Honey Whiskey (A Bastards MC Novel) (16 page)

He cleared his throat, sitting
back and pulling me down onto his lap. “You asked me if I evah
killed anyone.” I felt him shrug before he wrapped an arm around
me. “I meant to kill him, L.K., because he took her from me. I got
off ‘cause I had a brilliant attorney, but I would do it again,
even if it meant spending the rest of my life locked
away.”

I nodded, understanding perfectly. I would do
the same thing for my children, without a second thought. I turned
my head, looking at him. “And Alison? What happened to
her?

He met my gaze, face hardening in resolve.
“She took the cowahds way out and ran. Just disappeared. I haven’t
found her yet. For all I know, she could have died in an alley with
a needle in her arm.”

The fierce look in his eyes was too much, and
I had to look away. I leaned my head on his shoulder. “And the
Bastards? You started the club, didn’t you? Right after
that?”

“Matty and I started it together.
I don’t know what he’s told you about his time locked up, or why he
was theah, but when we got out, I needed to come home. I needed to
channel my energy into something else. Mateo’s my best friend, so
he came, too. We fell in with a rough club and were prospects. It
wasn’t enough for me, though. The Prez was the one who told me to
start the Bastards. He lent me some money and gave me a list of
contacts. We had friends that wanted in, and they had friends. It
didn’t take long before we were an official club.

“MC’s are
fuckin’ risky, L.K. Starting a new one and getting the AMA,” he
paused, seeing the confusion on my face, “sorry - the American
Motorcycle Association - to sanction you as a real club isn’t easy.
We wanted to be above board—completely legal, so everyone would
take us seriously. But, to them, we were just a bunch of criminal
kids. The cops called us a gang, othah clubs ignored us or picked
fights whenevah they could, and the AMA wouldn’t even acknowledge
our existence. One day Mateo and I were talking about what the
Bastahds were and what we wanted them to become. The answer was
simple—we protect the innocent, ahh passionate about what we do,
and we’re not gonna stop ‘til we save ‘em all.” I realized suddenly
that had been his uncle’s definition of a bastard, and just like
that, it all made sense.

“To do that,
though, we have to step outside the boundaries of the law. We can’t
hold people accountable or save the people we want to save if we
don’t. We spend ninety-five percent of our time inside the gray
area. We may not sell drugs or do illegal shit to make money, but
we’re still not welcome by the AMA because we’re not law-abiding
citizens. We decided that they could all go fuck themselves and
then we happily accepted our roles as outlaws. We wear those
patches with pride." I thought about the 1% diamond that each of
them had on their cut. I’d googled it last summer when I’d seen the
patch on their jackets. It meant the Bastards were different from
the other ninty-nine percent of bikers who were law abiding
citizens.

“
Look at me." I lifted my face to
his, and he gave me a small smile. "I told you once, L.K., people
are afraid of us for a fuckin’ reason. Like you said last summer,
the general consensus is that we’re vigilantes. Some see us as
heros, othahs think we ahh sadistic fucks. We all have our own
demons, stories that ahh worse than mine, and we’ll do anything to
keep kids from going through the same shit we did. We try to
protect the ones that have no one else to protect them. And, we
protect the ones we love at all costs,” his eyes bore into mine, as
if driving the next words home, “including keeping them in the dahk
because ahh secrets will hurt 'em.” He moved his head slightly,
kissing the top of my head. "You'ah ahh family now."

I didn’t know what to say. This
was a group of broken men, all tough and scary and freakishly weird
in their own way, who were the most amazing people I’d ever met. I
wanted to support them in any way I could because I knew they were
helping more people than they were hurting. And even though I
didn't want to, I could understand Matty’s insistence to shut me
out. Whatever secrets he was still keeping weren’t important
anymore. Whatever it was that he’d done that he thought was so
horrible, didn’t matter to me.

Chapter 15

Jo

I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wasn’t sure
what time it was, but I could tell it was definitely late morning
because of the amount of sunshine invading Matty’s room. I needed
caffeine, to pee, and to get dressed before Cris showed up, not
necessarily in that order. I couldn’t find the energy to move
though.

I’d stayed up with Rocker well
into the night. We’d talked about my kids, school, my future plans,
and anything else I could think of to keep his mind off what he’d
told me. He’d been so deflated, nothing like the man I’d come to
know, and I wanted to distract him for as long as possible. He’d
finally given in though, telling me he had early appointments
today, and he'd hugged me and kissed my hair the way Matty did
before he headed down to his room.

I’d sat up for a long while after
he’d left, trying to process everything I’d learned, before I gave
up and headed to bed. I might as well have stayed up. I’d only
tossed and turned, begging sleep to come for what seemed like
hours. I’d gotten up and taken a steaming hot shower at one point,
hoping it would quiet my mind and relax my body into slumber. It
hadn’t.

I stretched, my muscles screaming
in agony as they protested any movement. My phone rang, and I
grabbed it begrudgingly, not even looking at the screen. Only Cris
would be calling me at this time of day. Thursdays were my day off
from school and no one else would wake me up. She probably wanted
to know why I wasn’t ready. “I’m still sleeping,” I growled as a
greeting, breaking into a yawn.

“Morning,” the
low, sexy voice drawled, full of amusement, and I could almost hear
the smile on his lips. “Sleep well, Sunshine?”

“Not really.” I
stifled another yawn. “I sleep better when you’re here with
me.”

“God,” Matty
groaned. “I’d do anything to be there with you right now.” He
paused for a second. “Guarantee you wouldn’t be so grumpy.” I
smiled, chuckling at the sexual innuendo. He sighed. “I didn’t mean
to wake you up, Joes. I’m driving to a visit and thought we could
talk for a while.” I sat up, instantly awake. We used to do that
all the time. Whenever one of us was on the road, we’d call the
other. “We can talk later if you want to go back to sleep.”

“
No!” I practically
shouted.

Matty laughed. “Oohhhkkkaayy.” He
stretched out the word. “Good.” He sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t call
last night, Sammy’s game ran late. Did you get my
texts?”

“I didn’t!” I
pulled my phone away from my ear and frowned at the screen before
putting it back. “But, I didn’t look either.” I hesitated, not sure
if I should tell him. Biting my lip, I decided to be honest.
“Rocker kept me awake most of the night, and I didn’t even think
about checking my messages. Sorry!”

The silence that answered me made me think
he’d driven into a dead zone. “Hello?” I asked, sure I'd lost
him.

“
Sorry, it sounded like you said
Rocker kept you up all night.”

I nodded to my empty room. “Most of it,
yeah.”

“Doing what?”
The voice was cold and agitated, and held none of the warmth it had
only minutes ago. The memory of me sitting on Rob’s lap, snuggled
against him, flittered through my mind. At the time it had been
purely innocent, one friend wanting to comfort another. But, if
someone had seen us, would it have looked that way? I swore under
my breath. "Joes?" The tone of his voice sent shivers up my spine.
This was scary Matt.

“
Not like that, jeez!" I snapped,
irritated. "We were up talking.”

He waited a few seconds for me to
continue, but I stayed silent. “About?” he finally bit
out.

“
The Bastards.” I took a deep
breath, trying not to read too much into his silence. “He told me
about his childhood, about Hannah and Ali, and how the club got
started.”

He swore. “That’s a lot of fuckin’ information
to take in at once. How you holdin’ up?” I don’t know what I
thought he’d say, but it wasn’t that.

I smiled, loving him even more.
“I’m fine.” I shrugged. “I haven’t had a chance to process it all
yet. I was more worried about him than anything.”

“You don’t need to worry about
him, babe. He’s been dealing with that shit for a long time.” He
paused and I could hear him take a sip of his drink. I smiled,
picturing him with his Dunkin Donuts coffee. “I wanted to tell you
all of that shit, Joes, but I wanted to do it in person. There
hasn’t been time.” He sighed. “That mind of yours must be running
at full speed. I have about fifteen minutes before I get to my
appointment, if you want to ask me anything.”

I smiled. He knew me so
well. I had so many questions and didn’t even know where to start.
Rob had told me a lot, but one thing worried me more than anything
else, and I had focused on that most of the night. “The things you
don’t want to tell me,” I swallowed, not sure how to continue. “I
don’t need to know whatever it is. I love you. I trust you.”
I can’t handle the thought of you breaking
down the way Rob did.
“But, is it
always gonna be like this? Will I ever know what’s going
on?”

“
Jesus, Joes. I want to be looking
at you when we talk about this.” He sighed. “There are some things
I’ll never be able to tell you. Club business is for members
only.”

“
Ok. How do I become a
member?”

“
You don’t.”

“Why not?” He snorted, as if my
question was absurd. I was instantly pissed. “Answer me, Matty!” I
demanded, wanting an answer. “Why can’t I be a member?”

“Because you
can’t. Women aren’t members. Let’s talk about it when we’re
together, ok?”

I ignored his last question,
hating that he was trying to pacify me. “That’s archaic and
sexist!” He didn’t argue, irritating me even more. “Fine.” I
seethed. “Then what exactly is a woman’s role?”

“Well,” he started slowly, and I
couldn’t tell if it was amusement or worry in his voice, “there are
a few different ones.” I waited patiently, expecting him to
continue. He didn’t.

“So, what you’re saying is that
the women that hang around the Bastards are either club whores or
old ladies. All those women that were here Saturday are one or the
other?” I didn’t buy that for one minute. I’d seen how they looked
at him, how they were dressed. There is no way a woman that was
attached to another man would even think about sending Matty the
glances they were. And, there was no chance the club had that many
‘whores,’ right? I cringed at the thought, disgusted. “I don’t fit
into either category, so what, I don’t have a role?”

“That’s not what I’m sayin’.” His
voice was calm, but hard. “There are those women, yes, but there
are others, too. Like the women that work for us and
th..,”

“As in
prostitutes and strippers?” I interrupted angrily. “I know I’m
pretty clueless about this whole MC thing, but I’m not an idiot.
I’ve seen Sons of Anarchy. I watched it with you after you got
snipped, remember? So, unless I decide to swallow my pride and
become a whore, or take my clothes off for money, there isn’t a
place for me in your stupid club?”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna fuckin’
happen, so don’t even fuckin’ think about it. The only man seein’
you naked is me. And, no more HBO for you.” If I hadn’t been so
pissed, I would have laughed. “The Bastards don’t own a strip club,
even though I can see how that might be a great idea.” He laughed
when I growled. “And we’re not pimps. What I meant was, the girls
like Jessie who work for one of the businesses. There are moms of
kids we’ve helped that come over and clean, or help us organize
charity runs. There are friends that enjoy hanging around. And,
there are sisters, like Cris.”

I mmhhmm’d, not sure I was going
to accept his explanation.

“Ah, fuck, babe.
You kill me. The Bastards aren’t your typical MC. We like to do
things a little different. But, you’re right. There are club whores
and ol’ ladies, too. Nothin’ to worry about, though. Jessie’s tight
with those women, and they’ll love you.”

“You don’t get it!” I snapped.
“Cris and Jessie, they have these cool names, just like the rest of
you, and they know all about the club and what to expect when you
go on a ride. Jessie called me a civilian, as if she was a member
of some super secret cool club. Which, apparently she’s not.
Because she’s a woman!” The jackass laughed hysterically. “Really?
I’m glad you find this so fucking amusing! I like your friends,
well, most of them,” I corrected myself quietly, “but I… Goddammit,
I hate the fact that I have no fucking place in your life! Ok?” I
threw a pillow across the room in anger.

“
You’re mine, Joes. That’s your
place.”

I groaned. “I’m not your property, Matty. We
haven’t even decided if we’re going to try to make us
work.”

“You wanted to know your role,
Joes, and I’m tellin’ you that’s your role in my life and in my
club. You. Are. Mine.” He enunciated each word. “That’s all you
need to worry about. Everyone else knows it, too.” I started to
snap back, but he interrupted. “I’m here, Joey. We’ll finish this
tonight, ok?”