Home is Goodbye (16 page)

His eyebrows shot up.

‘Do you really have to be told?’ he asked a little irritably. ‘Because I like you. Because I find it nearly impossible to be angry with you
—
unusual for someone of my temper! And because I shall have to have some sort of buffer between myself and my female cousins next week. Julia has proved that to me quite conclusively!’

It wasn’t at all the list she had hoped to hear. She felt very much as she had when he had told her that he was going to take the plane down before the engine gave out.

We might
crash!
a voice said in her head. Yes, she agreed, we might crash, but it would be a glorious, final, total crash. There would be no survivors. Not as far as she was concerned. She found herself searching his face for reassurance as she had that once before.

‘Well?’ he asked.

‘I’ll marry you,’ she heard herself saying.

She was a fool. Anyone could have told her that. What possible chance of happiness did she have? But there was that other side of her that was so oddly confident, that, surprisingly, had decided to be happy about it. So happy that she could feel it tingling in her flesh. This part of her was sure, certain sure, that once she was Matt’s wife she would not find it so very difficult to make him fall in love with her.

They were both suffering from a feeling of anti-climax as they drove back to Kwaheri. It should have been such a big moment
—
a moment worth more than a shy smile and a relieved look. Sara felt that somehow they had cheated and she wished that she had asked for time before making up her mind. He could not possibly know how much she was in love with him, so why did he think she had agreed to marry him? His face was the face of a stranger and gave nothing away. She hoped ardently that he didn’t think it was just because he was about the best catch in the district.

‘Mother will be pleased,’ Matt broke into the silence. ‘She likes you.’

Was it just the nervous tension that made her think he sounded as though there was something odd in that?

With deliberation she relaxed and found that her muscles were quite stiff, as though she had been taking part in some form of violent exercise. She felt more and
more like some piece of flotsam
—
or wa
s
it jetsam?
—
that had been washed up on a strange and not very friendly shore.

‘It doesn’t feel very real, doe
s
it?’ She wa
s
surprised to fi
n
d that she had spoken aloud.

‘Doesn’t it?’ His voice was gentle and curiously understanding.
‘
Do you want to retract?’

‘N
—
no.’

‘Good. Because I have no intention of letting you escape, my dear.’ He gave her an odd smile. ‘I need you too badly.’

She could feel herself blushing and turned her attention to the landscape outside the window. The burnt grass shimmered in the hot sun, or was it because of the unshed tears at the back of her eyes?

A lion stalked across the horizon with the easy relaxed motion of a cat. He turned and looked at the car and Sara caught a glimpse of his tawny, golden eyes, proud and reserved. She gasped in her excitement and tugged at Matt’s sleeve to attract his attention. Obediently he stopped the car and they watched as it walked slowly away from them, its front feet crossing ridiculously as it walked.

‘Probably has his pride somewhere over there,
’
Matt told her. ‘I’m sorry we haven’t time to go and see, darling, but there’ll be plenty more.’

Darling
!
She would have to get used to that. When she was expecting it perhaps her heart wouldn’t thump quite so disturbingly.

‘It’s — it’s quite all right,’ she stammered.

Julia, she thought with sudden foreboding, would have managed very much better. She would at least have managed some witticism that would have released the tension and made everything seem normal between them. Julia
would never be at a loss when it came to employing the age-old feminine devices. Sara, on the other hand, had never had a specially high opinion of her own capabilities in that direction.

When they turned off on to the long, dusty road that led to Kwaheri and to nowhere else, her thoughts came round to her aunt and baulked at the prospect of telling her that she had indeed become engaged to Matt.

‘When — when are we going to tell people?’ she asked abruptly. Perhaps she would have a few more days of grace in which to prepare herself.

Matt’s eyes narrowed.

‘I don’t believe in dodging the issue,’ he said distinctly. ‘We’ve had enough of that with James and Felicity. I’ll tell my mother and your aunt as soon as we get in.’

There was very little hope that Mrs. Wayne would display any tact.

‘I’ll tell Aunt Laura,’ she announced with decision.

He gave way gracefully. ‘I don’t anticipate any difficulty in that direction,’ he added, and there was a distinct
un
dercurrent of laughter in his voice. Was it possible that he had known all about Mrs. Wayne’s plans for them both from the very beginning? Sara could feel her cheeks burning at the thought.

It was almost a relief when they came to a stop outside the hospital and she slid out of the car in a great hurry, managing no more than a confused thank you. She knew that Matt didn’t drive off immediately, but she couldn’t bring herself to look back at him. One way and another it had been quite an afternoon!

She had barely reached her room when she heard the Indian doctor’s hurrying footsteps coming down the corridor and a second later he appeared in the doorway.

‘Did you pass?’ he asked.

‘Pass?
’
she repeated stupidly.

‘Your test, nurse?’

Her test! What a long time it seemed since she had been driving the Jaguar around the testing field in the gruelling hot sun. She looked at Dr. Cengupta with surprise and was touched to see that he really cared whether she had done well.

‘Yes, I passed,’ she smiled. ‘I don’t quite know how, but I passed. The things he thought up for me to do! Did you have to go over the oil patch when you took yours?’

Dr. Cengupta joyfully told the story of his own test, with graphic and largely imaginary details thrown in, when he saw Nurse Lucy’s eyes growing rounder and rounder, as she too listened from the doorway, equally anxious to know how Sara had got on.

‘We must have a
little
celebration
,’
he enthused. ‘I shall arrange it!’ He looked at Sara a little anxiously. ‘Would you be prepared to come up to my house?’ he asked her.

‘I should love to!’ she responded immediately.

‘My wife would be very honoured to serve you tea,’ he suggested. ‘We are very
Anglicized
in that way,’
he beamed. ‘We both of us
live
for our afternoon tea!’

A gleam of mischief entered into Sara’s eyes. ‘I’m surprised you need to ask, doctor,’ she teased him. ‘Since when has a nurse ever refused a cup of tea?’

He laughed, his white, perfect teeth flashing.

‘I shall tell Kamala to prepare for tomorrow,’ he said. ‘And let’s hope there will be no emergency!’

While he was in such a good mood Sara told him what Matt had said about the note she had received. She knew the doctor was a moody man and had no ambition to let him find out what had happened from someone else. Carefully she omitted any mention of Matt’s suspicions that either Felicity or James might be involved in the mix-up, but she added that she thought Matt would probably be looking into the whole affair.

Immediately the Indian’s face was serious.

‘That is very bad,’ he said briefly. ‘We are not accustomed to having trouble on Kwaheri.’

‘Unfortunately I tore up the note,’ Sara said regretfully.

‘Ah well,’ he sighed, ‘it is no good crying over spilt milk. We must make the best of it. I am quite sure, nurse, that you were in no way to blame.’

That was nice of him, Sara thought, for she had been worrying about it. She smiled briefly.

‘I feel a little responsible,’ she admitted. ‘Perhaps I should have checked before going?’

‘It is best to forget,’ Dr. Cengupta said firmly. ‘We all of us hazard a guess as to who the culprit is and then we have no peace. All the same one cannot but wonder. It is, how do you say, the onlooker who sees most of the game!’ He looked unexpectedly grim and shook his head from side to side. ‘There are bad apples in every barrel,’ he commented at last with a sigh.

For the first time Sara was able to drive herself home in the jeep that evening. The evening had just reached that dramatic moment when the day was on the point of dying, and night was gathering itself to take its place. Even the dust seemed to be settling down for the night, leaving the air pure and fresh, cool against her face. Now and again an animal cried out. They were preparing to meet at the waterholes for their evening drink, calling to one another to hurry up. Even the birds were taking their last glide round the still gold skies, their plumage bright and colourful in the clear fight. It was a moment of peace, a moment when Africa entwines itself around one’s heart and refuses ever to let go.

In the silence even the jeep’s engine was an affront. Sara drove it to the top of a small hillock and turned off the ignition, relaxing in her seat and gazing across the s
u
n-baked land. All that she could see belonged to Matt and to his family. The ugly, spiky sisal plants took on an eerie beauty to her eyes and she wished she could paint so that she could capture the scene for ever.

For a moment she tried to think of her home in England, but it had taken on a feeling of unreality for her. This was her home. Home was where the heart was. And her home was ‘Goodbye’.

Another car’s engine broke into the silence and came towards her. From a distance she recognized it as John’s gigantic Ford. She wondered where he was going and watched idly as he turned off the chief track and made towards the manager’s house. She hadn’t yet been over to see his estate and she thought that very likely that was what he was coming for now. He had said last time she had seen him that he was going to make a firm date when he next saw her.

With a sigh she started up her own engine and went to meet him. It was tricky driving the jeep down the steep slope of the hillock and her wheels slid treacherously beneath her. Carefully she guided the jeep back on to the track and felt a thrill of pride as the wheel responded to her hands. She was beginning to enjoy the finer points of driving and odd words of Matt’s came back to her, helping her to achieve her object in style.

It took only a few moments to drive the remaining distance home. She hooted the horn loudly as she approached and an African ran out and opened the garage doors for her, beaming broadly.

With a flourish she drove the jeep in and jumped down on to the ground. Everybody who, had heard the horn stood outside waiting for her, their grins as wide as their faces would allow.

‘Well, congratulations,’ Felicity said dryly, arriving just behind the Africans and looking round the little audience. ‘Speech! Speech!’

‘I passed,’ Sara told her breathlessly.

‘With Matt too?’ Felicity asked. ‘He was raging when we saw him. How could you possibly manage in that heat? And why didn’t we look after you better? You’d just recovered from malaria, did we want you to go down with heat-stroke now?
—
oh, he was full of it!’

‘He didn’t send the note, so naturally he was annoyed,’ Sara defended him. She looked anxiously at her cousin.
‘
You and James didn’t have anything to do with it, did you?’ she asked.

Felicity stiffened. ‘You can think what you please,’ she said haughtily. ‘I’m quite sure everyone will think of some way of blaming James, but as it happens he was with me all morning, so you’ll have to find someone else to carry the can!’

With dismay Sara saw the old lines of discontent on Felicity’s face. Instinctively she reached out and touched her arm.

‘I didn’t think it was James,’ she said. ‘But I thought it might have been a joke
—
or something—’ Her voice trailed off. ‘I’m sorry, Felicity. I did think he might have had something to do with it, but I had absolutely no reason for thinking so, and I apologize.’

The Africans watched them with indifferent curiosity. Felicity shook off Sara’s hand and attempted a smile.

‘That’s all right,’ she said briefly. ‘I was just a bit upset.’

Together they went over to the house and strolled into the drawing room through the french windows. John Halliday stood up to greet them, his eyes smiling a little wickedly in the dying light.

‘
Did I hear you’d been playing truant, Sara?’ he teased her.

Sara shook her head wearily. Was it possible to keep nothing to oneself around here?

‘Not me,’ she denied. ‘I went down to the town to take my driving test.’

‘That so? Not quite the story I heard.’

‘Well, supposing you tell us what you did hear?’ Sara said irritably. She was still regretting her remarks to Felicity.

John looked a little surprised.

‘
I ran into Julia,’ he said. ‘She told me you’d gone off on a spree and that Matt had gone down after you, breathing fire out of his nostrils. Not true?’

‘Not true at all!’ She took a deep breath. ‘As a matter of fact Matt was very pleased to run into me. I’m afraid he was a little dismayed to see that Felicity and James were with me and he may have been a bit short with them, because you see he wanted me to himself. He asked me to marry him.’

There was a moment’s shocked silence.

‘He did
what
?’ John demanded.

‘Are you quite sure?’ Felicity chimed in.

A feeling of elation spread over Sara. It
was
a miracle that he should have done such a thing, but the fact remained that he had. She chuckled.

‘And I accepted him,’ she went on, gratified by their horrified faces.

‘You didn’t!’ Felicity exclaimed weakly. ‘But I though
t —
Whatever will Mother say?’

‘She’ll be pleased. She wanted me to marry Matt right from the beginning, and now I’m going to!’

‘Yes, I know,’ Felicity said doubtfully.

Sara giggled irrepressibly. She was enjoying herself. I must have gone mad, she thought to herself. I must tell Aunt Laura quickly before I’m sane again. She felt drunk. She wondered if that same feeling of ecstatic irresponsibility accompanied too much wine. I must try it and see one day, she told herself, and then, a little incredulously, I must indeed have gone mad!

It was obvious that John thought so too.

‘That’s just
fine
!’ he said bitterly. ‘And to think I came over to see if you felt like going out with me tonight to cheer you up!’

‘Did you, John? That was nice of you.’ It was, but she couldn’t feel more than a polite regret and it seemed insincere to make anything more of it.

With an effort John smiled.
‘
Well, I guess the British aren’t the only people who can take it!’ he joked. ‘You sure led me up the garden path, young Sara. I should have known when Matt kissed you, I suppose.’

‘Matt
kissed
her?’ Felicity repeated with disbelief. ‘When?’

Sara blushed a fiery red. ‘I do think you’re being disagreeable,’ she complained. ‘Aren’t either of you going to congratulate me?’

‘Of course!’ they exclaimed in unison.

‘Matt’s a great fellow,’ John added. ‘It was just that we thought he was pretty tied up elsewhere. I hope you’ll be very happy, Sara.’ The patent sincerity in his voice convinced her. So do I! she thought. So do I
!

Mrs. Wayne came in then. She had heard, as she heard everything, all about Sara going down to the town and her eyes were sparkling, with anticipation as she entered.

‘Did you pass?’ she asked silkily.

Sara nodded. ‘I got engaged too,’ she said, in a way that she could only describe as brazen. ‘To Matt.’

For once Mrs. Wayne’s languor deserted her. She sat down heavily on the sofa and stared at her niece.

‘Are you sure
—
are you absolutely sure that that’s the way you want it?’ she asked, and no one had ever heard her more alert or interested in the affairs of another.

‘Yes, I’m sure.’ Another spurt of elation seized Sara. She didn’t care how it happened, or even how it was going to work out, for the moment Matt was all hers.

‘Then I couldn’t be happier about it,’ her aunt said gently. ‘In fact,’ she went on gleefully, ‘it was exactly what I had hoped for. Matthew has been a bachelor for quite long enough and he needs someone to help him keep his family in order.’

To hear her speak, Sara thought with amusement, one might well imagine that she had been trying to arrange matters merely in order to suit Matt! She saw her aunt and Felicity exchange glances and smiled happily at them both.

‘I’m glad.’ She bent over and kissed first one and then the other.

‘And what about you, Felicity?’ John asked wickedly. ‘Haven’t you something to confess as well?’

Felicity frowned.

‘Not now. I must say you haven’t wasted much time, Sara,’ she went on hastily before her mother could put two and two together. ‘You’ve hardly been here any time at all and you walk off with the best catch for miles around!’

Sara felt herself blushing again.

‘I can hardly believe it myself yet,’ she said with sudden honesty. ‘Not that Matt seems like that. Like the best catch, I mean. He’s just
—
Matt!’ She paused, a little embarrassed that she couldn’t put her feelings into better words. ‘I think I’ll go and change, if you don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I never thought I’d ever change so often before I came here. This uniform was clean on this morning and now look at it!’

Her own bedroom was comfortably familiar. The African had been in before her and had turned down the bed and loosened the mosquito net so that it hung in cascades around the bed looking white and ghostly in the dim light. She was glad that they had nets and didn’t rely on netting over the windows. It was less stuffy. She went over to the windows now and flung them open, looking up into' the almost black-blue sky at the first stars. They were so near that she felt if she reached out a hand she would be able to touch them.

It was a good moment to take out her feelings and see how she really felt about Matt, she thought. Or rather how he felt about her, she added. For that was the important part. She knew quite well exactly how she felt about him and it didn’t become any more amenable to her will when she thought about it.

‘I’m daft about him,’ she sighed.

But he? He only liked her. She would have to keep reminding herself about that. He found it difficult to be angry with her, he said, though he had put up a pretty good imitation on occasion, she thought. There had been that time when she had kept him waiting at Arusha. She shivered as she remembered the instance. Matt would be very uncomfortable to live with if he ever were angry with her.