Hopeless (25 page)

“Can you say for sure it isn’t true?”

“So you’re not willin’ to give it a chance
because you don’t think you’re man enough to compete with all those other guys
who’re after her, huh?” Jay chuckled. “I know there’ve been a couple of
professional athletes, an actor, a race car driver—”

“Shut the hell up!”

It wasn’t often Jay got to see his brother
rattled. If not for his concern about Victoria’s whereabouts, he may have been
able to take pleasure in it. “You’re an idiot if you don’t call her right now
and beg her to let you make up for bein’ such an ass, throwin’ her outta here
the way you did.”

“Are you crazy? I’m not apologizin’ to
her.”

“So… was it hot?” It wasn’t unusual for
them to talk about sex, but there were certain lines they wouldn’t cross, and
when either of them was in a committed relationship, what happened between them
and their partners remained behind closed doors.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Really?” Jay smiled. “Why?”

“Same reason you don’t wanna talk about
Victoria.”

“Man, just back off.”

Mike sighed. “So, you heard from her since
she left town, or what?”

“How did you know she left?”

“I stopped by the studio a few minutes
after you left. Karen told me.”

Leave it to Karen. She couldn’t keep a
secret if her life depended on it. “No, I haven’t heard from her. No idea where
she is.”

“You want me to track her down?”

This was one time when having a detective
in the family could prove invaluable, but Jay wasn’t going to try and lure
Victoria back. He wanted to, but he knew it wouldn’t help his cause. He may be
able to convince her to come home with him, he may even be able to get her back
into bed, but the problems that drove her away would still exist. Until she was
willing to fight to overcome them, he knew he couldn’t win.

“Thanks, but I need to let her figure this
out on her own. If she comes back, it has to be because she wants to.”

“Man, since when did you get so mature?”

Jay smiled, even though it was the last
thing he felt like doing. His life had to go on, with or without Victoria.
“I’ve always been the mature one.”

Mike started peeling the label off his
bottle, refusing to look at him. “You in love with her, or what?”

“I think so.” He sighed. There was no sense
lying to his brother or himself. “Yeah, I am.”

“Then how the hell can you just let her go?
I don’t get it. If it were me, I’d be huntin’ her down right now.”

His brother was typically jealous and
insecure, so his attitude didn’t surprise Jay. “What good would it do, man?” He
leaned his head back on the couch. “We’d still be right back where we were when
she left. She’s afraid to make a commitment, afraid to let herself fall in love
with me or that baby…” He hesitated when he realized he’d said too much.

“It’s okay, Karen already told me about
Lena.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

Mike laughed. “You sure you don’t want me
to track her down for you?”

Jay would have been lying if he said he
wasn’t tempted by the offer. “Right now, no. If she hasn’t come back in a week
or so, ask me again.”

“You got it.”

Victoria was afraid to face Jay again. She
had no idea how he was feeling or what he was thinking, but she’d run as far
and as fast as she could. Now it was time to stop running and face what she was
feeling.

She’d done some healing in the weeks since
she’d last seen him, but she knew she had a long road ahead of her. Given the
choice, she didn’t want to travel it alone anymore.

Just as she raised her hand to knock on his
door, it flew open and Jay almost bowled her over in his haste to leave his
apartment.

His face drained of color and he took a
step back. “Victoria.”

“I hope you don’t mind? I snuck into the
building behind another guest.” When he didn’t say anything, she said, “If this
isn’t a good time, I can come back later.” When he still didn’t respond, she
said, “Or not.”

“Gimme a minute,” he said, punching a
button on his phone. “Karen, something’s come up. You’re gonna have to
reschedule those meetings for me. Yeah, I don’t know when. I’ll let you know.
Thanks, bye.”

She stood on the threshold, waiting,
praying he was ready to invite her in. “I’m sorry. I know I should have called
first.”

Jay beckoned her inside before closing the
door behind her. The muscle in his jaw was flexing when he turned around to
face her. “I’m not gonna lie. I’m surprised to see you. When I didn’t hear from
you, I just assumed you weren’t comin’ back.”

He seemed so cold, so distant, so different
from the man who’d pleaded with her to listen to reason that day at the
hospital. Maybe it was too late to go back. Perhaps she’d waited too long to
reach out to him. “I wanted to call, but I needed to figure a few things out
first.”

“And? Did you?”

Victoria started pacing, walking the length
of the Persian runner covering the short hallway leading to the bedrooms and
bathrooms. “I’ve been talking to someone… a therapist. It’s helped a lot.”

“I’m glad.”

His curt responses told her it would be a
long time before she heard the warmth and understanding she’d come to expect
from him, if ever. “She helped me to realize some things, things I’ve been
avoiding for a long, long time.”

“Like?”

“I’m alone because I choose to be, not
because I have to be.”

He didn’t say anything in response to her
revelation, and the way he was staring at her so intently almost made Victoria
wish she hadn’t decided to put her heart on the line. If he told her it was too
late for them, she didn’t know how she would react. All of the hopes and dreams
she’d been building her life around for the past few weeks were centered on
this man. Without him, none of it made sense.

“I want to make different choices.” She
raised her chin, hoping she looked braver than she felt. “Better choices.”

He stuck his hands in the pockets of his
faded jeans before saying, “Is that so?”

Jay obviously wasn’t going to make this easy
on her, not that she expected him to. “I went to the shelter before I came
here. Lindsay told me what you did for Lena. She said you arranged for her to
stay at Trey’s house… that you’d been checking in on her every day.” If she’d
had any doubt about her feelings for this man before, they’d been erased the
moment she found out the lengths he’d gone to helping a girl he barely knew.

“Lena’s a good girl. I like her a lot.”

“She is a good girl,” Victoria said,
quietly. “I hate the way I left her… when she needed me the most.”

“I’ve been there for her.” There was a hard
edge to his voice when he said, “So has Lindsay, Trey, Sierra, Alisa… she
hasn’t been alone.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Thank you for
stepping up to help her. You didn’t have to.”

“I know.” He glared at her. “I did it
because I wanted to, not because I had to.”

She was almost afraid to ask the next
question. “Has she decided what she’s going to do about the baby?” If she
learned Lena had found another home for her baby in the weeks since she’d left,
Victoria would be crushed. She’d already held that baby in her mind a million
times, rocked her to sleep, given her a bottle, and sang her a lullaby. There
was a huge part of her heart that already belonged to a baby girl who hadn’t
even been born yet.

Jay shrugged. “I haven’t asked her. If she
wants to talk about it, she knows I’m here.” He looked her in the eye, unable
to conceal his hostility. “Unlike you.”

She felt the force of his words like a
physical blow. “I’m sorry I let her down. I’m sorry I let you down.”

“I can take care of myself, but Lena thought
you were her friend.”

It felt like he was spewing venom with
every word lancing her. “I am her friend.” The fighter in her wouldn’t allow
him to continue reprimanding her without at least trying to defend herself.
“Why do you think I came back?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

This was the moment of truth. Did she have
the courage to tell him the truth, even in the face of his anger? “I came home
for Lena and the baby. And Lindsay…” She looked him in the eye. “And you, I
came home because I missed you.”

“But you never thought to call? Hell, you
didn’t even bother to text me. You know how many nights I’ve wasted wonderin’
if you were okay?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, daring to take
a step closer. “I needed time.” She found the courage to touch his forearm,
praying he wouldn’t lash out or retreat. “I know what I want now, Jay.”

Jay knew he seemed cold and distant, but it
was only because he was trying so hard to resist the urge to pull her into his
arms and erase the fear and doubt plaguing the beautiful eyes that had been
haunting his dreams. He wanted to lash out, to punish her for the hell she’d
put him through, but more than anything, he wanted to hit his knees and thank
the God of fates for  bringing  her back to him.

“I think you’d better tell me what you
want.” He fisted his hands at his side, when he would have preferred to thrust
them into her hair, tip her head back, and ravage her mouth.

“You,” she whispered. She licked her lips
as she let her hand fall to her side. “I want you, if you’ll have me?”

Those were the sweetest words he’d ever
heard, falling from the sweetest lips he’d ever kissed, but having her grace
his life only to leave again so soon made him realize the trip from heaven to hell
was a short one, and he had no intention of letting her take him to the promised
land until he knew she wouldn’t be leading him back to the dark side with her
next breath.

“What changed your mind?” He needed to know
beyond a doubt her feelings rivaled his before he could let himself step off
that cliff.

“I thought about you every minute of every
day.” Her voice broke. “I’d fall asleep thinking about you and wake up thinking
about you.” She smiled up at him. “I got a job as a waitress in a truck stop. I
can’t tell you how many angry truckers left wearin’ their soup or chili ‘cause
I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you long enough to deliver a damn meal.”

Jay hated thinking about her out there
alone, putting herself in precarious situations, just to make a buck. A
gorgeous woman surrounded by all those men. “You were okay out there by
yourself, weren’t you? I mean, no one tried to step out of line, did they?” He
knew she could take care of herself. He loved that about her, but if he found out
one of those guys touched a hair on her head, he’d hunt them down and make them
wished they’d just kept driving.

She shrugged. “Some of them flirted; a few
asked me out, but…”

“But…?” He held his breath, waiting for her
to continue. He couldn’t even stand the thought of another man putting his
hands on her. She was
his
.

“After the night we made love…” She ran her
hands up his chest. “I couldn’t even think about being with anyone else.” She
ran her tongue over her bottom lip as she lowered her eyes. “Just thinking
about the way you touched me, the way you made me feel…”

He groaned as he pulled her against his
chest and thrust his hands into her hair. There was nothing sweet or tender
about the kiss. It was born of pain and frustration, and the aching nearly
split his chest in two when he let himself think about her too long.

Victoria slipped her hands under his T-shirt,
grazing his back with her nails as she moaned into his mouth.

Jay walked her toward the bedroom as they
hungrily demanded more from each other with each sweet slide of their tongues.
“Yesss,” he hissed, pulling the straps of her sundress over her shoulders.

She tipped her head back, granting him
access to her neck. “God, I want you… I need you.”

There were no words to describe how much
Jay needed her in that moment. It was all-consuming, claiming all sense of
reason with every breath he took. He pushed forward when the bed entered his
line of vision, knowing she would have a soft place to land when he finally
came down on top of her.

“Clothes… off… now.” He tore his T-shirt
off just before reaching for his belt buckle. Gone was the controlled, focused
martial arts master the world knew him to be. In his place was a savage, intent
on claiming the one thing he needed to ensure his survival.
Her.

She wasted no time sliding the dress off
and baring herself to him. She looked as aroused as he felt, and it was a heady
aphrodisiac, knowing he could make her feel things no one ever had. “I love
you.” He was tired of holding back, pretending he had a clue how to control the
powder keg set to erupt between them.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, reaching
up to stroke the stubble on his cheek. “I’ve never said that to anyone before.
I’ve always been so afraid to let myself go there.” She smiled. “No more fear.
I love you… I love you… I love you.”