Hometown Girls: Beginnings (Hometown Girls Series Book 1) (12 page)

In her mind’s eye, she focused on one image; Daniel’s face, and hoped and prayed she’d make it through the night to see him again.

She blinked into the light that appeared around her, scared to look at it directly, fearing she had died and was being pulled into the afterlife like she’d seen in the movies.

“Marissa Lou?”

Mom?
She blinked slowly, trying to get her bearings.

“Marissa Lou, are you feeling sick?”

“Mom,” she croaked.

Her mom bent down and pushed Marissa Lou’s sweaty hair out of her face. “Honey, are you drunk?”

Marissa Lou shook her head back and forth. She didn’t want to tell her mom that she was drunk earlier because she wasn’t drunk anymore, not that she could tell, so there didn’t seem like there was a point. Now she was just sleepy and slightly numb feeling. “No. But there is definitely something wrong.” Marissa Lou managed to sit up and rest her elbow on the toilet to hold her weak head up. “I need help, Mom,” she said and began to cry.

Her mom knelt down beside her. “What kind of help, honey?”

“I’ve screwed up a lot lately, Mom. And I’m so scared I won’t be able to get myself out of it.”

“Are you sure you’re not just being dramatic?”

“I wish I were.” She cried even harder. “I’ve been doing drugs, Mom. A lot of them. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to let it get so out of hand.”

“Marissa Lou!” she hissed.

“I know, I know. I’m a terrible daughter.”

“Oh, honey,” she said wrapping her arms around Marissa Lou’s frail body and held her. “What can I do?”

“I think I need to go somewhere. Somewhere far away from here.”

“Like rehab?”

Marissa Lou looked up at her mom with tears and mascara smeared all over her face, and shook her head. “Please, Mom. I need help. Please help me. Get me out of here. I don’t want to die.”

Her mom studied her for a moment then brought her back to her and rubbed her hair like she’d done when she was a little girl. “Shh, we’ll figure this all out.”

With a clean mind, Marissa Lou was able to clearly see everything that had gone wrong this past year. Breaking up with Daniel was the biggest mistake of her life. She loved him so much, but she also loved Katie. They were best friends and all she ever wanted for the people she loved was for them to be happy. Even if it was at the sake of her own happiness. Unfortunately, even though it was her decision, she let it destroy her. The only comfort she could find, was with Randy. She couldn’t see it at the time, but being with him put the nail in the coffin.

She’d thought he cared about her, and only wanted her to be happy. Even if keeping her wasted was what it took. Looking back, she now realized he didn’t care about her at all. He was possessive and fed her whatever he wanted to keep control over her. She couldn’t remember many times in the past year where he wasn’t stuck to her side, with his arm wrapped around her, and her as high as a kite from the drugs he provided for her. She thought it was him that was so intoxicating, but it was really the addiction he fed her. The thought sent chills through her body.

With three months sobriety, she had a new prospective on life. While in rehab and commencing the Twelve-Step Program she rose to Step Eight— asking for forgiveness— she knew there was only one person she wanted to talk to. There was so many things she wanted to say to him, but what he would say would change everything.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Daniel?” she said nervously into the phone.

“Marissa Lou?”

“Yeah, how have you been?”

“Good, I guess. Busy like usual.” There was a pause. “Where have you been?  I haven’t seen you since, since the graduation party.”

Marissa Lou breathed heavily into the phone. “I’ve been staying with my aunt and uncle in Pennsylvania,” she lied. Telling him that she was in rehab for the past three months was too embarrassing. “I had to get away, you know, to clear my mind and all?”

“Why didn’t you say good-bye to anyone? Everyone has been worried.”

She chewed on her lip. “It was an emergency. Besides, I didn’t really want to see anyone at the time. Not after how I left things.”

“Oh, well when are you coming back? College is starting soon.”

“I’m not really sure,” she said honestly. “I wasn’t calling about all that anyway. I’m calling to tell you how sorry I am about everything that happened.”

“Maris, it wasn’t just your fault.”

“I know. But I had a hand in everything that happened. I have so many regrets. I can’t even being to list them all.” Tears began to pool in her eyes. “I think one of my biggest regrets was leaving you the way I did the night of the graduation party. I was so messed up and confused.” What she should have done that night was clung to him and told him how much she loved him and needed him, and begged him for another chance.

“I know what you mean. It was pretty crazy. I wasn’t expecting that to happen and after not seeing you again I didn’t want you to feel like I was blowing you off.”

“Me either,” she whispered, feeling silly just thinking about that night.

“Umm, there’s something I wanted to tell you, especially before you come back and find out on your own. Katie’s pregnant.”

His words made her heart stop and the air got knocked out of her chest. They were going to have a baby. A perfect little reflection of the two of them to link them forever.

“Marissa Lou?”

“I’m here,” she croaked, and the tears that were hanging in her eyes began to fall. “That’s so great. I, umm, I have to go. I just wanted to say I’m sorry and to let you know that I’m taking care of myself and getting better.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. Take care, Maris. I’ll see you when you get back.”

“‘Kay,” she whispered and hung up the phone.

She felt numb, except for the pain in her heart. She had hoped to go back home and resume her life, maybe even find her way back into Daniel’s heart. But talking to him made her remember that she’d run from that life for a reason. Besides, now there wasn’t anything left to go back to. There was too much pain. She told Daniel she was going to take care of herself and get better, and she fully intended to do that, but that would be impossible to do if she went back home and had to watch Katie and Daniel grow their perfect family together.

No, she’d go on and live her life the best she could. Maybe she’d go to college there in Pennsylvania and build the life she wanted. The life she deserved. One day she might be strong enough to go back home to face her past, but for now she was looking toward the future, and it was wide open and as bright as she wanted. It was her life to live after all. Recovery was rough at first, but she made it through the dark days, and had faith that she could face any new obstacle that came her way. She had seen it a lot since being in rehab, people always pointing their finger, blaming others for the problems in their life, when in fact, the only person to blame for anything that any one person did, was themselves.

She knew where she went wrong. The powers that be loved to say marijuana was the gateway to all the other drugs. To a point she believed that, but it wasn’t true in her case. Her gateway was heartache; the drugs were merely a byproduct of that pain.

She loved life, always had, even though she didn’t realize how much until she was faced with the uncertainty of death. Her past mistakes were her badge to carry and she refused to let them define her or her future.

This isn’t the end, but rather the beginning.

Don’t let substances control your life. This is your life and your responsibility to live it as well or as bad as you want. We only get one life, don’t waste it. It may not be easy, but there is always another choice.

God, grant me

the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the Courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

by Reinhold Niebuhr

This book is a work of pure love and devotion. It is my first true young adult story. It is about friendship, first love, sacrifice, depression, downward spirals, addiction, and ultimately overcoming it all. This story means so much to me because I took from my own memories to write it.

There are so many factors that go into writing any story, and like many, I use my own life as the canvas. It makes every love, heart break and mistake all worth it. I won’t ever regret or feel ashamed about my past. It is mine and it made me who I am.

My list of thanks always seems to grow with each story, yet there are some who have been there and supported me from the very beginning.

My family— Eric and Brennan will always be at the top of my list. They are my biggest supporters and I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have without them.

My mom— Nancy is my biggest fan and she is my biggest hero. I will spend my life looking up to that incredible woman.

My Personal Assistant, Amber Clark— She is my eyes for every story and help me make sure my wonderful works of art makes sense. She is also my voice when I don't have time for one myself.

Crushing Hearts and Black Butterfly Publishing— I have been waiting for my chance to work with this publishing house and it finally happened. I am thrilled beyond belief and hope I am able to flourish even more.

My editor, Elizabeth Lance— I know with my crazy brain and dyslexic tendencies it makes my stories tough to look at when raw, but you cut through and make it make sense. I am so thankful for that.

My readers, fans, supporters— They are freaking awesome! The numbers continue to grow and it makes me so happy. My day is instantly made when I receive a message from someone after they have read one of my books and tell me how much they loved it.

Thank you all for everything you do for me. Please continue to read and spread the word, and I will continue to strive to entertain you as much as I can.