How to Fall in Love (30 page)

Oh God.

Like Rainer.

Jack’s tongue slides out and tangles with mine, and I kiss him back. But I know it’s not the same. If Rainer had never kissed me, this would probably be an incredible moment, but instead I had expectations, and they’re not being met. It’s not that Jack can’t kiss. He can. His lips are soft. His tongue is gentle. He’s doing everything right, but the most important thing is missing.

The spark.

Maybe I just need to give it time. I like Jack. Really, I do. He wants me to be his girlfriend and I want that. The kissing will get more intense the more time I spend with him, I’m sure of it.

“Hey, fucker!”

Jack is torn out of my arms before I know what’s happening, and I turn quickly to see Rainer driving a fist into his mouth. Whoa. Hang on.

“What the fuck are you doin’ here, kissing some chick when you’re supposed to be dating Emalie?”

Oh. My. Lord.

He doesn’t know Jack was kissing me.

“Rainer,” I say, my voice shaky.

He stops mid-punch and his body freezes. He drops Jack, who is now bleeding from the lip and panting with rage, and turns to me. His entire body freezes as his gaze moves over me. He doesn’t have the same gentle look Jack had; instead, he’s . . . horrified. He hates it. He’s looking at me as if he doesn’t know me.

“Emalie?”

I swallow.

“What the fuck did you do to your face?”

My eyes flash with pain, I know they do, but he doesn’t see it. He’s too angry.

“I’m on a date,” I whisper, trying to suck back my rage.

“A date?” He barks a laugh. “Looking like a cheaper version of your slutty sister? What the fuck has gotten into you?”

I can’t take it.

I just . . . can’t.

I step forward, raise my hand and slap him. His head swings to the side and he hisses in pain. “Fuck you, Rainer,” I spit. “Fuck you and your shit. How dare you? How . . .” My voice breaks off and tears burst forth. Rainer’s eyes widen. “Tonight,” I croak. “Tonight my mom was proud of me, my sister spoke with me, and that man”—I point to Jack—“thought I looked great. Then you, always you, come in here and ruin it all. You and your stupid, blond girlfriend. I’m done.”

I turn and run out, hearing him call my name.

I run through the crowd and onto the street, tears flowing down my cheeks. Rainer catches me just as I cross the road to the big, green park over from the frat house. Couples are lazing about, kissing and talking.

“Stop, Emy,” he says, spinning me around.

“Fuck off,” I scream.

People stop what they’re doing and turn to watch us.

“Hey, let her the fuck go,” Jack bellows, running after us.

Rainer turns to him. “Unless you want a broken nose, you will back the fuck off.”

“Let her go, you psycho fucking dick!”

“Back off!” Rainer roars, pulling me closer to him.

Jack looks to me. “Emalie, you don’t need to let him handle you like this.”

“What we’re doin’ is none of your business. Now fuck off.”

Jack shakes his head, and then looks to me. I’m stunned, gone far on beyond having anything to say. I want to run to Jack, I want to beat Rainer, but all I can do is stand there, so sick of everything in my life.

“I’ll see you later then,” Jack spits at me, and turns, storming off.

God dammit, I’ve hurt him. I jerk my hand from Rainer’s grip and go to chase him, but Rainer curls an arm around my waist and hauls me back. “Don’t,” he warns, his voice close to my ear. “You need to hear me out.”

“No,” I say, my voice dead. “I don’t. Let me go, Rainer. I’m done with you.”

He ignores me and literally lifts me into his arms and carries me into the security and darkness of the trees, where no one can hear us. He puts me down but keeps his hand around my wrist, so I can’t pull back.

“We need to talk, Emy, right now.”

“No,” I say, shoving him back. “I’m done fucking talking.”

“It was Missy, wasn’t it? Who hit you?”

“No, Rai,” I spit. “It was her butch fucking friend while she stood back threatening me to stay away from you. Next question.”

I shouldn’t be blurting this right now, but I’m angry and tired of everything. He growls low under his breath, but keeps going.

“Why did you do this? Why are you letting that asshole change you?”

“Change me?” I laugh bitterly. “Oh, you mean the fact that I took care in my appearance tonight?”

“It’s not you.”

“No,” I snort. “Of course it isn’t, Rainer. You want me to stay a boyish-looking woman who fucks nerds because that’s the best you think I can do.”

“Come off it,” he growls. “I don’t think that at all.”

“They made me feel beautiful, tonight,” I say and my voice wavers. “They made me feel like I’ve never felt in my entire life and you . . . you came in and just . . .”

“Just what?”

“Made me feel ugly.”

He sucks in a hiss of breath. “You know I don’t think that.”

“You basically called me a slut.”

He doesn’t answer.

“Does it really bother you so much that I’m changing?”

He still doesn’t answer.

“Is it a control issue, Rainer? Do you like having a person you can boss around?”

“Fuck, Emalie, you know that’s not the case.”

“Then what the fuck is the problem? You’re acting like a psycho father.”

He goes silent.

“Jesus, Rainer, if you’re going to pull me back, make me feel ugly, then at least fucking tell me what the hell is the problem!”

“I’m losing you,” he roars, shocking me.

“W-w-w-what?”

“I’m losing you. He’s changing you. God dammit, Emalie, you’re the only fucking thing good in my life. This?” He waves to my outfit. “It’s hot, but it’s not you. You’re the girl that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my partner in crime. You’re the only one who understands me. You’re my best fucking friend and I’m losing you. I’m not . . .”

“What?” I say in a small voice.

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Rainer . . .”

“The moment you find a man, and fall in love, I’m going to lose you. And Emalie, I fuckin’ need you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do without you in my life. You’re . . . fuck . . . fuck this . . .”

He lets me go and starts to storm off. I’m so damned shocked at his outburst that I can’t speak; I just stand there. He reaches the tree line, curses and then spins around and stalks back towards me. When he reaches me, he curls his hand around the back of my neck and brings his lips to my forehead. I close my eyes. “You’re fucking beautiful. Right here, right now, you’re breathtaking. I should have told you that.”

With that, he turns and walks off.

Leaving me more confused than ever.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

NOW – MALI

I stare at Rainer, watching as he studies my room, his dark eyes sweeping over it slowly. I sit on the edge of my bed, glad that I don’t have any pictures of us out. After he didn’t recognize me, I put them in a box and hid them, determined not to look at them again until I sorted my own head out. Right now, I’m thankful. That would have been an awkward conversation to have.

When Rainer’s eyes finally find mine again, I can’t help but lick my lips. He makes my heart ache, in both good and bad ways. Rainer is everything I could have ever wanted and more. If only I’d realized it sooner. If only I’d fought just a little harder. I took my broken heart and I never searched for the friend I once loved so dearly. I should have. For him, I should have looked past my hurt and looked.

“Why am I lucky enough to get round two?” I ask, walking over and sitting beside him on the bed.

“Because I like you.”

“You like me?” I ask, smiling slyly.

He grins, and his eyes drop to my lips. “Yeah, I do.”

“Should I be flattered? You’re not going to kidnap me and take me to your cave to make me your love slave?”

He chuckles. “Nah, I’ll just take what I need right here, right now.”

I swallow.

He reaches up, taking a strand of hair and wrapping it around his finger. He smells amazing. Like a fight, and sex, and Rainer. He’s perfection. I hate that, but I can’t get enough of it, either. I need every single thing he’s willing to give. Even if he has no idea who I am. Having him right here, right now, it’s enough. Having Rainer near will always be enough.

He leans forward and his mouth finds my neck. I want, more than anything, to turn my face and crush my lips into his. But I can’t do that, because he has a no kissing rule that I really, really hate. I remember what it felt like to kiss Rainer, and he was only young back then. I imagine the man he is now could kiss. Hard.

I moan all the same as his mouth moves down my neck, nipping and sucking its path to my shoulder. I stay sitting, not touching him, not doing anything but enjoying how amazing this feels. He shifts his body and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me until I’m forced to straddle him. He remains sitting on the side of my bed, his feet touching the floor, but he holds onto me so I don’t fall.

I can feel his cock growing and swelling beneath me, and I squirm as it presses to my very hot, very wet core. God, this feels incredible. “Rainer,” I breathe as he takes the hem of my dress and starts sliding it up. His fingers graze over my hipbones and up my belly, as he takes it over my head. I’m left straddling him in just my bra and panties. He reaches up, stroking a thumb over the swell of my breast. I say nothing.

“How dirty do you like to be, kid?” he rasps, lifting his face so his eyes pin mine. He’s making sure I answer truthfully.

His question shocks me, so for a second I just sit on his lap, staring at him. His thumb is still moving over my breast, and it’s distracting me. I think seriously about his question—well, at least, I try to. I’m not totally sure what he means by dirty. Is he speaking of erotic sex, or erotic games? I have no idea, but I want to find out.

“I don’t exactly know what you’re asking, Rainer,” I breathe.

“Have you ever had these fucked?” he asks, cupping my breast.

“N-n-n-no,” I say in a small, shaky voice.

“Have you ever had a man come on them?”

My thighs clench together.

“No.”

“What about fucking you in the ass?”

I flinch. “No.”

“You ever watched a man’s cock driving in and out of you in a mirror?”

Holy shit, Rainer got dirty.

“No.”

“Have you ever had a man put ice deep inside your cunt, and fuck you?”

I shiver. Ice? Oh my God.

“No,” I squeak.

“What about licking beer from your sweet pussy?”

I swallow. “N-n-n-no.”

“Public sex?”

“Kind of,” I say. “With you.”

He grins.

“All of those things, would you try them?”

I study his face. With him, I’d bend over and take it anyway he wanted to give it, but I don’t want to sound too excited, so I just lick my lower lip and nod. He makes a low, throaty grumbling sound in his chest, and then he takes my hips and rotates them over his cock.

“I thought we were a casual fuck,” I dare to say. “You sound like you have quite a list.”

“There are a good deal of meanings behind the word casual. I’m not done with you yet, and if you’re good with just having fun, then I’d like to do all of those things to you.”

I gasp a little. “Okay.”

“Starting with putting my cock between these sweet tits.”

I nod and he stands, taking me with him. He carries me with a hand on my ass to the edge of the bed. He sits me down and then places a hand to the middle of my chest and pushes me back. I lie down, and he gently moves my body back until my head is against the headboard. He makes light work of stripping my bra and panties off, and my cheeks flame when he stares down at my naked body.

“You’re beautiful, Mali,” he murmurs, tugging at his shorts.

He has no shame. It worries me, because I wonder how many times he’s done this for him to have no care about taking his clothes off in front of someone he thinks he doesn’t know. How many women have there been? Tens? Hundreds? Dare I say thousands? I’d like to think Rainer hadn’t lost respect for himself, but I don’t know what has happened in his life, so how am I to know what drives him?

“So are you,” I whisper, reaching up and stroking a finger down his chest.

He says nothing, but his body does stiffen slightly. He doesn’t stop me, though, or ask me to stop. He takes a deep breath, and then he leans down and kicks his shorts off until he’s fully naked above me. His mouth finds my nipple and I groan as he sucks it in, swirling his tongue around the tip. He does this to both, while I thrust my hips up towards his, feeling the hard, hot length of his cock occasionally grazing my pussy.

He releases my nipples and leans down, rasping, “I’m going to lick your cunt, then I’m going to fuck it, but I’m going to come right here, with my dick pressed deep between your tits.”

I shiver. Holy shit. That sounds so erotic and intense. I can’t wait. All I can do is nod. I don’t tell Rainer that I’ve never allowed a man to give me oral sex. I don’t know why, I just don’t like the idea of it with someone I don’t love. It seems so personal. The night Rainer fucked me, he used his fingers, but never his mouth. Now, for the first time, he’s going to use his mouth.

I’m nervous.

He kisses his way down my body, his scratchy stubble grazing over my smooth skin. When he reaches my pubic bone, he puts some pressure on it with his face and a bolt of pleasure shoots right to my center. He slides off the end of the bed and takes my legs, pulling me forward. Then he lifts them and spreads them wide. A low hiss leaves his mouth and I put an arm over my eyes, nervous and excited all at once.

Rainer drops his head down to my now exposed pussy and inhales deeply. Oh. My. God. He is so out there, like absolutely nothing bothers him. My skin prickles with embarrassment and I pray that wasn’t awful for him. By the rumbling sound he makes low in his chest, it wasn’t. He moves his hand up and slides his finger through my flesh, making me moan with delight.

I love his fingers on me.

“You’ve got a sweet pussy, Mali,” he murmurs, nuzzling his face against me.

“Th-th-th-thanks,” I breathe.