How to Heal a Broken Heart (5 page)

I shove the last pair of shoes into their slot, grab my purse, and jump up. “Just finishing up.”

“Chelsea never does that,” Andrew says, folding his arms across his chest.

I roll my eyes and start to walk around the counter. “How do you know what she does?”

“Because I know,” he tells me matter-of-factly.

“Okay, so maybe she doesn’t, but I do. Sometimes you do things, you know, just to be nice. You should try it.” I walk past him toward the sliding glass doors.

“Stephanie.”

I swing around.

“It’s just funny, you know, that you were in such a hurry that you couldn’t even explain yourself, yet you had time to stay and sort through a million bowling shoes.” The expression on his face is curious and it’s the last thing I see before I swing around and stomp outside.

Andrew Collins is very annoying. I mean, clearly he has issues. So what if he caught me in a lie? Did he really have to call me out on it in the middle of the bowling alley like a jerk? Why is it any of his business if I didn’t want to go bowling? Maybe bowling just isn’t my thing.

That’s the problem with guys like Andrew Collins. He thinks just because he’s the most popular boy in school that he can just get away with whatever he wants, that he can just go around talking to people any way he pleases, and that they will listen. HAH!

Well, he’s in for a rude awakening because from this point on I will not think about him and his stupid perfect body that keeps popping up where ever I am.

Doesn’t he realize some of us have bigger problems, like um, hello, trying to get over a broken heart? I’m telling myself how little I care about what Andrew thinks about me and how I can’t wait to erase him from my thoughts as I walk into my first day of summer school.

Only it’s like the universe is laughing at me or something because the first person I see when I walk into my English class is Andrew’s best friend, Evan.

Great. Just what I need. Okay this is so not a big deal, I will just law low, sneak to the back, he wont even see me if I just –

“STEPHANIE! YO, STEPHANIE, OVER HERE!” Evan is practically jumping out of his seat waving me over with his hands. Great, what is he doing? Doesn’t he know I like to slip through the cracks?

I see a few people shoot each other confused looks, probably trying to figure out what Evan is doing talking to me since he’s like way more popular than I could ever dream of being. I consider pretending I don’t hear, but he’s pretty hard to miss so I force a smile and slowly walk toward him.

“There she is!” he exclaims loudly as I sit down. “The star of the bowling alley!”

People are looking at us for sure now and I lower my voice, hoping he’ll follow my lead and lower his.

“I wasn’t really a star- ”

“Not to mention you looked HOT!” he says, just as loud as before.

I did? Well, I mean, it’s not wrong to be flattered by a little compliment now is it?

That never hurt anyone.

I smile in spite of myself. “I did?”

“Totally.” Evan nods.

And then something awful happens. I catch myself thinking, well, I wonder if maybe Andrew thought I looked hot. And then I hate myself because I know he didn’t. I know a boy like Andrew doesn’t think girls who don’t look like Mary are hot. And besides, I don’t even like Andrew. Why would I care if he thought I looked hot?

I’m still trying to convince myself of this when Mary walks into the classroom a few minutes later, sits down next to Evan, and shoots me a dirty look. Great.

Luckily the teachers already there and Mary was late so she doesn’t have a chance to hear anything me and Evan are saying. The last thing I need is more attention than I’m already getting thanks to Evan.

The way summer school works at our school is that you have the same teacher for both of the classes that you fail. So since I failed math and english I’ll take both of them back to back with the same teacher, along with the rest of the kids in the room. Which means Evan and Mary are both in both of my summer school classes.

Which I wouldn’t care about except for that Evan is acting like we’re best friends or something. He keeps shooting me secret looks and even started passing me notes! At first I thought the notes must be something really important or work related but all the first one said was “hey.” That’s it. Just “hey.” Like he was starting a conversation! I ignored the first one but then a few minutes later he sent me another one that said “Don’t ignore!” so then I started writing back and before I know it we were having a full on conversation.

And the thing was, it really wasn’t weird at all. I would have thought it would be, but it’s really easy to talk to him, I think because he’s so laid back and really funny. If the teacher notices us passing notes she doesn’t say anything. One person who notices for sure though is Mary. I know this because by the third note passed she started making really annoying sighs and shooting me daggers. What’s her problem? It’s not like I passed the first note. Shouldn’t she be giving Evan dirty looks?

I don’t know if it’s all the note passing or just how nice our teacher is (no idea who she was before this class, but she seems super nice and funny), but the first day of summer school flies by. Honestly, it’s, like, super quick. Lucky for me Evan had to leave a few minutes early to drop something off in guidance before they went home for the day, so I don’t have to worry about having a whole conversation with him after class. I’m just gathering up my notebooks and the textbooks I got today when Mary clears her throat. I look up to find her icy glare less than a foot away from me.

I sigh and take a step back to gain a little bit of distance.

She just stares at me for a second before she speaks. “Look, I don’t know if Chelsea’s lost her mind for the summer or something but I just want to make one thing clear; you aren’t anybody’s friend so just slink back into whatever hole you crawled out of and disappear again.”

I roll my eyes and step around her. “You can relax, trust me. I have no desire to be a part of your world, or to take away any of your friends.”

She laughs. “Don’t miss understand. You couldn’t ever take anything from ME, you’re more like an annoying bee that wont stop buzzing in my ear that needs to be dealt with.”

But before I can answer she pushes past me and out the door.

This whole situation has gotten out of control. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally grateful for what Chelsea’s doing for me, but everything’s getting all mixed up. This is exactly what happens when people try to stray out of their element -- everybody gets pissed off.

Well no more. From now on, I will stay away from the situation completely. I will talk to Chelsea at work, nod hello to Evan in summer school, and completely clear my mind from any thoughts of Andrew Collins.

The truth is, that’s what I want anyway. I didn’t sign up for any of this to make friends. I didn’t even do it because I wanted to, I did it because I had to. No more of their stupid games. I have enough troubles on my own without their drama.

I’m trying to wonder if maybe I can talk to Chelsea about telling Evan I’m not exactly interested in making new friends at the moment when I swing the doors to the school open and stop dead in my tracks.

Because there, leaning against my blue Honda is Evan. He looks really impatient and seems to be tapping his hands against his knees in annoyance. I’m just about to turn around and sneak back into school but he spots me and his face lights up.

“Steph! Hey over here!”

I give a little wave and start to walk down the sidewalk toward the other side of the parking lot. I’ll just pretend that I have no idea what he’s doing there, leaning up against my car. Maybe he’ll think he got the wrong car. I’m sure there are plenty of blue Hondas. At some point he’ll for sure just get bored and –

“Where you going?” he screams. “Your car’s right here! SEE, RIGHT NEXT TO

MINE!!!”

I glance over and notice a red jeep parked right next to my car. Sigh. So much for ignoring him. How does he even know what kind of car I drive, anyway? Did he see me pull in this morning or something?

I shrug and start to walk toward him.

“I’m starved, you down for Wendy’s?” he asks me.

And everything in my head is saying make an excuse, leave, go home. This is a very bad idea and not the plan you have laid out for yourself. Yet somehow, I find myself climbing into Evan’s jeep with him anyway.

The thing about having a broken heart is this -- sometimes you don’t think you deserve to be happy again. Sometimes your self- esteem has been so beat down and so shattered that you don’t feel like anyone else could really care about you, because you don’t really care about yourself. Sometimes you just want to be alone, because you’re more content that way.

That’s how I felt. I felt like myself and everyone else was better off if I was alone. Of course, the problem with this is that you end up missing out on things that could change you forever.

Looking back on it now I realize that I wanted to be friends with Chelsea and Evan, and I wanted to admit to myself that there was something about Andrew Collins that really got under my skin, that there was something about him I just couldn’t allow myself to let go of.

Of course what we want to do and what we actually allow ourselves to do are two completely different things.

The next few weeks fall into a simple pattern. Monday through Thursdays are reserved for summer school in the mornings (although if you ask my parents I’m taking a knitting class at the local college; don’t even ask how I explained that one) then Evan and me go and get lunch and head to the bookstore where we order coffee and do our homework together. Friday and Saturday nights I work at the bowling alley, and Sundays I relax at home.

There are good and bad things about my new routine.

Good things about my new life:

1) I’m kicking ass in summer school. Honestly, the lowest grade I got on a test was a 92 and all my homework is always done. I hate to say it, but summer school is kind of a joke, much easier than regular school.

2) I’m making enough money to pay for summer school and I still have enough left over to slowly start repairing my savings.

3) Evan has started to become what I consider a friend. I use the term “friend”

loosely because yeah, we hang out and do our homework together, but we don’t hang out or talk besides that.

4) Chelsea and I are getting along really well at work, and she continues to be amazingly nice to me. She has invited me out a few more times after work but I always have an excuse ready as to why I can’t.

5) I’ve managed to completely avoid Andrew Collins. On the nights Chelsea mentions they are going to bowl after work, I ALWAYS cut out early.

Bad things about my new life:

1) I’m still lying to my parents about everything.

2) Mary stares me down every chance she gets, and I’m starting to think that maybe soon it will turn into something worse. I mean, if she doesn’t stop soon her face might get permanently stuck like that.

3) I’m still miserable about the Rich thing. I’m definitely better than I was. I only cried twice this past week, but I still feel like something isn’t right with me. It’s almost like a numb feeling. I don’t really feel the pain of anything anymore, but that’s because I don’t feel anything at all.

One Thursday Evan and I are sitting in the bookstore working on our homework and eating lunch. I’m just tearing off a piece of my pizza pretzel (for those of you who don’t know what a pizza pretzel is, it’s this huge stuffed pretzel with sauce and cheese inside all hot and delicious, yum), when Evan slams his textbook shut and sighs.

I jump a little and look at him. “Um, are we done with homework then?”

He shrugs. “I’m sick of summer school.”

“We only have a few weeks left,” I remind him.

He scowls. Yikes, he looks like he might start to throw one of his fits soon.

“It’s not even my fault that I’m in summer school, you know? It’s Andrew’s. Did I ever tell you this story?” he asks me.

I pause for a second before I answer because I know I have to proceed very carefully. I have heard this story, several times over the past few weeks actually. That’s because whenever Evan starts to get cranky about summer school he starts to tell me about why he had to go to summer school in the first place.

And if I don’t approach the topic very carefully he gets very worked up and starts yelling and usually starts texting Andrew telling him how he made him go to summer school, and how Andrew doesn’t even care.

Evan says he has to go to summer school because the two classes he failed he had with Andrew. He said it was very hard to concentrate with Andrew always wanting to chat and “do best friend things.” I almost point out that Andrew didn’t fail those classes even thought he had them with Evan, or that from the few times I’ve seen them together it’s Evan who seems to be the distracting one, but somehow I don’t feel like this is a good idea.

“Well,” I say slowly trying to judge how serious the situation is, “we all have to put up with things from our friends when we care for them a lot, right?” I tear off a piece of my pizza pretzel and hold it out to him. “Want some?”

Evan loves food. He honestly must have tried like everything they have on the menu here within the last few weeks, and he swears everything is the best.

He looks at the pretzel and considers this.

Then he quickly reaches out and takes it. “Well… I guess you’re right.”

I nod.

“We do all have to put up with things from our friends.”

I nod again. “Yup.”

“It doesn’t mean they don’t care about us.”

I continue to nod as I munch happily on my pretzel. Tantrum avoided.

“I mean, I’m sure you and Emily have to put up with things about each other.”

I nod again. “Absolutely we do, I mean – ” but then I catch myself because I realize what he’s just said. For the first time in a long time I don’t feel numb and for a second, a split second, there’s a shooting pain that comes right through my chest. Then it’s gone again, and the same cold empty feeling comes over me.