How to Heal a Broken Heart (9 page)

I stop. I stop dead in my tracks. Because I didn’t come this far for nothing. I didn’t come this far to turn around and go home without even saying how I feel. I turn around and I walk back up to them, so close that there’s barely any distance between Andrew and me.

“Fine,” I say. “You don’t have to talk, you can just listen.”

Andrew looks a little taken aback. “Look, Stephanie –”

“No, you look,” I say, cutting him off. “You were right, okay? I was scared – no, I was terrified. I was so hurt by someone from my past that I didn’t think I could ever be happy again. I was scared to even try. But you made me realize that maybe that’s not a way to go through life, you made me realize sometimes its okay to need people. I’m trying to say I like you, Andrew. I really like you.”

Mary laughs next to me and I turn to her. “Shut up, Mary.” She looks shocked for a second and then she shuts her mouth. “I’m sorry for the way I acted, I am. But you knew me, even when I tried to hide and maybe I ruined my chance, maybe it’s too late but I just--”

“Stephanie,” Andrew says, cutting me off. “Stop. Just stop.”

His eyes are glued to mine and I can feel my body going numb at the thought of him walking away and never looking back.

“You know what I did the past few weeks?” he asks me. “I tried to forget you. I tried to push you out of my thoughts and pretend I didn’t care if you were getting in the way of your own happiness.”

I look down at my feet.

“But I couldn’t,” he tells me. “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my thoughts, and so I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re supposed to be there. You drive me crazy, you know that?” he asks me. “I like you, too.”

And then in one swift movement he’s kissing me. Right there in the middle of the bowling alley with everyone watching, Andrew Collins is kissing me. I hear Mary gasp beside us, but we don’t stop kissing for what feels like forever, and when we finally break apart she’s gone.

“I’m sorry I lost myself for a while,” I say.

He pushes my hair behind my ear and smiles. “Its okay. You’re here now.”

And then we kiss again.

I grip Andrew’s hand tight and sigh. “I’m really nervous.”

“I know.” He nods. “But I also know this is the right thing.”

“What if she slams the door in my face?”

“Then we’ll try again.”

I smile. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course. Want me to come up with you or wait in the car?”

I stop and think about it for a minute. It would definitely be easier with him by my side, but I got myself into this mess. I’d been the one to treat Emily the way I had, so it was up to me to fix it. And that was something I needed to face alone and on my own terms.

“No.” I shake my head. “I should do this alone.”

He nods. “Okay. I’ll be here.” He squeezes my hand and I lean in and brush my lips against his. A flash of heat runs through my body and I smile.

“You’re still coming bowling with me and my family tonight, right?” I ask.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

I smile and let myself relax. “Okay, I’m ready.”

I step slowly out of the car and start to walk toward Emily’s house. I know she’s home because her grey Honda is parked in the driveway. With each step up her sidewalk my heart starts to beat a little faster in my chest. This isn’t just anyone. Emily knew me better than anyone else did at one point, and the more I thought about it lately, the more I realized how much I missed her.

I knew I had really hurt her and I could only pray that she would at least hear me out. I’m carrying a plate of peanut butter cookies in my hand. Andrew had come over that morning to help me bake them. After stopping at Evan’s to drop some off, we had come straight here.

Waiting for the door to open after I ring the bell feels like an eternity. When it finally does open, Emily’s on her cell phone and the second she sees me the smile that’s on her face vanishes and is replaced by one of pure shock.

“I’m going to have to call you back,” she says to whoever’s on the other line.

Then she flips it shut and looks at me, not saying anything.

“Hi,” I say slowly.

“Hey,” she says in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

“I know you probably hate me, and I don’t blame you, I really don’t.”

“I don’t hate you, Stephanie. I don’t even know what happened between us.”

“Can I come in? And just start to explain?” I ask her.

She doesn’t say anything and I hold the plate of cookies out to her. Her face softens and sadness fills her eyes.

“Peanut butter?” she asks.

I nod. “I know it can’t make up for what I did to you, but it’s a start.”

After a minute she takes the cookies and steps back from the door. “Yeah, it’s a start.”

I step inside and she shuts the door behind us.

So how do you heal a broken heart? How do you get over someone? The answer is the one that, most of the time, people don’t want to hear. The real answer is time, combined with a million other little things. You allow yourself the time to be okay again.

You remind yourself that it’s okay to be sad because you lost something you cared deeply about. You can’t let that sadness consume you though; you can’t let it take over who you are. The second you do, you miss out on so much.

Don’t keep everything to yourself; don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to talk to people, because I learned that everybody has gone through this at one time or another. I learned that just because one person doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean that your world is over.

Of course it’s hard to see all of this until you’re out of the situation. One day you wake up and they aren’t the first thing you think about anymore, one day you wake up and realize that you have to love yourself before you can really love anyone else.

The hardest part though, is feeling like you have no one, like no one understands.

It’s the feeling that everyone else is okay and you’re never going to be. The truth, though, is that it gets better. The truth is that with just a little bit of hope, it gets better. I promise.

And don’t forget to look for WHAT’S MEANT TO BE, by Kels
Barnholdt, available now on Kindle and Nook