Hopeless (18 page)

He grinned. “I brought her to the party to
get Mom off my back. I thought if I told her I was seein’ Victoria, she’d give
me a break for a while.”

Jay didn’t like his reasoning, but he could
definitely understand it. “And Vic was okay with that?”

“She knew the score.”

Tori walked into the room and stood on her
tiptoes to brush a kiss across Jay’s cheek. “Nice to see you again, Jay.”

Jay smirked at his brother. “Yeah, you too,
Tori.”

She glared at Mike. “I wish I could say the
same about you.”

“Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on
the way out, baby.”

Jay couldn’t believe his brother was being
so callous. He loved women, had dated more than his fair share, but he was
always respectful.

Her eyes narrowed. “You worthless piece of—”
She took a deep breath before plastering a smile on her face. “You know what?
You’re not even worth it.” She turned toward Jay. “I hope things work out with
Victoria. She seems like a sweetheart.”

“Thanks, hon. I hope so, too.” Unlike Mike,
Jay liked and respected Tori and was happy to count her among his friends.
“I’ll keep you posted, okay?”

“You better.” Without another word to Mike,
she walked out the door.

“Are you crazy?” Jay asked, turning on his
brother. “You just slept with Tori-freakin’-Warner, and you treat her like some
cheap one night stand?”

“That’s all it was, a one night stand.”

“Do you know how many guys would give their
right arm to have that woman in their bed?”

Mike got a fierce look on his face. “Yeah,
maybe that’s the problem.”

Jay had never known his brother to be possessive
of a woman, but there was no other way to describe his reaction. “Man, you need
to think about goin’ after her.”

“Let her go. Hell, she’ll be on to some
other guy by tomorrow night.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I don’t give a shit what she does.”

Jay shook his head. He didn’t have time to
stand around trying to convince his brother he was missing out. He had to see
Victoria.

Victoria rolled over, trying to find a
comfortable position when the sound of an engine revving alerted her that
someone was outside. She jumped up and ran to the window.
Jay
. Damn.
When she’d written her address on the employment forms he’d given her, she
never expected him to use the information to ambush her in the middle of the
night.

She threw the door open before he had a
chance to knock, deciding that being on the offensive was her only chance of
holding her ground. She turned the outside light on, and when he stepped off
his motorcycle and took his helmet off, she knew she didn’t have a prayer of
resisting him. Man oh man, faded blue jeans, a black leather jacket, and
motorcycle boots had never looked so good.

She watched him walk up the driveway and
cross the porch. “What are you doing here?” She put her hands on her hips and
tried to infuse as much bravado as she could muster into her next statement.
“Whatever it is, I don’t want to—”

He cut her off with a fierce kiss that swallowed
her next breath. “Inside. Now.”

Any woman in her right mind would be afraid
to comply with his demands, but Victoria knew Jay would never hurt her. She
pressed her hands against his solid chest. “I don’t—”

“You lied to me.” He backed her into the
wall in her small foyer. “Now you’re gonna tell me why.”

Her brain couldn’t process his words when
his calloused palms were sliding under her tank top, skimming her warm flesh. “What’re
you talking about?” Her eyes drifted closed and she tilted her head back when
his thumbs brushed the underside of her breast. She was ready for bed, wearing
only a skimpy tank top and drawstring linen capris, which gave him easy access,
should he be so inclined. What was she thinking? She couldn’t let this happen.

She tried reaching for his hands, but he
snagged both of her wrists in one of his hands and held her arms above her head
as he pressed her body into the wall at her back. “Tell me why you pretended
you had somethin’ goin’ with my brother.”

Damn Mike. He’d outed her. She should have
known better than to think he’d be comfortable deceiving his twin forever. To
him, it was a game, a way of one-upping his brother, but this was her life. And
now she was on her own to try and figure out how to protect herself from
falling for a man who epitomized every secret fantasy she’d ever had. “I never
said—”

He cut her off with a kiss, dipping his
tongue into her mouth as she whimpered. With her hands pinned above her head,
she was helpless against his erotic assault on her senses, not that she would
have thought to fight back. Her traitorous body was already betraying her,
begging her to surrender to his demands.

Jay licked the sensitive spot behind her
ear and smiled against her neck when she started grinding her hips into him. “I
heard him with someone tonight, and it made me crazy, thinking it might be
you.”

In her lust-induced haze, it was impossible
to think straight. “You mean… he was…” He traced the shell of her ear with his
tongue as thrill bumps chased each other across her skin. “Having sex…”

He grinned. “Is that an invitation,
sweetheart?”

“No…” Was it? She didn’t know anymore. It
had been a few months since she’d shared her bed with anyone and she knew if she
invited Jay into her bedroom, she’d never want him to leave.

He drew her earlobe into his mouth before
asking, “You sure?”

“No…” She shook her head. “Yes… oh… I don’t
know anymore.”

He chuckled. “Let me make it easy for you.”
He tipped his head back to look at her and the intensity burning in his bright
blue eyes startled her. “I want you. You want me. We both know my brother was
never a factor and I couldn’t care less about you workin’ for me. Any more
objections?”

The only reason that mattered almost
tumbled from her lips; she couldn’t let him fall in love with her knowing she
may eventually have to leave him. She could never have his baby or give him the
life he deserved. Instead of saying what she should have said, she let him drag
her tank top over her head and bare her skin to the brisk brush of the air
conditioning cooling her sensitive breasts.

“I didn’t think so.”

She watched him dip his head as he lovingly
caressed her with his tongue. There was still time to stop him, before they
both passed the point of no return, but the words were lodged in her throat. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “God,
I feel like I’ve been waiting for this forever.”

She knew the feeling. She’d had sex dozens
of times over the years, but something about this felt so different. His hands
were so big and rough, yet he was gentle as he grazed her skin. “Where’s the
bedroom?”

This was it. Decision time. “Down the hall,
first door on the left.” Jay bent down to pick her up and she gasped. “What’re
you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I don’t
want to give you time to change your mind.”

Was she so transparent or did he know her
so well already? “What makes you think I’m going to change my mind?”

“I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been
goin’ back and forth since I got here. Once I get you into bed, you won’t be
thinkin’ twice, trust me.”

That’s what she was afraid of. She knew
once he stripped her down, she’d be unable to resist the urge to give him
everything he asked for, and then some. She closed her eyes, leaned her head
against his shoulder, and decided she’d give herself one night of freedom from
her worries. Tonight would be about two people satiating their mutual desire
for each other, nothing more. The nagging little voice in her head mocked her,
telling her if she was stupid enough to step off the edge of a cliff with him,
there’d be no parachute opening to ensure her soft landing. She’d be falling
hard, fast, and may suffer the effects of those wounds for a long, long time.

She’d never fallen in love before. Never
allowed herself to forge that kind of connection with someone, knowing one way
or the other it would end in heartbreak. Either he would leave her, the way her
parents had, or she would leave him when she got too weak to fight her body’s
natural enemy another day.

He laid her down in the middle of her
double bed and peeled her capris off as she tried to distract herself by thinking
about logistics. Jay  was a big man. A small bed like hers would never
accommodate him. “Maybe we should—”

He pressed his fingertip against her lips.
“You’re doin’ it again… tryin’ to talk yourself out of lettin’ me love you.
It’s not gonna work, baby.” His eyes traveled the length of her body, saying
more with one look than mere words could ever convey. “It’s too late.”

Victoria tried not to read too much into
his statement, but her heart responded to the promise of his love. No one had
ever loved her. She’d had a few close friends throughout her life, some
friendly acquaintances, but when she felt them getting too close, she’d simply
retreat, telling them she was too busy to get together or return their calls.
Eventually those relationships died a natural death, and she was free to move
on with her life unencumbered by the ties of commitment.

She knew it was pathetic that she wouldn’t
even allow herself the pleasure of strong bonds with other women, but she
refused to do what her mother had done to her. She wouldn’t leave a single
person in the world to grieve for her when she was gone. Lindsay had already gotten
too close, and Jay was moving closer to the danger zone with every kiss and
caress.

Tomorrow, in the bright light of day, she
would figure out how to rebuild the protective barrier that had once served her
so well. But tonight, under the cloak of darkness, she would let herself
pretend they had the rest of their lives to experience satisfaction in each
other’s arms.

She watched him strip his clothes off
slowly, never taking his eyes off of her. When he’d stormed into her home,
she’d seen a fierce hunger in his eyes, and she assumed this was going to be a
quick mating borne of a lust they could no longer control, but what she saw in
his eyes now was so much more terrifying.

No man had ever looked at her that way, or
if he had, she’d pretended not to notice. Looking into Jay’s bright blue eyes
was like staring into an eclipse. She knew the danger, tried to force herself
to look away… to protect herself, but she couldn’t.

“You can’t escape this, Victoria,” he
whispered, crawling on top of her. He braced his forearms on either side of her
head. “I won’t let you.”

She tried to close her eyes, but he was
right there, placing feather light kisses over her closed eyelids, forcing her
to open her eyes and look at him.

“I’ve never felt this connection with anyone,
and I know you haven’t either.”

“Please… don’t.” Maybe if they didn’t
acknowledge it, it wouldn’t seem so real, so undeniable.

“It’s not gonna go away, you know it.”  He
buried his face in the crook of her shoulder, leaving a trail of soft, moist
kisses along her shoulder, up her neck. “It’s only gonna get stronger, more
intense, every damn day. Until you can’t imagine your life without me, and I
refuse to imagine my life without you.” His mouth skimmed her lips. “Just admit
it, sweetheart.”

She knew he was right, but she was
terrified to acknowledge it. The outcome he described was her worst fear.
Depending on someone, allowing someone to depend on her, knowing she would
eventually leave them broken-hearted when she was forced to abandon them… It
was too painful to contemplate. “Please…” Her voice broke on a sob. She didn’t
even realize she was crying until he started brushing her tears away with his
thumbs.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry,” he
whispered.

“Please… just make me forget.” She reached
for him, trying to close the gap between them.

He pulled back to look her in the eye.
“Forget what, baby?”

She moved her head from side-to-side. There
were no words to describe what she was feeling, and she was too tired to try.
“I just need you tonight. No more talking… please.”

He paused, obviously considering her
request before his hand started traveling the length of her body, closely
followed by his mouth.

Victoria put her hands above her head,
trying to detach her mind from the sensations coursing through her body. She
tried to tell herself this was just sex. Just because his hands felt like they
were searing her flesh with his brand didn’t mean she belonged to him. It
didn’t mean she could never find pleasure with another man because the memory
of Jay would always be there between them. It didn’t mean that. It couldn’t.

As he eased down her body, she couldn’t
help but arch into his touch. When he started placing moist kisses along the
inside of her thigh, her mind shut down completely.

Their first kiss, so intimate, almost caused
her to come apart in his arms, but when she tried to retreat from the intense
pleasure, he was right there, forcing her to face it. Just like she knew he’d
be the one forcing her to face her fears every day, if she ever let him into
her life. He wouldn’t allow her to postpone doctors’ appointments or pretend
the cold that wouldn’t go away was nothing. He would be in her face every day,
forcing her to face her fears and fight for her life. It was exhausting just
thinking about it.