House of Steel (34 page)

“Why don’t we give these two a moment to
catch up? Then, James, you can join us for cake,” Ann directed, not
giving anyone a choice. She knew no one would argue. No one argues
with a recovering cancer patient.

“How about outside?” Delaney stood up,
nodding to the deck overlooking the backyard.

“Sure,” James replied as his body relaxed,
following her. Delaney slid into the wooden chair facing the fenced
in backyard, curling her feet underneath her body, as she watched
James fall into the chair next to her. She wrapped her arms around
herself, feeling the cool traces of the Wisconsin winter still
present in the air.

“Delaney, I didn’t know we were coming here…
well, until we got here,” he started. His eyes studied her as her
eyelids closed and her hand reached up to graze her forehead.

“Classic Mark,” she interrupted, opening her
eyes to settle in on James.

“This is awkward,” he said, shifting his
legs before adding, “Should I just go?”

“Of course not,” she rushed, looking back
into his warm, brown eyes. His tanned olive skin had lightened and
his dark brown hair had grown back to the curly mop that she had
remembered from ten years ago. His facial hair was unrelenting, a
scraggly, yet handsome beard was settling onto his face, maturing
him. She exhaled, feeling his comfort from five feet away.

“You sure?”

“Don’t tempt me,” she warned.

“Your mom looks amazing,” he said, glancing
back at the door. Mark and Ann’s heads disappeared from the window
and then Ben’s face appeared, smiling as he waved.

“Subtle, aren’t they?” She laughed as she
waved them off. “She does look amazing, doesn’t she? It’s
unbelievable that she made it through surgery.”

“And the cancer?”

“Gone,” she said as her eyes wandered to the
grass in front of them.

She reached down and plucked a strand of
grass, noticing it wasn’t green. She twirled the single, brown
strand between her fingers, watching the color change in the light.
The dull hues of yellow and brown from the dormant months littered
the strands of grass. It was yet another reminder of the past
winter that left her desolate and chilled to the bone. The large
oak trees with fresh leaf growth rustled next to them in the wind.
But there’s always a chance for a fresh start. To be reborn.
She looked back at James staring at her. He was waiting.

“She’s in the clear, for now,” she
added.

“It’s amazing and, don’t get me wrong, but
if there was anyone to beat it, Ann Jones is the one,” he said as
he leaned back into the chair.

“You told me that. The last time we were
together… at my house,” she hesitated. She hadn’t wanted to drudge
up the last time they had seen each other so soon. Delaney
attempted to change the conversation by adding, “She is certainly
stubborn, that mother of mine.”

“A trait that I hate
and
love about
your family,” he said. His lips turned into the playful smile that
she had missed for so long. She craved to reach out to feel the
softness of his lips against hers. To feel the warmth and comfort
of his solid body against hers.
I can’t. I can’t get involved.
Not with Holston Parker breathing down my neck.

“I know. I’m working on that stubborn
thing.”

“Good.”

“Are you back in Milwaukee now?”

“For the past month. I’m downtown right now,
but I’m scoping out some houses about ten minutes west of here.
Crazy, right? Back in the stomping grounds.” He laughed, putting
his hands behind his head. “Never thought I would be back
here.”

“Me, neither. Remember that afternoon when
we were studying outside? When you told me you were leaving? That
you were never coming back?”

“Vaguely,” he said, nodding his head with a
smile.

“Always a flair for the dramatic, James
Anderson,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“It was a day like today, studying for Mr.
Johnson’s chemistry final. Do you remember that guy? I wonder if
he’s still alive. I bet he’d be almost a hundred by now. I feel bad
for poor Mrs. Johnson if he isn’t dead yet.” He laughed, again,
leaning forward.

“It’s amazing what a knock-off Silly Putty
invention can bring you. Millions of dollars and a gorgeous, yet
spiteful Latino wife,” she joked as her eyes watered, envisioning
the rumor that had circulated during high school. Mr. Johnson had
apparently suffered two heart-attacks during lectures, a year
apart. Both times clutching his chemistry beakers as he stumbled to
catch his breath, mumbling, “Put on your safety glasses, don’t
forget,” as if in that particular moment, he was about to mix his
final and most memorable masterpiece. However, he hadn’t died on
either occasion. James had lamented this fact, along with Johnson’s
thirty-five-year-old Latino wife, who stood to inherit the millions
he had managed to hoard in the bank. “God, you hated him,” she
laughed.

“I did. He gave me my only F.”

“Funny,” she said, wiping the tear away from
her eye.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I miss that,” she said softly, looking back
out into the yard again.
Don’t do this, Delaney.

“I do, too.”

“That was a long time ago. We can’t exactly
go back to that. Do you see these wrinkles?” she said, pointing out
the crow’s feet her mom had always dutifully noted for her. In the
last three months, she could have sworn they had multiplied by
ten.

“That’s nothing. You’re gorgeous as ever.”
He leaned in, putting his hand on her leg. She inhaled sharply,
feeling his warmth against her jeans.

“Damn you, James Anderson,” she whispered,
her voice barely audible.

“Come on, Delaney. You know this feels
right.”

“It does,” she relented.

“I’m ready to be a part of your life. If
you’ll let me.”

“I don’t know if I can…” she started,
feeling a nagging feeling in her chest. Holston Parker’s gray eyes
burned in her mind again. She couldn’t bring James into that.

“I promise I won’t go after a blonde
sorority chic,” he said playfully as he tapped her knee.

“It’s not that,” she said, falling back into
her chair.

“Then what is it? Are you seeing someone?”
The realization that she might be with someone else spread across
his face.

“No,” she denied, feeling the redness flush
to her cheeks.
Holston Parker is seeing me.
She hadn’t
worked out the details in her mind of what it would be like to
actually have a life. For the past three months, she had immersed
herself in work and teaching, coming home to the empty house on
Drew Street to walk past the fireplace day after day. She had
denied dinners with June and Robert. Cancelled meetings with
co-workers. Deflected Mark’s request for occasional visits. Too
worried about
his
perception and influence to even say hello
to any students outside of class. Up until, of course, when Theron
visited two days ago

“I didn’t want to pressure you three months
ago - what with your mom and that student - it all seemed like
pretty horrible timing. I was just moving back to Milwaukee, but
the dust has settled, Delaney. If not now, then when?” he pressed,
leaning back into his own chair.

“I don’t know. It’s just…” She realized that
she had no way to finish the sentence. How could she possibly
explain to James what had happened that night? How could she
explain Holston Parker? Or her inability to even brush her teeth
without feeling like someone was breathing down her neck? She
darted her eyes around the yard.
They’re probably here now
.
She felt as if she had a noose around her neck, the itchy rope
tightening with every movement she made. She felt trapped.
Suffocated
.

“Delaney?”

“I’m here,” she said. Her voice rang in her
ears as she cleared her throat and sat up in the chair.

“Whatever it is that’s going on, Delaney, I
want to help you. I want to be here for you. I love you. I have
always loved you. I know you’re not ready for us, but you at least
need to let me into your life. As a friend,” he pressed again. “I
can’t see you like this.”

“I know.”

“Can you promise me something?”

“What?”

“A coffee. Can we try that coffee thing one
more time?” Her stomach balled up as she thought of herself tearing
out of the Alterra parking lot just after she had heard the news
about Theron. “Except this time, you don’t leave me hanging by
myself for an hour,” he teased as he let go of her hands.

“I can do that,” she replied reluctantly.
And if I see James, what is Holston Parker going to do?

“Tomorrow? Ten a.m.? Alterra?” His eyes
pressed into hers.

“Tomorrow, ten a.m.,” she repeated, feeling
the rope around her neck loosen with his gaze.
A good influence
on her
. “Let’s try the Starbucks downtown this time. Change the
venue to give me a no-excuses second chance.”

“I like where your head’s at, Jones,” he
said as the playful grin that drove her wild spread across his
face. She stood up, feeling the heat of the sun’s rays escape from
beneath a cloud.
New beginnings.

***

“Hurry, help me, before the wax drips on the
cake,” Ann laughed, waving her hands to the family surrounding her
on all sides. Mark and Ben jumped forward, blowing the rest of the
candles out amid laughs. “Whose idea was it anyway?” she accused,
pointing her eyebrows around the table.

“Don’t look at me,” Delaney said as Ann
paused at her, narrowing her eyes with a smile, before she added
with a whisper, “I think it’s your lovely husband over there.” She
held up her hand and pointed to a grin plastered on her father’s
face.

“Guilty,” he confessed, holding up his
hands. “I thought it would be quite the sight to see. Celebrating
sixty-three years.”

“Can’t get rid of me quite yet,” she teased,
moving over to embrace her husband. Delaney’s chest welled up as
she watched the embrace of a couple passionately in love after so
many years.
Maybe it’s not so bad after all
.

Laughter and joking filled the air around
the table as the plates exchanged hands as if it were a
well-rehearsed, orchestrated event. The Jones family, including
James, had done this before. She moved the fork in and out of her
mouth, chewing and swallowing without tasting the sweetness of the
cake. The constant buzz of chatter and joking filled her ears as
she looked around, studying the faces of her family. Sweet Ben and
Meghan huddled next to each other, teasing and touching as a young
couple in love would. Mark stood by her father, both the protectors
of the family. Then there was Ann who sat strong in her chair, the
pale gray coloring had vanished and been replaced with vibrant,
rosy colored skin that exuberated life.

I would do anything to protect them. To
keep them safe
.
I need to know who Holston Parker really
is.
Delaney nodded and smiled, following the orchestrated cues
as everyone finished their cake and began to filter into the living
room. She cleared the plates, carrying them into the adjoining
kitchen to stack them next to the sink.

“Do you want to wash?” Her mother appeared
behind her.

“Are you kidding? You, Ann Jones, are
relinquishing your right to wash dishes in scalding water?” Delaney
asked as she examined the woman behind her, “Are you feeling
okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, hitting her on the
arm.

“It will be the first time in twenty-eight
years. You realize that?”

“Don’t make me go back on my words,” Ann
warned as she stepped toward the sink.

“Go sit down,” Delaney ordered as she hit
the faucet, letting the warm water rush into the sink. “I feel so
powerful,” she joked, turning to Ann who had slipped onto the stool
across the counter. Delaney glanced back into the empty dining
room, hearing the chatter of her family in the other room.

“Funny. How was your talk with James?”

“Oh, I see why you wanted to get me alone,”
Delaney accused.

“You know, he’s not always going to be
around. James is…” she stopped, looking down at her bare fingers.
“Nothing short of amazing. He’s everything any smart, beautiful
woman would look for and, to be honest, I’m surprised he’s not off
the market. He has a good job. A house. He’s handsome. I’ve always
liked him, but you know all that.”

Delaney felt the burn of her mother’s ring
on her chest as her mother talked about James. She was talking
about commitment. True love. “I’m sorry, Mom. I never asked you if
you wanted your ring back. Please take it.” Delaney’s hand shot up
to her neck, pulling out Ann’s ring beneath her light sweater.

“No. It was a gift. I stopped wearing it
after I got sick.” She cleared her throat. “I think it’s better for
you to keep it. I never thought you would get married, but after
seeing you with James today, I think that could change and don’t
deflect the conversation. Let’s go back to James.”

“What about him?” Delaney plunged her hands
back into the water.

“Don’t let this moment pass you by. I think
you’ll regret it later in life,” Ann directed.

“Do you have regrets?” Delaney asked.

“Of course, we all have regrets, don’t we?
Some are simply bigger than others. It’s avoiding those big ones
that are important, like James.”

“He’s a great friend, Mom. He always has
been, even with our seven year hiatus. He comforts me. Makes me
feel…” she paused as her mind searched for the right word,
“normal.”

“That’s good. Your dad does the same for me.
We love each other. Feel comfortable with each other,” she
replied.

“But doesn’t comfortable get boring? I mean,
I love you together, and I can’t imagine it any other way, but did
you ever find yourself looking for something else? Something that
would make you feel alive? In all those years?” Delaney pressed,
hoping that she would bite on the bait she had thrown out to
her.