Home is Where You Are (11 page)

Katie and I still aren’t talking. I haven’t seen her once at school. Technically, that just means she’s ditching, which for her is normal, but I’m looking at it as her way of avoiding me.

My mother, however,
is very present this morning.

I c
ome downstairs like I do every morning, not expecting to find my mother at the kitchen counter. Lately she’s been MIA, telling me she has a big show coming up. Whatever. Spare me the lame excuses. When I get downstairs and pour myself a bowl of cereal she starts with the questions.

“I noticed all the leaves in bags at the curb. What made you decide to rake?”

As if I would tell her the truth. Besides it took her almost a day and a half to notice. “I was bored. Katie was babysitting. It gave me something to do.”
“And who was that boy helping you?”

“Excuse me?”
Does she have cameras set up around the house I don’t know about?

“Mr. Higgins told me he saw you with a young man.”
Mr. Higgins is the type of person who would hold a cup to a door just to hear a conversation. I’m sure he was spying on us through one of his windows. Creepy old man. “He’s just a guy from school.” If Katie couldn’t handle the truth, there’s no way in hell Mom can.

Mom lives in a bubble. Anything bad bounces off
her exterior. She hasn’t always been this way and recently it’s only gotten worse, especially after Seth moved. He doesn’t even come home for the holidays anymore.

I don’t hold it against him.
But I do miss him.

“Mr. Higgins told me he came inside the house with you.” Of course he did. Why wouldn’t Mr. Higgins tell
Mom I’m luring boys into our house?

“Why don’t you tell Mr. Higgins to mind his business?”

“Honey, he’s just doing what I asked him to do.”

“
Spy
on me?”

“I wouldn’t call it spying, just keeping an eye on you.”

My hands clench at my sides. The skin on my face burns as she continues to sit on her stool and act as if spying on me is perfectly normal. “You’re
unbelievable
!”

“Honey
, I didn’t mean for you to get all upset. It’s just you’re still young and when I can’t be here, I want to know you’re okay. Mr. Higgins has my numbers in case of an emergency and fills me in on things I need to know.”

Can’t be
here. She
chooses
not to be here. All the pain I’ve felt as Mom continued to push herself out of my life finally boils over.

“Maybe you wouldn’t need someone to fill you in on your daughter’s life
if you spent time at home.”

“
Don’t take that tone with me.”

“Why not?
Because you won’t be able to pretend everything is okay? You won’t be able to throw yourself into your work and forget about your life? You can’t keep hiding from the truth.”

“
I am your mother. That’s why.”

“Then fucking act like it.” The words slip before I c
an stop them. Never in my life have I cursed in front of my mother, let alone
at
her. Anger builds in her eyes, and as sick as it sounds, I’m thrilled. I’ve been trying to get her to show emotion for years and always came up empty. Now, she looks like she wants to rip my head off, and I couldn’t be happier.

“What did you just say to me?”
she asks, hands on her hips, eyes wide.

“You heard me.”

“No boys in the house when I’m not home. End of conversation.”

“So, in other words, never.”

“I said end of conversation.” Mom walks out of the kitchen to hide in her bedroom. So not only is Katie not talking to me, but now neither is my mom. At least tonight I’ll have Barney and Stan. And Dean.

***

Once school is out I don’t want to go home, in fear Mom will be there. I should be happy she actually cares. But I don’t like the fact she doesn’t trust me. I’ve never done anything for her to have any doubts about my decision making.

Unfortunately, I have no choice but to go home.
I need to clean up because I’m seeing Dean tonight for our “date.”

Mom isn’t home.
Surprise. Surprise. As soon as I get out of the car I see Higgins peek through his blinds. Instead of acting like I don’t see him, I wave.
That’s right old man, I know you’re there.
It may not make a difference to him, but it makes me feel better. Once I wave, he lets go of the blinds and disappears.

Since I have a couple hours to kill
, I heat up a frozen pizza. Then I freshen up, slipping into my favorite skinny jeans. I want to wear my pearl earrings because they’d go awesome with my simple—yet totally does wonders for my figure—grey cardigan, and as I dig through my bag for them my planner tumbles out onto my foot.

I open it, flipping the pages until I’m on today’s date. In red capital letters
, right beneath my reminder to send out article due dates to the rest of the paper, are the words
STUDY!!!
What do I have to study for? I flip to tomorrow’s schedule. Oh shit! I have a test in U.S. Government. How did I forget?

I have to study tonight. Maybe if Dean doesn’t show up early
, I can get some studying in. I throw my book and notebook in my oversized black slouch bag. I can always pull an all-nighter.

Barney and Stan are unfolding chairs when I walk in. We have permission from the church to use their cafeteria, but we have to take the chairs out ourselves and put them away before we close up for the night. Barney usually has the newer volunteers do
that job. He hasn’t had any of them start yet. Next week.

Oh shoot. I forgot to ask Barney about Susie. I add it to my mental check list.

“Hey guys,
” I say and drop my bag in the back.

“Hello
, Anna,” Stan says, waving a serving spoon.

“We were just talking about you,” Barney says with a suspicious look.

I hip check him. “Oh really? What about?”

“
Since Stan is behind the scenes most of the time, I was just filling him in on what he has missed.”

“And what exactly has he missed
?”

“You and a certain boy getting very chatty.”

I bite my bottom lip.
“Oh. Me and Dean.”

“
You know his name?” Barney looks to Stan, raising his eyebrow then they both turn to me with hands on their hips.

“Yes
, I know his name. So what?”

“
You know, Barney and I have been in this field of work for a long time.”

I nod and prepare myself for another lecture
which probably won’t be as severe as Katie’s.

“Proceed with caution
that’s all. You don’t know Dean’s past. You don’t know if he’s one of the good ones or not.”

“Dean’s not like
that. He’s just been dealt a bad hand.” At least I assume that’s the case. I still can’t get him to tell me the whole story. “He’s a really nice guy. I’m keeping my guard up so you have nothing to worry about.”

Barney and Stan look at each other for what feels like forever. It’s almost as if they
’re having a silent conversation.

“We just worry about you,” Barney says
, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re our Anna,” Stan says.

“I love you guys.” As soon as I let the words out, they take me into a bear hug. This is the reaction I was hoping I’d get from Katie. Concerned, yet sympathetic and caring.

When it’s time to open
, I take my usual position by the plates. I have my notebook hidden behind the basket of dinner rolls. Multitasking has always been easy for me. I got it completely under control.

I take my old approach to passing out plates. I don’t make eye contact
, trying to avoid small talk and focus on my textbook.

“Are you too good to talk to me all of a sudden?”

“Huh?” The plate I was about to hand over smacks the edge of the stack and crashes to the floor. Oops. The amusement on Dean’s face makes it much more embarrassing.

He bends down and pick
s up the pieces. I run around the counter and kneel down beside him.

“Please don’t. I dropped it. I’ll clean it up.”

“Can you stop resisting help for once?” When I look into his eyes, the embarrassment fades, sending the butterflies in my stomach into a free for all.

“Is everything okay over?” Barney asks
, crouching down beside us and taking me out of my trance.

“Yeah.
I’m just a klutz. I shouldn’t be trying to multitask.”

“We love you anyway.
” He extends his hand to Dean. “By the way, I’m Barney.”

“Dean.” I’m almost jealous he offers his hand and an introduction so easily. It took me two days and countless banter to get him to tell me his name.

Barney holds out a garbage bag, and I toss the broken pieces in.

“Anna, why don’t you take a study break
?” Barney suggests, standing with the bag in his hand. “Stan’s done cooking in the kitchen. He can help with the plates.”

“Are you sure? I didn’t mean to break the plate. It was an accident. I swear,” I
ramble as I stand too.

“I know.” He winks at me. “It was nice meeting you
, Dean.”

I turn to Dean.
“Thanks for helping. I thought I could study and work at the same time, but apparently I was wrong.”

“What are you studying?”
he asks, adjusting the straps of his backpack.

“I forgot I have a test in my U
.S. Government class tomorrow.”

“Well
, you have to study then. Don’t want to go messing up that 4.0 of yours, Preppy. Let me grab some food and you can sit with me and study.”

“Are you sure? I thought maybe you’d want to talk or something.” I bat my eyes away from him when I realize how corny
that sounds.

“
I was thinking I could study
with
you.”

“What are you studying for?”

“My GED.”

“
Oh! I can help you,” I say a little too overly excited.

“Let’s get you on track first and then we’ll worry about me.”

For a second I just stare at him. He gets me. Katie would take this as an opportunity to convince me to blow off studying. I bite my cheek to hide the smile.

“Grab
a seat,” he says with the cutest grin. Slowly he reaches around me and grabs a plate. “I’ll get my own.” I roll my eyes and regardless of the hold my teeth have on my cheek I can’t help the giggle that slips.

Lucille waves to me
and I wave back, feeling guilty for not noticing her when she was in line.

Dean sits
, and Barney and Stan look at us then have one of their silent conversations. I can only imagine what they’re “not saying.”

“So what exactly
are we studying?” Dean reaches for my notebook.

“The
Origins of the American Government. Exciting I know.”

“
It is. Why don’t you tell me what you know and then you can see where you need to focus your studying on.”

I
tell him about the colonies, the Articles of Confederation and the founding fathers. Afterwards I go back and focus on the information I have a hard time recalling.

Time passes way too fast. We never get a chance to cover the topics Dean needs to work on for his GED.

***

I’m off from the soup kitchen today so Dean and I
plan to meet at the library to study, something we’ve done together every night since he helped me with that US Government Exam. Usually it’s at the soup kitchen, and I’m happy for a change of scenery and to be away from Barney and Stan’s watchful eyes.

Yesterday, after
Dean and I parted ways, I stopped at the store to browse. Mom’s been home and I haven’t really felt like dealing with her. I wasn’t exactly looking for something for Dean, but when I stumbled upon the outerwear accessories for guys, I couldn’t help but look around.