How to Fall in Love (84 page)

I shake for long enough for William to pull his mouth from me, to strip his pants off, and to slide on top of me. The moment his body makes contact with mine, and I feel his warm skin
everywhere
, I know this is it. There’s no turning back. Hard muscled flesh rolls against me, and the feeling of having his naked skin against mine like this is mind-blowing. I lift my hands, wrapping them around his biceps.

“Are you ready?” he whispers.

“I’m ready.”

He gently reaches down between us, taking the straining erection that I can feel hot and hard against my belly. He presses it right to my entrance before moving his hand to my thigh and jacking it up around his hip. Nerves swim around in my stomach, and I find myself struggling for air. I’m scared, in both a good and a bad way. William reaches down, cupping my chin.

“If there’s a moment, even a small one, where you want me to stop...I’ll stop.”

I believe him.

I don’t know why, but I do.

I nod, biting my lip. He smooths my hair out of my eyes before pushing just the tip inside me. I tense around him, feeling the way my body burns and stretches. His jaw flexes and I know how hard it is for him to hold back, but he does. He moves slowly, inching his way in, letting me adjust to his sheer size. The burning subsides quickly enough, but a feeling of discomfort still lingers.

He pushes a little further, and then he rasps, “Oh thank God.”

I look up at him, squirming to make myself feel a little less...full.

“You’re a virgin, sweetheart,” he says in a hushed, quiet tone.

“I-I-I-I am?”

He stops, resting his forehead against mine. “This isn’t something you need to do if you’re not ready. Do you hear me? You can save this, it can remain yours. I would never force you, Emelyn.”

“I know, but it’s okay,” I whisper, meeting his gaze.

“You say stop, I’ll stop.”

I cup his cheek. “William, I know. I want this.”

I know this more than anything. He is all I know right now, and in this moment he’s all I need. I don’t remember my past fully, and I’m sure there are deep demons in it, but he’s healing me, one step at a time. I have learned the good demons, from the bad. He is my good demon.

With a soft kiss to my lips, William pushes himself fully inside of me. My back lifts off the bed, and his hand slides across to cup my head. He uses it, pulling gently as he slides out, before pushing back in once more.

The pain disappears.

Tremendous warmth fills my body in its place. I feel myself clench around him, and my skin break out in tiny goosebumps. I’m biting my lip so hard it is beginning to hurt. Noticing this William leans down, sucking that lip into his mouth. Then. He. Sucks. He thrusts at the same time, and my mouth drops open, my head falls back, and I yell his name.

He drops his head down into the nook of my neck as his thrusts become more frenzied. His body is massive, looming over mine, working deeply, his muscles clenching and releasing as pleasure builds higher and higher in his system. The sight is pure perfection.
He
is pure perfection. Our skin slaps together as his movements before far more frantic.

I feel a strange, tight sensation building in my belly.

William runs his hand down my leg, inching it higher. Then he tilts his hips and oh, I feel a shock of desire invade my body. I cry out, clawing at his back, needing it to just find me and take me over that edge. William reaches between us, finding my clit. He makes a few firm yet soft circles over the hard bud, and I lose control. Like a bomb, I explode. It starts off right in my core and slowly works its way out, until it’s going right down to my toes. I’m whimpering William’s name, arching my back, running my nails down his back, all while taking every second to enjoy this pure bliss.

William rasps out more foreign words, and his hand goes down, clutching my ass as he drives harder and faster. His large body is glistening with sweat and his long, thick, beautiful hair is falling down around his face, making him look like a pure yet completely fragmented angel. I reach up, cupping his cheeks, inhaling the scent of him and our sex combined.

At my touch he stiffens and lets off a ragged, pained groan.

Then he jerks and cries out my name. Not Number Thirteen, not Beauty, but my name...
Emelyn.

Then we’re slumped against each other, panting, sweaty, and oh, so beautiful. I tangle my fingers into his hair, tugging him down to me. His lips find mine, and he parts them with his tongue, sliding deep into my mouth for a kiss that has my mind spinning. He hooks his arm around me, and rolls us, turning so he’s facing me. It’s a perfect, deep, amazing moment and I know there’s no going back for me now. He’s managed to dig inside me, and I don’t want to let him go.

Then I open my mouth, and I ruin it all.

I lift my hand, stroking the damaged skin around his eye. He tenses, but he lets me do it. Beneath my fingertips, it’s bumpy and uneven. I stare into his eyes and whisper, “You’re beautiful, William. There’s nothing about you that’s imperfect.”

Like a switch goes off, his entire body stiffens and he jerks backwards, his body suddenly gone from mine.

“What did I tell you about lying?” he growls, his voice throaty.

He gets out of the bed, jerking his pajama pants on and pacing towards his desk.

I’m shocked. Why would he ever think that I would lie about something like that? Doesn’t he see that I can see past one, tiny flaw? “What makes you think I’m lying? Maybe I care about you, William. Did you ever consider that?”

He spins to me, glaring. “Of course you do. I own you.”

I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. My entire body jerks and my mouth opens on a gasp. His words, they burn—right to my very core.

“Why would you believe I couldn’t see past the damage?” I manage to croak out, patting my hands over his bed to find my clothes.

“If you had said I think you’re a good man, I would have accepted it. If you had said I think you’re a beautiful soul, I would have
accepted
it. I will not accept that you can find this,” he jerks his finger at his face, “beautiful. There is nothing beautiful about it.”

“Don’t you think that’s my choice to make? Don’t you think it’s up to me if I choose to see past it, and find the beauty that’s there? Don’t you think I get a say so if I decide to love you, William?”

He straightens and jerks his arm towards the door. “Leave, now.”

I shake my head, confused. “What?”

“I said leave, Number Thirteen.”

Not Emelyn. My body stiffens and I scurry out of the bed, angry, ashamed, and hurt. He’s pushing me away because he can’t accept that I just might be able to see him for what he really is, instead of what he tries so hard to make me see. He has taken a beautiful moment, and he has crushed it into the ground. He took the feeling away, and replaced it with reality.

“Push me away as much as you want,” I whisper, pulling my clothes on. “Nothing you say will change what I have already decided.”

“I’m looking for a lover, Number Thirteen. I’m
not
looking to be loved. You are looking for something that isn’t there if you think I can ever give you more. I am not the kind of man to ride up and change your world with one kiss, with one
fuck
. I am the darkness in the shadows; I’m the one no one wants to see. I’m the faded man.

“You’re the sunshine. Your laugh is the reason some people continue to fight each day. I can
hold
you, I can
kiss
you, I can
cherish
you, I can
claim
you, but I cannot
love
you...”

“I think you’re wrong,” I manage, even though I’m trembling so much my jaw clatters together.

“When you learned about love, what did you get taught?”

“I don’t know,” I murmur in a small voice. “You don’t let me remember.”

He takes a step forward. “Well, here’s what I learned. Love is only one element that a person holds inside them. Combined with another person, it is strong enough to get through a great lot of things, but when other elements come into play, like greed, lust, anger, and jealousy, that love is no longer enough. And the funny thing about that is that no one ever just has love, Number Thirteen. We’re all filled with a mix of elements, and when those elements combine they create
humans.
I do not trust, nor do I give myself to anyone. I am a simple few elements, Number Thirteen. I am determination, I am control, and I am power. I do not mix, I do not remove, and I do not add. I will care for you as my lover; I’ll give you everything you need, but asking for more is pointless and a waste of both our time.”

His words don’t penetrate where they should. Something has changed inside me. He changed something inside of me, even if he doesn’t want to see it. My chest swells with a determination I’ve not felt since I’ve been here. It outweighs my need to
escape
, and it outweighs my need to
survive
. Loving him is a sin; of that I’m fully aware. But a sinner I
am
.

I won’t stop until he shows me everything he is.

I know there is more to William than three, cold elements.

“W
atch out for William’s pet,” one of the girls snarls as I walk past two days later, carrying a basket of laundry.

They’ve been taunting me for days, some of them claiming to have heard my “screaming”. Number Twelve hasn’t looked at me, refuses to speak to me, and the rest of them think I’m sleeping with him so I don’t have to endure what they do. I hang my head and walk, not interacting with any of them. What’s the point? There is nothing I can say that will change what they think of me.

I head down to the basement, it’s raining out today and I need to put the clothes in the dryer. I drop the basket onto the ground, taking a deep, steadying breath. William hasn’t seen me for two days, completely avoiding me at every cost. He’s made sure he’s not around when I am, making sure that I am left to suffer.

My body aches for him.

I take hold of the damp clothes and I shove them into the dryer. I can deal with being an outcast. I never really fit in anyway, but the idea of them having heard William and I...it hurts. That was a moment between us that I didn’t want shared. I don’t want them to come in and taint something that I found so faultless.

“Hiding down here won’t save you,” a voice grunts.

I spin around to see two of the girls; a quick glance tells me I’m dealing with Number One and Number Eleven. It surprises me that Number Eleven would have the nerve to come in here and start something with me when she knows very well that the line she’s on is already very fine. She has a problem with me, though. She has from the beginning. I’m starting to doubt if letting her off so easily when William gave me the chance to bring her to shame was a good idea.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” I say, turning and continuing, even though my heart is beating wildly.

“No one wants anything from you. You’ve got everything
easy
.”

I turn around, feeling my chest clench. “Are you jealous? Is that what this is about? Because, quite frankly, I can’t figure out why the hell you’re picking on me.”

She storms forward, and I let my eyes go up quickly, hoping to see a camera. The only camera down here is facing the wall with the shackles. It’s at least twenty-feet away. Her hand lashes out and curls around my shirt, then she proceeds to yank me forward, getting right into my face. My skin prickles, and rage fills my veins.

“You don’t scare me, and neither does
he
. I don’t have a problem with you, as such. I have a problem with individuals that suck up to get what they want. To avoid having to fight.”

“You think I’m not fighting?” I growl, feeling my tiny frame filling with the fight she’s accusing me of not having.

“You don’t know the meaning of the word. He’s taken you under his wing since the moment you got here.”

“Then shouldn’t you be angry at
him
?”

She laughs, bitterly. “Girls like you piss me off.”

She jerks my body so hard my teeth rattle. I squirm, but let’s face it; she’s twice the size of me and twice the strength.

“Girls like you feel the need to pick on others because they know what a shallow existence they really have. It makes you feel better,” I bark in her face, twisting my body.

I don’t see her fist rise, but I feel it. It connects with my jaw, and my head snaps to the side. My vision swims as I struggle to keep myself from blacking out. Another hard, jaw-cracking punch hits me before her fingers let me go, and she drops me. I land on the ground with a thump and then I hear her yell, “Shit, let’s get out of here. Now.”

I don’t get up. I’m quite capable of getting up, but I don’t. I roll to my side, tuck my knees to my chest, and I just lay there, feeling blood trickle from my lip to the floor. I don’t cry; that’s not the sort of strength I want them to take from me. They don’t deserve that.

I don’t deserve this, but here I am: not a soul in the world to defend me, because the only person I care about is angry with me too.

I don’t know how long I lay there, but I feel the room become darker. I feel a small creature crawl over my arm, but I don’t move. There really is no point. While I’m down here, I think about Number Three. I wonder if she’s happier now? I wonder if her sacrifice was worth it? Was she truly saving herself from something far worse than death? I close my eyes, steadying my ragged breathing.

I hear shuffling above a few hours in, and then I hear William’s voice in a way I’ve never heard it before.
Booming.

“Where is she?” he bellows.

I don’t know if I’m happy he’s looking for me, or angry because it’s his fault I’m here in the first place. I hear the door swing open above, and a light suddenly flicks on. Moments later, there he is, my knight in...shit, I don’t know...it’s certainly not shining armor. He kneels beside me, and his eyes grow hard. He swipes a finger over the dried blood on my lip. Then his knuckles graze over the bruise I already know is on my cheek.