Home with My Sisters (28 page)

“Yummy,” Joy said.

“It's snowing again!” Brittany said, running to the window. “Can we build a snowman today?”

“A snowman?” Hope said, looking outside. “With this much snow, we can build a fort.”

The door opened and Austin strode in. He stopped halfway as if surprised to see them all here. “Hello, everyone,” he said.

Hope felt her insides warm and she had to stop herself from jumping into his arms. She'd been meaning to call him but had held back, hoping he would contact her first instead.

“Glad you could make it,” Yvette said.

“You said you needed my help?”

Hope turned to her grandmother. She wouldn't meet her eyes. “Whatever it is,” Hope said, “we're all going to eat French toast and Harrison's famous potatoes first.”

“Amen,” Harrison said.

“Brittany, Josh, would you help set the big table?”

“Should I set a place for Mom too?” he asked.

“Or two,” Joy said.

“Why two?” Josh said.

“Just a joke,” Joy said. Hope glared at her.

“I don't get it,” Josh said.

“She eats a lot,” Joy said.

“No, she doesn't,” Josh said.

“We can always add a place if she shows up,” Hope said. “Let's assume for now she's eating breakfast in town.”

“Indeed,” Joy said.

“I sure hope I don't run out of French toast before you get yours,” Hope said to Joy. Joy stared at Hope, then mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key.
If only
.

CHAPTER 30

Austin helped Hope clear the breakfast plates. He had come to take Yvette to her doctor's appointment, but Joy and Harrison had offered instead. Austin had asked Yvette if she was sure she didn't want him to take her, and even now he was glancing at the door often, as if expecting her to come crashing through. Brittany and Josh were skating on the pond. Austin looked toward the door again.

“What is it?” Hope asked.

“The doctor is helping her with the exit plan today,” Austin said.

“The exit plan?”

“Medication for when it gets too bad,” Austin said. “That's the only reason she agreed to go.”

“Oh.” Hope put the last of the dishes in the rack. There was a machine, but today she'd wanted the distraction so she'd washed them by hand. “Sometimes I forget she's sick.”

“Your visit has really perked her up,” Austin said.

“No,” Hope said. “Our visit has perked Roger up, and that's what perked Yvette up.” She could hear the bitterness in her own voice, only now it went much deeper. Yvette should have told them, should have told Carla, a long time ago what happened. Instead she let them wait and wonder all these years. Maybe there was something that could have been done. He was functioning, and talking, and on some level he recognized them. They could have had him back in their lives. She'd robbed them of the most important gift of all. The truth.

Hope wiped her hands on the towel and threw it down. “Are you okay?” Austin said.

“What happened to your brother?” Hope didn't even know she was going to ask him that until the words were out of her mouth.

Austin looked at her, then leaned against the counter. “He was my half brother, although that's neither here nor there. I didn't grow up with him, but I did love him like a brother. He took his own life.”

“Oh my God.” Hope's hands fluttered up to her mouth. “I'm so sorry.”

“He was sixteen. It was a few days before Christmas. And he had been staying with me.”

“Oh my God.”

“I didn't recognize the signs. He'd been acting out with my father and stepmother so they sent him to live with me for a while. I underestimated what he was going through.”

No wonder Austin hated Christmas. “Wait. Is that why you've been so worried about Josh?”

“Did you read the note I asked you to give him?”

“No,” Hope said. “I figured if you wanted me to, you would have directed me to read it.”

Austin gave her an appreciative look. “I like that about you,” he said softly. He sighed. “It was my phone number along with a number for the suicide hotline.”

“You think it's that serious?” Panic fluttered in Hope's stomach.

“I will never underestimate someone's pain again.” Austin glanced toward the pond. “There's more.”

“What?”

“I shouldn't be telling you this.”

“Please.”

“He called me.”

“The hotline?”

“No, my cell. But he might have thought it was the hotline.”

“Why? What did he say?”

“The good news is that he didn't have a plan to kill himself. But he is having thoughts of doing so.”

“Oh my God. When? When did he call?”

“A few days ago.”

“And you didn't tell me? You didn't tell Faith?”

“Hope. It's confidential.”

“The hotline is confidential. But you said he called your cell.”

“I think it was a mistake. I think he meant to call the hotline.”

“But he didn't.”

“Hope. I swear. He's only in the early stages of contemplation. I've been keeping an eye on him.”

“When we went on our date? You knew then?” Austin looked at the ground. “I can't believe this.” She was furious with him, but Josh was more important. “What do we do? We have to tell Faith.”

“I don't think that's the best idea.”

“Why not?”

“Because you don't want him to feel cornered. He won't even talk to me in person. He's waiting to see if I'll betray his confidence. Which I just did.”

“Shouldn't we get him into a hospital?”

“Maybe.”

“I can't believe this is all happening at once. I have to tell Faith. If anything happened and I didn't tell her . . .”

“Okay. But let me talk to Josh first,” Austin said. “Let me explain to him why I have to betray his trust.”

“I just can't keep that kind of secret from my sister.”

“I understand. I'm very sorry I didn't say anything before. I was going to. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. Because of my brother. I didn't want to jump to conclusions.”

“Is there any doubt that it was Josh who called you?”

“It was shortly after you gave him the note. It was a San Francisco number. And it sure sounded like him.”

“What exactly did he say?”

“He just expressed frustration about the family. He asked if you could easily kill yourself by drowning.”

“Oh my God.”

“But the pond is frozen. And he tried to make a joke out of it. Look. I know it's not a joke. I truly think he's only in the very early stages of considering it.”

“I can't believe this. This hurts so much.” Hope looked out the window again. Josh and Brittany were headed their way. “I want to follow him around every second now.”

“Are you angry with me?” Austin asked softly.

“You shouldn't have kept this to yourself.”

“I was trying to figure out how and when to say something. I was torn. I still am.”

Hope was torn too. Should she confront Josh or talk to Faith first? Faith should know before she brought her girlfriend to the log house to meet the kids. That was the last thing Josh needed right now. Suddenly Hope remembered something Josh said in the restaurant. Something about Faith keeping the butter knives away from him. “I think he might have attempted suicide before,” Hope said. She told him about the incident at the restaurant. She expected to see a bit of relief in Austin's eyes. If Faith already knew, then Austin couldn't be entirely blamed. “What's wrong?” she asked.

“We have to find out. If he has threatened it before, it raises the level of concern,” Austin said. “The longer he's actively been contemplating it, the more danger he's in.”

Hope nodded. “We'll talk to Faith before we confront Josh. Get all the facts.”

“Let's do it quick,” Austin said.

Hope grabbed her phone and called Faith. It went directly to voice mail. Hope left a message asking Faith to call right away.

“There's so much going on,” Hope said. “All at once.” And to think. Just a few weeks ago, Christmas was the biggest thing on Hope's mind. Now it seemed so unimportant. Their grandmother was actively dying. Her father was alive. Brain-damaged but alive. Their mother was on her way. Faith was breaking up her family. And Josh was contemplating suicide. There just wasn't any reason to celebrate Christmas this year. She could hear Josh and Brittany in the mudroom now. She took a deep breath. All these secrets were getting to be too much to bear.

* * *

Hope and Austin played blackjack with Josh and Brittany. Hope was doing her level best not to stare at Josh. She'd practically accosted him when he said he was going to his room, and thus the game of blackjack.

“Why don't we go into town?” Josh asked. Austin looked at Hope. She was thrilled Josh wanted to get out and about, that was probably a good sign, but what if they ran into Faith and Charlie?

“I'm free,” Austin said.

“We could go sledding and Christmas shopping,” Brittany said.

“I thought you were making presents,” Josh mimicked.

“I need supplies,” Brittany said, biting her lip.

“Great,” Hope said. “Let me call your mother and see if she wants us to meet her somewhere.”

“I don't want to hang around her,” Josh said. How painful to hear him talk so of her sister. But he was hurting, and what Faith was doing was reckless.

“I'll just let her know that I'm kidnapping her two favorite people in the world so she doesn't worry,” Hope said with a wink. She purposefully averted her gaze from Josh so that she didn't have to take in his sarcastic reaction.

Hope hurried to the window as she listened to Faith's cell phone ring. Roger, correction, their dad, was outside, rearranging the Christmas decorations. Faith's voice mail kicked in.

“Where are you?” Hope said. “Josh and Brittany want to go into town and I'm bringing them.” She clicked off. She sounded angrier than she'd meant to. But seriously. She didn't want to start lying and covering up for Faith, but she certainly didn't want to encourage a collision either. Roger was just outside and it appeared as if he was just plugging and unplugging Christmas decorations. Hope was determined to get him to come to town with them. She whirled around and headed for the mudroom.

“What did Mom say?” Brittany asked.

“I just left a message,” Hope said. “I'm going to invite Roger.”

“Good luck,” Austin said. Hope threw on her coat and shoved her feet in the boots. There was at least a foot of snow on the ground so she wasn't exactly racing across the lawn but tromping, her feet sinking deeply into the snow as she went. Roger stopped and watched her. She was breathing heavy by the time she was a few feet from him. He watched her, then broke out in a smile when she was near. She took a moment to really look at his face. It was still hard to know for sure. People definitely aged differently, and this was not the handsome young father she remembered. Was it him? Were these the same eyes? Tears pooled in her eyes before she could stop them. Roger appeared startled for a moment and then reached a gloved hand toward her. A dam broke in her then and she threw herself into his arms, weeping. At first he was stiff; then his arms went around her and he hugged her.

“My girls,” he said. “My girls.” Hope heard him say it and she cried harder, but when she pulled back and wiped her tears, she did not question him any further.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Don't be sad,” he said.

“You made me feel better,” she said. “Please come into town with me. And Josh, and Brittany.”
Your grandchildren
. “And Austin. Please. I want you to come with us.”

“Town,” he said, frowning.

“Just for a little while. As soon as you want to come home, you let me know and we'll come right home.”

“No,” he said. “No town.” Then he turned around and headed for his cabin.

* * *

My girls
. He said
my girls
. Hope was lost in thought as Austin's truck bounced along the road. “Are we going sledding?” Brittany said.

“Why not?” Hope said. Screw Faith. She still wasn't answering her phone or calling her back. Why not go sledding? “Does that sound good?” Hope asked Josh.

“Sure,” Josh said. It was way better than his typical “Whatever.” Austin and Hope exchanged a little smile. After they parked they headed directly to the sledding hill. Butterflies danced in Hope's stomach at the thought of Austin's arms around her waist. It had been several days since that kiss and she'd been thinking about it nonstop. From the looks he was giving her, so was he. It was early in the day and there wasn't a long line to sled. Before she knew it, they were up next. Josh wanted his own sled, which left Brittany, Austin, and Hope to share one. The threesome took off first with Brittany in the front, Hope in the middle (as always), and Austin in the back. He did indeed sneak his arms around Hope's waist shortly after the sled started its descent. Brittany's delighted screams filled the air. They were halfway down when they heard another raucous scream from behind. Josh was a wild man on the sled, and he seemed to be purposefully zigzagging down the path, leaning his body side to side to produce the slaloming effect.

“Careful,” Austin shouted just before Josh's sled slammed into the back of theirs. The sled veered off path and headed straight for a tree. Hope screamed, as the image of Brittany's head colliding with the trunk terrorized her. She threw her hands over Brittany's head as Austin desperately tried to right the course of the sled. Josh flew past them, zooming sideways down the hill. Why hadn't Hope listened to Faith? Austin managed to steer them away from the tree, but the violent change in course tipped the sled and soon they were careening down the final leg of the hill, precariously balanced on the side, in danger of falling out. And as soon as the fearful thought struck Hope, it happened. Brittany tumbled out of the sled, and then to Hope's horror the sled tipped upside down. Hope's face was crushed into the snow as she felt the sled run over the top of her body. Where was Brittany? Was she okay? This time it was Hope's screams that filled the air and they were anything but joyful.