed in the small garden below the scaffolding, they stared up in horror at the thick brown plume of varnish arching above them.

Splash!
The varnish poured down, soaking them to the skin.

CLUNK! CLUNK!
They were each smashed on the head with an empty varnish can.

At the corner opposite the park, Kevin ran up to a pay phone and quickly punched 911. He was out of breath and his heart was pounding. The most dangerous part of
Operation Ho! Ho! Ho!
was about to begin. Across the street in the park, the dark tree branches were filled with pigeons, but Kevin was too preoccupied to notice.