Hot Six (9 page)

Hot Six

Page: 52

"I gotta run, " Simon said. "I got a plane to catch. "

"What's his name?" I yelled down the hall.

"Bob. "

"Isn't this something, " Grandma said. "A dog named Bob. "

I filled Bob's water bowl and set it on the floor in the kitchen. "He's only staying for a couple days, " I said. "Simon will be back for him on Sunday. "

Grandma eyeballed the dog food bag. "Awful big bag of food for a couple days. "

"Maybe he eats a lot. "

"He eats all that in two days and you're not gonna need a pooper-scooper, " Grandma said. "You're gonna need a shovel. "

I unhooked Bob's leash and hung it on a hall peg. "Well, Bob, " I said, "this won't be so bad. I always wanted a golden retriever. "

Bob wagged his tail and looked from Grandma to me.

Grandma ladled out oatmeal for the three of us. She and I took our bowls into the dining area, and Bob ate his in the kitchen. When Grandma and I went back to the kitchen, Bob's bowl was empty. The cardboard box that used to hold the cake was also empty.

"Guess Bob's got a sweet tooth, " Grandma said.

I shook my finger at him. "That was rude. And besides, you'll get fat. "

Bob wagged his tail.

"He might not be too smart, " Grandma said.

Smart enough to eat the cake.

Grandma had a driving lesson scheduled for nine o'clock. "I'm probably gonna be gone all day, " she said. "So don't worry if you don't see me. After my driving lesson I'm going to the mall with Louise Greeber. And then we're gonna look at some more apartments. If you want, I can stop and get some ground beef this afternoon. I thought a meatloaf might be nice for supper. "

Major guilt trip coming on. Grandma was doing all the cooking. "My turn, " I told her. "I'll make the meatloaf. "

"I didn't know you could cook meatloaf. "

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I gave Bob a dog treat, and Grandma and I left together. Halfway down the hall, Grandma stopped. "What's that sound?" she asked.

We both listened. Bob was howling on the other side of my door.

My next-door neighbor, Mrs. Karwatt, stuck her head out. "What's that sound?"

"It's Bob, " Grandma said. "He don't like being at home alone. "

Ten minutes later I was on the road with Bob riding shotgun, head out the window, ears flapping in the wind.

"Uh-oh, " Lula said when we walked in the office. "Who's this?"

"His name's Bob. I'm dog-sitting him. "

"Oh yeah? What kind of dog is he?"

"Golden retriever. "

"He looks like he been under the blow-dryer too long. "

I smoothed some of his hair down. "He had his head out the window. "

"That'll do it, " Lula said.

I let Bob off the leash and he ran over to Lula and did the crotch thing again.

"Hey, " Lula said, "back off, you're getting nose prints all over my new pants. " She gave Bob a pat on the head. "He keep this up, and we're gonna have to pimp him out. "

I used Connie's phone to call my friend Marilyn Truro at the DMV. "I need to run a plate through, " I said. "Do you have time?"

"Are you kidding me? There are forty people standing in line. They see me talking on the phone, and they'll go postal. " She spoke more softly. "Is this for a case? Is this for a murderer or something?"

"It might tie in to the Ramos murder. "

"Are you shitting me? That is so cool. "

I gave her the number.

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I was momentarily speechless. Next to Joyce Barnhardt, I disliked Terry Gilman most. For lack of a better term, she'd dated Joe in high school, and I had a feeling she wouldn't mind resuming the relationship. Terry worked for her Uncle Vito Grizolli now, which put a crimp in her Joe designs, since Joe was in the business of stamping out crime, and Vito was in the business of producing it.

"Uh-oh, " Lula said. "Did I hear you right? Are you sticking your big fat nose in the Ramos case?"

"Well, I happened to run across"

Lula's eyes widened. "You're working for Ranger!"

Vinnie popped out of his inner office. "Is that true? Are you working for Ranger?"

"No. It's not true. There's not a shred of truth to it. " Well, what the hellwhat's one more lie?

The front door crashed open and Joyce Barnhardt stomped in.

Lula, Connie, and I all ran to get Bob on the leash.

"You dumb bitch, " Joyce yelled at me. "You sent me on a wild goose chase. Ranger doesn't have a sister working at the Macko Coat Factory. "

"Maybe she quit, " I said.

"Yeah, " Lula said, "people quit all the time. "

Joyce looked down at Bob. "What's this?"

"It's a dog, " I said, shortening his lead.

"Why's his hair standing up like that?"

From the woman who adds five inches to her height with a rat-tail comb.

"Beside the wild goose chase, how're you doin' on the Ranger hunt?" Lula asked. "You track him down yet?"

"Not yet, but I'm getting close. "

"I think you're fibbing, " Lula said. "I bet you don't have anything. "

And I bet you don't have a waistline, " Joyce said.

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Bob wagged his tail.

"Maybe later, " I told him.

Vinnie popped back out of his office. "What's going on out here? I can't hear myself think. "

Lula, Connie, and I all exchanged glances and bit down hard on our lower lips.

"Vinnie!" Joyce cooed, pointing her C cups in his direction. "Looking good, Vinnie. "

"Yeah, you're not looking so bad yourself, " Vinnie said. He looked at Bob. "What's with the dog with the bad hair day?"

"I'm dog-sitting, " I told him.

"I hope you're getting paid a lot of money. He's a train wreck. "

I fondled Bob's ear. "I think he's cute. " In a prehistoric way.

"So what's going on here?" Joyce asked. "You got anything new for me?"

Vinnie thought about it for a moment, looked from Connie to Lula to me, and retreated into his office.

"Nothing new, " Connie said.

Joyce narrowed her eyes at Vinnie's closed door. "Chickenshit. "

Vinnie opened the door and glared out at her.

"Yeah, you, " Joyce said.

Vinnie pulled his head back inside his office, closed the door, and clicked the dead bolt.

"Fungule, " Joyce said, with a gesture. She turned on her stiletto heel and swung her ass out the door.

We all rolled our eyes.

"Now what?" Lula wanted to know. "You and Bob got some big day planned?"

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Vinnie's office door opened again. "How about a little of Morris Munson?" he yelled. "I'm not running a charity here, you know. "

"Morris Munson is a nut!" I yelled back. "He tried to set me on fire!"

Vinnie stood, hands on hips. "So what's your point?"

"Fine. Just fine, " I said. "I'll go get Morris Munson. So what if he runs me over. So what if he sets me on fire and bashes my head in with a tire iron. It's my job, right? So here I go to do my job. "

"That's the spirit, " Vinnie said.

"Hold on, " Lula said. "I don't want to miss this one. I'll go with you. "

She shoved her arms into a jacket and grabbed a purse that was big enough to hold a sawed-off shotgun. "Okay, " I said, eyeballing the purse. "What have you got in there?"

"Tech-9. "

The urban assault weapon of choice.

"Do you have a license to carry that?"

"Say what?"

"Call me crazy, but I'd feel a lot better if you left your Tech-9 here. "

"Boy, you sure know how to ruin a good time, " Lula said.

"Leave it with me, " Connie told her. "I'll use it for a paperweight. Give the office some atmosphere. "

"Hunh, " Lula said.

I opened the office door, and Bob bounded out. He stopped at the Buick and stood there, tail wagging, eyes bright.

"Look at this smart dog, " I said to Lula. "He knows my car after only riding in it once. "

"What happened to the Rollswagen?"

"I gave it back to the Dealer. "

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Lula and Bob and I kept to our own thoughts as we rolled along Hamilton en route to the button factory. I was going through a mental inventory of equipment. Stun gun: in my left pocket. Pepper spray: in my right pocket. Cuffs: hooked to the back loop on my Levi's. Gun: at home, in the cookie jar. Courage: at home, with the gun.

"I don't know about you, " Lula said when we got to Munson's house, "but I'm not planning on going up in smoke today. I vote we bash this guy's door in and stomp on him before he has a chance to light up. "

"Sure, " I said. Of course, I knew from past experience that neither of us was actually capable of bashing in a door. Still, it sounded good while we were idling at the curb, locked up in the car.

I cruised around back, got out, and looked in Munson's garage window. No car. Gee, too bad. Probably Munson wasn't home.

"No car here, " I said to Lula.

"Hunh, " Lula said.

We drove around the block, parked, and knocked on Munson's front door. No answer. We looked in his front windows. Nothing.

"He could be hiding under the bed, " Lula said. "Maybe we should still bash his door in. "

I stepped back and made a sweeping gesture with my hand. "After you. "

"Unh-unh, " Lula said. "After you. "

"No, no . . . I insist. "

"The hell you do. I insist. "

"Okay, " I said. "Let's face it. Neither of us is going to bash this door down. "

"I could do it if I wanted, " Lula said. "Only I don't feel like it right now. "

"Yeah, right. "

"You think I couldn't do serious damage to this door?"

"That's what I'm suggesting. "

"Hunh, " Lula said.

The door to the adjoining house opened, and an old woman stuck her head out. "What's going on?"

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"He isn't home. "

"Oh, yeah? How do you know?" Lula said. "How can you be sure he isn't hiding under the bed?"

"I was out back when he drove away. I was letting the dog out, and Munson came with a suitcase. Said he was gonna be gone for a while. As far as I'm concerned, he could be gone forever. He's a wacko. He was arrested for killing his wife, and some idiot judge let him out on bail. Can you imagine?"

"Go figure, " Lula said.

The woman looked us over. "I guess you're friends of his. "

"Not exactly, " I said. "We work for Munson's bail bonds agent. " I handed her my business card. "If he returns I'd appreciate a call. "

"Sure, " the woman said, "but I got a feeling he isn't returning anytime soon. "

Bob was waiting patiently in the car, and he got all happy-looking when we opened the doors and slid in.

"Maybe Bob needs breakfast, " Lula said.

"Bob already had breakfast. "

"Let me put it another way. Maybe Lula needs breakfast. "

"You have anything special in mind?"

"I guess I could use one of those Egg McMuffins. And a vanilla shake. And breakfast fries. "

I put the Buick in gear and headed for the drive-through.

"How's it going?" the kid at the window said. "You still looking for a job?"

"I'm thinking about it. "

We got three of everything and parked on the edge of the lot to eat and regroup. Bob ate his Egg McMuffin and breakfast fries in one chomp. He slurked his milkshake down and looked longingly out the window.

"Think Bob needs to stretch his legs, " Lula said.

I opened the door and let him out. "Don't go far. "

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"What's he doing?" Lula wanted to know. "Why's he walking in circles? Why's heUh-oh, this don't look good. Looks to me like Bob's taking a big poop in the middle of the parking lot. Holy cow, look at that! That's a mountain of poop. "

Bob returned to the Buick and sat down, wagging his tail, smiling, waiting to be let back in.

I let him in, and Lula and I slumped down low in our seats.

"Do you think anyone saw?" I asked Lula.

"I think everyone saw. "

"Damn, " I said. "I don't have the pooper-scooper with me. "

"Pooper-scooper, hell. I wouldn't go near that with a full contamination suit and a front-loader. "

"I can't just leave it there. "

"Maybe you could run over it, " Lula said. "You know . . . Flatten it out. "

I cranked the engine over, backed up, and pointed the Buick at the pile of poop.

"Better roll the windows up, " Lula said.

"Ready?"

Lula braced herself. "Ready. "

I stomped on the gas and took aim.

SQUISH!

We rolled the windows down and looked out.

"So what do you think? You think I should make another pass?"

"Wouldn't hurt, " Lula said. "And I'd forget about getting a job here. "

I WANTED TO do a fast check on Hannibal's town house and I didn't want to get Lula involved in my Ranger business, so I told her a fib about spending the day bonding with Bob, and drove her back to the office. I slid to a stop at the curb and the black Town Car eased up behind me.

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Lula gave Mitchell the once-over.

"It's okay, " I told Lula. "I know him. "

"I bet, " Lula said. "You want me to shoot him, or something?"

"Maybe later. "

"Hunh, " Lula said. She heaved herself out of the car and ambled into the office.

"Well?" Mitchell asked.

"Well, nothing. "

"That's real disappointing. "

"So, you don't like Alexander Ramos?"

"Let's just say we're not on the same team. "

"Must be hard for him these days, grieving over his son. "

"That son was nothing to grieve over, " Mitchell said. "He was a fuckin' loser. Fuckin' cokehead. "

"How about Hannibal? Does he do drugs, too?"

"Nah, not Hannibal. Hannibal's a goddamn shark. Alexander should have named that one Jaws. "

"Well, I've gotta go now, " I said. "Things to do. People to see. "

"The raghead and me haven't got a lot to do today, so we thought we'd follow you around. "

"You should get a life. "

Mitchell smiled.

"And I don't want you following me around, " I said.