Horizon (21 page)

Ainessa laughed. “You become more like me every day. I give you a few hundred years before you will understand.”

“I will never understand you.”

Her expression morphed into what looked like genuine concern. “That which you do not understand is always placed in your path of experience. If I were you, I’d try harder.”

A sickening grimace took hold of my face. “I don’t want to understand you. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

Her eyes darted toward Luke. It was a subtle movement I might have missed if I had not been staring at her. “That is not true.”

What was that I saw in her gaze? If I wasn’t mistaken it was longing. Did Ainessa have secret feelings for Luke? My mind sped up, piecing things together like a tattered puzzle.

Were her motives less complicated than I had imagined? Was she fighting for the rights of fae women because she couldn’t have the man she wanted? She’d told me I could have any man if I joined her, but was that just wishful thinking on her part? Did she think I’d share him with her?

I nearly blurted it out but pulled back at the last second. Instead I said, “Maybe I have misjudged you in some ways, but you will not convince me that your way is the best course. Humans haven’t done anything to you, yet you want to take their bodies to house your followers.

She shook her head. “What am I to do? I’ve made alliances based on what I thought was best. If a human dies, they simply move forward. If one of us loses our body, we are stuck in a plane we cannot escape. We are doomed to forever be spirit.” She shivered. “I do not expect you to understand, but mortals take physical form for granted. You hate them. You abuse them. You envy those with perceived perfection. You have no idea what a gift your body is.”

I cocked my head at her. “Well, unlike you, we weren’t all blessed with perfection.”

“Ha,” she laughed and turned to Luke. “Ask him which of us he would prefer.”

Oh, heck no. I wasn’t touching that with a million foot pole.

Luke narrowed his eyes at Ainessa and she flinched. “You know why I must pursue Elementals.”

She nodded but looked away. I wondered how many other fae women wanted a man they couldn’t have. A horrible thought hit me. Could they even have real relationships?

When I stepped closer to Ainessa, she eyed me warily. “So you did lie when you told me fae women are the true rulers of your nations.”

“We run our government, but there are some things we cannot seem to change no matter how hard we fight.”

Luke grabbed her shoulders, bringing his face within inches of hers. “This is folly. You have more choice than ever before.”

She slapped his hands away, and for a moment I thought she’d go for his face next. She glared at him. “I do not have the choice I desire.”

Wow, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My breath caught in my throat as I waited for his answer.

“We had an agreement,” he said. “I cannot allow myself to think of you that way ever again. An occasional tryst when I am not bound is all I can offer you.”

She closed her eyes and a hard mask fell over her expression. When she opened them, the emotionless woman I had learned to fear stared back at me. “Pray you will never be called upon to understand me, girl.” Then she whirled away from us and glided down the path, red skirts swishing behind her.

“Go after her,” I hissed at Luke.

His eyes crinkled with sadness. “I cannot.”

I pushed his shoulder. “Are you stupid? She needs you to comfort her.” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “She loves you!”

He stepped away when I went to shove him again. “I must protect her, Rayla. What she desires is not possible.”

My jaw hardened. “Bull crap.”

He gave me a stony stare. “You know nothing about the fear we live with every day. She seeks to change something that is immovable.”

“Do any of you people get married or at least have long term relationships?” I asked, suddenly curious.

His eyebrows rose. “What would be the point in having a union that cannot progress or ever produce children? We slate our needs with one another, but that is all.”

Was he serious? “Geez, I hope that’s not why Heath married me.”

Luke’s expression shifted. Anger consumed his face. “He what?”

Uh-oh. “Nothing.”

He frowned at me. “That sort of statement is not nothing. Are you telling me the former lord of fire wed with you?”

“Maybe,” I said because I didn’t know what else to do.

He threw up his hands. “That man holds nothing sacred.”

“Hey,” I said. “It meant quite a bit to me that he even offered. He wasn’t after my power. He wants me.”

“You keep separating the two. Your power is part of you. When are you going to understand that?”

He wasn’t the first person to tell me that. I shrugged. “What’s the big deal anyway?”

“Marriage is reserved for humans. There is a reason, other than the obvious, we call our unions bonding.”

“Meaning?”

“We have distinguished ourselves from humans to remind us we are not part of that world. We have no right to marry an Elemental. Your creator would not approve of this.”

How would he know? “Well, no one came to stop it. If I know anything about my creator, he is all about freedom of choice. I chose Heath, plain and simple.”

Luke shook his head. “I wish you were right.”

I scoffed, not buying his sincere tone. “I figured you’d be mad because it wasn’t you I married.”

He gave me a sad smile. “I’ve accepted your choice, but I think I am among the minority on that issue, and it is not as though my opinion matters anymore anyway.”

His declaration stunned me momentarily, but I finally recovered long enough to tell him, “Thank you.”

He frowned at me, and the lord I’d rejected was back. “You didn’t give me much of an option.”

I looked away from him, not wanting to anger him further. “Thank you all the same. It’s comforting for me to know I don’t have to worry about you trying to steal me from the last guy.”

His laughter rang through the trees. “You cannot understand how difficult it has been for me to release my claim on you. It wasn’t until Valen took over my place as lord of water that I was able to manage it fully.”

I bowed my head, partly because I couldn’t take the pain on his face and partly because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Valen had made it clear he wanted me, but to purposely get Luke on the naughty list so he could take his place was just horrible. Before I could think better of it, I placed my hand on his forearm. “I never wanted that. I’m sorry.”

Warm fingers brushed my arm in return. For a moment all I could think was I had awakened feelings again in him, yet his expression was anything but heated. If anything he seemed pensive. “He has always been stronger than me. I had hoped to change that with your help, but it seems our union was not meant to be. I truly ache for the loss of you. Whatever you may think of my methods, I’ve cared about you from nearly the beginning.”

I chuckled. “Nearly?”

Light drenched his eyes. “When you fought my compulsion the first time, I thought it was a fluke. When you managed it a second time on that wretched bus and even managed to have some attitude with me, I knew I had someone special. When you rejected my bonding in the tunnels, I was in love.”

I smiled at him then took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I didn’t want him to see my regret. Luke was so many things at once. I hoped one day he really would find someone special, someone that would love him the way he deserved to be loved. It wasn’t lost on me that Ainessa might just be that person, but I couldn’t allow myself to ponder that further.

I bit my lip and glanced at him. “Are you sure there is no other way out of here besides the two portals you told me about?”

He sniffed, running a hand through his golden hair. “There was rumor of a breech within the borderlands. We were told it was fixed, but I cannot confirm that.”

“Has anyone investigated?”

A soft chuckle rose from his throat. “To investigate, we would need a reason. The hellhounds would certainly take care of any wanderers who happen to cross into our realm. Even armed, humans are no match for the beasts.”

I shuddered, although I technically had one of those
beasts
in my back pocket. Images flashed into my mind from when the lords brought me into Faeresia. The hellhounds had seemed like the worst things in existence. Hang on a minute, if Luke was telling the truth, how in the world did they get me into the borderlands from St. Mary’s? “You’re lying to me. I know it. You guys took me from the tunnels straight to the borderlands.”

He laughed. “Rayla, fae have access to Faeresia from any corner of the borderlands and we’ve even installed a few portals throughout your world, but it is one way access. It is humans that cannot cross over into our lands.”

Good to know. “I guess that makes sense,” I said, giving him a shrug.

The last thing I wanted was to let Luke know he had just spilled the proverbial beans. If fae had access to the human realm through the borderlands, I should have access now, as well. I was bound for heaven’s sake. So even though I couldn’t drift, maybe I could walk out.

Luke narrowed his eyes at me. “What is that pretty little brain of yours coming up with now?” He shook his head. “Whatever it is, don’t do it. You will only make things worse on yourself and your family.”

Luke gave me a pointed stare as if to remind me he still waited for me to answer him, but what was I supposed to say?

I had so many questions about fae life. If it weren’t for the tournament and my increasing trepidation where Travis was concerned, I might have been tempted to ask Luke more questions. The one I couldn’t quite get out of my head was why were men the only ones with real power?

I laughed at the thought. Ainessa had managed just fine to acquire an immense amount of power without having ever bonded. I still couldn’t quite figure out why she thought she needed more.

If she was as lethal as I figured she was, she should have been able to take over the council without her brother’s help. I’d originally assumed she didn’t have very many supporters, but given what I knew now, I was starting to reconsider things.

She was offering to make a new world for her people, and if I understood her correctly, she wanted human bodies to occupy. If she could get a few humans to sign up, the creator’s hands would be tied.

Free will. Something so fragile, yet all desire it. It must have been placed inside our souls from the beginning. Some of us just didn’t seem to get the memo on how to use it.

Luke cleared his throat. I hurried up and gave him a, “You’re probably right,” even though I didn’t quite remember exactly what he’d said.

He sniffed in a long breath then reached out and touched my cheek. The feeling of his skin against mine used to make my heart dance. Now, it beat steady. The connection between us was completely gone, yet here he was with compassion in his tropical eyes. He was every bit as devastatingly handsome as he had always been, but I might as well have been watching him on TV for how much he affected me. His voice filled with a mixture of regret and sarcasm. “Don’t do anything stupid. Here’s a thought: do the opposite of what you’re considering.”

Right. Like that was going to happen. I needed to find out if Gibbit had been right. I’d need to find my way to the borderlands and see if I could even cross. I’d also have to see how I could ditch Zach.

Now, if I could just get Styx to help me find Cerberus.

A man came for me before I was even half way to the Castle. His face held a grim stiffness that made me think he’d been dead for a few hours and revived just before rigor mortis set in. “Rayla Tate,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

I gave him a healthy smirk and asked, “Where do you want me?”

He didn’t even flinch, crack a joke, or for that matter a smile. “You are required in the council chambers.”

Of course I was. I let my chin dip in a nod then stepped in line in front of him. I was tempted to set into a run, push the limits of this body of mine, but I set a steady pace considering I was barefoot.

Lysanne met me in the hallway, tsking me before I had a chance to say hello.

She circled me, her face growing more severe with every pass. “Who dressed you this morning?” When she eyed my dirty feet, she gasped.

“Come on, Lysanne. You can’t expect me to wear those freaking dresses every single day.”

“You are a lady. You are royalty to us. You need to act like it.”

I cocked a hip, highlighting my jean clad frame. “Maybe I don’t want to be royalty. Heck, I don’t even want to be
here
.”

She whizzed up to me and covered my mouth with her dainty hand. “You mustn’t say such things.”

“I’ll say whatever I want when I want. No one here owns me.”

She raised her brows. I didn’t want to think about what might happen in a matter of hours, or at the most, days. I didn’t want to admit how scared I was that I might not make it out of here before Valen got to me.

If he could compel me it wouldn’t matter what I wanted anymore. The only thing I’d be able to do would be to please the creep. The thought shot vomit halfway up my throat. One of these days I was going to puke all over someone, but I wanted it to count.

Lysanne didn’t waste time in frilling me up. I frankly wouldn’t have cared if she dressed me in polka-dot pantaloons and dyed my hair purple. In a world full of beautiful people, it just didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t even check the two story gilded mirror on my way into the chamber. What was the point?

Who knew what I expected to see going in, but having Valen stand there dirt ridden in armor with his hair mussed to the sky just wasn’t it. He held his hand out for me like a carrot on a string. I frowned at him. I was no horse.

I stared at his flat blue eyes and said, “What?” This was so not worth getting dressed up for, even if it did only take two seconds for Lysanne to blink this outfit on me.

A muscle in his jaw jumped. “You will not wander the woods alone. Do you understand me?”

“Yes. Anything else?” I wasn’t lying to him. It wasn’t my fault he hadn’t specified who I had to be with. The next time I wandered the woods, I fully intended to have Styx with me.