Honor's Price (26 page)

“H
e's suffering.”

Merewen hadn't told Gideon something he didn't already know. Kane's pain was obvious, especially to anyone who knew him well. Since his return, the warrior barely slept, rarely ate, and snapped at anyone who came too close, Gideon included.

Merewen's dark eyes stared down at Kane, who was busy taking his bad mood out on those foolish enough to face him in weapons practice. In a few minutes, Gideon would go down and challenge him himself. At least he had a fighting chance against Kane's twin swords. The purely human soldiers only ended up bruised and hurting.

“Is there nothing else we can do to ease his mind? I hate seeing him like this.”

Kane paused for a moment to glance up to where they stood watching him. Did he sense they were talking about him? Probably, considering the angry look he shot directly toward Gideon.

“I'd act the same way if it were you trapped inside Duke Keirthan's keep beyond my reach. Add to that knowing that others will suffer and die because of Kane's escape, and you can understand why he is nearly out of his mind with worry and guilt.”

Gideon walked back into their room from the balcony. “The day after tomorrow, we will march toward the capital. Kane will be better once we are on the move. The waiting is always the worst part.”

Well, that and the actual fighting and dying that would follow. Images of past battles came flooding back, the memories never far from Gideon's mind. He could see it all too clearly: blood, screams, and death. And even when the Damned walked away victorious, the battlefield was still covered with the dead and dying from both sides.

Merewen brought him back to the moment at hand. “You do know that I'll be coming with you when our forces march, Gideon.”

He closed his eyes and tried not to lash out. She meant well, but how was he supposed to fight knowing she was anywhere close to the battle?

“No, you're not.”

It came out as a growl, the words harsher than he meant them to be. He reached out for her, pulling her close, hoping she would let it go. He should've known better.

Everything about Merewen showed her mind was made up. “This is as much my fight as it is yours, Gideon. My fate is tied up with yours, and I will not huddle here inside these walls and wait for news.”

When he finally tried to speak, she shushed him. “I know what you're going to say, and I even understand, Gideon. Remember, I love you, too, and would keep you out of harm's way if I could. We both know that is not possible. You will do whatever it takes to defeat the enemy.”

She hugged him tight. “I may not be a warrior, but I am a skilled healer. Do not tell me that I cannot be of use once the fighting starts. You cannot leave Lavinia behind, either, although we both know Duncan doesn't want her to face the duke's magic in battle.”

Then Merewen chuckled, although he could not imagine how she could find anything about this impending disaster amusing. “Alina offered to assist me in caring for the injured, and I said yes. When Murdoch bellowed and tried to change her mind, she told him she was done cowering in her room.”

What could Gideon say to that? It wasn't as if he had any better luck controlling Merewen. Murdoch was on his own.

A wise leader knew when to retire from the battle to fight another day. “Let's not argue about this now. I need to go distract Kane before he works his way through all of our troops. Maybe he'll listen if I point out that it will only delay things further if we have to give them all time to recover from his lessons.”

He was pleased when Merewen laughed again. Right now, there was precious little to smile about in any of their lives. The summer solstice was nearly upon them. He didn't want to spend what time he had left fighting and listening to the screams of dying men. No, he wanted every last second with this woman in his arms, in his bed.

He pressed a kiss against her temple. “I love you, Merewen. Never forget that.”

Never forget me
, although that last thought was pure selfishness on his part. A better man would want her to move on, to find happiness with someone else after the Damned stood judgment and learned what their fate would be this time.

Please, Lady, let this half-life end for me and my friends
.
Our souls grow weary of the battle.

In truth, he wasn't sure he could face more centuries in the cold chill of the river only to return to a world that wouldn't have Merewen in it.

To his surprise, the Lady answered.
“Have faith, my warrior. Stand strong and you shall know peace.”

*   *   *

Kane needed to get away. Now, before he hurt someone seriously. He settled his shield on his back and threw himself up on Rogue's broad back. As soon as they left the stable, he started cursing. The guard he'd ordered to open the front gate for him was nowhere in sight. He should've known he wouldn't be able to escape without someone interfering. At least it was Gideon, who stood
the best chance of defending himself against Kane if he lost control.

Which could happen at any second.

“Get out of the way, Gideon. I have to go. Hob and I need to hunt.”

His friend nodded. “I guessed as much. We leave tomorrow by midday. If you don't return by then, catch up when you can.”

“I will.”

Gideon hadn't asked him to explain why he was leaving just when there was so much work to be done. He gave one anyway.

“I can't be near people right now. Keirthan did something to me, to my control. Right now I'm not safe to be around.”

He finally met his friend's gaze. “I can't stand knowing that I just left her there, Gideon. I could have overpowered her. Rogue could've carried us both to safety, but I didn't do any of that. I abandoned the woman I love for my duty.”

“But the gods—”

His grief became rage. “Damn the gods, Gideon. No matter what we've done in their names, no matter how many centuries we have answered their call, they didn't protect the one person in all that time who matters to me.”

He expected anger from Gideon. Hoped for it, knowing it would give him a handy target for his frustration. Instead, the sympathy in Gideon's expression was almost his undoing.

“Kane, we both know the gods don't work that way.” Gideon patted Rogue on the neck as he spoke. “I grant that you have the worst of it right now, but it's not easy for any of the rest of us, knowing our women will ride right into the same danger as Lady Theda.”

Kane knew that. It didn't change anything. “Open the gate, Gideon. Please.”

As he charged out of the keep, he hoped Gideon recognized that last word was meant as an apology.

*   *   *

Kane had no destination in mind other than to get away from the keep and everyone in it. All he was aware of was the pounding of Rogue's hooves as the big stallion loped across the grasslands at a ground-eating pace. As the two of them put some distance between themselves and the crowded keep, Kane gradually became more aware of his surroundings.

The sun was low in the sky, the growing darkness soothing him even more. Soon he'd have to rein Rogue in. It wouldn't be fair to risk the horse taking a tumble because Kane's own demons were riding him hard.

As if sensing Kane's improved mood, Rogue slowed on his own. It was then Kane realized they'd run out of grassland. He signaled Rogue to stop completely. The path ahead led straight up the mountainside. At the top lay the deep pool that had been the home of the Damned since the day they'd sworn service to the Lord and Lady. How had the horse known to bring him there? He certainly hadn't guided Rogue there. Or maybe he had.

Gideon wasn't the only one to whom Kane owed an apology. He was also guilty of far more than simply cursing the gods themselves. Resigned to his fate, he dismounted and stood his shield against a nearby boulder. Next he stripped off Rogue's bridle and saddle.

Patting the big horse on the nose, he rested his head against Rogue's neck. “I'm going up the mountain to have a conversation with the Lord and Lady. I don't know how that's going to turn out, but I suspect it won't end well. If I'm not back by morning, find Lady Merewen and let her know what's happened.”

The horse nodded and shook his head. Kane laughed and patted him again. “I'm going to set Hob free, too.”

He chanted softly, closing his eyes briefly against the
flash of light. Kane smiled as Hob stretched before exchanging a quick sniff and snort with his equine friend.

“I'm going to the river, Hob. You stay with Rogue. This is a journey I must take alone.”

He rubbed his scaly friend's head and walked away. He hadn't gone but a few steps when he heard not just Hob but Rogue following in his footsteps.

“No, you two stay here. That's an order.”

Despite Kane's command, the contrary beasts ignored him. Finally, after another attempt, he gave up and let them do as they pleased. They would anyway.

As the climb grew steeper, he slowed down, not for his sake but for Rogue's. This trail was never meant for horses, but the stallion was nothing if not stubborn.

Eventually, Kane found himself encouraging his friends. “It's only a little farther. At the top, you'll be able to get a drink of water and rest.”

Ahead the trees thinned out, giving way to the rocky shoreline of the river. It was all painfully familiar. Despite Kane's dread of the place, the cool night air and quiet murmur of the water eased him. Rather than approach the black mirrored pool right away, he took a seat on the ground and leaned back against a boulder.

Rogue wandered to the river's edge and took a long drink. Hob joined him, his forked tongue flitting in and out of his mouth as he slurped up the water. They were an odd pair, the scarred stallion and the gargoyle, but then Kane wasn't exactly normal himself. Hadn't been even before the gods had claimed him as their warrior.

At least up here on the mountain, far from everyone else, he could breathe and his skin no longer felt as if it were a size too small for his body. He stared up at the stars overhead, enjoying the simple beauty of the night sky. Gradually, his eyes grew heavier, until he could no longer hold them open. Maybe a brief rest would be a good idea before he approached the gods. His temper, always unpredictable, was worse when he was exhausted.
Since leaving Theda, he hadn't slept for more than a couple of hours at a stretch.

He settled back and let his mind drift. As soon as he gave up control, the air around him changed. No longer did it carry the scent of damp rocks and pine. Instead, he smelled . . . what? Then he knew: roses and night-blooming lilies. He'd never paid much attention to flowers. They had little to do with the life of a warrior. But the first night he'd strolled through Keirthan's garden with Lady Theda, she'd pointed out her favorites.

At the moment, he didn't know if he was dreaming or simply imagining that he no longer sat by the river. Instead, he was sitting on a familiar bench, the one he'd shared with Theda in the garden. As he looked around, everything seemed so very real to him. The smooth texture of the stone seat. The bushes stirred in the night breeze, surrounding him with the heavy scent of roses.

Noises were real, too. In the distance, one of the guards shouted at another to hurry up and relieve him. But the sound that had Kane lurching to his feet was the soft sweep of a lady's gown across the grass.

“Theda?” he whispered as the lady herself came into view.

Her face paled in shock, standing out in stark contrast to the thick darkness around them. “Kane, is that you? What are you doing back here?”

Then she looked around them. “Am I only imagining you? I remember going to bed.”

“If you are dreaming, I am as well. I sat down and thought to rest but a short time before calling upon the Lord and Lady of the River.”

As he spoke, he eased closer to Theda, terrified she would fade out of sight if he moved too quickly and jarred himself awake. This might be a dream world, but it was one he was in no hurry to leave.

She stared at him in wonder. “This feels real to me, Kane. As if I could reach out and touch you.”

Theda slowly raised her hand, moving as cautiously as he did. Finally, their fingertips touched, blessedly solid and warm. He brushed his hand over hers, lingering there briefly before taking another small step closer. Since when in a dream could a man feel the warmth of a lover's skin and the soft flutter of her pulse?

Rather than question his good fortune, he enfolded Theda in his arms, cradling her gently against him and savoring the simple joy of the moment. Holding her was a balm to his ravaged soul.

“I should have taken you with me. I can't breathe for knowing you're here where Keirthan could turn on you at any moment.”

She smiled up at him, her eyes shiny with tears. “You'll be back soon enough. Know that I am counting the minutes until you return.”

It would be days yet, and she was smart enough to know that. Armies, even one as small as theirs, moved at a crawl. “How did Keirthan react to my escape?”

“I don't know. He went down to his chamber only a short time before I retired for the night. He spent the whole morning sleeping and then heard petitions for most of the afternoon.”

That made no sense. “But I've been gone for four days, Theda.”

She looked up at him in confusion. “That can't be. It was just last night that you and Averel left the city.”

He didn't understand what was happening any more than she did. “Perhaps in dreams time doesn't move the same way. But I am not going to question this gift the gods have given us.”

Already he could feel himself fading, their surroundings growing more indistinct. Rather than fight to hold on to the moment, he concentrated on the one thing he knew was real. He captured Theda's sweet mouth with his, kissing her hard and deep. Her lips smiled against his, and she sighed with contentment as she twined her arms around his neck.