Hot Buttered Yum (28 page)

Roni eased her eyes open, unsure where
she was or what day it was, and slowly looked around. Everything seemed off. As
if the world had tilted on its axis. And her eyes hurt.

Then she
remembered.

She was under
her Christmas tree. She’d cried herself to sleep.

She closed her
eyes again, and lay there in the early-morning quietness. The tree still glowed
above her, and the sky outside her sliding doors showed enough light to let her
know that she’d way overslept. She didn’t move from where she was, tucked on
her side, with one of her nephew’s presents now smooshed
under her head.

So much for her
routine.
She didn’t even feel like playing the piano this morning.

Too many tears
had fallen the night before.

But she did feel
better somehow. More … calm. As if a weight had been
lifted from her chest. Apparently she’d needed a meltdown.

Too bad it
hadn’t helped her come to any decision about Lucas.

No matter how many
ways she’d twisted things during the night, she couldn’t decide if they were worth
the risk. She could be just fine right here the way she was. She might miss a
few experiences in her life, but at least this way, her heart would stay intact.
She wouldn’t have to risk it being violently ripped from her body again.

And if that
meant she was a coward, then she could be okay with that. She was good at it.
Hadn’t she hidden from her problems her whole life?

Like father,
like daughter.

But then …
staying here, staying stagnant, would mean she would never see Lucas again,
either.

And he’d said he
loved her.

She swallowed
against a lump in her throat.

She loved him
back.

But what if
Gracie got sick?

She opened her
eyes and this time she could focus better. She looked out the door and across
the floor of the deck, right between two of the railing slats—which were
running horizontal in her prone position—to where the sun was just beginning to
come up out of the ocean. It was bright orange, and the sky and clouds around
it were streaked in pink. She loved sunrises.

She sighed and
rolled to her back. She needed to get up.

She pushed to a
sitting position and then turned to look behind her. She studied the pile of
postcards spread out under the tree. A few of them were still damp, others had
been damp but now were stiffly dried, and the remainder looked to have been bent
either in her hands or under her body at some point during the night. The
packages hadn’t fared much better. There was a nice head print in the one that
had become her pillow.

Good to know
that when she had a breakdown, she took everything in her path out with her.

She sighed and
looked away from the mess. She really wanted to move on from her mistakes.

It felt like it
was time. Lucas had done that for her.

He’d helped her
to grieve. And in return, she’d … what? Pushed him away?

Was too damned
scared to even try?

It hurt too much
to think about.

She scooted
around until she sat propped up against the end of the couch and stared out
through the back door. She scratched at the side of her head. There was sand
clumped in her hair from where she’d fallen on the beach the night before.

A noise caught
her attention a second before Mrs. Rylander’s head appeared at the deck stairs.
Her tiny body followed. Roni watched as she took in the sand-filled clothes
still strewn across the deck before turning her gaze to the back door.

Their eyes met
through the glass.

“Are you okay?”
Mrs. Rylander asked. Roni read her lips more than heard her. For once Mrs.
Rylander seemed subdued. Concerned.

Roni shook her
head. No. She was not okay.

She leaned
forward until she could grasp the handle of the door then slid the door open
and returned to her position against the couch. Her neighbor took in the scene
on the floor.

“I saw the fight
last night,” Mrs. Rylander admitted. “Saw him hauling you up from the beach.”

Roni wasn’t
surprised. She and Lucas hadn’t exactly been quiet.

“Sorry if we
woke you,” she said.

A bony shoulder
shrugged beneath a thick seaman’s sweater. “I don’t sleep much most nights
anyway.”

The heavy ribbed
knit of the sweater was worn at the hem—which hung to the woman’s knees—and
looked to be years past its prime. And then Roni got it. It was Henry’s
sweater. All the times the older woman showed up in oversized sweaters and
jackets … they must be Henry’s.

Roni’s heart
broke for her.

To love someone
that much.
She didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad.

Mrs. Rylander
made her way past the mess on the floor and surprised Roni by plopping down
next to her. “Want to talk about it?”

Two minutes ago,
Roni would have said no. She didn’t want to talk about it.

But she took a
long, hard look at her neighbor now, and she saw years of experience written in
the lines of the woman’s face. There had definitely been some hard years and
hurts thrown into the mix. And Roni knew that yes, she
did
want to talk about it. Because she didn’t
know what to do.

“I think I might
have lost him,” she said. “Pushed him away.”

“Impossible.”

She glanced at
her neighbor again, this time with a sad smile. “Why do you say that? Because
you butted in last night when you danced with him? Because you made him say
he’d take care of me?”

Roni was still
slightly annoyed by that move, but in the light of day, she began to see it as
sweet. It was nice having someone who had her back.

“I didn’t make
him say anything,” Mrs. Rylander corrected. Her lips pursed in her normal,
obstinate way. “I simply asked if he loved you.” She tilted her head to give
Roni a shrewd stare. “He did tell you that, didn’t he?
That he loves you?”

Roni nodded. “He
told me.”

“And did you
tell him back?”

Not, do you love
him? But, did you tell him? She shook her head. “I couldn’t.”

“Well, why in
hell’s bells not?”

A light chuckle
came from Roni. She really did care for her lovably eccentric neighbor.
“Because I was too busy losing my mind.”

“Why?”
Incredulity sat heavy in the word. “Because he said he loves you?”

“No,” Roni
whispered. She returned to watching the sun move slowly up the sky. The pink
streaks were fading now as blue took their place. Her chest was so heavy it
almost hurt to breathe. “Because I’m scared. I lost a
little girl once. One that was very special to me. Losing her shut a door in me
that hasn’t been opened until recently.” She glanced
at Mrs. Rylander and admitted, “Until Lucas. But I’m not sure I can step
through it.”

“Oh,
sweetheart.”
A thin, bony arm settled around Roni’s waist, and Roni found herself tilting
her head to rest on Mrs. Rylander’s shoulder. It was nice. A special moment the
two of them had never shared.

“Tell me about
this child,” Mrs. Rylander urged.

So Roni did.

With this being
the third time to share the story, she began to see things in a new light. She
didn’t just tell how she hadn’t been there for Zoe, but she told of times she
had. They talked about Roni’s visits to the hospital, the special gifts she’d
bring the little girl, and the time she’d gotten permission to take Zoe to the
zoo. Zoe had loved animals. Roni had given her that.

When the words
stopped, she felt lighter on the inside. As if Zoe was smiling down on her.

“I’m sorry that
you lost Zoe.”

The words were
simple, but Roni felt the emotion behind them. She looked over at her neighbor.
“What happened with you?” she asked. She wanted to be there for her neighbor
too. “Why don’t your kids visit?”

Pain laced Mrs.
Rylander’s pale blue eyes and turned down the corners of her mouth. “This isn’t
about me. And I won’t bring my problems into your life.”

And that was it.
Roni knew she wouldn’t get anything more out of her neighbor.

Whatever had
happened, the woman was a fighter, but she had closed off her heart.

“Okay.” Roni
picked up her neighbor’s hand and held it. “But I’m here if you ever need me.
You know that, right?”

Mrs. Rylander
stared out through the still-open back door for several long seconds. She
didn’t so much as blink. And then she nodded. “I know
you are,” she said in a frail voice. Her eyes closed. “And thank you.”

Roni returned
her head to her neighbor’s shoulder, and the two of them sat that way while a
slight wind occasionally drifted in to whisper across them. Finally, Mrs.
Rylander put her free hand over Roni’s. She patted it gently, the cooler skin
of her gnarled fingers gentle against Roni’s. “I had to make sure he wouldn’t
hurt you,” she said. “That’s why I talked to him last night. Why I butted in. I
want you to have someone who loves you as much as my Henry did me.”

The words meant
a lot.

“I think he
does.” Roni smiled slightly. “But he has a daughter. And she has leukemia.”

Mrs. Rylander
gasped. “The poor baby.”

“Yeah.” Roni breathed
in and out through her mouth as she worked to not let fear overwhelm her again.
“He says she’s been in remission for eighteen months. She’s healthy now, I
guess.” But Roni didn’t really believe it. “As healthy as she can be. Until it comes back.”

“Are they
expecting it to come back?” Mrs. Rylander pulled away and shock registered on
her face. Roni just looked at her, noting the difference in the two of them.
The very idea that it might come back shocked Mrs. Rylander to her core.
Whereas, Roni simply assumed it would.

Could she be
wrong?

“I don’t know,”
Roni finally answered. “He didn’t say anything about it.”

Mrs. Rylander
gave a quick nod. “Then it won’t. Lucas will see to it. He won’t let anything
happy to his girl.”

Boy, didn’t
Lucas have a fan?

But the woman
had a point. He was a good father. A good man.

He wouldn’t be
here if he thought anything might happen to Gracie. Not that he could stop it
if it did.

But he would
know his daughter’s health best.

He wouldn’t take
off for weeks at a time if she wasn’t truly on the road to recovery.

So Roni could
trust in that. She could believe, in that way, Gracie was not like Zoe.

She picked up
one of the postcards, and flipped it over to look at the back. There was no
mark. She would miss Zoe forever, but that didn’t mean she would ever forget.

“You need to
keep him,” Mrs. Rylander said. “I told you that already.” She peered at Roni.
“Don’t be too scared to live.”

And then she
stood from her spot on the floor and headed out the door.

She’d said her
piece and she was returning home.

Gathering the
cards scattered around her, Roni smoothed them out the best she could and
carefully put them back in their box. Then she returned the box to its spot on
her shelf.

Once finished,
she stepped through the back door to stand on the deck. She breathed in the
fresh air. The wind gently touched her face, and the sun heated her skin. It
was a gorgeous day.

And Roni knew
Zoe was smiling down at her.

Zoe had been a
good part of her life. And she would always be with her.

But it was time
to move on.

Lucas hurried down the back hall of the
convention center Friday morning, heading for Roni’s dressing room. She’d
texted him and asked him to meet her there. It had been a long, restless night
after he’d left her place, and he hoped she’d calmed down. He didn’t want to
have to drag her all the way to Dallas just to convince her that what they had
was real and worth fighting for.

As he neared the
turn to take him to her room, several other voices caught his attention and he slowed.
One of them was loud and overheated. When he heard the words “and I know you
had something to do with it,” Lucas picked up speed. Whoever it was, he didn’t
like the sound of it.

He landed at her
open door and peered inside.

Roni sat in a
chair in the middle of the floor, one leg crossed over her other knee and her
features calm and polite, but he didn’t miss how her fingers were clenched
together in her lap. The tips were white. He also noted that her eyes were
puffy right across the lids. She must have cried more after he left last night.

Kayla stood to
Roni’s side, along with two other men he’d seen throughout the contest.

Sprawled on the
couch on the other side of the room was Scott Grainger, the contestant who’d
been eyeing Roni on the dance floor the night before. He wore the same look of
disgust as he had last night. Sitting beside him was a short, round man in a
suit.

“What’s going
on?” Lucas asked.

The short man
and Grainger jerked their heads in his direction. Both men wore looks filled
with enough animosity that Lucas didn’t wait for a reply. He stepped inside the
room and filled up the space. He moved to Roni’s other side so that she was now
flanked on both sides.

He had no clue
what was going on, but clearly the text Roni had sent had not been because she wanted
to tell him that she’d be flying out to Dallas with him in two days.

“Mr. Grainger,”
Kayla began, motioning toward the contestant who hadn’t quite made it to the
final round, “is wishing to file a complaint.”

Lucas looked at
her. “About what?”

She swallowed
and licked her lips nervously. “He claims that Miss Templeman has …
helped
you get to the final round.”

“And I’ve no
doubt she’ll help him win too.” Grainger came up off the couch. His chest
puffed out and his cheeks turned ruddy, and Lucas was reminded of when they’d
worked together once before. They’d both shown up for a shoot
years ago, looking to score the same job. They’d each gotten a job, but Lucas
had won the better placement.