Horrid Henry's Joke Book (5 page)
Read Horrid Henry's Joke Book Online
Authors: Francesca Simon
The only good thing about living next door to Moody Margaret is that she knows some good jokes. There's just one problemâ¦Margaret
: Knock Knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Little old lady.
Susan
: Little old lady who?
Margaret
(yodelling): Little old lady ooooh.
Margaret
: Knock Knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Abyssinia.
Susan
: Abyssinia who?
Margaret
: Abyssinia when I get back.
Margaret
: Knock Knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Canoe.
Susan
: Canoe who?
Margaret
: Canoe open the door? It's cold out here.
Margaret
: Knock Knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Bella.
Susan
: Bella who?
Margaret
: Bella bottom trousers.
Margaret
: Knock Knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Dishes.
Susan
: Dishes who?
Margaret
: Dishes your friend. Let me in.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Lettuce.
Susan
: Lettuce who?
Margaret
: Lettuce in, it's raining.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Sorry.
Susan
: Sorry who?
Margaret
: Sorry, wrong door.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Boo.
Susan
: Boo who?
Margaret
: Don't cry, it's only a joke.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Abby.
Susan
: Abby who?
Margaret
: Abby stung me on the bottom.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Nun.
Susan
: Nun who?
Margaret
: Nun of your business.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Germaine.
Susan
: Germaine who?
Margaret
: Germaine you don't recognize me?
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Ron.
Susan
: Ron who?
Margaret
: Ron as fast as you can!
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Ada.
Susan
: Ada who?
Margaret
: Ada lot of breakfast and I'm stuffed.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Cows go.
Susan
: Cows go who?
Margaret
: No they don't, they go moo.
Margaret
: Knock knock.
Susan
: Who's there?
Margaret
: Adjust.
Susan
: Adjust who?
Margaret
: Adjust made a mess on the floor.
“How come you always get to go first?” said Susan sourly.
“Because you can't tell jokes and I can,” said Margaret.
“I can too tell jokes!”
“Can't!”
“Can!”
SLAP!
SLAP!
Henry: Bert, why did the chicken cross the road?Bert: I dunno.
Henry: There's no point telling you jokes, Bert! Why do you always answer, “I dunno”?
Bert: I dunno.
What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have big, flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.
What goes 99-clonk, 99-clonk, 99-clonk?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
How do you hire a horse?
Put a brick under each hoof.
What's worse than an alligator with a toothache?
A centipede with athlete's foot.
How do you know which end of a worm is its head?
Tickle it and see which end smiles.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
Half a centipede.
What has four wheels and flies?
A dumpster.
What did the slug say as he slipped down the wall?
How slime flies.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
How do you know when there's an elephant under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
What's gray and squirts jam at you?
A mouse eating a doughnut.
What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
No thanks, I'm stuffed.
How does an elephant get up a tree?
Sits on an acorn and waits for it to grow.
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
Sits on a leaf and waits for it to fall.
What's black and white and red all over?
A zebra with a rash.
Where do frogs keep their money?
In riverbanks.
How long should a giraffe's legs be?
Long enough to touch the ground.
What's a chicken's favorite TV show?
The feather forecast.
Why do mice need oiling?
They squeak.
What bird is always out of breath?
A puffin.
What do you call a carton of ducks?
A box of quackers.
What's a frog's favorite drink?
Croak-a-Cola.
What do you call a crocodile at the North Pole?
Lost.
How do you stop moles from digging up the garden?
Hide their shovels.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
An elephant is walking through the jungle when he sees a turtle sitting by a log.
“Hey,” says the elephant, “you're the turtle that bit me 57 years ago.”
“How on earth do you remember that?” asks the turtle.
“Easy,” says the elephant, “I've got turtle recall.”
