How to Fall in Love (25 page)

“Who the fuck do you keep texting?”

I look up from my phone and over to Rainer, who’s driving me home. He’s glaring at me, but he can’t do it for long as he focuses back on the road.

“Jack.”

“Seriously?” he grunts. “I warned you about him.”

“He’s a nice guy, Rainer.”

“He’s a jerk.”

I sigh and look over to him. “We’re friends, right? We’ve been friends for a lot of years. I’m not your girlfriend, but I do respect what we have enough to listen to you. However, this time you’re wrong. Can you drop it, please?”

“Whatever. And what the fuck are you wearing?”

I glance down at the new pair of skinny jeans I begged Mom to buy me. I don’t know, I guess I want to look nice for Jack. Though I’m still sporting a semi-baggy tee. And my chucks. Always my chucks.

“These are jeans. Get with the new age, dude.”

“They’re painted on.”

I throw my phone into my purse and turn, crossing my arms. “What the hell, Rai? You’re being a dickhead. Can we not do this? I’ll date whoever the fuck I want.”

He pulls the truck over suddenly and turns to me. “I’m your friend. I’ve known you longer than any of those fuck knuckles. I’m not going to let some douchebag fuck you and leave you with a broken heart.”

“And I love you for that,” I say, my voice softer now. “But I’m seventeen, Rainer. I know what’s right and wrong. I’m not just going to let him dive in on the first date.”

His brown eyes narrow. “He’s bad news.”

“So is Missy, but I’m not telling you to stop.”

He grunts. “I’m a man. I can look after myself.”

“Yeah, well, I can look after myself too. Believe it or not. I know you’d rather I shack up with someone like Kenny, but I deserve better, and I like Jack.”

“I didn’t mean what I said the other night.” He sighs. “I was only tryin’ to look out for you.”

“By saying the best I can get is a greasy, nerdy geek? And don’t get me wrong, I adore Kenny, but that hurts, Rai.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck. Look, just be careful, okay? And don’t change who you are.”

“Who I am will never change.”

He points to the jeans.

“I’m allowed to care about how I look.”

“Yeah,” he says, pulling back onto the road. “Right.”

He’s angry with me, and I truly don’t know why. I say nothing as he pulls up to my house and stares straight ahead as I swing the door open and climb out. “You want to hang tonight?” I ask.

“No,” he grunts.

I sigh. “Okay, Rai.”

Then I shut the door and he speeds off.

Dammit.

Now I feel bad . . . and I don’t even know why.

CHAPTER FIVE

NOW – MALI

“This is it?” Rainer asks, nodding at my apartment.

“Yeah,” I whisper, staring out the window.

I’m still drunk; I won’t lie. If I weren’t, I’d be scrambling out of this car right now. I turn and glance at Rainer, who has his eyes on my neck. Oh. My. God. He’s looking at me as if he wants to . . . he couldn’t . . . could he? His eyes slowly move up and meet mine, and I swallow the thick lump forming. Rainer is looking at me right now as if he wants to fuck me.

Fuck me.

My body breaks out in little tingles as I stare at his lips, and I decide I’m too drunk to care if he wants to fuck me or doesn’t. I want to fuck him. I’d do anything to taste those lips, to slide my mouth over that neck, to feel his cock inside me again. It’s been so long, and I was just a teenager back then. I’m a woman now, and he’s everything I need. He’s everything I’ve always needed.

“You should get out,” he says, his voice husky. “I’m not the good kind of man, Mali.”

I bite my bottom lip.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

“How do you mean?” I finally say.

“I don’t do relationships; I do one-night stands. I fuck. I don’t ask names. If you keep looking at me like that, you’ll be on that list, and you’re too damned sweet to be someone’s fuck for a night.”

He’s wrong.

I want to be his fuck for a night.

“What makes you think I’m any different to you?” I say, unclipping my seatbelt and leaning over the chair. “What makes you think I don’t just want a one-night stand?”

His eyes flash and he reaches up, curling his fist into my hair. He jerks softly and I whimper. A low, throaty growl escapes his lips. “Out of the car. Now, kid.”

“No,” I breathe, sliding over the seat and straddling his lap.

He’s huge, so much bigger than I ever remember. His cock is pressing between my legs, rubbing against my heat just enough to cause the perfect friction. I meet his eyes and I can see he doesn’t want to fight.

“I’m not a good man. You hear me?”

“And I’m not a good woman.”

He makes a pained, throaty sound and presses his forehead against mine.

“I just want a night of fun, Rainer. If you’re willing to give it, I’m willing to take it.”

“I fuckin’ hate doing this.”

“No,” I say, reaching between us and grabbing the top button of his jeans. “You don’t. You offered me a ride home for a reason, and we both know what that reason is.”

“You’re beautiful,” he says, studying my face. “Fuck, I feel like I know you somehow.”

I freeze and turn my eyes away. He does know me; he just doesn’t recall it. Maybe something tragic really did happen to him, and that would explain his lack of memory. Or maybe I just never meant as much to him as I thought I did.

“Why did you look away?” he asks.

“I just want to fuck. Can we not make it any more complicated?” I say, my voice slightly shaky.

I reach into his jeans and curl my fingers around his cock. He hisses out through his teeth and his hand goes over, reaching into the glove compartment to pull out a condom. He holds my eyes as he takes his cock from my hand and slowly rolls it on. He’s big, thick and perfect. Just like he always was. I know how amazing this cock feels inside me.

I’ll never forget.

He reaches over to me and slides my dress up, his rough fingers grazing my thighs as the dress moves. Then he reaches for my panties. It’s not going to be easy to pull them off, considering I’m straddling him. He stares at them, then me, and with one hard jerk, the material tears and I’m pantiless. I gasp, but it’s quickly smothered when his fingers find my pussy.

I lean forward, wanting to taste him, wanting to remember how soft his lips are, but he turns his head away. “I don’t kiss, kid.”

“Have you got an infection or something?” I squeak.

“No, I just don’t do it.”

Okay. Well. Awkward.

I turn my face back and focus instead on his fingers sliding through my pussy. He’s soft, slow and delicate. His fingers, while rough, are working me over with such ease. He swirls my moisture around my clit, making it hard, making it ache. Then he uses his free hand to lift my hip so he can position his cock at my entrance.

I hold my breath.

He starts sliding me down over him. A gasp leaves my lips and quickly turns into a throaty moan as he fills me, stretching me, opening me to him. I’ve only had a few men since Rainer, and most were one-night stands. It’s been a good long time since I’ve been filled liked this. Rainer notices and lets out a low, raspy moan.

“You’re fucking tight,” he grunts. “Jesus.”

“It’s been a while,” I whisper, arching into him.

“Thought you said you like casual sex?”

I gasp as he jerks his hips up and fills me fully. “I do,” I breathe. “Oh God. Fuck. I do. It’s just been a while.”

“You don’t fuckin’ say,” he grinds out between his teeth. “Fuck. So fuckin’ good.”

Good. He thinks it feels good.

I put my hands on his shoulders, feeling his muscles bulging beneath my palms. I want to massage them, to roam my hands over his big body until I’ve had my fix. I breathe him in and try to place his smell in my memory, in a place I’ll never forget. I never want to forget anything that happens between Rainer and I.

He uses my hips to move me up and down on his cock, and pleasure bursts through my body. I slap a hand against the truck window and let my head fall back, hair trailing down to touch his thighs. He frees one hand and captures my breast, rolling my nipple between his thumb and forefinger through the fabric of my dress. I whimper at the pleasure and start rocking harder and faster until I’m riding him so hard the seat creaks.

“Holy fuck,” he hisses. “I’m goin’ to come soon. Fuck, you ride hard.”

“So close,” I cry out, rocking my hips harder against his cock, grinding myself until I feel the orgasm hanging by a thread.

Rainer reaches down and finds my clit, giving it a few hard rubs and I explode around him. His name trails from my lips and I don’t even realize my hand is curled in his hair until the shivers stop and my vision clears. Rainer is still thrusting his hips upwards, so I keep the pace until I feel him thicken inside me and then he comes with a ragged grunt.

I release his hair and drop my hand from the window, seeing the steamy mark that quickly fades away. I take a few moments to catch my breath, and then I slide off him, putting myself back on the seat. I press my head back into it and close my eyes, placing a hand over my racing heart and staying like that until it calms down.

“You okay?” he asks, and my eyes flutter open.

“Ah,” I manage. “Yeah.”

He nods, tying the condom and shoving it in a plastic bag he finds on the ground beneath my feet. Then he pulls his jeans back in place and does them up, eyes not meeting mine. He really doesn’t know how to connect. It’s written all over him. Suddenly things are awkward, and it would appear he wants me to get out so he doesn’t have the horrible task of asking me to.

It hurts, but I plaster a smile on my face and lean down, grabbing my panties. “Right,” I say, pulling my dress down. “Thanks for the ride.”

He snorts a little bit, and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles up.

“I meant the ride home,” I say, swinging the door open. I get out and look back at him, and he’s watching me intently. “But the other ride was great too. See you around, Rainer.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but I slam the door.

I have no idea what I just got myself into, but I have a feeling it wasn’t the right path to take.

~*~*~*~

“W
ait a second,” Mimi says, pacing the room with her arms crossed. “So he spoke to you, gave you a ride home, and then you fucked him in his truck?”

I bring my legs up to my chest and curl my arms around them. “Yeah.”

“You fucked him?”

I nod.

“In his truck?”

I nod again.

“Right outside the house?”

I roll my eyes.

“What the hell is going through your head?” she shrieks.

I sigh. “I was drinking, and . . . I just . . . God, I missed him so much.”

“So you let him use you?”

“No. I needed that as much as he did.”

“No,” she says, waggling a finger in my face, “what you needed was to tell him the truth. Not to dig yourself a bigger fucking hole to get out of.”

I throw my hands up. “What’s the fucking point telling him the truth, Mimi? He doesn’t remember me, and there’s obviously a reason for that. If I tell him who I am, there’s still a good chance he won’t remember me. Worse, he might shut down, and I’ll never figure out what happened to him.”

“So what? You’re just going to be his fuck buddy?”

I shrug. “I don’t even know if he’ll go there with me again. He said he uses.”

“He openly admitted to being a player and you just let him in anyway?”

I frown at her. “He’s not a player, he’s honest. He doesn’t do relationships and whatever. Neither do I.”

“You’re playing with fire, Mali, and you’re going to get burned,” she warns.

“Maybe I will, but this way I might just be able to find out more about him.”

“Which you could probably do if you just told him who you are!” she yells, exasperated.

“We parted on harsh terms, Mimi. He might shut down completely if I tell him who I am. God, can’t you see? This is the best way. I’ll be a casual fling, and maybe I can work my way in . . .”

“You’re mad!” she spits. “You’re freaking mad. He’s not going to let you be a casual fling, and even if you get that far, what makes you think he’ll tell you anything?”

“Because I know him; I know what makes him tick. I’ll be more than a fling because I can work him differently. I need to do this, Mimi.”

She sighs and flops down onto my bed beside me. “I think you’re making a massive mistake, but I won’t stop you.”

“Something went wrong in his life, and I want to know what that is. The only way I can find out is to spend time with him. Maybe I’ll meet his friends . . . maybe someone can shed some light.”

“And if he doesn’t want to screw your brains out anymore?”

“Then I’ll try and be his friend, at the very least.”

She shakes her head. “Be careful, Mali. This could go bad.”

“Yeah,” I say, staring at the wall. “But I have to try.”

He’s my friend.

I have to do everything I can.

CHAPTER SIX

THEN – MALI

My foot slips and I let out a feral curse. Dammit, why did Rainer have to pick the room on the first floor? He could have picked the big one on ground floor, but he hates his father and so he decided no, he’d rather be as far away as he could get. So now I’m trying to climb the flimsy drain that has a supporting grid, and it isn’t going so well for me.

But I have to see him. He’s upset at me, and I don’t like leaving things like that.

I manage to fumble my way to the top. I used to be able to do this so much easier, but these days Rainer is usually the one to come to me, so I don’t tend to hang out at his place. He doesn’t like being here. I push my body up to the top of his small balcony and climb over the railing. His double doors are wide open and I stop dead when I see him at his bedroom door, wearing only a pair of loose cotton shorts.

He’s kissing Missy. Her body is pressed against his, and he’s got a hand curled around the back of her neck. The kiss is long, and soft, and for some, strange reason my chest clenches. An unusual feeling washes through my body, and I quickly shove it down. How weird. I shake my head and wait for him to pull back. He smiles down at her and then lets her out the door. A few minutes later the front door slams and she walks out to her car.