Hostage to Love (Entangled Suspense) (21 page)

John Allen’s team had crossed several African and European countries in the last four days but had still come up blank.

Now they were playing a waiting game, first to see if Mwana sent another package today, and then anticipating what his next move would be.

A small part of Nick actually welcomed the thought of an open confrontation with Mwana, because one way or the other, the situation had to be resolved. Only the thought of Belle being in any more danger churned his guts.

He focused on Belle again. “Of all the places you could’ve gone, why Nawaka?”

…

Belle took a deep breath and exhaled. In other, normal, circumstances, she would’ve asked herself the same question. Why
had
she chosen to visit such a volatile place? Maybe in some warped sense of fatality, she’d hoped Nick would come to her rescue. Or had she used her trip as a way to force the break she knew she needed from him? Her thoughts jumbled, she gave herself a mental shake.

“The trip to Nawaka wasn’t planned. I’d actually decided to go home to my parents for the summer, to help out with some of my mother’s charity work.” She faltered, reluctant to admit the reason behind her seemingly rash decision to go to Nawaka. Whatever had happened afterward, for the six weeks she’d been there, she knew she really had made a small difference in the lives of the children she’d taught. As they’d made in hers.

But Nick wasn’t about to let the matter drop. “Then why did you? What could possibly have driven you to make such a rash decision? Without a word to your parents, never mind to me? What drove you to tell them the lie that you were going on holiday, when in fact you were traveling to one of the most dangerous places on earth?” His lips were pinched into a harsh line as he fired the questions at her, his plate of food abandoned on the blanket as he glowered.

Sudden anger at his continued bombardment of her boiled up inside, and lifting her chin, she glared right back at him. Fine. If he wanted to know, she’d tell him!

“Because of you, Nick.
You
were the reason!”

The color receded from his vibrant face. Incomprehension clouded his eyes, and he shook his head in disbelief. “Explain.”

“
You
might be used to it, but having the tabloid and national press camped at my door day after day—harassing my friends and neighbors, wanting to know the minutiae of my life—wasn’t my idea of
normal
. I’d only managed to get rid of the last lot days before because you’d been in the papers yet again with another one of your takeovers. Having them turn up again in droves every time you made the news, knowing they’d remain there for the foreseeable future, drove me to my wit’s end.”

“And that was the only reason you left the country? To avoid press harassment?” A strange light burned in his eyes as he scoured her face with savage intensity.

“You mean it wasn’t enough to be followed everywhere? To have my picture taken when I was trying to buy a pair of knickers?”

“Not enough to get yourself captured and nearly killed, Tinkerbelle. No.”

She attempted a casual shrug and sat back down on the blanket. He followed her. “Well, there were also the never-ending phone calls from well-meaning friends, most of whom just wanted the latest gossip. And I also felt the need to spare my parents the aggravation of having to deal with the press who’d turned up on
their
doorstep as well. Telling everyone I was going away on holiday seemed the best way to curb any attempts to pry into my private life.”

“Everyone except your friend Liz, of course. She seemed to know every last detail of what you were up to when I, your own husband, didn’t,” he bit out in cold derision. Before she could reply, he waved her off and pressed on, “So the actual pictures of me in the newspapers weren’t the reason you left England, but rather, the aggravation that came with it?” His tone was deep and probing, his body still as he waited for her answer.

“What do you want me say, that seeing photos of you jet-setting around the world with the beautiful people didn’t hurt, didn’t remind me that our six-month old marriage had crashed and burned? Yes, it did. But I’m a grown woman, Nick, and I was trapped in my own home because you are a big shot who never stops being the press’s flavor of the month. I found myself in an intolerable position, and I decided to do something about it. Can you blame me?”

“No. And normally I’d applaud you for doing something to help the less advantaged. But what I want to understand is, why Nawaka, and why did you remain there when the tensions escalated? The mission where you worked was very close to the border where the insurgencies were taking place, so why did you stay?” His sharpened gaze speared her, continued its probing.

With a shudder, she recalled Mwana’s accusation of Westerners cutting and running when the going got tough. “There were children, some only a few months old—yes, unfortunately, I have a very soft spot for children.”

His gaze darkened. “I don’t begrudge you that, sweetheart. But I don’t deny I have issues with it.”

She licked her lips. “Yeah, well, I couldn’t just abandon them at the first sign of trouble, could I? They’d been orphaned and abandoned once in their lives. I couldn’t do it a second time, at least not until they’d been placed with responsible caregivers.” She still remembered the heart-rending cries of the older children who’d seen her being bundled into the back of Mwana’s armored truck. She’d probably remember it for a long time.

“Very noble, Tinkerbelle.” His tone had changed. Now deep anger rumbled through his voice and his face seemed set in stone. “But what about the people you left behind? Your family? Your
husband
? Did you spare a thought for me and how I would feel knowing your life was in danger?”

“Why would I? You didn’t want me or need me! They did.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. Hadn’t meant to bare her soul, or let him see how his emotional desertion had rent her apart.

“And being needed was worth risking your life for?” he bit out tersely.

When your heart is breaking all over again, and the evidence is splashed out in full color spreads for the world to see, yes!

“I can’t believe you’re asking me that,” she ground out. “You were a Marine, Nick. You risked your life countless times to save others—some of those were
children
being sold into prostitution. And you think I should’ve walked away?”

“I was trained for it. You. Were. Not.”

He had her there, but she refused to back down. “Screw that! I did my research when I got there. I asked Father Tom and a few government officials when we heard of the threatened unrest whether it was safe to remain, and I was told it was.”

His lips twisted. “Obviously, it wasn’t.”

“They’d been there longer than I had, and I trusted their judgment when they said it would most likely die down as it had many times before.”

“Only this time it didn’t,” he forced on her.

She surveyed the now-abandoned meal on the picnic blanket. “I don’t own a crystal ball, Nick. I didn’t know this time it wouldn’t.”

“But by remaining, you put yourself and those around you at unthinkable risk,” he condemned brutally.

Her head snapped up as renewed anger blew to the surface. “
I
did? Why do you keep coming back to that, as if I single-handedly, through some harebrained notion, risked my life
and
those of Father Tom, Hendrik and Edda?”

“Because I almost lost you!”

His face had paled, and his hand gripped his glass so tightly, she feared the it would crack under the pressure. But while in the past she would’ve placated him, she knew she needed to stand her ground.

“I don’t regret the decision to stay as long as I did. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I hadn’t stayed to make sure the children were at least moved to a safer place before the rebels turned up. And don’t glare at me—you would’ve done the same damn thing.” She shoved the food away and rose to her feet again in agitation.

“You shouldn’t have been there in the first place! You should’ve been at home where you belonged, with me!” He matched her action and stood, only with his height and breadth, especially in his incandescent anger, he towered over her, almost consumed her with his presence.

“So
that’s
what this is about? That I should have consulted the all-powerful, all-knowing
you
before I dared to leave the country?” she snarled, facing him off across the width of their twice-abandoned picnic.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it!” In a single stride he crossed over to her side and seized her by the arms.

“What if I hadn’t turned up? Have you stopped to think what would’ve happened if I hadn’t come when I did?” He gave her a small shake—a token, controlled outlet of the leashed anger that went along with the fierce emotion blazing from his eyes.

A shudder ripped through her and like a limp rag, the fight left her. “Every day, Nick. I’ve thought about it every single day since,” she admitted in a hoarse whisper.

Uttering a harsh Greek oath, he gathered her to him, his hands gentling. One hand cradled the back of her head against his shoulder as she broke down completely.

The cathartic release, which had been so long in coming, broke through with the force of a tidal wave, and her sobs shook both of them as they stood on the blanket, clutching each other desperately.

She wasn’t aware how long she wept, but when she finally stopped, it was because she didn’t have a single teardrop left to cry. Her sobs subsided into hiccups, but she just stayed where she was, clinging to the lifeline that was Nick, the soporific stroke of his hand down her back a balm to her ragged emotions.

He held her for a while longer, then, bending down, picked her up and walked to the edge of the pool. He lowered them into the pool and washed her face free of tears before letting the soothing waters work their magic to completely calm her.

After a few minutes, he took her by the hand, led her out of the water, and silently undressed her once more before making love to her with a gentle affirmation of life that brought fresh tears to her eyes.

Afterward, her heart sang with feelings she didn’t dare name. Nick leaned over her, his gentle fingers brushing away the tears from her cheeks.

“No more tears. That’s an order.”

She smiled around the sadness that marred the joy of being with him. “I can’t help them. You make love to me as if I’m the most precious thing in your life.”

“You are.”

“And yet you never say you love me. Why, Nick?” He tensed. Before he could withdraw, she put her hand to his cheek, forced him to look at her. “Please, tell me why you can’t love me. I promise I can live with whatever answer you give me.”

He sucked in a deep breath. “It’s very simple,
matia mou
. I don’t know what love is. Not with enough accuracy to say words I don’t mean. I’ve never been loved. My parents had their own agenda. When I returned from the Marines, my grandfather was too busy wondering what the hell had happened to his son and grooming me to take over the family business to bother with much else.”

“What about Alex? He loves you.”

“He’s a year older and sometimes thinks it’s his responsibility to look out for me but, yes, I suppose that is a version of love. Thing is, I don’t have a measuring stick for those feelings, and while I know saying the words would please you, I can’t say them without feeling like I’m being disingenuous. Do you get that?”

Did she? His past had shaped him into a man who couldn’t trust his own feelings or those close to him. She nodded slowly. Her heart wept for him.

She leaned up and kissed him. “I don’t like it, but I understand. In my head, anyway. And I’m sorry for what you went through, Nick.”

“It was nothing compared to what I experienced when you were in danger, baby. Promise me you’ll never put yourself in harm’s way like that again.” His words were soft, but the intent in his eyes told her he was dead serious.

Overcome with the turbulent emotion she’d experienced over the last few hours, she wanted more than anything to be done with this conversation. But she’d given in far too many times where Nick was concerned.

“I helped people in Nawaka, Nick. Throwing money at charities from the safety of your corner office is fine, and I’m not condemning anyone who does that. But I saw with my own eyes the difference I made to those children. So I don’t regret going. And given the opportunity, I’d do it again.”

He froze. “Even at the risk of attracting a madman? One who’s become so obsessed with you he’s relentlessly tracking you down on a whole other continent? What the hell happened with him, Tinkerbelle?” Nick’s regard was laser-sharp.

She thinned her lips at the memory of their conversation. “He accused me, all Westerners, of taking an interest in his country just for the sake of alleviating our boredom. I told him the same thing I’ve just told you—that I went to make a difference.” She eased out a breath. “I think in the end he believed me.”

“Clearly he did. Which is why he told you of his plans for Nawaka,” Nick ground out. “Do you know what that means? You’re now a liability to him.”

Consternation flooded through her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. “God!”

His strong hands gripped her arms tighter, and he helped her up to sit with her back against his chest. “He probably also thinks you’ve hindered his chance to seize power, given that we got rid of several of his best men.”

She suddenly remembered the silent phone call a few days ago. Sucking in a breath, she told Nick.

“
Thee mou
, and you didn’t think to tell me?” he demanded. “I could’ve had the number traced.”

“I thought it was nothing…a wrong number.” She licked dry lips. “Do you really think he’s going to keep coming for me?”

Nick’s jaw tightened, and his face hardened into tough, granite-like implacability. “I’d like to think he won’t try anything again. Not if he wants to keep breathing. Unfortunately, he’s unhinged, so his focus is now solely on getting you back. But there’s no way in hell I’m letting that happen.”